You all are familiar w/ Murphy's Laws like "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong." Well he had many sayings like in Murphy's Laws on Work he wrote, "A pat on the back is only a few inches away from a kick in the pants." or "If you carry a legal pad around and look concerned, you can go anywhere in the office."
Then there's Murphy's Laws on Sex like, "Love is a matter of Chemistry, sex is a matter of physics."
The one I've been thinking about ever since Wednesday is "Love discriminates AGAINST the shy and the ugly!" Ok, so what does it discriminate against more: shyness or ugliness? We could debate that for a decade.
Anyway, it's discriminating against me because I'm shy. Let me tell you what happened on the train.
A week or so ago we had a delay at the train station where the train taking us all home ( & by us I mean a popular 6:15 pm train that carries well over 300 people). I saw this tall, statuesque lady. Now most guys wouldn't be that attracted to her but I most definitely was. She was in her late 40s, early 50s, she is 6 ft, 2", weighs over 200 lbs, but definitely not more than 250. ( I have a knack for doing a good job of guessing weight) so I came up to her (who we shall call Madame Statuesque) and asked her how long we would have to wait for the train and she told me. Then, a little later, she talked to her friend who was at least 50, but also nice looking. I looked hard for Madame Statuesque's left hand. Alas, no ring on the finger next to her pinkie. I couldn't talk to her much because she was talking to her friend. & who wants to deal with an annoying, chatty stranger?
Then Wed. evening, there she was again, all by herself. She looked a little concerned. I looked again for her left hand and still no ring. I told her it was nice the train wasn't as late as it was the other night, and she politely agreed. When the crowd entered the train to sit down, it wasn't my intention to sit down next to her. I wasn't ready, I felt uncertain, I felt shy! But there were no seats so that you could sit by my lonesome so I decided to sit in the empty seat by her.
Well, I was feeling very shy and not wanting to say a damn thing.
One thing I wanted to find out was where she lived (approximately). I learned she doesn't live to far from me. They make you pay for your train ride depending on how far you are from Chicago (if your ride starts in Chicago) A region inside Chicago will be in Zones "A", "B" or "C". The ride for people in A, B or C will be pretty cheap. I am in Zone D and my ride is more expensive. Well I learned (when we both showed our tickets to the conductor) that Madame Stautuesque is in Zone E; obviously adjacent to Zone D so I don't live that far from her even though I still don't know what town she lives in.
Well, I couldn't go the whole ride without saying something to her. She might think I'm a creep or something. Plus, if I could somehow make her feel like she likes being around me or at least comfortable around me. Well, she didn't have a problem sitting next to me as she enjoyed reading her Chicago Sun Times as I was reading the Chicago Tribune.
But I was supposed to introduce myself, I was supposed to ask her out for a cup of coffee, I was supposed to do something nice and not too intimate, but I was worried. I didn't want to find out she was one of those sneaky type of women who are married but don't have the gumption or the resolve to wear their wedding ring. I didn't want to find out she has a boyfriend who she's been with for 25 yrs. I didn't want to find out that she had no interest in me!
It's not like I just want to get into her pants. That's pretty facile; I want to get to know her, I want to date her, but I don't want to hear "NO". I don't want to "go out on a limb" so there's the dilemma.
I knew I had to say something, but I was too shy to follow the above script. So I acted "safe" and we compared the Sun Times to the Tribune. We also talked about the new craze Soduku puzzles. That was it then I got off the train and went home. I didn't feel crushed, I didn't feel giddy at my new date (b/c there isn't one), I just felt like I carried a little hope away, but is there any???????
So what do I say to her the next time I see her standing by the train?? I have to "go out on the limb" but what do I say?
3 comments:
wtf, Vince wanted to know about the lady on the train, not about finding chicks at his church. No offense jean... anyway, Vince. Don't be nervous. Just be charming. You guys obviously had a conversation so that's a good step forward. Sit next to her again and continue talking to her, ask more personal questions eventually, etc. That's how these things work.
if you use a euphenism (like "wtf") is it really considered swearing??
I guess I'm so lax that I don't think it is. I agree partially and disagree partially with you Jean. & I do think L12 gives sound advice (more about this at the end). But here's what I mean about your points, Jean.
If you go to a bar, then you meet all sorts of people. People with no jobs. People who are there just to get laid. People who want to get drunk. People who like to dance. Yes, and your right, there are a lot of games played at the singles bar.
The train, I think has a different clientele. 94% of the people are dressed up, have their briefcase are coming and going from work, and are looking forward to getting to their destination. There's not a lot of skanks/skeezers/trashy people on the train. So I think that it's a better group on the train compared to the bar.
You are right that when you go to a church function, then you meet like minded people. Although some people at church are not above playing games (& you probably realize that too), there's just a lower percentage that does. & Jean, you are speaking from a successful vantage point. You met the man of your dreams, and things are still going well for you; that's great.
L12 I don't know when I'll see her again, but I want to use your advice. I couldn't tell you this on your blog, because I didn't want to provoke "Ripsy" too much. But I just wanted to say, how nice it was for your to stand up for me when she told me twice to "fuck off". You didn't have to do that and the fact that you did makes me feel like I really owe you one!! I mentioned and complimented you to Ashley of http://ashleyspring.blogspot.com/
(you are listed as a link there too)That was in the Comments of October 26. Just in case your curious.
Okay I'm sorry if I overreacted before to Jean, I suppose I'm of the opinion that while having a lot of commonalities helps people with relationships, I don't want to date someone who's so like-minded with me, or don't want to plan it that way at least. Anyhow, thanks Vince, I always appreciate comments and I can't stand how rude my friends are to you.
Also, swearing is no indication of emotional upset, especially if someone doesn't take swearing very seriously (which is easy to do on the internet)
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