It seems like I have to confront several problems at once, and they all seem to relate back to my lack of money. I really wanted to go to a friend/co-worker's baby shower - can't do it because I don't have enough money to get her a gift. I really wanted to go to a dance that this men's group is sponsoring because it would be fun, & I am a member of that group. Can't do it because I would have to ask someone out for a date and again that would cost money.
What really brought all of this to mind was last night and this morning. I have been walking 3 miles to work as noted in a previous post. I need to do everything I can to save money (just to make ends meet....not for anything special!!) But the problem was when I walked to work Saturday night, I have to walk home Sunday morning. I really wanted to go to Mass after working because I feel that Mass helps me, especially after attending a religious retreat last weekend.
But after walking home, I was too late for 8 am. Mass so I decided to just go to bed. But, the same problem happened this morning that happened yesterday. I have just started working these graveyard shifts, my body isn't used to sleeping during the day, so instead of getting 8 hours of sleep per night, I'm only getting about 2 hours of sleep. Then I wake up, can't go back to sleep and pretty soon, after doing this and that, I have to go back to work and work the usual 12 hour shift.
After working Friday night, I really had a hard time sleeping at all. After working Saturday night, I went to bed around 9 this morning but woke right back up at 11. Today, I don't feel like taking sleeping pills as I sometimes do, because I really do need to go to church, see my kids as I promised my ex, and then do some work for my condo as I am president. But when am I going to sleep????
I also have a meeting to go to right before I work my 12 hour shift. The short meeting is @ 6 and work starts at 6:45. Then I have to work 12 hours again.
It's nice to make the dollar extra per hour because I need every penny of it (again, since I'm short of money I need to do everything I can to either save money or make money). But you hear all sorts of bad statistics about people working night shifts. People who work night shifts have a shorter lifespan. People who work night shifts fall asleep driving moreso than people on other shifts.
I just wish the lawyers I worked with previously weren't such assholes. I was making OK money then. I wouldn't have to work all these night shifts now, and I wouldn't have to walk to work. I worked there as long as I could, but after awhile of being berated and degraded, that job ended up having all the dignity of being a stripper or a male prostitute. So I made the right decision and work full time at the hospital, but there can be tough consequences to doing the right thing!
So now I'm going to eat, go to Church and see my beloved kids. & I hope I don't get into an accident driving to or from work doing the graveyard shift. Hopefully, tomorrow morning, I'll get better rest. If it takes 5 sleeping pills to get 8 hours of sleep, damnit, I might just do it!
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