sometimes I wonder

I've seen a pattern with blogs and writing on my depression support group. I will be so upset that I'm compelled to write. So I do, and some of the remarks, observations made seem a bit "edgy" maybe even "outrageous".

Then, sometimes as soon as 24 hours later, after a decent night's rest, I don't feel so upset. Then I wonder if what I said was too outrageous, too overwrought. Of course, if I never showed my feelings, this would be a pretty damn boring blog.

For example, two days ago, I used the analogy of a finger being cut off and being upset. It would be a mistake to think that I believe that what I'm going through is as bad as getting a finger cut off. It was just an analogy. I actually know someone who has had their finger cut off, and I know for a fact that man has gone through more horrors than I could ever imagine. & I'm sure some of you knew what I meant already.

Still, I worry that I'm being a bit of a "drama queen". That's not the intention. It's a really fine line that a blogger must deal with anytime he writes about him or herself. If you write about how happy you are and your accomplishments, there are those who think you are "tooting your own horn" and that you are a tiresome bore. The triumphal Christmas card from an overbearing family comes immediately to mind.

Then, if you bemoan your problems, then people think you should get off your ass and stop whining so much (because it's getting annoying).

I don't know if I handle that dilemma very well or not. What do you think?

a story and a money saving dilemma

Here is a story and a problem I often think about.

There was a baseball player named Mordecai Brown. He was a great pitcher and played for the Chicago Cubs. He was so great that the Chicago Cubs won a championship with him. The fans here in Chicago have been thinking a lot about the time Brown helped the Cubs win the World Series for them. It was in 1908, a hundred yrs. since they last won the championship.

Mordecai Brown was very unique, b/c he was born with only three fingers on the hand that he pitched with. They nicknamed him “3-Fingered” Brown and rarely called him Mordecai. Brown accepted the nickname, b/c in those days everyone had nicknames. People marveled that a man with one less finger than others could pitch so well. They used to ask him, “Isn’t it hard to pitch with 3 fingers?!?” He said, “No, because I was born with only 3 fingers on that hand. I’m obviously used to it.”

This story points out a very important lesson. You don’t miss what you never had. How many of you miss not living in a mansion? Not very many of you. However, if you have something and it gets taken away, then we really miss it!! I would like it if our household got rid of cable TV. The problem is that Maribeth and my 3 kids would definitely miss cable TV.

I’m in a dilemma, because as much as our household saves money, we still come up a little short when we pay for bills. We rarely go out to eat, and on the rare occasion we do, it’s to McDonalds. We always do our laundry at my father-in-law’s place rather than pay $2 for laundry at our condo. (bless my FIL’s heart! He’s helped us in so many ways!!) We don’t order out for pizza. We don’t rent movies like we used to. We don’t subscribe to as many magazines as we used to. We make our meals at home and then we eat them at work, we don’t go and plunk down $10 to eat lunch somewhere. We NEVER go clubbin’ and haven’t for well over a decade.

But if that’s not enough, the idea is to do more cost cutting. If we got rid of cable TV, we would save $50,$60 a month (enough to pay another bill). But if we got rid of cable Maribeth and our kids would raise holy Hell! They wouldn’t get to watch Cartoon Network and Maribeth wouldn’t be able to watch The Closer and Law & Order. I wouldn’t give a damn whether we have cable or not. But MB pays the cable, so I don’t have the power to get rid of it. Plus, it’s probably still not enough to solve our bill-paying problem.

So how far does one have to go to live an ascetic lifestyle? Should we all go around eating peanut butter sandwiches for most of our meals? Should we walk everywhere within 1 mile to save on gas (even when it’s raining)? Should we skip all snacks to save on the grocery bill? Should we avoid all plays, school productions, Market Days to save all sorts of money? Should we both work 60 hours a week and stop seeing and parenting our kids so much, but we’ll earn a lot more money? Should we stop our subscription to the Chicago Tribune, and get the same paper out of the trash for free? Should we go “dumpster diving” like some families do if it meant that we no longer suffer the anguish of overdraft fees and late charges?

Now you and I know the answer to the last 3 questions, but it still makes me wonder. We are used to living an easier, more pleasant lifestyle. It’s hard to cutback, so how much will we sacrifice?

I often come up with analogies about a certain situation or a certain plight.

I finally came up with one about the problem that bothers me most, my family’s financial situation. It’s a well known fact that many people are struggling to pay their mortgages, pay their bills, go into debt, lose their ass, etc. Here’s what it’s like:

It’s like a bunch of people walking around with diabetes, and the diabetes is the severe form because if we don’t make all the right moves we lose a limb. (That’s analogous to all the people with money problems.) So, I try hard and make 85% of the right moves, but since I haven’t made 95-100% of the right moves, then I’m forced to lose my right pinkie finger. But people come up to me and say, “It’s sad you lost a finger, but I know so many people who are losing arms, legs, one person I know lost all four limbs!!” Yet, I don’t agree with them at all. I feel bad that I lost my finger. I’m staring at my little lost appendage and thinking, “Damn, this is terrible! I tried hard not to lose this but I still did!”

The people who lose arms, legs, all 4 are analogous to the people who lose their cars, who are thrown out of their houses, go homeless, begging on the streets, are bankrupt. Yet, as hard as I work, it seems like I don’t deserve to lose my house. But then again, what did they do to deserve this?

Some updates

Wanted to give a few updates:

I have announced at the last meeting that I wouldn’t run for another term on my condo complex’s board of directors. After November 24, I will no longer be the President of the Board. It will be nice to not worry as much on how the condo is doing and there was stress when we had to pass a special assessment or had to raise assessments. I am happy that I was on the Board, and I think that I have helped a lot of people while I was first Secretary and then President of the Board. The proudest achievement was getting a very corrupt administrator of the complex out of there when we first started back in 2003.

Andy, my oldest son, is doing OK in school and we will continue to watch his progress and make sure he is doing his assignments in school. This will be vital, because it seems like 7th grade is more difficult than 6th grade was. He will definitely need to work harder than last year.

Ted is doing well in football and continues to play every minute of the football games. His team is younger and smaller than the other teams that they play, and they have not won any games yet. I hope they continue to learn and improve. They have 2 more games to go. They are playing the 1st place team and they will play the same team in the tournament. I doubt that they will win, because they other team is bigger and stronger. Hopefully, Ted and his teammates will not get hurt against this tough team.

Brianna and Ted both celebrated birthdays this past week. Brianna is now 7 and Ted is 10. (On December 4, Andy will be a teenager and celebrate his 13th birthday.) Brianna & Ted had fun celebrating their birthdays at the Hollywood arcade, a place where kids can have birthday parties.

Lately, things seem all right, and there is not as much reason to complain. I am also happy with the way the upcoming election is going for the United States. It looks as though November 4 will be a happy day as the candidates running for office have good chances in winning. But nothing is guaranteed and we won’t know until Nov. 4 what the outcome will be.

update on Andy

After reading the last post, I realized that I left out a very important part of Andy falling off the balcony. When Andy fell off the balcony, he was wearing his bike helmet. He was not trying to commit suicide. What he told me was that he was upset with MB & I, b/c we had disciplined him for lying to us about his homework. After I disciplined him that morning (& mind you it wasn't anything really harsh, I just made it clear that I wouldn't tolerate lying), he wanted to find out how much or if we cared about him so he jumped off the balcony.

Andy, in 4 days of hospitalization (psychiatric) and a week and a half of outpatient counseling is learning better coping skills.

Andy will be back to his normal school schedule on Thursday. His last day (& it's actually only less than 3 hours) at Children's Memorial Hosp. is tomorrow. Yesterday and today he has gone to the Arbor Park Middle School (his normal school) for an hour and then the rest of the day at Children's Memorial.

I was going through the coursework he missed in the 2 1/2 weeks he was out. It was multiplying decimals, dividing decimals and long division. Math is unique because skills you use 1 week are applied the next week. That's not really true of other subjects.

I discovered that Andy doesn't know long division. He can do problems like

72 divided by 8 =9

36 divided by 6 = 6

But he can't do problems like

723 divided by 8 = ____

452 divided by 2 = ____

So, I've been teaching him this. It's going to take awhile. I wonder how long it will take him to learn this??

I can't figure out why he didn't know this!! When I was ten and eleven, I worked on long division in both 5th and 6th grades. He told me that they worked on it some in 6th grade but he didn't do very well. He's in a good school district. I don't understand how this happened.

At any rate, he is going to be all right and we will work very hard to see that he does well in school.

be back later.....

I have been very busy and can't really blog hop and stay in touch with my dear blogging buddies or write any new posts.

The biggest problem is that my oldest son, Andy, jumped off our balcony at our condo. It was over a 20 ft. fall. He has no broken bones but they are trying to prevent such an incident from happening again. He is still in the hospital and will go 2 weeks to a transitional place before going back to school.

One of the problems is that he's having a tough time w/ 7th grade and his grades are worse than before. The other problem is that bigger kids bully him every now and then, but that's been going on for several years. It goes away for months, then it comes back. Then it goes away and comes back again. The transitional school will directly address better coping mechanisms and how to deal w/ bullying.



So I may cover this situation more later or I might talk about something else in a week or so.

Ted's in FOOTBALL!!

Ted, my 2nd son, has been doing very well in football. He's the biggest kid on his team. He was moved to center and got an award for snapping the football back to the quarterback without any fumbles. He plays everything: offense, defense and special teams. He plays every single minute of the game!

I hope he continues to improve. His team is not very good. They have the smallest team in the league. Oh well, Ted is doing well. He is very competitive. So when they lost 26-0 Sunday, he was very upset. I agree with him. I don't think it made any sense to console him or make him feel better. I want to encourage him to be competitive and hate losing. That's the type of attitude that will get you off your ass when bad times strike. That's the type of attitude that doesn't merely want to do a good job or average job, but an excellent job. That's the type of attitude that EMPLOYERS WANT!!

People say that in high school or grade school sports the object is not to win but to have a good time. I understand that view. But tell me something.....raise your hand if you ever enjoyed getting your ass kicked in a sport by over 20 pts. No hands? Yeah, I didn't think so.

It's fun winning, it's fun scoring and doing well. IT ISN'T FUN when you are losing, playing poorly, and getting your ass kicked!!

PS. In case you were wondering why Ted had black under his eyes, that is used to make you see easier in the sun. The idea is that when you rub that black stuff under your eyes you can see better even when the sun is in your eyes. I don't know how exactly, but hundreds of ball players use it every weekend.

The Beauty of a Deep Cut

How many of you out there have the Rolling Stones album LET IT BLEED? The 3rd track on it is a song you never hear on the radio called "Country Honk". It’s the earlier version of the better-known song "Honky Tonk Woman". Obviously, "Country Honk" is a country western version of "Honky Tonk Woman". All the things in this song are things I despise in Country Western music. My opinion is that Country Western music sucks. I used to have wake up at fuckin' 5:00 am and go to the barn & milk cows. & our local radio station that was barely worth a "fiddler's fuck" played Country Western music in the morning. "Country Honk" actually has a fiddle on it. The fiddle is DEFINITELY NOT my favorite musical instrument. But the fiddle played by Byron Berline in this song puts a sweet ole' shit-eatin' grin on my face. I LOVE THAT FIDDLE PART ON "COUNTRY HONK". Where fiddles usually suck on all those hayseed songs that I heard milking cows, well it works like mad on "Country Honk". You can just imagine them doing this song in the studio. The great fiddling virtuoso, Berline, standing there fiddling his ass off, while Mick is singing glibly and right along side him is "Keef" Richards playing acoustic guitar and a 20 yr. old guitar virtuoso, Mick Taylor (who just joins the band that year, 1969) playing SLIDE GUITAR alongside them all.

I love this song so much! & few people know about it b/c it never gets played on the radio unless it's some special program like "Midnight Album nightly special: LET IT BLEED by the Stones" or some program like that.
My favorite music is the deep cut. I will come back to this subject from time to time. There are some great deep cuts. "Let Me Take You Home Tonight" & "Party" both by Boston. "The Rover" by Led Zeppelin, "Different Strings" by Rush, "Glass Onion" and "Baby You're a Rich Man" both by the Beatles. the beauty of the DEEP CUT is that it's like a beautiful secret shared among only a few people. No one knows about the DEEP CUT except you and the few that also have that album. (I guess in the Beatles and Stones case it's not really "few")
The DEEP CUT plays into and proves my theory about mileage and songs. (Part of the theory is that some popular songs are played so much that they sound worse and worse b/c like an old car they deteriorate from overuse.) The DEEP CUT is like that car that is shined and polished and only driven a few hundred miles so that sweet beauty is in MINT CONDITION! & the sweetest, most sublime part is YOU ARE ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE WITH THE PRIVILEGE OF DRIVING THE CAR!!

Nice work, now go out & fight!

You won the nomination, gave a very good speech, now go out there and tell everyone the failed policies McCain wants to implement and how your plan is better.

We need this election bad, the nation is doing not so well. It's time to run a very effective campaign!

Nice job, Hillary!!

That's the best speech of your life (& you couldn't have picked a better time to give it!) We need you & Bill this fall so that Obama wins in November!

I truly enjoy watching the Republicans fall all over themselves at Hillary Clinton. There motivation is as transparent as quality glass. If they keep flattering her, they will keep certain voters away from Obama. Look at last night. After Hillary hit a home run with an outstanding speech last night, the conservative pundits were saying, "Wow, great speech! Gosh, I just can't see why Obama blew it and didn't pick Hillary. You know if I had voted for Hillary, I would be upset after that speech!"

These days, Republicans and conservatives have been blowing a ton of smoke up the asses of Hillary's followers. Most of them have finally seen the light and are joining the ranks of Obama's campaign. (Thank God). But cameras go searching for jilted, bitter Hillary supporters and it's not very hard to find them. So the coverage has been hanging on their words, and McCain's minions are putting their arms around them and trying to get them to vote Republican in November. & some of them actually will. What idiots! As Hillary explained, voting for McCain doesn't help Hillary, it doesn't change the direction of this nation and in my opinion, won't help the country.

One of the reasons I didn't vote for Hillary was b/c, other than Ted Kennedy, no one gets the Republicans angrier and more unified like Hillary Clinton. I actually think if elected, she would have made a good president.
But it's amazing! You have a convicted WAtergate felon on talk radio talking about a good way to literally BEAT Hillary UP PHYSICALLY and his followers love hearing that. The experts knew that if Clinton had won, the Republicans would have galvanized next week much stronger than they will now. Republicans still and will continue to have problems getting the Evangelical, conservative wing of their party to back McCain. Had Hillary beat Obama, there would have been no problem at all getting Evangelicals to back the AZ Senator. Hillary is anathema to conservatives; everyone knows it.

& let me tell you something. If she was the Democratic nominee, they wouldn't be praising Hillary the way they are now. Hillary would be depicted as the Antichrist and the very being that St. John wrote about when discussing the beast of 666. If Hillary had won, the Republicans would have been courting blacks and telling them about how Obama got "jobbed in the primaries". Anything to divide & conquer.

our future First Lady!

GREAT SPEECH TONIGHT, MICHELLE! KEEP UP THE EXCELLENT WORK!

some encouragement on my hobby

I really am interested in getting more information about rock n roll onto Wikipedia. It's basically a 2 step process. You have to join one of the subgroups in Wikipedia and if you develop a consensus, your article will stick and stay there.

I really think it's fun and important to write/contribute in Wikipedia because thousands if not millions of people may read it. After I joined Wikipedia, I was told that over 7,000,000 people have joined. So you know a lot of people read Wikipedia!!

My 2 contributions are on these 2 websites:

The entries are at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mick_Taylor
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jagger/Richards

My big point is that the entries relating to the Stones should use more of Mick Jagger's Rolling Stone interview of 1995, and they should use more of Steve Appleford's book about the Stones songs. So where you see the Rolling Stone article footnote, that's where I contributed with the help of another guy from Jamaica.

Saturday morning not as fun for awhile

I used to absolutely, positively love Saturday, b/c it was the one day I could linger in bed until about 10:30. NOW, I can't do that anymore until the 2nd Saturday in Nov. My son is in the community flag football league, and he has practice on Saturdays from 9-11.
So this was my 1st Saturday not sleeping in, and it wasn't pleasant. I thought that maybe his practice started at 9:30, but when I checked this paper, I was wrong. Ted was about 15 min. late to practice. He didn't play much of the scrimmage that they had (he was sick the last practice and since he was coughing at the start of practice the coaches probably didn't think it was a good idea to play him much). Ted's team got their buts whipped 24-6 in the scrimmage. I wish Ted would have played some defense. The other team realized that his team had no way to stop a right side sweep, and they ran that play on them over and over and over. They scored 3 out of their 4 TDs on the right side sweep.

aftermath of yesterday

It's funny how you feel and act completely different when you are no longer upset. Then you look back at when you were angry and wonder if it was all really worth it. The fact is I never lost my cool around the co-worker that left.

I knew for certain that she was friends with the other 2 co-workers in our little office. In fact one of them criticized her, and I think she was trying to get me to say something worse about her. But I didn't take the bait. I just agreed and kept working.

Another point that I find very interesting is that once the co-worker was gone, then the other 2 workers talked more to me and initiated more conversation with me. We actually ALL felt like we were in the same group. It was no longer "The 3 Young Clerks and the Older Guy". We were given extra assignments b/c she had left and I volunteered to do one of them. So, the hope is that we will continue having good times working among ourselves, and that soon they will get more help.

glad she's gone, damnit!

I am glad that a clerk at our law office left yesterday. She was nice, very smart and did her job as clerk well, but I couldn’t stand her personality. She basically acted like I wasn’t in the room. She never spoke to me, but at the same time would speak for hours to the other 2 clerks in our small, little office space. Of course, the other 2 clerks were about her age, and I am old enough to be her father.
Still, that’s not a good enough explanation on her part. We had clerks here that would talk to me, in fact some of the clerks became good friends with me (but not so close that we maintained a friendship after they left, which is fine).
I know that at work, you’re not supposed to be there to socialize, but to be excluded like that on a regular basis was tough to take. Also, bear in mind, I only teach them how to be clerks. I am NOT paid to be their supervisor or be their mother hen. & I won’t do that except in only the most extreme circumstances.
There was also an incident between her and I that really pissed me off. She would share her Werther’s Carmels with her other 2 clerk/friends. I really like Werther’s so I asked her for a carmel one day. She stood up and practically threw it at me (all the while glaring at me).
I felt like saying to her, “BITCH! I WON’T ASK YOU FOR ANOTHER FUCKING THING IF WE WORK TOGETHER 40 YEARS!” But, of course, I didn’t do that. & I am very happy I won’t be working with her another damn minute!

absolutely, positively funny

Ok, stop and think about the following ? right now!!

What is the funniest music video you ever saw? All you awesome people who read this blog and never comment, I want your "Comment" on here too. Ok, if it's easier to just e-mail me w/ the answer I guess you don't have to leave a comment. But I really want you to!!!!

The funniest video is about a subject that isn't very funny and has often led to sadness, heartbreak and all sorts of bad things. Henry Rollins (lead singer in Blag Flag) when he went solo had a song on MTV back in the 90s called "Liar". It's funny, he starts out that he is all nice and friendly and would love to be your friend & he especially wants to be your friend b/c you're lonely and need someone.
Then the scene totally changes instead of wearing something nice and respectable, Rollins is nearly naked except for shorts and is all painted (especially the face) GREEN. He's jumping around and screaming and saying how much he likes hurting the person he lied to.
But then he changes his mind and notices that you're hurting and promises to never lie again.
ALL OF THE SUDDEN HE'S LAUGHING, 1/2 NAKED, & PAINTED ALL GREEN AGAIN. (This is the part where I laugh really hard) Part of the humor is that it was shown on the old MTV show "Beavis & Butthead". When Rollins starts screaming, they are both shouting a very high pitched, "Yes, yes!!!!" to everyone of his shouts and rantings. The video is so incredibly outrageous that how can you do anything but laugh.
The other part of the humor is that anyone who is an awful, manipulative liar like the one depicted by Rollins wouldn't be quite so honest. In "Liar", Rollins explains that he feeds off the negativity the sadness, the disappointment that the recipient of lying suffers. No liar will ever be so upfront as to tell you that.
Good video!! Go to Google with the key terms and you can probably download the video.

Blood pumping in the morning

I wasn’t all that alert this morning until someone wrote an e-mail, sent it to a bunch of people (including me) about politics. My name here relates to how I feel politically.
The e-mail was very sympathetic to the other side, so I wrote a very spirited e-mail to return the favor. I have some very strong views on the subject.

I do think that more people should talk about politics, and don’t necessarily agree that it is one of the "3 taboo subjects" (for those who don't know, the saying goes, "Never argue about sex, politics or religion" But it's ok if you mix all 3 together and have a participatory discussion) . It’s easy to see why arguing politics is not so great: one is often pretty emotional about their political views. Even w/ someone who doesn’t give a damn about politics, they are still interested in some of the issues (abortion, Iraq War, taxes, gas prices)
I think there should be more discussion about politics b/c it has benefits. For those who debate it gives clarity to your views and you have to think, crystallize your views and put it into words, then debate and counter the other persons' points. That’s a lot of thinking going on! It sometimes stimulates your own interest as if you want to know more about a topic (so that you can win the next debate or win by a larger margin than the last time) you will sometimes take the time to learn more. Now this may not happen too many times, but it still does happen to some people.

One of the bigger problems in politics is too much apathy. Americans’ are notorious for not participating in politics as much as their European counterparts. It’s even bad where I am president. As I noted before, I am president of a condo assoc. There are over 250 people living in the condo. There were a lot of people who didn’t even vote when we voted on levying a special assessment. Can you imagine not voting on an issue that so directly affects your money? How stupid!

I love my boss

First a little background, a little exposition.

I work at a law firm. No, I'm not a lawyer (so no "kill all lawyers" jokes). I'm a paralegal.

The way a law firm is set up is as follows:

The highest on the ladder are the partners. Partners own the law firm. They make the most money, they make personnel decisions, some partners do other work, but it varies. Many (if not most partners) insist that you do not call them by their first name. After all, they are "higher" than "you". I have never called the current partner "Allan" only "Mr. B______" I have to leave his name anonymous in case some employees (ex or otherwise) read this blog.

Next are the lawyers. They are the ones who work on the cases. One of the lawyers work on files before they become lawsuits. My 2 bosses are lawyers.

Then there is "support staff": paralegals, clerks, helpers of the office manager, secretaries, special projects people. At one point, I am above clerks as I am their teacher. I am 20 yrs. older than these clerks as they are law students wanting the experience of working at a law firm. Also, I am not just any support staff person, because I train the clerks, produce my and clerks' schedule to the partner, tell the partners that they better get going and hire a lot more clerks as I am doing now b/c we have 3 clerks leaving by mid August.

Of special note is the office manager. An office manager is definitely below the partners. But it's iffy where his level of power is among lawyers. (& obviously he is above support staff). I don't see our office manager higher than the most senior lawyers. But I definitely see him higher than the lawyers w/o much experience. It would be tricky for him to be lower than those lawyers that came after Nov., 2006, but it's possible if they bring into the firm a ton of money due to settlements and won trials that they could be, I'm not sure. I don't sit in on those types of meetings. I do hear them talk but that's only limited information.

Anyway, I have 1 boss that I don't know too well b/c he just got out of law school. I'm old enough to be his father. He is very excitable and enthusiastic. So far so good.

The other lawyer has been a lawyer for at least a few years. Like me he is sad because he is unhappily married. We sometimes commiserate. He is a wonderful boss. He praises me when I do well (which is "usually") and doesn't yell at me when I make mistakes. (NOTE: IF YOU HAVE A LITTLE TIME, COMPARE THIS POST TO THE FIRST POST I EVER MADE WAY BACK IN 2005, THERE ARE OTHER POSTS ABOUT THAT "BOSS-FROM-HELL" IN 2005 AS WELL) . He is great to work for and working for him makes me want to work harder for him. He even said to me (GOD BLESS HIS SOUL!!), "Vince does not work for me, we work together!" That was the same way it was with Adam (my ex-boss of 2006&7) and Brad (ex-boss of 2007 and early this year).

Adam taught me a lot and was simply a great lawyer. He left to start his own firm.

Brad was great. Brad left a few months to start his own firm, too. When I got sued he was my lawyer for free. He didn't have to do that; he just said he wanted to do that for me. Also, Brad was very forgiving of my mistakes. He just never got mad at me. If I was with a client and accidentally shot them b/c we were looking at a gun, the conversation would go like this.

Vince: Brad, I accidentally shot one of our clients

Brad: Really? (wouldn't even ask how it happens). Well we bettter go appoint a special administrator and keep the case going.

Brad was remarkably unflappable. Maybe the most unflappable person I ever met.

I like my firm b/c I have worked for 3 great bosses and only worked for 1 who gave me a tough time.

an expensive misadventure in May

I thought in the last weekend of May (the beginning of Memorial Day weekend, no less) that there was a possibility I was having a heart attack. I have had consistently good marks cholesterolwise and I have had intensive heart tests before (more on that later). But on May 23, I woke up with chest pain, and it decreased to a feeling like someone was touching me on the chest constantly.

We know that people can have a heart attack and not even feel it. Some have even died that way. & since I am overweight, heart disease runs in my family and I had this "sensation" (after the pain decreased it wasn't even "pain" anymore), I very reluctantly went to the local ER.

Well, since the Dr were scared of getting sued and saw the same risk factors as I wrote in the preceding, he said "we are taking you by ambulance to the hospital, because every other ER doctor in the US would do the same thing". So, I had an x-ray and a bunch of tests, even a treadmill test where they had some nuclear material injecting in my veins which better allows them to see blockages better.

Going to the hospital had weird twists. First, it was my first ambulance ride. Secondly, I worked at the same place THE SAME EXACT FLOOR as I was going to be treated! So I knew everyone who was treating me. "Hi VINCE, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?"
"OH, EVERYTHING IS JUST PERFECT, FAITH, THANKS FOR ASKING"
That was a typical, repeated conversation I had. Thank God none of my former co-workers saw me naked. That would have really sucked.
So I leave hospital in less then 20 hrs after I first came. Yes, I was a lucky man when they told me no heart attack, no arterial blockage and no diabetes either. They have known for awhile that my blood pressure was "borderline" high. Not real high but enough to take notice, so my Dr. decided to put me on Atenol.
But I had a terrible sense of foreboding. I was scared shitless of the hospital bills. When you go to an Chicago-area hospital, you get more than 1 bill. Drs. don't work for the hospital. So when you go to the hospital you get 3 or 4 bills. One from the hospital, one from the ER doctor, one from the radiologists (if you get an x-ray) one from your regular dr., one from the janitor who cleaned your room......... (oops made that last one about the janitor up)
My total bills to find out that I was just fine and didn't have a heart attack was over $11,000. Thank God and thank Maribeth for insurance!! My bill that I had to pay for myself was around $600. One could make the argument that I "got off light" . The worst part of what I had to pay was the ambulance bill, not the hospital bill (that was $10,000 of the $11,000 total, for the hospital, I only paid $100).
I had surgery for a deviated septum in 2002 (the year from hell). Standard procedure is to find out if your heart is strong enough to take such a surgery. They did an EKG and thought that I might have had a heart attack. So I had a treadmill test with nuclear material shot through my veins that time too. & the results were that my heart, my arteries were just fine. The cardiologist reminded me, "But to make 100% sure we should do an angiogram. That's really the 'gold standard'" No, 'gold standard' for me, thank you. & besides I don't want to have a needle poking me in the balls and have a wire run from my groin to my chest. That sounds like it would hurt.

Anyway, if I ever have real chest pain, I"ll go to the hospital. But if I only have a touching sensation on my chest, I'll never go to the hospital again. Screw paying even $600!! I DON'T need to pay that amount just to be told I"m ok.

we're going to get our ass kicked

Last year, I was in my law firm's softball team. I played outfield. Even at the age of 44, I led the team in walks (maybe b/c I can't run very well, he, he, he) There were some moments in softball where I had some fun and came home from the game with a smile on my face.

We had a decent team, but still there were very good teams in our league and we were only 1-6. Yes, readers, we only won 1 damn game!

Now, the woman in our law firm who organized our softball team is suffering from cancer. She won't play but she wants the rest of our firm to play. 2/3 of our outfield is gone. 2/3 of our power hitters - gone. We will field a much poorer team than last year. I reluctantly joined the team this year as I didn't want to be a weasel, but man if we win even one game, I think I'll hop all the way from Chicago to my town Oak Forest (that's 25 miles). Plus, I know that our co-worker, the organizer with cancer needs all the happiness she can get, and I didn't want to disappoint her by saying "no".

Oh well, I know I will have fun. But that's not the point, going out there and getting your ass kicked as a team is kind of lousy.

Walgreens disappointment

Most people know what Walgreens is. IT's a store where you can buy medicine that the Dr. prescribes you. But it's a lot more than that. You can get food, over-the-counter medicine, make up, toys, vitamins and minerals, toiletries, and many other things.

Maribeth and I used to love Walgreens because when you wrote a check out, they wouldn't cash it until much later. For example, if you wrote it on Monday it wouldn't cash until Friday. & that was on a regular basis. Well, like so many other businesses, they have gone with electronic transactions. So instead of it taking 5 business days it only takes a mere 2. It's been a painful adjustment complete with a few $35 overdrafts. But we have figured out their new policy so we are adjusting.

It's amazing how a simple, almost minor change can have such noticeable effects. It hasn't been fun for me. I had gone into the hospital due to chest pain. I didn't want to go but was afraid that there was a small possiblity for heart attack. Anyway, the total charges just to be in the hospital overnight, run some tests and then be told I was, "fine, no heart attack and no arterial blockage", was $11,000. Yes, the bill was $11,000, and then my primary doctor said the ER doctors should have sent me home instead of the hospital and they shouldn't have panicked.

Well thank God for insurance (specifically Maribeth's insurance, let's be thankful for her!) Out of the $11,000 I have to pay about $600 of it. That's still hard and I will be down financially for a few months, but if I would have been saddled for the whole $11,000 I would have had to file bankruptcy for the 2nd time.

I want to write more about my hospital experience later. Sorry, if you feel like you are "left hanging"/in suspense.