Yipee! I'm done!

In my pursuit to balance out happy posts with sad posts, I wanted to write about something that made me very, very relieved.

At the place I work, I am happy, because I finished a big project by myself. I've been much busier, because the clerk staff is cut in half (from 6 people to 3). So with 3 people, I have been doing clerks' projects that would have normally gone to the 3 clerks who just left. (They left due to finals and they are in their last semester of law school).

The big project was very worrisome, because I was concerned that I wasn't going to be able to finish it by deadline. There were probably thousands of pages I had to look through (albeit some of it was skimming). I am concerned about our client because he was badly hurt in forklift accident. He hasn't worked since the accident which was a long time ago.

Could you imagine not working for a long time, sitting around not be able to lift over 30 pounds due to a severe back injury? It makes you think you're lucky, doesn't it?? Sometimes I envy construction workers because their earning potential is high, but the problem is that they get hurt at work. The chances of a major injury happening where I work are very, very low. So, I guess I made the right choice in the field of work.

sometimes......

Sometimes the ads in Google do not necessarily correspond with my beliefs. For instance, the End of the World could happen anytime, but I am not one of those people who are absolutely certain that it's going to happen in my lifetime. It could but I'm not going to go around saying you better get ready b/c it's going to happen. Really, we should be good anyway. It's far more likely that a person could die an untimely death than the Apocalypse occurring tomorrow.

• Just to reiterate: I do believe in the Apocalypse.
• I don't know when it will happen
• Might happen in my lifetime but not sure it will (not like some people).

Are we clear? OK

not sure what to do

I am very sorry for being so vague in this post. I have to be vague in order to protect myself. There are more people who read this blog than I think (yes, I made a joke about having 19 readers but the truth is I don’t really know who reads it & who doesn’t. Obviously, you have readers on your blog who don’t comment).

There’s a person that’s not located in my hometown (I am not married, not divorced nor related to this person). This is a person I am upset with for making my life difficult. During the course of walking Monday through Friday, I have to walk where her location is. I find it so distasteful to see her that I alter my route now so that I don’t have to see her if she’s there. I am not comfortable with disliking this person so much, but she was wrong, and I really, really tried to get along with her to no avail. I tried to help her numerous times to help her, and it’s all been swept away into massive negativity.
Also, I was criticized for severing the relationship, and in so doing, I wouldn’t have to talk or deal with her. If it’s a dysfunctional relationship, why should I stay in it??? But I was criticized for my haste and blunt efforts. I guess I can see why I was wrong, but I hope that those who criticized me understand my perspective.

I guess the answer lies in forgiving this person to myself, silently. (we are so opposed to each other that if I said “I forgive you” it would result in another fight) But that’s hard. This area of my life means so much to me and for her to complicate and make miserable this area of my life, really makes me have absolute contempt for her. I don’t want to call her a name, I don’t want to yell at her. I just don’t want to see or hear her for a long time. But if that happens, I’ll tolerate it and keep going.

Think about it

There's a book that I absolutely love reading called Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse. I don't know if any of you have read it. Part of me strongly recommends reading it, but you have to have a very high tolerance for unconventional thinking. The pattern of the novel is that it starts out with a narrative of events occurring to the author and as the novel progresses there are more and more "dreamed up", surreal events and fewer actual events that the author is really experiencing.

One of the 1st things that is dreamed up is that the main person in the book, Harry Haller, is walking down the street. As he walks down the sidewalk someone comes up to him and gives him a book and walks away from him. He doesn't look at the book right away. Instead he takes the book to his rented home and finds out to his amazement that the book is actually all about him! The book gives a brief description of him and quickly delves into what his problems are. The book (actually a short story or treatise) offers some suggestions and also discusses some unconventional views on suicide and humor.

Here's my point. What if you were walking down the street and accepted a book from someone, and it turns out the short story/treatise is about you and the problems and illusions that are hurting you and your life. What would your book say? Would it be a very thin 4 page affair because you are a remarkably well-adjusted individual? Or, would your author have a lot to write about?? Hmm.............

Dear God letters

When things are tough, or when there's something really important about to happen and I want the outcome to be positive, I will write a "Dear God" letter. I basically write better than I talk (sometimes it's hard to tell with my grammatical errors emitting from this blog like stinky sludge).

So I write down what I have to say to God. I usually write 90% of the letter in shorthand (a written language that was once used by office secretaries, but is basically a dying art with the advent of dictaphones). I write it in shorthand so that others can't read what I wrote. I wrote one this morning amid all the problems at work. I don't know if I mean it or not, but I said I would accept whatever the outcome the bosses decide on. I really can't imagine continuing working with someone so incredibly insufferable that she puts no value in my work. Making this all more poignant is that there are other attorneys that value my work. Yes, that's true. I'm not lying. I didn't stay at this law firm for 2 1/2 years doing crappy work.

I wrote my prayer. Dear God, I hope you read it and will act accordingly. & yes, I will follow whatever the decision is.

Happy Earth Day!

Happy Earth Day! I hope everyone has something good they can contribute to making the environmnent a little better.
Politics in the USA has been predicated and dominated by bitter partisan debates. This has been going on, unfortunately, since 1991, probably after the 1st Gulf War (Operation Desert Storm). It went on during the 1st Bush presidency, it was especially bad during the Clinton era, there have been times it's been bad now. One thing that I think is especially encouraging is that political & even religious leaders that are absolute polar opposites have been sitting on a bench together and sending out a message. The message is: our planet is in trouble. Together we must come together, European, Asian, African, Austrailian, North & South American, conservative, liberal, centrist, atheist, Muslim and Christian and help create and act out a strategy that will allow us to stop global warming. The 1st commercial was Al Sharpton and Pat Robertson. Wow, can't imagine 2 more different people than that. But there they were smiling, joking and speaking the above earnest message. The 2nd pair was Nancy Pelosi and Newt Gingrich. Again, you look at them sitting on the bench together, smiling and you say wow. Could this mean something new in politics? Could this mean that bitter partisanship with mindless conservative talk shows talking about how the government messes up everything (well maybe in Iraq they did) and the same shows demonizing certain political figures like Hillary Clinton. (No we're not going to say what she's doing, we'll just exaggerate and distort all her views. Then we'll tell everyone who cares to listen what Barack Obama's middle name is and tell everyone he really is a Muslim. (HE ISN'T, DAMNIT) These talk show people like Rush Limbaugh are just scum.

But at any rate, I'm glad leaders from different political stripes are getting together and agreeing that yes, the earth is worth saving. That we all really need to do something. I wish this meant that change is underway and that there won't be this corrosive bitterness in Washington D.C. I wish that; I don't know if it will happen.

Saturday vs. Sunday

I have been at the same law firm for 2 1/2 years. Last week, it's safe to say was the worst week I ever had there. So the weekend was looked forward to: get away from work, regroup, put a smile on my face, relax.

Well, it certainly didn't start out well. Friday night, I walked Brianna to her friend's place because she was having a sleep-over. I was wearing earth shoes with a crack in the sole. Well guess what found it's way into the crack of the left shoe & into the ball of my foot?? Yes, an inch long thorn/briar off of this thorntree. I started saying "ouch" repeatedly and quickly took my shoe off and was going to put the shoe back on but the briar (I quickly noticed) was still in it. So I pulled this long briar out and kept walking Brianna to her friend's place. Since the briar went through the cracked sole it probably went 1/2" to a 3/4" into my foot, it was very sore. So my daughter, Brianna, (BLESS HER LITTLE SOUL!!) said, "Here Daddy, I'll hold your hand and we'll walk the rest of the way over to Bella's place." At first, I thought well that won't help and was going to say no thanks, but then I thought that would be a terrible mistake. If Bri wants to help me, then for God's sakes let her! More importantly, how often will your little daughter offer to hold your hand and help you out????!!??

Saturday, I could not sleep in because I was helping Maribeth with her craft show. My foot hurt and I was terribly miserable, because I was brooding over the bad problem at work. I felt terrible in a number of ways, (WAAA!). No, I didn't cry but was brooding terribly. Then I explained all this to Maribeth and she said she understood in a voice so tender that I thought, "Oh my God, Maribeth just comforted me. How awesome is that?!?" That's when I started tearing up and dabbing around my eyes.

The craft fair was a minor success for Maribeth and her sister. They did slightly better than breaking even so you can't complain about that. Now, more people know about them too.

Sunday was so much more different. I got to sleep until after 8, then I laid in bed listened to music and read the Sunday paper. I stopped thinking about the problem at work, and was finally happy. It's amazing how sleeping late changes a sad outlook. In fact, the whole day I didn't let last week's woes get to me much so we can chalk it up as a good day. The bed is really becoming the nicest, most sublime place to be.

But we all have to remind ourselves of Neil Peart's saying, "You won't get wise with the sleep still in your eyes, no matter what your dreams might be!" I won't be able to pay any bills sleeping. But one thing for sure. I really don't know how I did it working all those night shifts at Ingalls Hospital for 3 years.

trying, I'm really trying!

In my attempt to not sound to stupid, pathetic and worst of all, unreadable, I'm trying to work on sounding more dignified. I'm going to resist the urge of talking about how hard it is to get up in the morning, the fact that I sometimes feel very sad, why it's so very important that I take enough simethicone and activated charcoal and being horribly embarassed when I don't.

I'm not going to talk about the latest argument with Maribeth (& besides it was decreed that I wouldn't). I'm not going to talk about the latest person to leave the law firm and how bad it makes me feel.

I do want to talk about politics more, but I'm too tired to do that now. (oops I wasn't supposed to mention that, was I).

a meme, I think (?)

• 1. Rate your life from 1-10 (1 being very miserable) 7 for some reason I thought the original meme said rate your life on a scale from 1-5. Oh well, poor reading on my part.
• 2. Is your hair long or short?A: Moderate length, no crew cuts, bald heads b/c I hate them.
• 3. Do you have many real friends?A: I think so.
• 4. Name friends you last hung out with?A: There’s a few friends I work with and we work in the same room.
• 5. Do you love chicken?A: I don’t mind eating chicken but it’s my least favorite meat (Beef is my favorite)
• 6. Last three drinks you had?A: Mountain Dew, Water & water
• 7. Do you eat fish?A: Yes, I love fish: tuna, haddock, catfish, salmon, others. Surprisingly, I don’t eat much fish until Lent comes along in the late winter/early spring
• 8. Do people mispronounce or spell your name incorrectly?A: First name: No; Last name: Yes
• 9. Who was the last person you hugged?A: Maribeth
• 10. Last guy you think about?A: I take it this means last woman you think about for me, right? That would be Maribeth
• 11. Any food that made you smile today?A: My cold cereal was pretty good.
  12. Name one thing you have in common with your friends?A: They share my taste for music.
  
• 13. Do you trust your friends?A: Yes
  
• 14. How old will you be in five years?A: Almost 50
• 15. Do you believe in love?A: Yes, you haven’t really lived until you loved
  
• 16. Except for family and friends, who are you in love with?A: Never thought about that…..no one.
• 17. Do you honestly believe you have found the right guy/girl?A: I will say this. I am very grateful for Maribeth, because unlike so many other women, Maribeth gave me a chance and said “yes”. (She did this by being in a relationship with me) Maribeth has done more for me in the last 17 years than anyone else on the face of Planet Earth. I will also say that I can’t imagine being with anyone else right now.
  
• 18. Are you someone's best friend?A: I don’t think so. I had a best friend before 1990, but he died in a train accident.
  
• 19. Do you love music?A: I most definitely do. It is one of the ways I can be defined. Long live ROCK N’ ROLL!
  
• 20. Last song you listened to?A: Rust never Sleeps (Rock & Roll Will Never Die) by Neal Young. I’m hearing it now.
• 21. What's the instrument you wish you were able to play?A: Lead guitar. I would give my 3rd toe to do so!!
• 22. Who was the last person you talked to?A: Coworker
  
• 23. Who was the last person to call you?A: Renee, my office manager at the condo I am president of.
• 24. Would you consider yourself a worrier?A: Definitely. (“I wonder if I’ll make it through the day! I hope I don’t get in trouble!!” L!)
  
• 25. Do you consider yourself as a happy person?A: No. See above answer. I am thankful and greatful, but there’s too much that’s wrong with the world and my immediate surroundings to be happy.
  
• 26. Do you believe in saving yourself for marriage?A: No (I’m sorry, God)
  
• 27. Last person that pissed you off?A: Maribeth
  
• 28. From whom have you missed the most calls in the last 5 days?A: I don’t know I missed them and don’t know about it. & by the way this is moreso because I lost my cellphone Friday.
  
• 29. Who's the first person you call when you're having a bad day?A: I think Maribeth or maybe a co-worker.
• 30. Last person who made you laugh like crazy?A: Maribeth (actually she was laughing like crazy and I was watching her with much delight)
  
• 31. Who's your greatest inspiration in life?A: Good question but tough question. There’s people that do inspire me: my kids, my Dad, trying to live up to the expectations of my family in WI, being true to certain friends. Maribeth is an inspiration because I often try to prove that I’m worth the fuss I cause her.
  
• 32. Are you a good guesser?A: I would rather not guess.
• 33. Who was the last person to sing your current favorite song and what song?A: myself. I was singing “In My Time of Dying”. Sorry for being so morose.
• 34. Who makes you laugh the most?A: my kids
• 35. What have you been telling yourself lately?A: don’t be so sad, you live a blessed and lucky life. Thank God I have such great kids.

if your happy and you know it clap your hands

I'm sorry to all my readers for writing about "downer" subjects in the last few posts.

First of all, it's Monday and I don't feel bad. I'm comfortably numb and only mildly concerned of what this new day will bring me. Mildly concerned is just fine and perfectly normal, don't you think?

I went to my parents place this weekend. They live 200 mi. NW of me in Wisconsin. It's 1/3 of the way through April, and Wisconsin was still getting snow flurries. Hey, but it's my hometown and I was glad to be there if only for a day. I was really happy because (did you hear that???? "really happy" I said) my brothers Bill & Jerome and sister Kathi were all there and I wasn't expecting to see them. I had to listen to Kathi & Jerome talk conservative politics, and I was about ready to walk out of my parent's house, but hey, if that's the price I have to pay to see my siblings well I guess I will happily pay it. Then Kathi decided when coming to Dad's birthday party (he's 83) to show off her lacy bra. I was aghast. Kathi is very thin, very prim and very proper. So to see her fail to have her shirt halfway unbottoned rivaled the absolute shock that my niece is going to have triplets and she already has 3 kids. & she already has stopped working because she's so big. Poor, poor Annie!!! How in the world will they manage. But then again, "If God is for us, who can be against???"

The Cooling Board

"When I got there, she was layin' on the cooling board." - Son House's song "Death Letter"

I have been listening to a ton of White Stripes lately. One of the songs I enjoy hearing was their cover of the above Son House song "Death Letter". The song was a very powerful narrative of something that happened to an unfortunate young man back in the early 1900s. In those days, there were no phones, no Internet. He had a long distance relationship, and so when the girlfriend suddenly died, he found out by the relatives writing a letter sent via US mail and telling him to go see her/attend her funeral at once.

The story is similar to a story that my maternal grandfather told me. Previously, I knew that Grandpa Nachreiner's mom died when he was about 12 or so. Then his father remarried, but sadly, it was to the proverbial mean stepmother (how many stories have we read about the mean stepmother who afflicts the surviving kids?) . So my grandfather left home and became an adult in his early teens. In those days, you could do that. He began smoking at 14, 15 yrs. of age and died when he was 95.

So, we can say that not only did Grandpa's mother die, but at that same moment so did his childhood.

One Sunday, I think in the late 70s, without being prompted, he talked about his mother's death. He didn't explain what she died from because in this story that wasn't important; it was the fact that she was no longer going to "mother" him or be there to guide him and soothe his fears and misfortunes as only a mother can do.

He explained that one of the first things they did after she died was remove her from the house. It was during the summer. Now since this happened sometime between 1903 - 1905, there were not morgues and if there were, Grandpa's family surely could not afford to have his dear mom in one.

They laid his mother on a cake of ice. By keeping her cool (remember the song above talks about the "cooling board"), she would not decompose and literally smell dead. However, it was a hot summer, and she laid dead, outside the house for well over a day. By the time of the funeral, when she finally was given the dignity of a coffin, she was laying not in a cake of ice but a puddle of lukewarm water.

Grandpa never cried in front of me before or after that story. Even though it happened to him over 75 years earlier, the memories were still raw enough for him to well up with tears at the end of the story. What a way to lose your childhood!

I saw and heard this video

Sunday morning, for some reason we had either VH1 or MTV on.
I heard the video/song Kid Rock's "Amen" He talks about some of the things that are wrong with this country, but sadly enough, doesn't venture very far outside the cliche or the superficial. Here is one part that I took particular exception. He sings,
"...these wolves in sheep clothes pastors/Now damnit I'm afraid to send my children to church"

Sexual abuse among the clergy is a terrible, deplorable problem which has given the Church a very, very black eye. But Kid Rock's above lyric sounds and is stupid in several ways.
Afraid to send your kid to church????

Really? & how many priests abuse kids right in the middle of a church service? It would seem to me that going to church is one of the safest places to be. Also, why is Kid Rock sending his child to church, why the hell isn't he going to church with the child??? Are we sleeping off a hangover from partying on Saturday night??
It just goes to show you that when some people make criticisms it sometimes reveals more of the person who is doing the criticizing than it does the subject of criticism.

Weekend vs. Monday, Part 2

Monday morning again, & I felt like crying. It didn't help that I lost my watch the day before and I felt like a fish out of water. Then I had to take the later train. Every little thing was bothering me. When I take the later train, there are 3 women I usually talk to and crowd into these 2 benches in the back of the train (facing each other) and the leg room is absolutely cramped and with my old, stiff knees, it's just a killer. Well, one of the women didn't show up, instead it was a guy. So my legs were meshed into his legs (again it's because the boothlike arrangement of the seats make it that way). I'm so glad that for the most guy this guy is either sleeping or acting like it doesn't bother him, because it certainly bothers me. It's like, "Please, man, I'm not gay, I just have absolutely no room." I know you all think that's ridiculous that I would think like that, but guys do think like that, we're different from women.

The weekend was nice and relaxing. It's so funny because the highlight wasn't going to a restaurant twice in the same weekend but laying down and taking a nap in the middle of the day and feeling really good after I woke up.

But even on the weekend there were problems. The NCAA basketball teams I bet on were disgraceful and lost decisively. I lost my watch & I still feel lost!!

The lowlight of the weekend was my verbal fight with Sal, our Handyman. Sal is a man of the streets. He got a girl pregnant when he was 14, he left home and stopped going to school shortly thereafter. It completely stands to reason that his way of thinking is completely different than my wife's way of thinking and my way of thinking. Even my kids can't believe he lives the way he does and disapprove.

So why in the world do we even hang around this man? Because we keep needing things fixed both at our place and at our condo. Also he needs us because he doesn't have a valid driver's license and needs to be taken places and most of all, he has no money, no person wants to hire someone with a checkered past. Yet, Sal is a very talented individual inspite of his very checkered past. This is a man who re-sided in a very expert, workmanlike manner my father in law's house . This is a man who took a mouse & rat infested house (again my father in law's house) and turned into a decent respectable place with nary a varmint and nice, hardwood floors. A place that could sell for over $200,000.

So basically, Sal needs us and we need Sal. Saturday, Sal really irritated me because I extended him a courtesy by telling him that I would be a certain place later on, and he took it as being bothered. I told him he wasn't being bothered and he damn well better mind his manners because I was damn sick and tired of him making stupid accusations against me. I had been nothing but nice to Sal since November of 2006, but my patience with him has absolutely come to an end.

So anyway, here I am feeling very sad at work and needing to get on with life. One adjustment I really must make is my management of my meds. When you have to take medication, you sometimes get the urge that you really don't need them that you're tough enough to withstand life without them. So during weekends I'll think, "If I'm taking time off of work, then I'll take time off of my other medicines." Then Monday hits me like a ton of bricks and there's no anti-depressants flowing through my blood stream. That's bad planning on my part.

So let's go and get on with the week!! & be smarter!!

Yahoo: It's not as good as it use to be

At least 10 times a day, I look up my Yahoo e-mail and see some title like: SEXUALLY EXPLICIT PHOTOS AND VIDEOS! I yawn wearily and spam it out. I'm so tired of spaming out the porn promotions. I think I went astray once a while back and they all learned my e-mail address and now I'm paying for it in "spades". ("Spades" is a saying about getting a heavy punishment; in this context, it has no racial implications WHATSOEVER!).

I am struck at how boring and tiresome spamming out all my porn is.

• NAUGHTY MOTHERS & THEIR WILLING NEIGHBORS - yawn, sigh, spam out
• FUNKY CHEERLEADERS & THEIR HAPPY SPECTATORS - roll my eyes, spam out

NASTY SLUTS with EVERYONE ELSE - not at all surprised

So the flipside is, "Well, Vince, how much are you paying for your Yahoo Mail? Yes, it's free. So what do I want for nothing?? Huh??????
Well, many of us know that when the spam filter is active it takes spam mail and puts it in the "BULK" folder. It used to be that the BULK folder would reach 1,000 e-mails (LITERALLY, THAT'S NO EXAGGERATION) in 3 days! But at least then, I wasn't getting all this nonsense porn. It used to be better. No it sucks. I have to wade through all the cesspool of spam to get to messages that actually mean something.

The other thing is people who I love dearly and think the world of sending me these enlightened, inspirational messages but then they ruin it at the end by the message going
"If you don't send this to anyone, you're going to hell
If you send this to no less than 10 people, you are going to get something really nice.
If you send this to 100 people, you have a great shot at heaven.
If you send this to 1000 people, you are going to be canonized a saint!! "

ONE OTHER NOTE OF CLARIFICATION!!!! I am not directing this last paragraph at anyone who puts on their great blog questions about you, what are those things called, memes?? tags?? I'm so clueless I forgot. (like name 5 things you're impassioned about? what are your 5 favorite bands or musical artists). No I don't mean anyone whose my blogging buddy. They have been nothing but kind and I love them. xo!

Y'all know what I'm talking about now, don't you??