HAPPY TORNADOES

 There are 2 sources of this fiction.  98% of the circumstances never happened.  Part of this story was inspired by The New Yorker,  the finest magazine in the United States.  Did I add to the story?  Yes.  But absolutely very few circumstances are true.  I also added NIN's song "Piggy (Nothings Gonna Stop Me Now)."

 1. The Infatuation 

When Floyd was walking to the football game, in the city where he was a student, this beautiful brunette said hi.  “Are you going to the big football game?”  he smiled.

“Of course, look at my ticket,” as she put the ticket in his face. 

“Damn, it’s too bad we were in different sections.  I sit in the student section,” he forlornly replied. 

“You don’t know anything,” she laughed.

“Bitch, I’m a student who has gone to school for 4 years!” she held his hand and smiled.
“Why is she smiling right after I called her “bitch”?  She is so calm.  She is so superly curvaceous!  He would much prefer a woman 15 lbs over, than under. 

“What I really meant, Baby, is that you have book smarts, but very little street smarts!”  She whipped out her pack of Parliament cigarettes and started smoking. 

“Why do you smoke? You’re going to get cancer.  Did you know that the US SURGEON GENERAL SAID cigarettes always damage lungs? Since the year I was born, cigarettes have had the SURGEON GENERAL’S warning.  Barb, stop it!!!!”

“Well, Baby…”
“MY name is Floyd!” he interrupted.

“Woooowww, big college student!! Oh, that’s even better!  You are my Pink Floyd. Now, here’s the plan.  You go into your gate, into your section, then I’ll go into my section.  You’re going to buy me popcorn and the biggest Coke you can find and sit in the BACK ROW. Don’t sit in the seat you’re assigned.” They stopped.  Right by the red autumn tree, they rapped their arms each other and French Kissed. 

Floyd felt their tongues, the world, and the Future all spinning in sync!  “Don’t be like Lucy in the Sky of Diamonds and suddenly disappear.”

Barb said, “I won’t leave you for the world!” She lit another cigarette with the filter towards Floyd as they stood close. “now, if you don’t want me to get cancer my dear Pink Floyd, you smoke the pack with me, and I'll have fewer cigarretes!” 

He lifted the cigarette out of her fingers and smoked a long deep inhale from the Parliament.  They French Kissed again as she grabbed his balls.  She stared into his brown eyes.    

“Thank you, Barb-baby, for making me feel cool.  Thank you for giving me the chance to love you so much, the opportunity no woman in my hometown ever gave me!,” the tears flowed and his voice quivered as he said the last part.

“I’ll take you where you never been,”  she said calmly.  They held hands, smoking and going to a big football game.  Sometimes they ran and laughed.  Sometimes, they caught their breath, while Floyd picked up her cigarettes. 

Floyd’s voice still quivered, “I got a confession, Baby.  I don’t have enough money to get you the popcorn and Coke you need!”

Barb was about 5’6” but walked and ran like she was six feet tall.  She reached up, put his fingers on his lips and replied, “buy me licorice.  You don’t have to eat the popcorn, because that makes you thirsty for Coke.  You don’t have to buy Coke, because you’ll wanna eat more popcorn.  With licorice, we’ll suck, chew and consume it  the whole game.”

“BARB, YOU ARE SUCH A GENIUS!”

In the stadium, she calmly said as they were sitting in the back of the stands, “you have book smarts and I have street smarts, stick with me my Pink Floyd.  We’ll go a long way.”

“Wow, that Al Toon can really catch the football.”

“Wooww!” she squealed, “he’s gonna score!”  They hugged and kissed more as the crowd erupted.

“You know when I was on the football team, I averaged 11 yards per catch my senior year. I was a good blocker….”

“STOP!”

“I’m sorry, Barb!”

“This is what I mean, Floyd.
Enjoy the fall season,
enjoy the awesome football game,
enjoy the happiness that Al Toon scored, enjoy LOVE!”

They stood up again and couldn’t stop kissing.  He stared back at her and said, "And let's enjoy the LOVE."  This must be something like heaven.  He couldn’t remember the score, he couldn’t remember that their team had more first downs than  Indiana.  He only thought of her. 

He did remember her big black 1982 F-150.  She drove serenely home with a hand on the steering wheel and one hand on his knee.

“Barb, I’ve got to study.  I gotta study.  I have a sociology mid-term that is really, really important.  By the way, what does your Dad do for a living?” as they slowly walked to her house. 

“He sells insurance,” she replied.

“What kind of insurance?”

“All kinds.”

When they were near the garage, Floyd pulled her body into his, and they kissed another 7 minutes.  She started walking to her house.  He stared, he couldn’t believe it.  He never was this cool before.  She threw the keys backwards; he dove and caught them with both hands.

“Nice catch, big boy. No go home and study!”

“But how are you going to get into the house if I’m driving your truck home,” he asked. 

“I just opened the door, dumbass,” she said placidly. 

“Watch your mouth, Baby,” He got into the truck and drove to the dorm.  He didn’t remember anything about the drive.  He remembered that he was going to drive very, very safely, because this was the first time he was madly in love, and it was their truck.

He was in his dorm room studying intently for his test Tuesday night.  The door closed, and he said, “Milton are you studying for your math exam?”

2. THE SWIRLING "LOVE"

He turned around,  and she was there!  “HOLY SHIT! You’re my Lucy in Sky of Diamonds!” he yelled. 

“Oh, yummy.  Now, let’s do my laundry,” she said.

“But can’t you do laundry at your parents?”

“I can’t stand my parents.”

“Ok, but the laundry room is a little cramped.”

“Don’t they have any desks down on that floor?”

“Barbara Dolly, you’re a genius.  I forgot they have a whole room of studying students by the laundry room.”

“Just shut up and study,” she replied.

“Don’t you need quarters?” he asked.  She thrust her hand out, and he gave her a $1.75 for washing and drying one load.  They turned away from each other, because they were tired of kissing. They had their own work tonight.  

He felt like maybe he could finally get an “A” on the exam.  He knew it was tough, because the grading curve was high. He wanted that “A” in his Adolescent Deviance class.  After all, he was in Madison and graduate students were in the same class driving up the same, damn grade curve.  It made getting an “A” nearly impossible.  With a tap on the shoulder, she said, “let’s go.”

With fatigue, they slowly walked to the elevator and slowly walked into his dorm.  She ripped the post-it note from his room. They both smoked their Parliaments.  She put the note in her pocket.  

“Give me that note, you bitch!” he commanded.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Don’t you ever listen to me?  What the fuck did I say about my exam? “Now, give me that fuckin’ note!”

She narrowed her blue eyes.  “if you take that note out of my pocket, that means you have no trust in me.  If you have no trust in me, you’ll never get to see me again.”  Floyd begged her to read the note. 

With fatigue, she stood saying sleepily, “Floyd-baby…”

“He didn’t call me ‘baby’ “

“Just shut the fuck up!”

“NO! You STFU!”

“ ‘ Floyd, I am going to my friend’s place.  I won’t see you until Friday.  Let’s get drunk when I come back.’    Milton“

She stopped and looked at him in a deadly, hard glare, “are you getting drunk Friday” she asked and knew the answer was NO.  He looked at her with excitement.  She took off her sweater, and they started undressing. 

When Floyd was a child, he was afraid a tornado would blow down his barn, his house and the world he knew. He didn’t know there were “happy tornadoes.”  She’s was on top with her heaving breasts.  Then, he’s on top and making her gasp.  They had their “happy tornado.”  When he woke up the next morning, the girl with the sun in her eyes was gone.  He started humming “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.”.

The next 4 weeks were a fast swirl of activity:

 Ø  Read about 250 pages a week;

Ø  Study hard! Feel confident, because, on multiple choice tests, the answer is staring you in the face;

Ø  Go to class and take notes.  Figure out if you’re doing shorthand or writing out the notes carefully that the professor wrote on the board;

Ø  Study hard and learn you got only a “BC,” not an “A”.  Those damn graduate students.  Then he sighed, “can’t demonize them.  I guess they have more at stake than I do, gradewise.” 

Ø  Work hard, make money at the  place he worked at, Pops Club;

Ø  Watch her come in and feel the happy, swirling tornado of "infatuation."  

At the beginning of November, she came in his room.  She stared at him.  He couldn’t stop looking at her, hugging her, feeling her nice big curves.  “Are we getting married?” 

“YES!” as he started tearing up. 

“You know how smart you are with your books? You know the kind of smarts I have?  We’re going to do everything we dreamed about when we talked in the laundry room.  They started breathing heavier; “do you trust me, Floyd?”

“I’ll trust you forever!”

“I love the smell of your sweater,” they frenched again. 

“Then take it,” he replied. 

“I really love the smell of your winter coat, my Dear Pink Floyd. 

“Then take it!” Their happy tornado swirled again. 

When they stopped she looked at him coldly, “We’re going to do the trick.  I been in love before,” she started singing rhythmically, “I been in love before.  The hardest part is when you’re in it.” 

“Just like our song by the Cutting Crew,” he said. 

She smiled sublimely, “we are going to go up and down the hemisphere just like we go up and down in bed.  Pittsburgh, Washington DC, NY, NY, Boston, Lake Buena Vista, FL, Miami, Mexico, Guatamela…”

“But we don’t even speak Spanish,” he interrupted.

“Then we’ll go to Uruguay.  We both know that nation promotes good education and over 90% of their population is literate.  We’re going to L.A. as we agreed and make you famous. Now, take a deep breath.  Yeah, that’s it.  I’ve been in love before.  Mickey and I used to do a trick, and it goes like this.  You see my car, and I see your car.  We both love to drive at least 80 mph.”

“Ok, because we really don’t care about the cops.”

“So, here is what Mickey and I did.  We saw each other’s car driving down the state highway;  we would switch lanes.  We would both switch driving in the right lanes to driving in the left in unison.”

“And blow each other a kiss?” he interrupted.

“No, dumbass, you’re going 80 mph! Concentrate on the road.  How good of a driver are you?”

The world swirled, and he was 10 miles from Madison.   Suddenly, she was standing in front of a 1982 Chrysler LeBaron.  “it’s yours, my Pink Floyd.  Your white Chrysler Le Baron.  We’re going to get married.  I’ll go to Midnight Mass with you.  We’ll meet your parents.  We’ll go to Church every weekend, just like you said. We’ll do what you said we both will do.”

He left her in ecstasy.   

THE FINAL

“I saw you and I loved the way we switched lanes,” she said on the phone.

“WHEN?”  he yelled. 

“Tuesday afternoon.”

“I was in the library studying for my economics final!”

“Oh,” she replied.

“You bitch, you GIRLFRIEND, you switched lanes with Mickey!”

“I’m sorry!”

Floyd slammed the phone down and cried.  

On Decemer 7, 1984,  he called her.  No answer.   He called her and no answer.  He started slamming the phone again and again with every no answer.. 

“WTF, Floyd!  Stop slamming the phone!” yelled Milton.    

“I’m sorry, Milton!”

He sprinted to his car. He was doing 25, then 40, then 70 down the state highway.  He blew thru a stop sign and swept-smashed the bumper off another car.  They skidded on the wet road, but somehow stayed on the asphalt. 

“Are you ok,” Floyd asked.

“Are you drunk,” asked the old lady in her car. 

“No, I’m scared! Just take the car!” he threw her the keys.

He didn’t hear her say, “Thanks, but you must be drunk!” 

He sprinted, then walked, then he remembered the song by Whitenake, “Crying in the Rain.”  He ran more.  He cried more.  The blue and red lights, were flashing as he heard the police car. He stopped and laid down crying face down on the asphalt.

“Turn over,” the policewoman said, “what are you doing?”

“I gotta see, Barb!!!!” he shrieked as he stood up.

“STFU!  JUST STFU NOW!! DON’T you dare talk in that volume again to me!  Do you understand?  Now, get in!”

“I’m sorry!” he said quieter. She wouldn’t talk.  He stared at the road watching her drive.  "You’re driving into another town; it’s now 7 miles away! That’s not even the town you patrol!”  She wouldn’t talk. 

Finally, as they were in Barb’s town limits, she asked, “What’s her address?”

“I can’t remember!” he started sobbing. 

“When you stop crying, I’ll tell you the plan,” she calmly said.

Two minutes later, he stopped.  She slowly said, “You have 3 choices.  We can  put you in jail, because you’re not in your right mind.   You can go to the hospital two miles away, and there’s a mental ward.” She walked right up to him and pointed at the direction of the hospital. OR find her?”

Tears were still streaming down his face.  "What’s wrong, Floyd, don’t you have any pride?”  she said.  
He started running.   He saw a glimpse of the truck.  

 After all her driving to help him find Barb, Floyd rarely got mad at any other policewoman.   

He recognized where she lived when he saw a bare tree with red leaves on the ground.  He ran a mile more than 10 mph.  He ran; he ran through the door.  There was the glow of the TV showing Gun Smoke and a glowing cigar in his mouth.   Her father was 5’6” and 290.  His disposition was worse, “so you’re the one who does her laundry.”

“Sir!  Where is she,”

“She’s dead.  She had a head on collision and died.  She never would’ve amounted to anything anyway!”

IN RAGE HE TOOK 3 STEPS TO POUND HER DAD’S HEAD THROUGH THE WALL.  The dad was quick and flashed the brightest flashlight he ever saw. “Will beating the shit out of me bring her back to life?“

He sprinted up the stairs, and collapsed on her bed.  He grabbed his winter coat and took the  2^nd set of keys for his car.  He grabbed them out of the jacket he gave her.  He slammed ½ a bottle of Southern Comfort that was on her table.  Then, he slept. 

When it was 7am, the bed frame jerked toward the wall. “Get up, Bitch!” he yelled at Floyd, “it’s funny she never would’ve amounted to anything.  She is as bad as my wife." the father said, “It's funny but I knew Barb wouldn’t amount to no good.  She is bad as my wife!  Barb and her always joining sides and brow-beating me out of my argument,” he ruefully said. 

“She can’t be dead!” Floyd whispered, heavy with sleep.

“STFU!!!!! GET OUT! DON’T EVER LET ME SEE YOU AGAIN!” the dad screamed. While Floyd walked down the stairs, the father kicked him hard in the tailbone.  

Did he feel pain?   No, Floyd felt the defiance radiate thru his cold body.  He thought, "I don’t care anymore.  I don’t care about living.  I’ll quote Bob Dylan, and hum.  He hummed the part of the song that said, 'when you got nothing, you got nothing to lose!' ”

“Where’s her fuckin' F-150 truck?”

“If you had gone to the police station, you would’ve seen it!” the father called out. 

Floyd felt like the time he was knifed in the shoulder.  “I don’t care!” he said. 

Then, he started to sing “Piggy” by Nine Inch Nails.  He walked to the Greyhound station where she drove him once. He slipped into his defiance, “I’m never going to own a car.  I’m never going to…”  he looked at what direction the final street went to the Greyhound bus.

Then he thought, “Hey pig, yeah you!!...

“All of my fears came true, black  and blue and broken bones, you left me here, I'm all alone. My little piggy needed something new. Nothing can stop me now/ ‘Cause I don’t care anymore/Nothing can stop me now….” he mouthed the words, “cuz I’ll never own a car!  Cuz I’ll get a knife and this time I’ll go right thru my neck into my medulla” 

Then, he kept singing, “Piggy” that was contained in the album The Downward Spiral, made by NIN and sung and arranged by Trent Reznor

“Hey pig

Nothing's turning out the way I planned

Hey pig there's a lot of things I hoped you could help me understand

What am I supposed to do?  I lost my shit because of you!”

Suddenly, he saw the yellow of the Greyhound building and the silver of the bus he was so familiar with.  Suddenly, he felt ashamed at the pejorative word used against police. 

 He called and cried to both parents.  He cried to his sister. He called and spoke to his younger brother.  He stepped into the campus rectory at his Church. He was told to come to 1 of the priest’s office. 

The priest ripped the lit Parliament cigarette out of Floyd’s mouth.  “Don’t do that again. Don’t smoke another cigarette.  You know, Floyd, it’s strange.  You just poured your guts out to me.  You didn’t even cry.  I see you on campus. Yet, you're often alone. We say, ‘hi,’ remember?”

“Yeah,”

“You are so hurt.  Do you need the Rite of Reconciliation?”  They were already in his room.  Floyd confessed all of his sins.  

He grew up, he matured.  He went to a college west of where he was.  He laughed at the fact that his last semester at Madison, he actually got a “B” average.  He had a history class with his favorite professor, John Sharpless.  Sharpless ran for congressman in his parents’ district. 

Whenever he moved to a different region, he became different, and, yet, similar.  But, he still craves the ambition.   

The young married couple

 For the NC-17, here's another one.  For the X-rated nothing to see here.  

Tina and Sean were living in Iowa near Council Bluffs. They met in college and got their associate's degrees.  Sean was from Spiegel Grove, OH, not far from the President Hayes Museum and Library. Tina's parents were dead.  Sean, got to meet only her older brother, Peter.  He ran a large company near Moline, Illinois.  

The wedding was small; Peter gave away Tina at the wedding.  The wedding in the Church was exhilarating, and everybody "had a ball" at the reception/dance. Their first plane ride together was a honeymoon in Atlanta.  

They bought a house in Denison, Iowa.  They were so confident!  They said that the $110,000 was "chicken feed" with their respective jobs.  

Then reality set in.  She quickly was able to situate their house when they moved in November 11, 2001.  Yet, they were so busy.  

He was a sociology professor. "You spend more time in the office than you do in your bedroom, you, Asshole!" she reproached heatedly.  

"The students aren't learning!  Many times, I don't think they're even listening to me!" he cried.

"What are you going to do with that damn attic??!?

"Yes, I know about the sounds.  If we're going to do anything, we're going to do it together!!!"

"FINE! Let's go!"

He opened the door, and the ladder slid down.  He kept going, as she climbed, he held her hand.  She toggled the switch on.  They had a plan with the shoes.  He told her about the 4 pairs of cowboy boots. They quickly zoomed to the outer walls, as she caught every time, 4 cowbow boots.  He discovered the old couple before them had matching purple and white shoes.  They kept working and making their border. As they got to the middle, they got heaped toddler shoes.  

When they took off their clothes near the shoe border, they felt the euphoria of the missionary position.  Next, she got on top. They got in the rhythm; they heard the noise!!!

"RIGHT THERE!!!" SHE SHREIKED. 

When he really felt the juice, he quickly backhanded the area she was looking at.  His knuckles split open the mouse's guts right where she was looking! They crawled and kissed as they inspected every sector of the attic.  "No more mice, but we really needed to set traps!"  he observed.

Tina smiled soothingly and replied, "When they use their tails to make the mousetrap fly shut, I'll lace the swiss cheese holes with poison."  

"I'll place 23 traps, because my left fingers feel more draft there," he thoughtfully said. 

Before they went to bed, before they said they're prayers, she said, "I love the sound of March rain as it falls on the roof."

the 30s

 Joan and Todd turned 30.  They both happened to be born in the same month, September.  They were in love for 11 months.  They shared an apartment in the 4th month.  In June, they got a joint credit card together.  
They both had decent jobs.  Together they earned $60,000.  
They said, "it's reasonable to get a 2020 Mitsubishi Lancer.  After all. we've been working for 13 years at various jobs! We'll trade in our 2014 Hyundai Sonata and do better."

Their stereo and downpayment were all put on their joint VISA account.  The Lancer was stolen.  THEN, a greedy person hacked their card and bought all sorts of porn.  They walked to the grocery store in 7 degree weather crying.  They were so angry and forlorn;  they didn't even write out a grocery list.  

"Why the hell did you use the Visa to buy new pots and pans?!?" shouted Todd.  
"Why the hell did you need to get a brand new computer, printer??!? yelled Joan. 

"You didn't need to flash the plastic and get new clothes!" yelled Todd as he got 1 foot from her face.   Her rage slammed him against the bricks of the grocery store.  He was in pain and horrible shock all at once.  What did he hit first???? His sholders or the back of his head!"

As he could see her standing over him with a tear in each eye, she asked, "why are you crying?"

"Because you look great in Salvation Army clothes!" he whimpered back.  They couldn't stop crying.

Suddenly, they heard a semi engine's loud, steady idle.  His semi was burgundy and had room for 5.  "Do we know you???" asked Todd. 

  "YEAH YOU DO!  GET IN NOW!"

Troy blindly got into the truck.  Joan had the presence of  mind to see that they were getting into a semi saying, 

Lake Superior Trucking for Typewriters by Steppenwolf.  

She got in when Todd held both of her hands and lifted her in.  They were so relieved to get out of the cold.  
They were wondering why he was driving so fast....

Episode 2 in this blog:The 4th to last adventure of Supershark

 There he was.  He keeps working, but he has cancer of the lower digestive system.  He wanted to speak to that 4th calf, the greedy, evil one!

He saw him off the coast of Brazil.  But he didn't know what to say.  There was no converting that Sith- like child turned evil warlord of the sea.  The shark who would disrupt shipping across the Pacific & Atlantic.  The lover of TRUMP.

"I can't save him, because I still want to live," as he sadly swam away, "I still want to live.  I still want to heal, and I will continue to do so."

He saw another Great White Shark named AmbitiousDrive.  He remembered her before. But they had no time to talk. There was so much justice to practice. He swam up higher where his poor eyesight could see.

What was going to happen now?  His 3 other calves were doing well.   But that GIintestinal part, that dull pain.  He was comforted that he no longer wanted to swim into the hull of a big ship and commit suicide.  

He had a near-death experience the year before in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.  He still could swim  99 mph; he just couldn't go as fast for as long as he did before.  He was happy that he could still do well.  But what would the future bring? 

Angelle Hall

 Calvin Lem loves his family; they gave him a strong work ethic.  

He lived in Detroit; he had the tough, but strong type of parents.  The problem was he couldn't stand doing grocery store work.  His father had the store for 30 years; he was strong, ethical and driven.  When Calvin angrily wouldn't go do chores, his father said, "if you don't get your sorry ass to the grocery store and start serving customers, you ARE GOING TO GET BIG HOT GLASS OF SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP."

Calvin proved he was strong.  He would walk to school, and he was thinking so much of the literature teacher.  As he was getting straight As, Sheila Lotkin would tell him she needed him so badly. 

"What?" he asked suspiciously.  

   One hour later, she said, "I am teaching your Shakespearean class, and there's too much yelling in class. How can I teach y'all." 

"Y'all, where you from Sherry?"

"I am Ms. Lotkin to you!!" she exclaimed

"Listen, Dear, I'm going to talk to my boys, and we will get this worked out.   In October, Ms. Lotkin had the class rapt attention as she talked about Hamlet.  She explained how sad it was that Ophelia and Hamlet never made love.  

"You know the prince and his sweetheart were so unlucky!"  Her passions got quiet as she slowly said, "those parents were so powerful, and, you know, good for the kingdom..." some of the girls were taking copious notes.  She had the boys rapt attention. 

"But that damn Polonius!" she started talking faster, "he told Ophelia, just don't go for Hamlet.  I'm warning you, Ophelia!"
"But Daddy!"
"Mistress! SHUT UP!! I will spank you 60 times, and you know how laceratingly bad that feels?"

Then Ms. Lotkin started to feel it.  She didn't want to cry, but that just made her sob worse. In the last 7 minutes of the class (until the bell rung)all 26 students touched or consoled her. 

Then, 1 year later.

Calvin has to go to the 4th Iowa college event.  He was angry and sullen.  
Sheila said, "I know, Calvin.  You've been so angry with all that Detroit anger.  Stop baby, stop getting your face all red! I got a surprise.  You gotta see it."  She was pulling his arm.  She led him through the backdoor of Angelle Hall.  She squeezed his hand, and he got so hard!  
"How big is it?????" Calvin asked.  

"It's really a small bed," she whimpered. 

"We're going to do fine, Honeyhips.  When there's something you want so bad, you WILL YOUR WAY, and then you feel success!!!!!"

I love you so much, Calvin!  If you don't start sucking my tits, I'm going scream a long hard sob. They flew inside the door, and they teamed up to unhooking her G-sized bra.   Calvin loved the dark arreolas, and he  started to thrust his penis. He wanted her so bad, he saw how erect her nipples were.   The coitus was unrelenting.  

She came the hardest when he sucked on her nipples for 12 minutes.  She smiled when she looked at her ruby-red hiki.  They stared at it and wanted each other again.  

 "I want you so bad, I'm going to make you come again as you see my heaving tits go up and down.  I'm going to give you everything you wanted.  I'm going to give you Sheila Lynne-Ann Schwartz=Lem, Baby.      Yeah, Yeeeewww. Oh  you are going to make so many babies with me!"

"Oh, Ms. Lotkin.  You and me, baby! Naturally, naturally baby, baby, baby!" 

"Ohh baby," they shrieked in unison.  They leaned hard to the right, crunched into her former dorm room wall. They laced their tongues around and around for 12 minutes in a sublime French kiss.  They laughed at their mutual bruise going into the wall.  He circled each of her areolas and nipples for another 10 minutes with his loving tongue.  

As they melted in a sensual union, Calvin predicted, "I'm going to be a sociology professor and you're going to be my psychology teacher tandem!  We're going to write some amazing social articles!"

"NO!" she replied, "I want to be an economics teacher," she said. 

They were side by side. "Really, my Dear???  Don't you find it a bit ironic that you are only 26 years old, and you're already $15,000 in debt, and that's not even your student debt.  That's those clothes you wear and the car you drive. How the hell can you teach economics when...?"

SMACK! She arched her angry left hand right into his nose!!

 His nose bled and bled.  They cried a regretful, hurtful sob.  Before he fell asleep, still bleeding, he whispered, "I will suck and hug you right through your future."

"I really love your blood, Cal,"

They slept with him on top of her for 11 hours.   Calvin was self conscious about his weight. Everytime he rolled off of her, it was only a matter of a few minutes when she said, "I NEED YOUR WARMTH, CAL!" 

"I'D do anything for you, Dear."  They had the best sleep of their young lives.  

Back to Square One!

In the fall of 2007, after losing 30 lbs in a little over a month, I started suffering insomnia.  Mostly, it was going to sleep ok, but then habitually waking sometime after 2 AM.

I suffered another illness and lost 22 lbs this year.  The illness turned me grayer. 
I am more liked and admired, yet I felt lonely without her. 

I was cured this fall, but I wonder what will come next. 

I laugh at some who know me.  One woman very close to me said once I should lose 100 lbs.  I can only smile at that, because she did so out of  benevolence.  

Now, I'm thinner.  Now what?

I know what's wrong with certain issues in society, and I even know how there could be improvement!  People agree with me, but how many?  
That's what you need to know about politics.  Politics has simple math.  You won with votes, you lost without them. 

I assert that those who feel the 2020 election was stolen drank too much Kool-Aid.  They swam in the ocean of facts, and the ones they didn't like they called  "fake news."  

Many of the people who say the election was stolen are not stupid.  It gets down admitting a simple concept.  As time goes on Caucasians will be a smaller percentage of the population of the US. 

To those election deniers I assert this!
Why did your president lose in 2020?  Why did he lose and lied and poison the body politic with "stolen election" propaganda?

Because the demographics WERE AGAINST YOU! 

You lost the vote with Blacks, Hispanics and women.  The accurate sources state that Trump was so loud and shrill that a large proportion of  educated middle class voters VOTED AGAINST him swinging the election to Biden.  

The Chicago Tribune has endorsed the Republican candidate in every single single since 1876.  Did you get that or should I repeat it again. 
LET'S REPEAT.
The Chicago Tribune endorsed every Republican presidential nominee from 1876 to 2016.  

The dramatic, traumatic, angry Election of 2020...........
The one where people were either part of the problem or part of the solution.
They either chose to stop spreading COVID, or they chose to invoke

 LIBERTY!

"My mind is made up.  DON'T confuse me with the facts!"
There's so many facts!  Do you have the correct sources?   

Don't believe me?
Ok that's just fine.  Sure,  you accuse me of being partisan, and you may be right. 

Go with a source where the editorial board is a majority of conservative thoughtful Republicans.  Yes, conservative thoughtful Republicans. 

They stated prior to the election of 2020: 

....This editorial board has not spent the past four years stricken by every Trump tweet or off-the-cuff remark. On issues of the day, we have opined on the specifics of his record while refraining from overwrought, knee-jerk criticism, recognizing the disenfranchisement felt among the 63 million Americans who elected him. We understand that millions of voters were drawn to him precisely because he is unconventional and pugilistic, and that is not necessarily a drawback....

But at the end of the day, Trump flopped in key areas of basic decency and discipline that did real harm to the country. We called him out on that too.

He behaves as a bully who cannot control his impulses, offering biting, defensive and childish responses to those who question his tactics. In moments when the country needed inspirational words from a president to unify, Trump could not deliver. Ever the partisan, rarely the statesman, Trump used his bully pulpit for self-aggrandizement, and in so doing often stirred the worst impulses in others too.

So to those election deniers I say: 
The Late Justice Scalia said that upset Democrats should get over the Bush v. Gore which ended the 2000 presidential election. 
We did.  It's really a shame your ignorance of demographics (larger group of minorities, smaller proportion of Caucasians) poisons, STILL POISONS YOUR MIND!!!!

THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERSHARK in 1905

I bring forth parables.  This is inspired by the song "New Horizons." The greatest thing we need  is love.  

EPISODE 4

Over the 150some years that SUPERSHARK lived there were times of much joy and sadness. 

He had great memories especially of loving the beautiful, smart Blue Whale.  Blue Whale & Supershark were tough warriors who fought valiantly to eat away from the terrible Great Pacific Garbage Patch between Hawaii and California. He remembered they zoomed through the passage between Antarctica and the southernmost tip of Chile.  They zoomed back to consume plastics in that part of the Pacific Ocean.  They grew older and weaker from the plastics. They learned the following:  

IN 2050, the oceans will have too much plastic.  Mass production of food is sometimes poisoned from the Great Pacific Garbage Patch which allows fish-eating plastics that the poor consumed.   The poor, the working class eat of the plastics which threatens planet EARTH.  As the world turned, more of these sad people eat that fish and food.  They ate mass-produced food low on vitamins, great with fat and sodium.   As the poor in Alabama, and Mississippi eat mass-produced food; they have less insurance than others.  Many die before the age of 75.  Worse still, the poor throughout the Earth eat increasingly more of this food; they are fat and have reactionary minds!!!!!!!!!!!  

In the US, the agents of greed/avarice  produce bad food for poor people.  The people of the South have worse medical bills going unpaid than the people of the North.  For example, Kentucky used Obamacare, but the next governor greatly limited this insurance. More are insured in the North than the South.  

Back to the Parable

There were ecological warriors that had the superpower of drinking oil and keeping the Atlantic O.= clean. When they bore 4 calves north of Puerto Rico.  They had a golden time when their calves were born. The calves were named

President Jackschau who spiritually kept the oldest party in check (see later episodes in the coming weeks).  Through his mighty reading & vision powers from father and mother, he tried to kill the bad but was better at fostering the good. With so many fishmammals, it was hard to know who were his friends. 

President Thorshau who mightily could detect good barges for krill from evil oil and coal barges.  Through his mighty powers of cognition, reading and vision powers from father and mother, his powers are seen in the present!

Madame President Superfortresschau could use the powers of reading, vision, quiet stealth to foster more and more wealth to feed the fishmammals prowling the oceans.  

Evil RusiaNazi who mother and father could not figure why he turned into a Sith-like figure.  He possessed the 3 terrible deadly sins:  ENVY, GREED & LUST  (this was inspired from StarWars series; although parents have much influence, it is up to the next generation to succeed!) The 4th child was kidnapped and was raised in Texas by parents who were oil barons.

BLUE WHALE & SUPERSHARK grieved for their evil son.  With their mighty superpowers, they could swim with superspeed through oceans.  Their superpowers allowed them to evade the evil spawn of the 4th child born LATER.  

Sometimes, they could escape to the Mediterranean Sea and grieve where they went wrong.  The 4th evil child could never enter the Strait of Gibraltar. They were chagrined at where they went wrong as the 4th child spread crazykrill to his odious offspring.  They died and went to heaven decades into the 21st Century. 

Before they died, they experienced THE GREAT FLASHBACK 

In 1905, after a terrible divorce off the coast of Greenland, they met in the beautiful spawning place.  The divorce occurred from Winds of Changing Time and eating good and bad krill.  They had been gouged by ships that killed whales & sharks; however, they became too smart and swift to avoid those evil ships. 

On that special morning in 1905, in their special sanctuary, tired and hurt, they suddenly sparked and made love with each other.  After their fortnight of work, they mated.  It felt like the old times of the 1890s.  They produced much love.  Out of love came the other great type of krill, smartkrill.  They remembered their divorce but they would always remember love.  Bluewhale said, "I left you, because I didn't want to hate you." 

Supershark in depression replied, "I should've done better. We just lost our way from the sins of RAGE and PRIDE."  After they mated, BlueWhale said, "you don't smell so good."  

"But look at what we see in 1906 after mating.  We have given forth to the 7 Seas the helpful, healing  food Smartkrill."  For 5 very good years, they were together with their 3 children.  

In later years, they swam deep in the Atlantic Ocean where Blue Whale mated with SmartChicago. Supershark mated off the coast of Cuba to the loving AngelofBroadview. 

But were the krill good or bad? The evil 4th son bred offsprings of COALSHARKS, SLAVERY STINGRAYS & MASS MURDER MACHINEGUN BULLET OCTOPI.  

Evil RusiaNazi represents evil relatives that we may not even know about who spread Greed and LUST. It's about Prince Andrew of UK.  He has screwed like a mink; he's caught in scandal and lawsuits. King Charles III has driven him out of power. Sadly, he's about my age.  

to be continued.................

THOSE WORDS!

 

The observation you made during a pleasant conversation was harsh, jarring, and just plain wrong.  Why would such a nice woman say something so nasty? Past words of kindness sit oddly by the disappointing, cruel story. I know how to relate to your pleasant conversational ways, but what the hell am I supposed to do with the latter??

You're so kind to me; I can tell you want the relationship to go deeper.  Yet, you have no idea how your crazy, racist viewpoint repels me.  Your remarks are like grease smudged across your face!

What am I supposed to think?
What am I supposed to do?

What I Really LOVE in a Woman

 When you think about what you would like in a woman, you can think about their sexiness

how tall they, or what color their hair should be.

There's absolutely no trait, no characteristic that is so wonderful, makes her a dream and a "forever woman" than this: 

                        a woman who loves you back and let's you know it!!

God bless all woman who really show that trait!

God bless you for keeping me calm when I was sad. 
Bless you for saying I shouldn't be so depressed.  

Thank you for telling me to keep going.  That I was fine! 

Bless your beautiful soul,  I will never forget you!

BEHOLD THE CHICAGO AUTO SHOW of 2023!

I left Wisconsin, in the awesome year 1989.,..  

You remember that year, right?  Well, you should if you're older than 37.  Even if you were younger than 37, you read about it in the history books!  ...............

....June 4, 1989  POLAND  The nation votes in favor of Solidarity with a new president that isn't a communist!  Communism in Europe comes undone like a spool of old movie film rolling around the floor!! 

(Not quite in history book)  August, 1989 I get hired at the Chicago Archdiocese of Chicago as a 5th grade teacher. 

later in August, 1989   The Late, Great, Frank Kaul  my honorable BFF, moves me into 1140 N. LaSalle St.

I love Chicago and damn those who don't! JMO

One thing this 26-year-old SELF noticed right away was that Illinois drivers were "considerably better!!!"  

Better than those slow drivers I had to deal with in LaCrosse as I zoomed in my tardy-driving, sorry-ass first car (82 Dodge Aries)  to my job at the  biggest LaCrosse grocery store  (at the time or still is??)  of them all, QUILLINS. 
As an old man with a driver data recorder in my car, courtesy of ALLSTATE, my views of LaCrosse drivers have changed.  

more Hx of a substantial nature   

October, 1989  The Cubs win their division and go to the playoffs (only to meet the Atlanta Braves).  

November 9, 1989   The Berlin Wall FALLS!                 even better than the Cubs making the playoffs in the perspective of ALL. 

So, people across the nation of ours, no, wait a minute, around the world know about the annual Chicago Auto Show.  This amazing event is held at the McCormack Place.  

What was the first thing to greet me at this august, spacious, just-right location for the Chicago Auto Show........................a nice fountain. 

The first thing I did was realize a dream I had for over 2 decades-drive a battery-powered car. I've wanted to own one for well over a decade, but it's fiscally irresponsible. 

  Still, I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem of global warming. It grieves the person, grieves the soul that there's still those who don't believe in global warming.  I HATE the idea that old rich men from Texas and other parts of the globe want to drive, AND GET RICHER from  the internal combustion AD INFINITUM! 

I'm proud to stand foursquare with Nancy Pelosi on the idea that it's wrong for people to hate people!!

Driving the cars, the electric vehicles was anticlimactic.  I can't even tell you what kind of car I drove or the color of the vehicle. Must be sensory overload!;

In the past, present and, hopefully, the future, I deeply love the idea of reducing petroleum of its current exalted pedestal.  

I love the idea of reducing rich, old, avaricious MEN in TEXAS who profited off this planet by mining petroleum; 

I love the idea of knocking them off their pedestal. Sophomoric ideas, much?  

Yeah, I do.  I can't get to work without petroleum. I can't go to my hometown of Ithaca without petroleum. We couldn't have gone to the CHICAGO AUTO SHOW without petroleum.  If I wanted to date (hypothetically), I couldn't without petroleum. 

Yet, the idea of helping save this planet and my tiny corner of the Earth is NOT sophomoric and is sincere love, if not concerted. 

 I got 2 tickets from my awesome friends, Casey & Lisa Hyland.  With the exception of 2 people, they have done more to help me grieve, and recover more from the loss of my dear Girlfriend of 12 years and friend of 32 years.  

The pictures below indicate that it was a helluva show! One I would love to go next year! 

So, that inclined path was actually driven by a JEEP, 

and it hurt my neck and back. I liked the pain, but love my 2 friends far more! 

End Part: 

I will state to you honestly and unequivocally that this "End Part"   MUST give credit to the Late, hedonistic, tragic figure of Hunter S. Thompson from his book, Gonzo Papers, Vol. 1, THE GREAT SHARK HUNT, from the article "The Temptations of Jean-Claude Killy." Published by Warner Books, 1979

IF I KNEW THE CHICAGO AUTO SHOW WAS GREAT, I SHOULD HAVE GONE SOONER! 

I read about the great Jean Claude-Killy (born in occupied France in 1943), the winner of gold medals in the winter Olympics of 1968.  He was the object of a Sunday sports show on CBS (yes, I even remember the theme music) skiing back in the early 70s The Killy Challenge.    Yes, as a little boy, I watched him...

He was best highlighted by Hunter S. Thompson who wrote of O.J. SIMPSON (yes, that fuckin' OJ Simpson!!) and Killy going to the Chicago Auto Show.  I even read Gonzo Papers, Vol. a little less than 20 years after it was published.  

He talked about how hard and diligent Mr. Killy worked at discussing a great car at the Chicago Auto Show.  Most masterfully, HST contrasted that with the effortless, glib promotion of cars by Mr. Simpson.  

THE CHICAGO AUTO SHOW WAS GREAT WHEN HUNTER S. THOMPSON wrote about it, just as it is august, amazing, yet not exhilarating in 2023. 

HUNTER S. THOMPSON, Father of Gonzo Journalism
Yet it is a journalistic form taken to sinful lengths before, during & after his death in 2005.

OH, NO!!! A Scratch

 Loved that Super Bowl.  I loved it  Good storyline, better game. 

You know what made it better?  I was with people I loved 

Bri, her boyfriend, his lovely mother and family were hosting it.  Maribeth, Bob & TED were all there!

Honorable mention goes to Andy.  He fought the good fight working at Marshalls, as he kept his wolves from the door. 

3 dogs all pit bulls really wanted to give me a welcome.  One of the dogs, Tiny, I love.  Ace has come to know me.  Then there's Red.  Ace jumped up and his nails got to my ribs.  I grunted, then that dog or Vehement RED scratched my arm right here.....upper half:.....damnit 

So, now my 2nd source of income is totally stopped for another week!  It's already been one week and now it might, if and only if SUPER LUCKY, will I be able to earn $$$$ on Thursday, February 23. 

If I work at a hospital for my primary income, then what is my second income. 

I give plasma.  I wrote about this all in an older blog about a decade ago. So, dear Reader, if you want to know more about it, then either ask or I'll tell you where it is.  

To give plasma, I have to be in very good health.  Don't have to be in great health or even excellent health. You don't have to have big, athletic veins popping out.  So,, what is very good health. 

Here is the criteria: 

1./  Well hydrated with a good hematocrit score. 
2. Not have male gay sex for 6 months.(no, it's not discrimination!!!)
3. Decent blood pressure

4. Not too much weight gain or loss
5.  Not being on too many prescription drugs.  If you have acne and take accutane, FORGET IT.!!
If you take Avodart, because you want to keep your lovely hair in your old age, FORGET IT!!!

6. and don't you DARE HAVE BLEMISHES ON YOUR ARM AT ALL!!!!!!
Not even on the secondary right arm you like to use to donate the second time that same week.

You give plasma as a new donor and you can make around $800.  Old reliables,  like me,  who have gone to the same plasma center for 7 years, get over $400 if they weigh over 135 lbs. Needless, to say I weigh almost 100% OVER that amount. 

The perks, my Platinum MasterCard still in the New file folder.  The platinum rewards of $10 extra ever couple months. Yes, it's reliable money..............UNTIL IT ISN'T! 

Would I go to my daughter's boyfriend's family hosting the Super Bowl, Feb 12?

HELL YEAH!!!

^

know what is objective, DON'T mislead

 

Roy Rogers most famous quote was said in the early 30s, "I never met a man I didn't like." That wasn't his exact quote.  

There's another even better saying of his.  He was referring to Herbert Hoover, the 31st president.  This quote was cited by a presidential candidate. It's vital! In general, people aren't well enough researched in the vital issues of today.    Here's the Roy Rogers quote, cited in 1984, 

It’s not what he doesn’t know that bothers me, it’s what he knows for sure that just ain’t so!

There's too many people who say, "my mind is made up. Don't confuse me with the facts!"