I hate chemistry (not the class either)

on my dating website www.relationships.com we have what's called message boards. Supposing you have a questions about something many guys do and it's hard to figure out. Ask the message board and 100s of guys will see it and some will respond to you. It's a nice forum. so tonight a woman who kind of leads the message board because she is so active in it asked this
Guys, what do you think is "chemistry"?
Here was my reply.

Chemistry is nonsense really. Why give certain things that you want and seek some nebulous, intangible term?!?
If you don't want someone who is 70 lbs. overweight, that's not the desire for chemistry that's the desire to not be with someone morbidly obese.
If you want someone who is physically active, then you don't want chemistry, you want someone with a certain ability to run, bike, skate play a rigorous athletic game.
If you want someone who has a great sense of humor, that isn't chemistry that's seeking a particular personality trait.
Then you get those who say, "Well it's not just looks, it's not just a personality trait."
I say, "Fine, then you want a certain combination of personality traits and personal attributes, that's all. Whatever."
Chemistry has become a bit personal for me, because it's been leading to some major frustration. I've gone out on 4 dates this past summer and with all 4 women I never made it to the 2nd date. (What an admission!) Anyway, 3 out of 4 of the women either told me or their friends who I knew that there wasn't chemistry. After that happened the 1st 2 times, I became very desperate and tried to rewind the date and look at what I had done. I desperately needed to find out what I had done WRONG so that I wouldn't do it again & then hopefully have better results.

Date #4 occurred last Friday. Everything went well. We had great conversation, I was impressed with her, she complemented me at certain points during the date, I even made her laugh. Everything went well from beginning to end. So what happened yesterday? She told me she had a great time. She told me I'm a wonderful person, very good listener, really nice person. She stated I did everything well on the date!! I even asked her if the fact that I'm somewhat overweight (by about 30-50 lbs) had anything to do with her decision and she said no because she had a strong relationship with someone over 300 lbs. But she would not go out with me again because there wasn't enough chemistry between us! She said chemistry is hard to come by. She said if there were 100 guys (and the group had different characteristics both physically and personality wise) she would at the most pick 2 of them because there wouldn't be any chemistry between her & the other 98 or 99.
Well you know what? I can't be upset with this woman at all, primarily because she explained clearly what happened to me when I dated this summer, and I had no idea before. She was very honest, upfront with me and answered all my questions about the aftermath in a very forthright manner. & if she is holding out for the 1 guy who can inspire her/motivate her, well, more power to her, I guess.

But the problem is that it would have been easier if I was doing something wrong on the date. Then I could correct what I was doing wrong and then I could go out on the elusive 2nd date, maybe have that relationship/love I've been looking for. As it stands now, if I date the same type of women I have this summer, I could date 20 or 30 times more (which basically takes us to the end of next year), do everything right on the date and never go on a 2nd date. All because of the dreaded "chemistry". & the thing is that you don't know, really, which women want certain attributes and which ones want the elusive "chemistry". After this summer of dating, I really resent chemistry - that word, that idea, that onerous pursuit.
Part 1 of 2

An ambitious little girl!

My kids are pretty young and if I’m not attentive they can create a pretty big mess in my apartment; however, they are slowly learning to clean up after themselves. Also, my sons are learning how to do laundry, clean the toilet, scrub the sink, sort out laundry and put away clean clothes, etc.

Yesterday, a surprising moment occurred. Minutes after getting the kids situated after their arrival, I decided to sweep and mop the bathroom floor (after not doing so for about 3 months, it seemed like a good idea).
Around the time I was finished mopping and putting things back, my youngest, my 4-yr. old daughter, Brianna, came up to me and said, "I want to mop the kitchen floor, Daddy." So I told her that before we mop the floor, we have to sweep it first. So as I moved objects out of the kitchen, Brianna swept the floor. She even was able to use the broom and the dust pan at the same time. When she mopped the floor she would dip the mop into the bucket but (even after showing her how) she would forget to squeeze the water out of the mop before mopping the floor. So, the floor became almost poolike as Brianna drenched the kitchen floor while mopping it. (That was probably fortuitous because it gave me a 2nd opportunity to wipe the formerly-dirty floor back to cleanliness.) Of course, I gently corrected her, and at the same time wanted to encourage and foster the idea of what a "wonderful activity" sweeping and mopping the floor was. Also, I paid her $2, and she told me where we would spend the money she has saved in her little horsey bank.

So, inspite of my favorite team losing badly, Sunday was a happy day and maybe my floors will get cleaned more regularly than once a season (whether they need it or not)!

Grateful, but want to be quieter

Yes, it's the start of a nice long weekend, but I am less than happy. Now life treats me no better or worse than anyone else (& certainly better than all the billions starving in Africa and Asia), I don't feel unfairly treated. I'm neither angry nor distraught.
Disappointed? Yes maybe a little. So I wrote this.

THE VIRTUES OF RETICENCE
Don’t tell your friend how bad you feel when he or she tells you of their pain and suffering. You’ll only make them feel worse
Don’t dump an upsetting problem on a person who you thought was a friend, but really wasn’t. They’ll think you’re a mental case.
Don’t be sad and downcast to people on Tuesday after telling anyone who cared to listen to you about what a great weekend you will have. People will wonder why you built your hopes so high.
After a life-changing tragedy, don’t tell people how devastated you are, because they will wonder and theorize "what’s really wrong with you".
Only say good, positive things on your first date and put forth a "winning persona". Don’t say anything self-deprecating on your first date or admit any flaws because when they think about whether or not to go out with you again (or even talk to you again) they’ll only remember what you did or said wrong.
If you don’t hear from your 1^st date for a number of days, don’t call them and ask what went wrong. Being the kind, sweet, considerate person she is, she will only give you a kind, sweet, considerate excuse. They’ll tell you about how crazy it’s been at work rather than the fact that they were bothered by you admitting your "little bitty apartment resembled a pigsty".
Don’t get fired at work, because as soon as you leave, people will talk about what a lousy worker you were.
Don’t ever lose your temper no matter what or someone will think that you’re a dangerous sociopath. (Never thinking about what they did to provoke it in the first place.)
Don’t tell someone your upset with, that you’ll never speak to them again. You’ll get the irresistable urge to say something later.
Don’t lose a friend, you’ll have a very difficult time getting them back.
Don’t vent in chat or a message board. Readers are unlikely to feel your points as keenly as you do and they’ll wonder what your problem is. They’ll might even think you’re disturbed.

Remember these famous and not so famous quotes:
Do 200 things well and make one big mistake, guess what people will remember?
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.
If you feel good, don’t worry, you’ll get over it!

Oh, but there are a few saving graces: only tell God how frustrated and angry you are. Only tell God that your not sure how to solve a problem. If you admit your mistakes and sins to God, it won’t come back to haunt you later. God won’t hold your past work experiences against you. God won’t make you feel embarassed about the time you couldn’t stand it anymore and cried. God won’t ridicule you if you said the wrong thing.

FREE YOUR MIND

I put this on the Christian dating website that I belong to, Relationships.com. But I think you all could use this as well.

Stop being so judgmental! Try to attempt the following (they won’t hurt)
1. Don’t care about someone’s hair color (brown is as nice as blonde).
2. Stop making judgments and pin it on some obscure mindset in the Bible like someone saying that those who paint their nails purple or black (& doing the same to their hair) are sinful. ( I think it’s even cool that the lead singer of the Breeders, Kim Deal, used black shoe polish to color her hair. Again, my mind has been freed).
3. Don’t worry about the way you dance.
4. Don’t obsess over your clothes, don’t even worry that much about ironing (that’s an AWFUL chore anyway).
5. Don’t cry if you haven’t mopped your floor in a couple weeks or vacuumed the carpet in a week or so (emphasis on the "or so").
6. Have a discussion about politics and religion (not at the same time) with someone (ANYONE). THEY’RE IMPORTANT TOPICS!! Plus, it will have the added benefit of motivating you to stay well informed.
7. Date someone who is 40 lbs. (or more) overweight. They try harder. You’ll find out that you’ll forget about the weight when you see what wonderful personalities they possess.
8. Encourage the lady who is 5'6" and 120 lbs. to eat a large pizza (by herself).
9. Chew some gum on a crowded street and snap it really loud!

In an attempt to free your mind remember or do the following:
1. Remember that most liberals fully support the war in Afganistan.
2. Most liberals aren’t atheists.
3. Most of Western Europe is too liberal (ok enough about politics)
4. Find out where Surinam is.
5. Hear a rock band you never heard before or an obscure band that plays the type of music you enjoy.
6. Find out why 1968 was such a sad year.
7. Find out what time period the US had the longest period of prosperity.
8. Find out where the Straits of Hormuz is.
9. Don’t be so upset when someone thinks differently than you.
10. Don’t be so quick to say that someone is guilty.
11. Things aren’t always the way the seem, and sometimes it’s good to find out why.
12. Most liberals are against gay marriage. It’s true!!

"I choose not to run"

After being on the TMA (Terrace Maintenance Assoc.) Board for 5 years, I am going to call it quits. I have been president since last August. Being at the pinnacle of power (yeah right!), has made me grow tired of helping run the condo so I will retire in November. Let someone else do it.
Accomplishments? I helped settle a lawsuit against the TMA, I have helped with running the pool, have approved (and in some cases, refused to approve) a number of decisions, worked towards keeping the condo complex fiscally stable, been a peacemaker and smoothed over several disputes, listened to numerous complaints and acted on them so that the complainant's grievance was solved.
What is the TMA exactly (see Aug., 2005 as this also give more info about the complex and the people there)? There are 28 building with 6 units in each one. 3 units are 2 bedroom condo units and the other 3 are 1 bedroom units.

The budget is over $200,000. We hire trash haulers, general maintenance contractors, laundry units company, pool attendants for the summer, electricians, & on and on and on. The problem that I have is that certain people don't always give me the situation in the most honest fashion. I have to spend inordinate amount of time finding what really happens. The same person draws numerous complaints some deserved, some not. Then certain board members are trying to circumvent the Cond0 By Laws to hold onto as much power as they can. The newest scheme? Since I am leaving another Board memeber isn't running either, instead of having an election for them as they have each of the last 30 years, they want to go down to a 5 member Board. But the By Laws clearly state that our Board MUST have 7 members! One of my last acts as a President is to stop their foolishness and insure that there will be a an election and not some stupid power grab.
Now if there is someone out there that suggests that I should quit because I need more time to myself, they are right. I need to spend that extra time finding a nice calm woman. That would suit me great, because it was really nice to have such a woman like that this past spring.

"Saviano stop raping my wife"

Subtitle: Strangeness in the Loop
There has been a widespread story making its way on blogs. & guess what?? I have firsthand knowledge of the story! The Richard J. Daley Center is a 30 story building over 400 ft. tall and is the site of civil litigation in Cook County (not all of it but most of it). Several of the floors are dedicated to divorces and child custody. I am a paralegal that occasionally files documents at the Law Division so I walk by the strange sight above of this man who stays motionless and expressionless for hours on end.
A married couple by the name of Farhad Khoiee-Abassi and Shabnam Vahabinazhad had kids and are now getting a divorce. The divorce is very bitter and has been going on over 2 years. There have been custody fights over the kids and Ms. Vahabinazhad has needed protection orders to protect herself against her upset husband. Since Mr. Khoiee-Abassi is Arabic could there be an honor killing afoot? Maybe, maybe not, but his estranged wife doesn't feel very safe.

Mr. Khoiee-Abassi has been, of course, very frustrated with the whole process. So to vent his frustration he has done the following, with the sign above, "FBI Agent Chris Saviano stop raping my wife" Why are so many bloggers grasping at straws regarding this story? Because no one really knows who "Chris Saviano" is. The records of those who work at the FBI are understandably hard to get access to so the FBI is obviously not going to help unwrap this mystery. Mr. Khoiee-Abassi is very mute and talks only rarely so he doesn't explain why he singled out the supposed "Chris Saviano". The only concrete part of this story is the fact that the above couple is in a very bitter divorce.

There is a fairly decent discussion about this event on http://hyalineskies.com/2006/08/the-chris-saviano-effect/

Oh, & get this! He's been at the Daley Ctr. on such a regular basis that he's become a tourist attraction. Now people come up next to him, turn to their friend's camera and give a big wave, like they're next to the Sears Tower or Lake Michigan or something! Predictably he just stands there and ignores the posing and cameras.

As you may have noticed, I subtitled this post "Strangeness in the Loop" The Loop is a part of downtown Chicago so named because the El CTA train tracks form a loop with a rectangle of streets which they are above (Wells, Van Buren, Wabash, & Lake Sts.) Mr. Khoiee-Abassi is not the only strange part of the Loop. You have a myriad of beggars and homeless people. Today, I saw a young woman advertise that she found out on the ultrasound that she was pregnant, and he will be a boy. So she, of course, needed your cash. Another woman with sunglasses (to show that she was hiding bruises), advertised that she was beat up and assaulted so she also needed money. Man, the lady I admire most, Jean Teasdale, would be extremely busy trying to help them!
The homeless even have their own newspaper, Streetwise. Much of the money goes to the homeless person selling the paper (which is only a dollar). They paper is professionally done and some of the homeless have actually used the money to advance themselves and no longer be homeless. I've bought it numerous times. It's a good paper.
But I really do like working in the Loop, and I'm only 2 blocks away from the Daley Center and the very stoic, mute Mr. Khoiee-Abassi. Poor guy.

A cycle of irony

Irony: (#3) An incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result. - from Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary

I get overwrought, cranky & edgy after I work a nasty night shift. This morning is no exception. I am gritting my teeth with disgust. There's just this disgusting cycle of events. I need to work at Ingalls so that I have health insurance & pay child support.
THEREFORE:
1.In order to work at Ingalls I have to work 12 hr. night shifts
2.In order to work 12 hr. night shifts, I have to get my prescription amphetamines (known as Adderrall) or else I'll fall asleep at work and get fired.
3.In order to get Adderall, I have to pay $20 each & EVERY month to see a psychiatrist.
4.In order to see the psychiatrist I have to get a referral.
& TO GET A REFERRAL I HAVE TO STAY UP AN EXTRA 1 HOUR TO GO TO HIS CLINIC AT 8:15 & GET THE DAMN REFERRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!
What I really need is some weed or hash, which would make me smile a lot more than I am now. You don't need to get a damn referral to smoke weed, you don't need to stay up an hour over & above the 12 hrs of night you already worked. Just take out that sweet old joy herb, put it in the pipe, strike the match, feel the love, and wear a shit-eating grin on your face. I'm a firm believer in the slogan, "better living through chemicals!"
Oh, I know, I need both weed and Adderall. The Adderall for staying up and fulfilling my job at Ingalls, and weed for chilling out when I'm in a foul mood after work. Believe me THC is one of the better chemicals in God's green earth! I'm going to get my referral now, I'm going back to Ingalls @ 8:15 & the only thing keeping me awake on the way there is the anger & disgust I feel.

Hopefully, I'm pissed off enough that I won't fall asleep and run head on into the many semis I meet on the way there. ("When you got off work at 7:15am, why didn't you just stay at Ingalls and get the referral at 8:15 when the Dr.'s ofc opened????" you ask. Well, because I was in such a pissy mood I couldn't bear waiting for an hour holding my dick!

Indiana helps out the 4th

I'm not too crazy about Indiana's conservative politics. They're kind of the South Carolina of the Midwest. But Indiana gets one thing right and that's their policy concerning fireworks. I went east of the border today & went to the Black Cat on Indianapolis Blvd. It was really edifying to see whole families - mothers, fathers, sons & daughters - carrying armfuls of bombs & rockets. I can't stand how growing up Wisconsin banned firecrackers and bottle rockets. All they sold were sparklers and some lame ass smoke bombs.

I move to Illinois in 1989 and it's the same thing. Now we've got these lame, "nervous Nellies", (but to put it far more accurately out-and-out pain in the asses) who sit there and whine, "Ewwww, sparklers can heat up past 500 degrees. My moron son once grabbed a lit sparkler by the wrong end & got 3rd degree burns". So then there's even talk of banning sparklers! LAME!!!!!!!

Anyway, I only bought about $8 worth & got some firecrackers & bottle rockets (because of the "nervous nelly" states I've resided in, I'm a real amateur on fireworks and what's good and what's not). I've gave the cashier $10, & she gave me a dollar and then said she didn't want to make change for 67 cents so she asked if she could throw in about 8 packs of firecrackers. Sure why not? More bang for the buck.

Conversation @ work

Background: Yesterday, my co-worker at the law firm told me that she was breaking up with her boyfriend because he was lying to her (about where he was, not who he was sleeping with)

This morning (today)
K: Well, Eric & I are going to go (name of bar) to celebrate my birthday.
Me: But I thought you broke up with your boyfriend?
K: Yeah, well I decided that I really needed to get laid on my birthday.

Excuse me,there's a bomb@your workplace

Night shift begins at the hospital just before 11 pm. The beginning of my shift is the busiest part of the entire shift. Around 11 pm. this Saturday, Cherie the supervising shift nurse tore into our tele room (all 6'1", 270 lbs. of her), red faced and red eyed and said, "there is a bomb threat, we have to send all 6 East patients to 6 West (which was an empty unit as it only handles overflow from other floors)." She continued, "One of you needs to help while the other one stays here." I stood up to volunteer and Hillary, my partner in the tele room, pointed to me to start moving patients. We asked Cherie how do we explain this to the patients (?!) Cherie replied, "We gotta tell them the truth."
The patients didn’t seem that upset perhaps they were too tired and too sick to raise a fuss about it. After we got done moving them, Hillary & I felt like captains on a sinking ship as we were the only ones on staff to stay @ 6 East, 2 floors away from where the bomb was supposedly going to blow. The rest of the staff was taking care of the evacuated patients. How could we not stay where we were; what if we left and a patient had a lethal heart rhythm?
Were we worried? No, there’s no way Al Queda is staying up at night somewhere near the Pakistan-Afgahn border saying, "Oh I know what we should do! Let’s bomb a mid size hospital in suburban Chicago. That’ll show the world we are a force to be reckoned with!" I mean really, who the hell would bomb a hospital? Also, how could they bring up enough bomb material to do any major damage? Maybe the whole thing was a drill.
I must say that a hospital can be an impressive place to work as they have a plan for every contingency. There’s a plan if there’s a tornado, fire, person kidnapping a newborn baby, somebody shitting on the floor, etc. All we did was follow the plan and within a ½ hour all of the floor’s patients were moved.
It ended up they cleared out the 4th floor, and there was no bomb. We learned that the 4th floor received 3 calls stating a bomb was on their floor. One call said it was detonating in 4 minutes. But it was not to be, we left work at 7:15 Easter morning safe and tired from an eventful night.

Let the Good Times Roll

This was Patti's 4th visit to our place, and it was wonderful again. About the only negative I can say about her is that she doesn't like Bob Marley or reggae (not really a major drawback). She brought a pizzamaker and the kids were able to make their own pizzas on Sunday. She took them to Walgreens and bought them stuff.

There's going to come a point in time where some of the people who say I'm going about this relationship all wrong will have to reconsider. When I wonder, 1 year? 6 months?
We are nowhere near that point now, but I simply am happier than I have been in years. I feel some trepidation writing all this because I know that every point, every revelation I state about what happened this weekend is another mistake to many thoughtful, careful people reading this blog. I guess I better not talk about the fact that I've given her a key to my apartment.

Again, I feel safe with her. It's incredibly difficult to argue with emotion. If you feel yourself emotionally drawn/tied to a person, then I couldn't imagine saying to others, "Oh yeah, right, I'll pull back on the relationship, cool things off!" & not everyone feels that way. Many at work are very happy for me and not telling me I'm going about it wrong. I guess that only means to the others that they are as foolish as I. It's like I said before; it reminds me of a line in the song, "It can't be wrong, when it feels so right".

The only place that I feel a little uneasy about is her health. That I do worry about because at 44 she has diabetes and is a little overweight. She also had ruptured 3 discs and had to have a spinal fusion operation in the lower part of her spine. Someone suggested that her biologic clock is ticking and she wants to have kids with me. Not so, she had her "tubes tied" so that's not happening.

Still, she acts rational, by example, she shows what a better person she is compared to my ex-wife. I am so happy with her. When we were at church the usher asked if the kids, her and I wanted to bring up the gifts during Offertory. We accepted and Andy (my oldest son) who is very religious couldn't have been happier.

Predictions of doom....while I'm feeling happy

The relationship that I have with Patti has inspired a number of opinions. There are those who know me well and are very happy for me. They know that I try to be thoughtful and not careless. They have the belief that things will work out all right between Patti and I.

There are those who point out how much I am flouting conventional wisdom. I am with someone I did not know 6 weeks ago. That person has now stayed at my place overnight several times. Currently, she is scheduled to come every weekend except Easter. Other plans are being made with her. I'm moving fast, no doubt. There's the belief by some that I am really foolish. If I flout and ignore conventional wisdom, conventional wisdom will "kick back", and the lack of knowledge I have about this person will hurt me.

I wanted to point out a few things. First of all, I am not allowing my new relationship, one that has already given me so much happiness, to take away from time I see my kids. I see my 3 children as much as before the relationship. That is a fact. Few things are more important to me than being a good father.
Secondly, I don't have plans to marry this person right away; in fact, I don't want a wedding for a long time. That necessarily means a number of things before I marry her. If I find out she's a pathological liar, if she can't stand the fact that I can be a slob sometimes, if we are unable to come together and live within our means, if she thinks I'm boring because I talk about politics too often, if she just can't deal with my combative ex-wife, if there are any other "deal breakers" going on, then we leave each other. We end the relationship. That's not so terribly difficult to do when you're not married.
Right now, we are very attentive to each other and that means we enjoy the strengths we bring to a relationship and also are looking at weaknesses that we may be showing each other. We have been open, candid. We are not mincing words.
I feel that I've learned how to avoid a lot of mistakes when I'm in a relationship. I think what I have learned in my last relationship is helping me a great deal in this one.

People have a right to have an opinion about me going rather "fast" in my current relationship with Patti. However, Patti has made me very happy. No person has EVER been so devoted, so kind and so giving to me as Patti. Since she has many positive attributes (a good listener, a genuinely kind, sharing person, a resourceful person, someone who is neat, THE LIST DEFINITELY GOES ON AND ON), I am most definitely going to reciprocate my love for her. She is definitely worth that. She is well liked by my kids. I know she can be a good, if not great, influence on them. Yes, I do see her as she relates to my kids. Believe it or not, Jean T. my relationship with my kids is more important than my relationship with Patti. Therefore, if she benefits, augments how I help raise them, how could I not value her?

I am going through a new, wonderful, loving relationship with my eyes open. I think it would be incredibly stupid to keep her at "arms length" to mollify my critics in the Comments section of my last post. I will look at warning signs that could endanger or degenerate the relationship, but until then I will continue loving Patti and hope that we have a wonderful future together.

I also think that it's rather illogical to assume that just because I don't post here as much as I used to that means I'm neglecting my kids (see Comments from the last post, last one). I am seeing them as much as I can. I love them and will continue to be the good parent I know in my heart that I am. The fact that I'm not spending as much time here may in fact mean that I am spending time with them or with someone else, but not necesarily her, because maybe I'm working (60 hrs. a week, remember?!?) or maybe I'm with my kids.

A DRAMATIC CHANGE!

There's a woman at my dating service, Chrisian Mingle, who is very, very attracted to me. She said, "I melt for you everytime I see your picture," and "you're the nicest guy I've ever met." Can you believe it? No, I can't either (the 1st quote is definitely less believable than the 2nd one. I mean really, look at the picture I put out in the summer and also this past winter!). I like her and I could see having a relationship with her. She calls and tells me she's not going to be able to wait all the way to Sunday. I can't help but think about all the cleaning I'm going to have to do to my apartment. I can wait until Sunday because as busy as I'll be during the week, I'll barely have enough time to take my apartment out of the "disgusting to be in" category. She speaks hopefully about us being friends for a lifetime. I think that if we are, that's fine.

I'm really drawn to her enthusiasm. If you're a person who had a hard time dating and/or spent many nights alone in your bed, when somebody tells you how great looking you are, what a special person you are, & how sweet and thoughtful you are, well, that's a person you want to be around. When you are starved for some "lovin' " and she excitedly talks about spending most of Monday snuggling with me in my apartment, well....you look forward to Monday too!
Falling in love is definitely the happiest time of a person's life. We were made to love.
-- -- ----- --- -
Now, there's a certain benevolent soul out there that has given me good advice when things have gone wrong for me. She has done so on a pretty consistent basis. I am very interested to read what she has to say about this new, more positive development.

Problems Across the Ocean

The recent outbreak of fighting between Sunnis and Shiites is disheartening for those who are hoping the best for Iraq. I was watching a program on PBS’ Frontline. One of the US officers pointed out something very crucial to analyzing our intervention in Iraq. He said that the goals of the insurgents are very easy to accomplish. They are trying to create chaos; that’s all they have to do. They don’t have to build anything, try to create a coalition, or create wealth. They can choose which government or community leader to kill, what target to blow up and capitalize on the destruction they create. They choose the time and place of attack. The US and the Iraqis creating a viable government don’t know the time and place of attack. They have to stand ready to defend many places where the insurgents could attack.
The US and the Iraqis who are trying to rebuild their nation have a much more difficult goal to accomplish. They have to bridge the differences between Kurds, Sunnis, and Shiites. They have to create enough wealth to overcome all the devastation that has occurred in their nation in the last 14 years (they hadn’t completely rebuilt from the Desert Storm war back in 1991). They have to try to produce oil and counter a force that works very hard to prevent oil from being produced.
Now bombs have blown up Shiite and Sunni mosques alike sowing even more dissension and anger between both religious groups. While there are Iraqis preaching for unity, there ranks of those who don’t think Shittes and Sunni can work together have grown since the outbreak of bombings. This, in turn, has led to more American troops dying trying to restore order.
The problem with all of this is that there are some forces that are beyond the American military’s control. We can’t control how much the Shiites & Sunnis dislike each other; we can’t control how many bombs will blow up mosques. We don’t know where insurgents and people who want to retaliate will strike next. The recent events point out the futility of the US involvement in Iraq.
I am not saying that we should withdraw tomorrow. I am also not saying that the efforts for Iraqis to restore their nation are futile (what other choice do they have?). But the recent events show that Iraq can easily turn into a quagmire despite the best efforts of not only the Americans but also the Iraqis wanting to rebuild their own nation.

it's ok

It’s funny how when you feel your worst, that’s necessarily when you want to write. After all, you have to vent, right??? But then I get some sleep, I feel better, not struggling as much and am working at the 2nd job which is more enjoyable (oh hey, I’m not slamming the 1st job; it would be wonderful if it wasn’t for the continual harassment by the dreaded Sandman). I am looking forward to my date tomorrow, if it goes (hopefully, I’m trying to “keep both feet on the ground).

So what I’m saying is that I look like a “Hot Mess” (an expression used occasionally at the hospital), but I just have so much to “get through”, to overcome. Which isn’t really that different than others, is it?

Some good news (for a change)

Best news I’ve had since the New Year started. I belong to an international dating group, Christian Mingle. I guess I was a bit down about it last post. Yesterday, I spoke with a nurse from the Philippines who emigrated to the US and lives about 8 miles away from me. We agreed not only to a first date but she enthusiastically accepted my offer to help prepare her resume, cover letter and maybe the job search for a hospital job as a nurse.

I am happy with the prospects of actually dating someone. There’s even the possibility (low, high possibility, who knows????)of it not merely being a platonic as it was with Ava. I also really enjoy helping others, and it will be fun working on her resume. The whole job search process is one I am very familiar with. I was looking exactly 1 yr. ago and through most of 2005.

Through all of this happiness, I am reminded of a somewhat true, somewhat fictional story. There was a 30 yr. old woman, Faye. Years before she got married but the marriage ended with a bitter divorce. But at 28 she found Paul who would be her life partner for 60 years. When she was married for 1 year, she became pregnant with their 1st child. When she took the Walgreens pregnancy test and it was positive she screamed and jumped for joy. Paul couldn’t help but be excited too. They wanted to have 2 kids ultimately. Then everyone in Faye’s life who was a friend with her knew the GREAT NEWS. Faye told everyone who cared to listen. Faye told everyone the plans that Paul & her were going to have with their “new bundle of joy”. Some people were even getting sick of her talking so much about her pregnancy and onset of morning sickness.

1 month later, she miscarried. She was devastated, she felt terrible. She told people, especially her husband who was with her through it all about how she almost died of sepsis on the ER table. Paul wondered if that was really true because it didn’t seem that way to him. But he didn’t dare contest Faye’s view of these sad events.

Faye finally learned her lesson. Miscarriages happen a lot more than people think. There’s a lot of woman whose 1st pregnancy ends in a miscarriage. In reality, I personally know of at least 3 women who had that happen to them on their 1st pregnancy. Some of you readers might know women like that too.

Faye learned not to be so ecstatic 'til after the baby was born. Faye learned not to say anything to friends about pregnancy until the 1st trimester is over (which is when a majority of miscarriages take place. majority, not all miscarriages) Faye had an excellent OB/GYN physician when she got pregnant 2 more times. Paul & Faye realized their dream of having 2 children who grew up to be upstanding adults because of the immense love their 2 parents bestowed upon them.

Now this made up, rudimentary story isn’t supposed to warm the cockles of your heart. It merely is a reminder to “not count your chickens before they’re hatched”. It’s a lesson for me as much as anyone. I haven’t met this 1st date yet. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I can’t make plans yet of how things will be “once we get seriously involved.” That just isn’t wise.
I got to be like that song “Peaceful Easy Feeling” by the Eagles. Here’s the line below of what I’m thinking:

“I have a peaceful easy feeling. & I know that you won’t let me down. Cuz’ I’m already standing on the ground.”

rage & lacerations

lacerations and rage have an interesting thing in common; they are both 2 dimensional. But neither one of them are 2 dimensional in the way one would think.

When you hold a typical paper in your hand, it's 8" x 11". 8" wide, 11" long. BUt neither lacerations and rage are measured that way. They are measured by length but NOT width, but rather depth. Back in '78 when my brother accidentally threw a board with a nail in it, the nail sliced my leg. It was 4 inches long and about 1 inch deep. I rec'd 4 stitches that disintegrated for the inner part of the cut, then they put 5 stitches on the skin that were later pulled out on the skin level.
What about rage? Well the length of your anger is the number of topics that truly piss you off. THe depth of your rage is the intensity of how fucking angry you are.
My rage feels like a 30 stitch gash next to my left lung.

I'm about ready to go to work. Since drinking isn't appropriate, I thought emptying my bottle of Southern Comfort was a bad idea. So I decided to do something worse. IN honor of the 4 week bout of bronchitis that has developed in pleurisy (scar tissue found in my lower lung) I decided to smoke a bowful of tobacco. Since I have no one to blame for my 4 week battle, I might as well blame myself. So let's light up. The scar tissue makes the lung hurt anyway, so why don't I use pain to stay good and alert during the night shift. I think that makes perfect sense.
What about topics that I'm truly upset about? I can't mention what happened on Monday but my rage from that incident, on a scale from 1-100, is about 88.

Why does my dating website suck so bad? I have gotten 2 women that really want to date me. Guess where they're from????????? South Africa and Little Rock, AR. I asked the woman from S. Africa if the long distance seemed like a problem. In so many words, she said not really. Hmmmmmmmmmm. Why?

I really love life. I'm bleeding but there are no stitches. I'm angry but it's not going to soothe anytime soon.

Good news/Bad news

I'm happy that I have lost weight. I gained 20 pounds last winter & it took me about 9 months to lose it. Then for a month or 2 I've been in somewhat of a stalemate of trying to lose but not being able to do so. This winter, after reviewing what happened last winter, I set my mind to losing weight. I got disciplined, didn't overindulge in holiday candy, but only lost a paltry 6 pounds. I haven't been working out, so I know I wasn't going to lose 20 pounds in a month (I don't even think one is supposed to do that unless they're morbidly obese).
Then I lost some more weight but not the way I planned. In mid - Dec. up to the current time, I've been afflicted with bronchitis. I've been coughing so much that when they did a chest x-ray they found a spot on my lower left lung which they said was scar tissue from coughing so much. It also hurts in that part of the lung.
Bummer. Well at least I lost another 4 lbs. That's more good news. I hope to lose another 25 so that I get to the ideal weight on my 6'2" frame. My goal is about 205. I just hope this respiratory infection, doesn't keep lingering because I'm hoping I don't need that to lose weight.

L to R: me, Brianna, Santa, Ted & Andy

Saved

I bought the DVD and then saw SAVED with Mandy Moore.
SEE   

 The movie was too simplistic; I still enjoyed it, though. I bought the movie in the 1st place because I consider myself pretty religious but have a strong antipathy towards the "Holier than Thou" types like Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson. Plus, those 2 are big time Republicans and that makes them less likable as well (now remember, most of my family is Republican but I get along fine with them). I also have dealt with Holier than Thou types on a personal level. Someone who I am close to on a personal level is older than me, and I wish I was closer to her, but when ever she relates to me it seems to be on a preachy, didactic way. She's a good person but we'd be a lot more close if she would listen more and preach less. My 1st college roommate was a Fundamentalist; that had its good and bad moments as well. About the movie, here's my likes and dislikes: Like: - good, plausible plot which is saying a lot these days. Not a great plot but that's discussed in the 1st "Dislike" -likable characters -the whole premise of young people out there that think they know it all but really don't and are basically the tools of a group bigger than them is something that really happens in the US and other places -good lesson on what happens if you use your friends as Mandy Moore's character does Dislike -Mandy Moore's character is too 2-dimensional, too black & white -would have been more interesting to see the plot develop her parents' characters more. How was she shaped/socialized? Not sure how valid this concern is as it's only 90some minutes long; not a documentary -doesn't really answer the following question (maybe not enough time to do so, again it wasn't a documentary): if you follow God and you care about others, what should you do when you see friends "taking the wrong path" in life? To Mandy Moore's character, the solution is obvious, but the answer really isn't. At work, I became friends with someone who wasn't a Fundamentalist, wasn't an Evangelical, basically came up with her "own religion". She was extremely knowledgeable about the Bible and that, I think, is pretty admirable. Yet, people at work held her in suspicion because she criticized the way others acted. She explained it to me like this, "If you see someone walk in quicksand, do you reason with them or do you try to stop them right then and there?" Good question. But maybe the wrong analogy. The point is that falling away from God's path isn't as quick as quicksand. So the actions to take may be better if there less intrusive. Mandy Moore's character generates too much heat and not enough light. She'd be better off asking questions than trying to give all the answers. I think one of the best ways to persuade people is by asking them the "right questions". So in the end, Saved is a movie I'd recommend for others interested in the same topic.

More on XMAS

what I mean is this: does ANYONE remember a really special holiday memory? Does anyone remember when the whole family is together? or when there's an obnoxious relative that you see only occassionally but you like him/her just the same?????

I remember back in 1990 when the whole family (including my other 6 brothers and sisters) got together, even my oldest sister who has lived in Salt Lake City since 1974 (she's 56 & has 3 kids). It wasn't so much the presents but the fun we had being all together and being with all my nieces and nephews. Another fun XMAS was 1997. I got 4 days off and I remember playing Euchre with my nieces, nephews, brother, sister-in-law. Back then it was the same as it was now where I worked a bunch of hours but things let up during the holidays and I got a chance to take a few days off. In 1997, I was happily married with one child. We just had a wonderful time. There was no need to think about dating in the future (you don't have to think about that shit when your married); my boss wasn't that great, but better than some bosses I had, we weren't in too much debt. The future looked bright.
It can still be bright if I play it smart, work a bunch of hours and fall in love. I still feel young, but there's issues that I never even thought of when I was a 20something. I really appreciate that I have very loving, conforming kids. They all do well in school, and my oldest son's health is much better.

C'mon tell me about the holidays; I need you

There's very divergent views about the holidays that occur at the end of 1 year and the dawn of the next year. Many people, perhaps most love the holidays and the time when families from far flung areas all come back inside one house to celebrate. Many think it's the time to celebrate the birth of Jesus and the amazing, positive, far-reaching impact he has had through 2 milleniums.

Others are upset about the holidays. The holidays are a reminder of how dysfunctional their families are. Or they're reminded of how rough, traumatic and screwed up their lives are. XMAS brings no pleasure or solace and the new year is a reminder of a bleak future.
Many others fall between these 2 poles.

What do you think?
I've been very fortunate to have a lot of intelligent, interesting people write and share their views on a wide variety of topics. I would dare say that I've made some friends. I'm surprised, even moved, with the depth of concern a few have shown me.
The year isn't over, but it's a year of progress for me. There's some worrisome challenges that I must face, but they seem more manageable than the ones I faced back in Jan. of 2005. More will be discussed about my opinions of the year later.
I'm just listening to NPR. They're discussing the fact that the region/people most affected by Hurricane Katrina don't even have a sense that the holidays are coming up. So much devastation........

Profiles of co-workers, Part 2

JEAN
At the hospital, I am called a telemetry monitor technician (hereinafter "tele tech"). Among the tele techs, there has been turnover and sick call ins and 1 tele tech is sometimes missing from the shift when it definitely takes 2 people. 2 teletechs to watch between 70-100 patients. Many times, we've had an excellent nurse named Jean fill in as tele tech when the 2nd tele tech is gone.

It's always a sweet pleasure to work with Jean. She looks like a thinner version of Halle Berry with straight, short hair. She's one of those awesome people (they are usually female, it seems) who illuminate a positive, happy glow to others they come into contact. They smile a lot, they are not rude, negative or backstabbing. They appeal to their counterparts' better instincts. They seem to literally glow and feeling that glow, you feel happy just being around them and even more lucky that you work with them! Jean is so sweet she would never complain about the room being too cold (guys, in general seem to like a room considerably cooler than women do). But since, I admire her so much I would never subject her to the room getting too cold so I make sure it's 75 or warmer. I worked with her tonight and no matter how much work there was or how serious the patients problems are, it was a wonderful shift because of the sweet co-worker I was with.

Jean is happily married w/ 2 daughters which is obviously no surprise because someone that sweet couldn't stay single!

Positive Profiles, Part One

Ok, I was pretty negative about my co-worker Mary. I stand by what I said about her but I want to be positive, because it's more in my nature to sit up and cheer for someone rather than "throwing rocks" at them. So I am going to profile some of the people I work with. The hospital reminds me of the very small town, Ithaca, I grew up where my high school graduating class was 29 people and the town had a population of about 60 and consisted of a church, tavern, farm, and about 28 houses. Ingalls has the same small town ways where a lot of people care about you and will say hi or wave to you when you pass them by. If you wave to someone on the streets of Chicago, they think your a little "off". Of course, Ithaca had its share of pettiness, small mindedness and gossip just like any small town and just like Ingalls as well. But I like working there and the people there are pretty nice to be around.

TRUDY
Trudy is one of the most intelligent persons I know. Ever since I was separated, then divorced, I have been drawn to calm, cool, collected woman (because that's the antithesis of my ex who has a great knack for "flying off the handle" and a true talent for starting fights) . If a dictionary had a definition of "calm, cool, collected person" Trudy's picture would be there. Trudy was derided by snap-judgment, superficial Mary as having "no personality". How wrong Mary was! Trudy has a great sense of humor, with funny perceptive observations. Some guys would probably not think of Trudy as being a "hottie". She has bookish glasses, highlighted breezy hair and her body suggests someone who isn't obsessed with being at the gym each & every day. But those are the very traits that humanize her make me fond of her more. She has another feature that I can't stop thinking about. Before our co-worker, Hani was murdered (see post of 8/21/05 "Where to Begin...?") he took us to an Arabic bar where there was great music, belly dancing, and at other times everyone could get up and dance. Trudy, Hani, Evan and our other friends danced. At one point, during the dancing I held Trudy's hand. My God, hers was the softest hand I ever held. I felt incredibly lucky to hold it. Every now and then, I'll look at her hands and instantly flashback to that sublime moment back in May.

It's very, very unlikely that I'll be more than a casual friend in Trudy's view. She wisely stated that co-workers should not get serious, but should be just friends. I can't seem to make her like me anymore than she does now, can't seem to get through her calm, placid exterior, & have given up trying. I only saw her lose her "coolness" once which was during the time after Hani's death. The day after his murder, Trudy called me. She didn't know if I knew about his death. We spoke about what should be done after his death. We talked about reaching out to Hani's Muslim family. "They need to know how much he was loved!!" Trudy exclaimed. Her compelling suggestion is something I'll remember because it was a dramatic departure from the cool, collected demeanor she shows 99% of the time. Of course, it was after her friend's death so naturally she's not going to be aloof about that! She even went to the ghetto where the nightclub is where he died. She got some criticism for taking that risk. My friends didn't want to lose Trudy too!
Another reason I am impressed with her is that she is the only person I know who subscribes to the Wilson Quarterly and the only one I can talk to about NPR. When her & I are interested about some topic, it's been awesome because we've had some fascinating conversations.

There's also another reason why I don't think I would ever get serious with Trudy. She's an agnostic. I asked her once if she believed in heaven & hell. She replied,"Well, I definitely don't believe in hell. There may be a heaven because you hear about those people who have a near-death experience and the supernatural presence is something they witness. But they could just be hallucinating." I can't agree with her viewpoint.

I want to make her a believer, but that is beyond my capability as well. But she really is an unforgettable person. She is not only a nurse but she was also honorably discharged from the Air Force as a MAJOR years ago. I've resolved to merely be a casual friend to this attractive, intelligent woman with the soft hands. There's nothing else I can do, not even if I tried.

Murphy's Law on Sex,.... fulfilled! HELP

You all are familiar w/ Murphy's Laws like "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong." Well he had many sayings like in Murphy's Laws on Work he wrote, "A pat on the back is only a few inches away from a kick in the pants." or "If you carry a legal pad around and look concerned, you can go anywhere in the office."
Then there's Murphy's Laws on Sex like, "Love is a matter of Chemistry, sex is a matter of physics."

The one I've been thinking about ever since Wednesday is "Love discriminates AGAINST the shy and the ugly!" Ok, so what does it discriminate against more: shyness or ugliness? We could debate that for a decade.
Anyway, it's discriminating against me because I'm shy. Let me tell you what happened on the train.
A week or so ago we had a delay at the train station where the train taking us all home ( & by us I mean a popular 6:15 pm train that carries well over 300 people). I saw this tall, statuesque lady. Now most guys wouldn't be that attracted to her but I most definitely was. She was in her late 40s, early 50s, she is 6 ft, 2", weighs over 200 lbs, but definitely not more than 250. ( I have a knack for doing a good job of guessing weight) so I came up to her (who we shall call Madame Statuesque) and asked her how long we would have to wait for the train and she told me. Then, a little later, she talked to her friend who was at least 50, but also nice looking. I looked hard for Madame Statuesque's left hand. Alas, no ring on the finger next to her pinkie. I couldn't talk to her much because she was talking to her friend. & who wants to deal with an annoying, chatty stranger?
Then Wed. evening, there she was again, all by herself. She looked a little concerned. I looked again for her left hand and still no ring. I told her it was nice the train wasn't as late as it was the other night, and she politely agreed. When the crowd entered the train to sit down, it wasn't my intention to sit down next to her. I wasn't ready, I felt uncertain, I felt shy! But there were no seats so that you could sit by my lonesome so I decided to sit in the empty seat by her.
Well, I was feeling very shy and not wanting to say a damn thing.

One thing I wanted to find out was where she lived (approximately). I learned she doesn't live to far from me. They make you pay for your train ride depending on how far you are from Chicago (if your ride starts in Chicago) A region inside Chicago will be in Zones "A", "B" or "C". The ride for people in A, B or C will be pretty cheap. I am in Zone D and my ride is more expensive. Well I learned (when we both showed our tickets to the conductor) that Madame Stautuesque is in Zone E; obviously adjacent to Zone D so I don't live that far from her even though I still don't know what town she lives in.

Well, I couldn't go the whole ride without saying something to her. She might think I'm a creep or something. Plus, if I could somehow make her feel like she likes being around me or at least comfortable around me. Well, she didn't have a problem sitting next to me as she enjoyed reading her Chicago Sun Times as I was reading the Chicago Tribune.

But I was supposed to introduce myself, I was supposed to ask her out for a cup of coffee, I was supposed to do something nice and not too intimate, but I was worried. I didn't want to find out she was one of those sneaky type of women who are married but don't have the gumption or the resolve to wear their wedding ring. I didn't want to find out she has a boyfriend who she's been with for 25 yrs. I didn't want to find out that she had no interest in me!
It's not like I just want to get into her pants. That's pretty facile; I want to get to know her, I want to date her, but I don't want to hear "NO". I don't want to "go out on a limb" so there's the dilemma.

I knew I had to say something, but I was too shy to follow the above script. So I acted "safe" and we compared the Sun Times to the Tribune. We also talked about the new craze Soduku puzzles. That was it then I got off the train and went home. I didn't feel crushed, I didn't feel giddy at my new date (b/c there isn't one), I just felt like I carried a little hope away, but is there any???????
So what do I say to her the next time I see her standing by the train?? I have to "go out on the limb" but what do I say?

Concern, nosiness or rumors??????

So yesterday, I didn't get much sleep the night before, and I was told by the ex to get my kids ready for school and on the bus. Of course, with my son's problem (I wrote about that, didn't I?), it took a long time to get him to eat. But I helped him get ready and I walked him over to the bus. I hadn't showered that morning yet. So, I put on a hat and trudged to the stop with my son. Once I did that, I got my younger son and daughter ready, picked up his girlfriend, and they went to the bus stop a little later. Bear in mind, all this was taking place at the condo complex where I am president.

Then, several hours later, when I was taking my daughter to the stop (she's in pre-K so she only goes to school in the PM). She got on uneventfully, and when the bus pulled away, the Treasurer of the Board who is also the office manager of our condo complex ran pell mell out to me. "Vince! Are you ok???? I heard you were sick, your neighbor said you looked terrible."
"No, I'm just tired that's all"
Then, when I brought the kids home later in the afternoon, our Vice President knocked on my door. "Do you know anything about these keys laying next to your complex,"
"No, those are the keys I told your brother (who lives w/ V P.) about"
"Oh, so are you ok, Vince??"
"Yes, Helen"
"Yeah, Norma said you looked bad & were very sick. You look pretty tired."
"Yeah, I need some sleep, but I'm not dying".

So what about Norma, the neighbor in the same bldg. as I? Is she gossipy or just concerned? You make the call.

Breezy youth

I like the whole vibe of youth. It is one of the reasons I love rock n roll and subscribe to Rolling Stone and follow sports. My 20s weren't the best time of my life, but I certainly learned a lot including but not limited to learning how to be an adult. Of course, I still have a lot to learn about life. Everyone should dispense good advice when we can, but all should be "students of life" and learn a lesson whenver it comes along. 1 of my 2 closest friends is 23. We have what I call a "finite relationship" insofar as there is a limit to it. We will always be platonic, and it's extremely unlikely it will ever be romantic. Anyway, at my new job I work in a crowded room with 6 20somethings. They are all goin' to law school and are in the 2nd of 3 years of school. 4 of them are quiet and hard working. But there are 2 of them who we will call Mac & Kate. Kate was given a project and asked for my help. I ended up doin' the rest of it which wasn't what she said. Oh well, no big deal. AFter lunch one day, she sweetly and impressively came in singing the "Scotch Song" as she had 3 of them during lunch . I was rather impressed with her creativity (she made the song up) especially in her "altered state". She proceeded to sit at her work station, tell us she didn't feel like workin' and surfed the 'Net for an hour. Mac is a little different insofar as he has learned a lot more at the firm and helps me every now and then. Couple weeks ago, while everyone (but Kate) was workin' he was callin' his travel agent & cancelling plans to go to Montego Bay because he was fighting with his girlfriend. THen I learned that Kate & Mac went on a double date. Kate loves to talk about how much she loves her live-in (that's good). So when Kate & Mac went to the restaurant with their significant others, they excused themselves to go to the bathroom went to the alley by the backdoor of the restaurant and got "quickies" while their significant others sat there at the table totally unaware, drinkin' water and makin' polite conversation. Sometimes, when they're bored at work, they'll instant message each other because their conversation is too embarassing to say out loud. So you hear them sittin there and snicker and laugh. 

Must be nice to have so much fun @ work! If you think I am upset with them, I'm not, maybe a little jealous with all their fun and bright future. But the breezy attitudes sometimes gets to me because I have a strong sense of fun too, and I get easily distracted. In order to get work done, rather than enjoyin the Mac & Kate show, I brought in my Walkman (too poor, old school and analogue to buy an I Pod) and drowned out hearing them. That's helped. 

 There's so damn much work to do! I can't help but be impressed w/ Mac. He works fast and is on very good terms with the lawyers; in fact, he partied with one of them at Montego Bay. I thought when he told me about that, he was B.S'ing me, but learned later he wasn't. When I was in my 20s I remember drinkin' a lot but not havin' as "breezy" an attitude as Kate. I wonder how she'll do fare during the rest of law school? I wonder what kind of lawyer she'll be. Many of the lawyers I know, work 10-11 hr days. I just don't see her doin' that. Wonder if she will even graduate law school seein' as she regularly misses classes. Wonder if I should even give a damn, probably not. BUt it's nice that they make things intersting in the Clerk's room. by the way, I had to use an apostrophe and Ctrl +V for the "g" key as it was broke. thank you for your patience!

the joys of being BACK IN BLACK!!!

I've been pretty happy for about 2 weeks. Here's why. On Oct. 21, I was received my paycheck from the hospital. I wrote my pay in my checkbook register. Then I wrote all the bills I had to pay. What happened the 21st happened also for the last 2 months: my paycheck could not pay all the bills, damnit! For the last 2 months, I have been borrowing money or just not paying the bill amount. I borrowed money from people richer than I but it still feels terrible to do! I'm not supposed to do this and it kills me to ask for money! The humiliating aspect of "not making ends meet" and doing all sorts of fiscal gymnastics is overwhelming!

In a heartbeat, I would choose abusing my body with all kinds of stimulants so that I can work 6 12-hour night shifts in a row rathern than asking Mom & Dad for money. (Now it doesn't come to that because the hospital hates paying overtime and would never let their employees work that many days in a row. I have asked parents for money, however). So it sucked that I once again on Oct. 21 was short on money. BUT WAIT!!! I was getting my 1st paycheck from the law firm on Oct 25. Then I find out that I'm getting a higher hourly wage than what I was promised. I HAD $$$$ LEFT OVER. HOLY SHIT, I'VE HAD ORGASMS THAT DIDN'T FEEL AS GOOD AS I FELT OCT. 25!! (& we may have had lots of fights, but when I was married, the ex & I had a very good sex life with few complaints). I felt like the cavalry had arrived in an oldtime Western!!

When I realized my checking account was back in black, I felt like giving one big kiss to God's blue Earth. It's so nice to feel I have some semblance of control over my life.

Not to get on my soapbox, but I want to put another wrinkle in this as well. For weeks, almost from the time I left asshole law firm back in Aug., I stopped putting money in the collection basket because I had a tough time even paying groceries. It felt really good to be able to put a modest amount of $ in the basket during Offertory. & it makes me feel good to do it every Sunday now. I don't say that to give a "holier than thou" spin to any reader. You are free to choose to follow what others say about following God. The fact is I go to church because I sin and need that reminder TO DO BETTER every week; and pray everyday. I don't pray because I'm better than others. I pray as a person trying to do better (as it says in Profile).

I threw 7lbs of paper +300 feet!

Friday, the Chicago White Sox parade went down (among other streets) LaSalle St. in the LOOP area of Downtown. All the players were rode trolleys and waved to the adoring crowds; alas, the 1st ticker tape parade I ever saw or participated in. So we tore up the Chicago TRibune, the Chicago Reader legal documents with mistakes on them & were null & void. 2 secretaries helped me out even my boss, one of the PARTNERS of the firm through some of my confetti out the window. I estimate that we ripped up over 5 pounds of paper. Since we were on the 26th Floor, we were at least 300 ft. above the parade. So it was fun; you know it's really sweet to see so many people so happy all at once!
Of course, not all Chicagoans were happy. 2nd City is also the home of the Chicago Cubs, the team for the Northsiders of Chicago. Later in the afternoon. I had to run out of the law firm and get some important evidence for a car accident related arbitration. While I was waiting, this lawyer told me that he had some Northsiders who were clients. He said that his clients with the patented, Chicago gallows humor were encouraging them to throw furniture and sharp objects 300 ft onto the parade. The lawyer or staff member causing the most injuries and death would be given a fiscal bonus over and above the legal fees to "take out" the most giddy Chicago Southsiders.

I'm telling you, when I walked through the LOOP streets after the parade it was like walking in a dry snowstorm. The streets, sidewalks were covered with at least 3 inches of shredded paper. At least, the paper I threw out had a chance to hit Ozzie Guillen, Jermaine Dye or Paul Konerko. There were streets not even on the parade route like Adams St. with as much paper on it then the LaSalle St. Parade route.

The Dept. of Streets & Sanitation, no later than 5 minutes after the parade, set to work cleaning up the confetti. By the next day, 98% of the confetti was cleaned up.

It was a nice way to end World Series fever. There is a 600 pound granite lion that overlooks the world-renowned Chicago Art Institute. THey had a Chicago W. Sox hat on him. The Chicago Board of Trade has 2 statutes by its entrance, Madame Commerce and Lady Agriculture. They are 14 ft. tall; they were wearing 3x Chicago W. Sox WORLD CHAMPIONS shirts; it was all pretty festive.

A pleasant time was had by all (well, maybe not the Cub fans!)

How 'bout them White Sox

I'm not from Chicago, but rather rural Wisconsin. I moved to Chicago back in 1989. I still refuse to root for any Chicago or IL team when they play one of my beloved WI teams, but when they don't ...I'll root for them.

So it was nice to see a team that hasn't won a World Series since 1917 (!!) win. I let out a big holler at 11 pm at night when they finally clinched it. I worked night shift and heard the White Sox win in 14 innings @ 1 am the night before when they won game 3.

So let's hear it for the Sox!

The joy of bad consequences happening2bad people

Forgive the spelling of the title, I wasn't sure if the title would be too long and fit in the title line.

It was really nice to hear last week about Tom DeLay's indictment. I was so pleased at what happened to the Hammer that I wrote the mini essay below about him, then I printed it and taped on my hospital locker for all my co-workers to see. Did you see his mug shot??? What kind of silly bastard smiles in a mug shot?!??

SO WHAT’S ALL THE FUSS ABOUT TOM DeLAY?!?
Tom DeLay is the former Republican Majority leader of the US House of Representatives. We should be happy when bad things happen to bad people. So what makes him bad?
Tom DeLay’s first career was as a pesticide salesman. He sold bug killer to farmers and other people in Texas. One of the pesiticides was DDT. DDT was too good at killing because it rendered our national animal, the Bald Eagle, nearly extinct. Therefore, 30some yrs. ago Congress, under the Nixon administration, passed a law banning DDT. DeLay was greatly offended that one of his better selling products was banned. "This is an outrage. I hate big government!" he screamed; never minding that the rest of the nation (even smart Republicans) thought that not killing off eagles might be a good thing.
That "outrage" inspired his political career. A career of following a reverse Robin Hood ethos of robbing the poor and rewarding the rich which was his political base. In 1999, when a natural disaster struck which 100s if not 1,000s of people were afflicted by, President Clinton declared the afflicted area a "Disaster Area" He asked Congress for millions of dollars to help the stricken people out. TOM DELAY lived up to his name and delayed funds to those people to spite Clinton. His tactics were so mean and ruthless that our current president who was running for office at the time criticized this venomous Majority Leader. Time and time again, Tom DeLay has campaigned with gutter style, alley cat tactics to triumph over his political foes. Time and time again, DeLay has been in the hip pocket of his rich friends to the detriment of the rest of his country, including but not limited to the poor and middle class.
Hopefully, we live in better times where his awful politics and gutterstyle tactics are finally going to land him with a big fine, much discredit and a defeated reelection bid next year. It’s probably too much to hope that he’ll be thrown in jail. Oh well, I'll be satisfied with seeing a vain, evil man given a giant dose of humility.

The Elvis Syndrome

42 is an interesting age just like 27 is. Of course, 27 is the age when many famous rock n' rollers died and also when my best friend, Frank Kaul, died (that's for another blog & yes, L12, I'll write it). But 42 was the age when our youngest president ever assumed office and, no, it's not John Kennedy, but rather Teddy Roosevelt. He assumed the presidency when Leon Czolgosz shot the 25th Pres. William McKinnley in 1901.

42 is also the age when Elvis died. Towards the end of his career, Elvis was taking a lot of pills. He needed pills to wake up. He needed pills to go to sleep. He needed pills to take a shit (in fact, he died taking a shit brought on by something called the vasovagal reflex). THe bottom line is he was taking a ton of pills towards the end of his life. Of course, all that medication led to his untimely demise.

Now, I don't think I'm near the end. I mean I'm overweight but I can still walk 6 miles in under an hour & a half. I walk 3 miles to work and back through a rough neighborhood. (THat's a far, far cry from 25 yrs. ago when I ran 2 miles in under 12 min) But still, I'm a little apprehensive because, like Elvis, I am taking a lot of, shall we say "medication" (or pills if you will). I need to stay up at night because the time between 3-5 am is very tough mentally & physically to stay up so I down about 6 cups of coffee during that time. I take Adderall for the same reason. Then, if I don't take sleeping pills when I go to bed @ 8 am. or if I don't take a Clonipin then I wake up after only 2 hours of sleep.

Today is a rough day. I went to bed at 7:45 am. I woke up before 11. I scheduled myself to work at this part time paralegal job & I have to catch a Metra train & be @ downtown Chicago @ 3 pm. THen I have to preside @ our condo complex's monthly meeting at 7pm tonight in our hourlong meeting.

I used to smoke Cavendish tobacco several times a year. Now here I am writing this blog, smoking my pipe as I have several times a week, now. I gotta make more money but I feel like U2's song on the Joshua Tree album that I'm "Running to Stand Still". The whole idea that I have devised is to do a "flip around".
Now, I'm working full time at the hospital and part time at a law firm. I need to "flip it around" and work full time at a law firm and part time at the hospital like I did back in the early summer of this year. I can't now because this firm I'm at now doesn't offer health insurance. I need a firm that will offer health insurance to a paralegal. A firm that is personal injury and can take unique advantage of my medical background as I can write and explain how car accidents and other "sue-able" injuries have hurt plaintiffs physically.
My wife & I are divorced, but because we have to raise 3 young kids, we are, to a certain extent, "joined at the hip". Since we have joint tenancy ownership of the condo, our plan is to have her be financially well off to have her move out of the condo and into a house. Obviously, a house is a better place to raise 3 kids than a 2 bedroom condo. THen I would pay her to get 100% ownership of the condo and certainly, 2 bedrooms is enough room for me. & Oak Forest, IL is a nice neighborhood. But some of that dream is getting back to the money I was making earlier this summer. Just remember one thing: I've lived up to my end of the divorce decree so the fact that I make less now than before has not meant that she & my kids get less child support. It has only hurt me financially. But that's ok; less money has meant less food. So with the smoking and the hellish hours, I've lost about 10 pounds.

I sure as hell won't be doing what happened last Holiday/Winter Season and gain 20 pounds. I figure if I lose another 25 pounds, I'll be in decent shape. & pipe smoking over the years isn't as addictive as cigarette smoking, so by the time I get a better paralegal job, I'll have kicked that habit too.
Well enough daydreaming, I gotta pick the bones out of my salmon, eat it & catch a train. I hope I don't end up like Elvis!

a smart, spirited co-worker and the $3 challenge

You'll recall that in my 10/2/05 post, I wrote about Mary. Unfortunately, she has had problems with her wayword teenage daughter, and she took a leave of absence from work. Before she left , she told me about throwing her in a psych unit for a couple of weeks or even disowning her and signing her parental rights away to DCFS (Dept. of Child and Family Serivices) So, while Mary is gone we're oping her daughter is getting better.

Last night, Mary was scheduled to work, but obviously could not so I worked with a nurse, Penny. I was looking forward to working with her, not because I have a romantic interest in her. After all, she is married. (While I have been taken to task for spending too much time with 20somethings once or twice, I won't get involved with married women. (Last thing I need to hear Jesus or St. Peter say to me after I die is "Oh yeah, your the guy who broke up that marriage and the wife had 3 kids.....")

Anyway, Penny is a smart, sharp nurse. I interpret EKGs and measure atrial & ventricular waves on the EKG strip (among other tasks). Ideally, your supposed to measure the waves with an instrument called a calipers. But practically, I use my eyes & can make accurate measurements & it's a lot quicker. Penny always uses her calipers. So, about a year ago, she came up to me because I did the EKG measurements on her patients. The EKG strip is 6 seconds long. Her patient’s strip had 8 heartbeats on it (which is normal) I measured the ventriculr wave at .12 mm, but she corrected me and said it was .14. I looked again & she was right. Now clinically speaking, whether it’s 12. or 14 means very little but the fact that she wanted her patients’ EKG measurements to be perfect speaks well of her.
Penny is a Filipino from Manilla (look out, here comes the nationality tangent!)

Many hospitals in the Metro Chicago area are in neighborhoods (like Maywood & Harvey) where the minority population is about 90%. Yet, among nurses the highest proportion of any minority group is not Blacks or Hispanics/Latinos but rather Filipinos. Why that is I’ll probably never know, but I thought maybe that fact would be interesting to share. They enjoy getting together and speaking Tagalog. Reader, if you have any cogent theories on why there’s such a high proportion of Filipinos work the Chicagoland Hospitals let me know. The reader with the best theory gets $3. No, really!!
Anyway, Penny & I worked with each other for 8 hrs. 11pm-7am since Mary wasn’t there. The first hour was quiet as we interpreted EKGs and did their ventricular and atrial measurements for the 40some patients we each had. I was playing and enjoying listening to Cream, and after awhile she spoke up and asked, "Do we have to listen to that old stuff?
"No" I replied, "What kind of music do you like?"
"I don’t know"
"Well, how am I going to play something you like if I don’t know what you like?" I replied (no response). So I asked, "Do you like Filipino music?"
"Not all of it; I like the ballads"
"Oh, so you like slow, romantic music, right?"
"Yeah, I’m a girl afterall!" she proclaimed indignantly. Then she corrected herself, "Actually, I am in my 30s & have kids." So, I played Jefferson Starship and stayed away from the heavy metal music I love playing. But, I didn’t have any other ballad type of music and played Charlatans UK and U2. I asked her if she knew who U2 was, and she said no. Here’s another ? for my dear readers: has U2 ever played in the Philippines? Now, I can’t offer a prize for that piece of trivia (unless someone wanted to make it a $2 contest for the 1st correct answer). She didn’t mind either band.

The newest interest at the hospital and even, apparently, in the Chicagoland area (apart from the Great White Sox appearing in their 1st World Series since 1959) is doing "Sudoku" puzzles. The tabloid Chicago Sun Times has started putting those puzzles in their papaer and people on the 6th floor like to do them during spare time (guess we’re a boring group).
So Penny & I worked on the same puzzle separately. I started on mine 20 minutes before she did, but to my alarm after about an hour she was almost done. "Damn, Penny, you’re kicking my ass on this puzzle".
"Oh well, I don’t know if my numeric answers are right or not. My husband would be better at this than I, cos’ he’s good with numbers. I only like the ones in my checkbook" she smugly smiled.
"I’m jealous Penny. The numbers in my checkbook suck, cuz’ they’re all red!" But Penny was right about doing her puzzle, because a little later she quit in disgust. (I was able to finish the puzzle). Then we started talking about our kids. I hung up a picture of my youngest daughter (as others put up pictures of their kids and pets in the telemetry room. Like others, she made fun of the way I dressed my youngest, Brianna, because in the picture she’s wearing red striped pants with a pink polk-a-dot shirt. She pointedly asked if I dressed her and told about how she makes her husband change her kids clothes when he doesn’t color coordinate what they wear.
Later, we were getting pretty chummy as she slapped me on the shoulder towards the end and said my patients’ computer screen looked like a "XMAS tree". I was reading but not answering the alarms on my patients’ screen so the screen was flashing 5 or 6 red alarms. Then I sarcastically said, "I guess I’m not as diligent as you are, Penny".
"Oh, shut up" she replied.
So it was a good night. On the night, it’s important to keep alert because it’s a severe punishable offense to be asleep at the job 3:30 in the morning. & obviously, it’s not a good way to take care of the patients. So we were glad to find a new strategy (Sudoku) to stay alert and awake during our graveyard shift and called the night a success.

graveyard shift blues

It seems like I have to confront several problems at once, and they all seem to relate back to my lack of money. I really wanted to go to a friend/co-worker's baby shower - can't do it because I don't have enough money to get her a gift. I really wanted to go to a dance that this men's group is sponsoring because it would be fun, & I am a member of that group. Can't do it because I would have to ask someone out for a date and again that would cost money.

What really brought all of this to mind was last night and this morning. I have been walking 3 miles to work as noted in a previous post. I need to do everything I can to save money (just to make ends meet....not for anything special!!) But the problem was when I walked to work Saturday night, I have to walk home Sunday morning. I really wanted to go to Mass after working because I feel that Mass helps me, especially after attending a religious retreat last weekend.

But after walking home, I was too late for 8 am. Mass so I decided to just go to bed. But, the same problem happened this morning that happened yesterday. I have just started working these graveyard shifts, my body isn't used to sleeping during the day, so instead of getting 8 hours of sleep per night, I'm only getting about 2 hours of sleep. Then I wake up, can't go back to sleep and pretty soon, after doing this and that, I have to go back to work and work the usual 12 hour shift.

After working Friday night, I really had a hard time sleeping at all. After working Saturday night, I went to bed around 9 this morning but woke right back up at 11. Today, I don't feel like taking sleeping pills as I sometimes do, because I really do need to go to church, see my kids as I promised my ex, and then do some work for my condo as I am president. But when am I going to sleep????

I also have a meeting to go to right before I work my 12 hour shift. The short meeting is @ 6 and work starts at 6:45. Then I have to work 12 hours again.

It's nice to make the dollar extra per hour because I need every penny of it (again, since I'm short of money I need to do everything I can to either save money or make money). But you hear all sorts of bad statistics about people working night shifts. People who work night shifts have a shorter lifespan. People who work night shifts fall asleep driving moreso than people on other shifts.

I just wish the lawyers I worked with previously weren't such assholes. I was making OK money then. I wouldn't have to work all these night shifts now, and I wouldn't have to walk to work. I worked there as long as I could, but after awhile of being berated and degraded, that job ended up having all the dignity of being a stripper or a male prostitute. So I made the right decision and work full time at the hospital, but there can be tough consequences to doing the right thing!

So now I'm going to eat, go to Church and see my beloved kids. & I hope I don't get into an accident driving to or from work doing the graveyard shift. Hopefully, tomorrow morning, I'll get better rest. If it takes 5 sleeping pills to get 8 hours of sleep, damnit, I might just do it!

one more reason for love........

"....and when you stop and think about it, you won't believe it's true.
That all the love you've been giving, has all been meant for you...."

from the song "Quesion" by the Moody Blues

a night walk

I am tired of paying nearly $3 a gallon for gas so I have gotten toughened up to walking long distances. I walk to work, the hospital is 3 miles away; it takes 45 min. Tough shit if the hospital is in a rough neighborhood, riven w/ gangs and drug dealers. If I don't bother them, the odds are low of them bothering me.

The same is true with seeing my kids. They live about 6 miles away so it takes about an 1 1/2 hours to get there. When I walked home to my apartment something kind of special happened. To get from the kids' place to my place I go through a forest preserve (so named because it has bike paths and is patrolled by the Cook County Forest Preserve Police, among other reasons). It was such a beautiful night out and the temperature was perfect. The coolness killed off all those damn insects yet it was warm enough so that you didn't have to worry about your hands or feet getting cold. All I had to do was follow the yellow line of the bike path and I had no problem whatsoever in finding my way home. I saw white-tailed deer that would get close enough to try and figure out who I was, then run off as I walked next to them on the trail. It was fun trying to guess what the strange noises were.

I couldn't help but think how much more fun it would be to have a girlfriend, two sleeping bags and just being "one with nature". It was a great night to be outdoors! There was a slight bit of apprehension because I was actually breaking the rules. The Forest Preserve rules are that no one is supposed to be in the forest after sundown. (It was 8 pm) I couldn't imagine them throwing me in jail for walking home, minding my own business. Just as I was less than a 1/4 mile away from leaving the Forest Preserve, there was this white light shining on my back. "Oh shit," I thought, "The Forest Preserve cops". So here's how the conversation went after I turned around and saw this biker with a light beam coming from his helmet.

"Uh-oh!", he exclaimed
"I'm just about ready to leave at the next exit," I explained.
"That's cool; I'm just biking", he said.
"Oh, I thought you were a Forest Preserve cop"
"No, we just scared each other"
Before I could explain that I wasn't really scared just hoping that he wasn't a cop, he was too far away as he biked past me.
Yes, that was a lame conversation, and this post probably would have been a better read if I would have explained how I got thrown in jail and had the displeasure of sharing a jail cell with someone caught for sodomy.
But I'm glad none of that happened and I am happy to have such a nice, sweet, peaceful time at the Forest Preserve with the deer. Maybe months from now, I'll meet the right woman and we can have a nice time in some sleeping bags. That would be a great way to break the law.

my family,I'm the one with the 'stache in back

My 3 kids; one in green, on right is nephew

**"You Got the Money, Honey, I Got the Time"

**Opening line of Willie Nelson's first hit back in the mid 70s. We're not counting him penning Patsy Cline's "Crazy".

What good is a date that doesn't have much money??? In suburban Chicago, the answer is not much. As most of you know, I left the as-hole partners at the law firm, for a full-time gig at the hospital. I don't have to work 56 hours a week anymore, so I have more time to spend with my kids and the condo presidency.
But less time at work necessarily means less money from work. I thought maybe the overtime I was getting would mean more but apparently not. Part of it is the simple mathematics, Illinois law says any mother who has an "ex" & has 3 kids, gets 32% of his paycheck. That's fine with me;I'm just making an observation. The other thing is that taxes get another 25%. So 57% of my paycheck is not mine.
But I am emotionally ready to date. I know why I got a divorce, I know what mistakes I made in the relationship and I really want to move on in life. But I can't because, I, as a proper date, have to make things "free" for the woman I date, and that's hard now. I spent the last 30 hours figuring out how to meet all my expenses and explain things to my creditors about not getting as much money as they actually were expecting from me.
So the dating action has to wait. No sex, no drugs, but still plenty of rock n' roll. Too bad the only places I hear it is work, home alone and in the car. My sister-in-law says to spend every moment I can with my kids because she thinks my ex is crazy.
Don't I deserve to date? Well, it's not a matter of "deserving" it's all a matter of financially earning. Is there a woman out there who would like to be a "sugar mommy" (female counterpart to "sugar daddy") very unlikely. But if any reader out there knows of one, I will work the rest of my life to make it worth their while. (either by being a reference or being one)
But seriously, the job is going well; the presidency continues to challenge as I mediate disputes and life could be better but it's up to me to improve it!

mentioning other sites

For those bloggers who suggest other "LINKS", I am willing to bet there's a good deal of thought into selecting the other links.

For me it is a fellow blogger who first started sending me comments. There's another site that deserves special mention. It is the band Catch Penny led by Chris Schauf (25 yrs. old) & his younger brother Zach. I saw them in Chicago, I bought their CD and I think that they do excellent as a band. They're under "up and coming band" on my blog.

You can say, "Yeah, Vince, you're biased, because you're their uncle and you have "an axe to grind".
The point is that other people have been saying that they love their CD. So I would urge you dear reader to check out this website below, check out the MP3 and if you like, then order the CD. They are at:

http://www.catchpennyband.com/index.htm

Enjoy!

leaving as-holes behind

8/17/05 I left a law firm that is good to its clients and godawful to its staff. It's a law firm where the managing partner/the main man would get drunk at times during normal business hours and sleep on his couch or act drunk to staff.
A man who promised me a raise earlier in the month and failed to give the raise to me. A man who has the partner jerk me around on my last paycheck and make a pitiful attempt to make me feel guilty for bringing up the FACT that my paycheck was 2 days late.

no more taking advantage of the 1 and only paralegal at his bullshit firm.
no more false accusations tolerated
no more paying me a below-market salary

Now I'm at a better place with very good benefits where I will get 36 hrs. of OT (& time & a half pay) this pay period.
A place where I save lives or help lives for those with cardiac problems
A place where the boss likes and respects me and I can definitely say the same about her.
A place with less stress and heartache..........................

There's a few other things I hate too!

There's nothing like having your own apartment to show what your limitations are. After living 25 years of shared living there's some skills I've finally mastered: dish washing, cleaning a toilet, knowing when to play the music you love loud!; & doing laundry. Still there are other things which you hate and which bite you in the ass again & again.

Ironing is something I completely detest. I learned to buy permanent press shirts and let co-workers carp at the wrinkles in my pants (after all I don't give a damn what they say about my but or legs or goes over them anyway!). Now that I don't work at a law firm anymore, people at the hospital, where I work, aren't so hung up on clothes anyway.

Another task has embarassed me even more. Mopping floors and vacuum cleaning. Vacuum cleaning I finally have resolved to do on a semi-regular basis. But mopping the floor ............
Today, I finally (after x number of months) decided to mop the floor. Since it looked like the garage floor of somone with 3 Honda motorcycles and I 've been having my sweet computer expert come over, well ya' gotta' do something damnit. But I complained about it to myself and it took a long time because 2 of the Board members of the condo board called me about the all-important meeting I had with our condo attorneys yesterday. So the whole thing took hours. UGH!

BIG PICTURE TIME:
I have it much better than others especially those who were hit by Hurricane Katrina. Ripsy who runs a very sharp,witty blog says that the Red Cross should be supported and I have 1/2 a mind to put the Red Cross as one of my links too. We all think the Red Cross should be supported in this very trying time.

The Sweet Adolescence of the Raspberries

The Rasberries were a group that hit it big in the early 70s. The best known band member was Eric Carmen. He was the man who penned in his later solo years "Hungry Eyes" and the melancholy "All By Myself" .
When I was visiting my older brother in college at the tender age of 9, I heard a cool guitar-riff, laden song with a very adolescent plea for its title. The song started with a cool, thundering catchy lead guitar riff. Then a rolling bass, then Eric Carmen sings,
"I never knew how complete love could be Till she kissed me and said,............"
From "Go All the Way"
The sweet voice, the beautiful harmonizing vocals provided by Carmen’s bandmates; their imitation of their model THE WHO.
But wait a minute! That’s not the way life is! I never had an easy time with dates. I only dated one girl from that great Ithaca High School. & she wasn’t even any fun. Besides, the one girl who hinted to me to have sex with her my senior year after the Homecoming Dance was politely refused by yours truly. Something I’m not 100% sure was the right decision. I ended up not losing my virginity until I was 22. But my Mom & Dad taught me well and a young VS would have been a below average father as I am struggling now to help an ailing oldest son and a somewhat happy middle son and youngest daughter.
Aw screw it, the song is still damn good so let’s continue reading these lyrics.
"....Till she kissed me and said,
CHORUS: Baby please, go all the way
It feels so right
Being with you here tonight
Please, go all the way
Just hold me close
Don't ever let me go
I couldn't say what I wanted to say
Till she whispered "I love you so" repeat that damn chorus

But what about all the premarital sex? What about all the unwanted kids, what about the abortions, what about the parents not ready??????? Yeah, well, what about Eric explaining the following to us:
Before her love I was cruel and mean I had a hole in the place Where my heart should have been!
But now I've changed, and it feels so strange
I come alive when she does all those things to me and she says
(Check out the counterpoint harmonies on this now! E=Carmen B=Bandmates!!!)
"E:Come on,
B: come on
B: come on! E: I need you
B: come on! E: I love you
B: Come on! E: I need you Repeat that damn chorus
If you get their greatest hits you get to also hear "I Just Want to Be With You" and some other kick ass songs.
What do they all mean? Tell me & we’ll both know!!!!

This president gig is kind of fun

TMA = condo complex I preside over

I was a political junkie since I was 7. I memorized all the US Presidents and read the front section of the paper. Things I still do and enjoy doing. When I told this to one of our law clerks in her 3rd year of law school, she said, "That really made you a nerd then, doesn't it?" Yeah, I guess, but obviously, I still don't regret doing that.

Why the little flashback of 35 years ago? Well because, I still enjoy that type of action. The condo board that I preside over still is a form of politics; naturally the action is NOT like being U.S. president. But still, the TMA Board of 4 years ago f_____ up royally and hurt a lot of senior citizens who make up a significant portion of the owners who live in our condo complex. So there is something at stake, we can't put together a screwed up budget, we have over 150 people depending on us!

Anyway, my first crisis has been hard to solve. MS, the former president, is in a nasty dispute with the Treasurer of our condo. She wants to put the screws to him because she doesn't want to pay for his legal expenses. I don't think that is right, because he expressly received permission to have legal expenses paid for. In order to get rid of the corrupt board that messed things up 4 years ago that's what had to be done! He had to take on the fight by him & a few others, to kick out a board & administrator who ran the complex like a 3rd World dictatorship (complete w/ fradulent elections!!!). That meant incurring legal expenses.

The Treasurer is a very smooth operator. When I come into the office, it's always, "Hi, babe!" She likes getting a hug. She loves to flatter. But if you cross her like MS did, she has the power to f____ someone over as Treasurer. My job, as president, is to try to curb her revenge fantasies and it hasn't been easy.

I have to hand it to her. She has inspired me to read the Condo rulebook/bylaws much more thoroughly and it has become evident that in her "revenge plots" she hasn't been following all the rules. I'm scheduling a little chat with her within the week to show her the error of her ways. Wish me luck.

At any rate, this fight between MS & Treasurer (Madame "Sweet" who is ALSO the "face of TMA" because she is the receptionist and office manager at our office) has also made me talk to the TMA's lawyer. The big problem is that my main strategy is to wait and delay things as I gather up more and more of the building reps to back me up. (need as much political power as I can get!) But Madame Sweet wants to hurry up the process & is even going so far as baiting MS to sue the TMA! How stupid and what a waste of money to pay the lawyer for another suit!!! Yet she says I'm wasting money on MS's suit (yet we had the building reps agree to pay for that lawsuit; there's a difference!!). I have to counsel MS to be calm, sleep at night (since he confided that the legal problem keeps him up) and I have to get the political clout to manuever around Madame Sweet's power and charm.

Anyway, thanks for reading, I KEPT MY PROMISE, L12! Hope this little diatribe wasn't toooooo borriiiing.