the joys of being BACK IN BLACK!!!

I've been pretty happy for about 2 weeks. Here's why. On Oct. 21, I was received my paycheck from the hospital. I wrote my pay in my checkbook register. Then I wrote all the bills I had to pay. What happened the 21st happened also for the last 2 months: my paycheck could not pay all the bills, damnit! For the last 2 months, I have been borrowing money or just not paying the bill amount. I borrowed money from people richer than I but it still feels terrible to do! I'm not supposed to do this and it kills me to ask for money! The humiliating aspect of "not making ends meet" and doing all sorts of fiscal gymnastics is overwhelming!

In a heartbeat, I would choose abusing my body with all kinds of stimulants so that I can work 6 12-hour night shifts in a row rathern than asking Mom & Dad for money. (Now it doesn't come to that because the hospital hates paying overtime and would never let their employees work that many days in a row. I have asked parents for money, however). So it sucked that I once again on Oct. 21 was short on money. BUT WAIT!!! I was getting my 1st paycheck from the law firm on Oct 25. Then I find out that I'm getting a higher hourly wage than what I was promised. I HAD $$$$ LEFT OVER. HOLY SHIT, I'VE HAD ORGASMS THAT DIDN'T FEEL AS GOOD AS I FELT OCT. 25!! (& we may have had lots of fights, but when I was married, the ex & I had a very good sex life with few complaints). I felt like the cavalry had arrived in an oldtime Western!!

When I realized my checking account was back in black, I felt like giving one big kiss to God's blue Earth. It's so nice to feel I have some semblance of control over my life.

Not to get on my soapbox, but I want to put another wrinkle in this as well. For weeks, almost from the time I left asshole law firm back in Aug., I stopped putting money in the collection basket because I had a tough time even paying groceries. It felt really good to be able to put a modest amount of $ in the basket during Offertory. & it makes me feel good to do it every Sunday now. I don't say that to give a "holier than thou" spin to any reader. You are free to choose to follow what others say about following God. The fact is I go to church because I sin and need that reminder TO DO BETTER every week; and pray everyday. I don't pray because I'm better than others. I pray as a person trying to do better (as it says in Profile).