more fiction as the 2 talk

Jack had given Brent an excellent documentary on human behavior and social psychology called “This Emotional Life” and Brent saw the 1st part of the 3-part series that Jack bought.

“This is really good, and I can relate to a lot of what it says,” Brent exclaimed to Jack minutes after Jack entered his apartment.

“It is, you learn a lot when they discuss aspects of relationships between couples”

“Speaking of couples, that’s pretty nice that Karla let Joe (Brent & Jack’s younger brother) play in that band for the past year or so,” Brent stated.

“Yes, she’s a good wife,” Jack replied.

“There were times when she was criticized before”

“True, but you really can’t know success; they’ve been married 20 years.”

“Better than Martha (Jack’s ex)”

“Exactly,” Jack exclaimed, “I think that Karla shares our family’s strength in being resourceful and saving money.”

“Yeah, I heard she’s gone to rummage sales”

“& Martha has never been to one since 1994. She’ll pride herself on spending less than $120 on clothes in a year but then spend too much on groceries and all sorts of crap for the kids,” Jack note.

“& that hurt when you went bankrupt”

“There were a number for the bankrupt. It would be wrong to blame them all on Martha. But those 2 years after the millennium were the 2 worst years of my life. I hope to never go back to those days or the problems that occurred then.”

Brent asked, “Did you want to end it all?” Jack brushed aside the question. “The fact that she can save money well, be a good mother and allow him to do his hobbies, makes her a good wife”

“Yeah, I think so”

you know what's interesting

In the 3 times that I have had surgery (& none of them were serious, extensive surgeries, Thank God), the anesthesiologist was the nicest person in the room. I wonder why? Is it because they're paid well and their job isn't as hard as the surgeon's??  I'm just guessing. 

When they inject the sleeping agent into the IV line, they always tell you to count back from 100.  I'm sure glad I haven't even made it to 80.  I distinctly remember not even making it to 90 last time. 

The GLIB, SUPERFICIAL conversation

It was a good Memorial Day holiday for our condo complex yesterday !  Amid rumors that the pool would not open because of some mysterious slime, the pool opened on time, and the water looked great (without slime).  I was almost, but not quite amused at the conversation I heard yesterday when I went to the pool. 
1=1st man
2=2nd man.  Both men know each other at this condo complex.

1: Things are better than they were last year at this time.
2:  Good! I'm happy for you!  It's about time it's that way for you.
1:  I mean the one thing I have to deal with is this cancer thing and trying to pay for it all, but...
2. (interrupting)  Oh,  snap out of it!
1:  Hey, well, it's good seeing you.
2:  Talk to you later. Nice seeing you too.
Then "2" thought to himself, "Snap out of it?  Like you snap out of a bad mood and become more reasonable? Like you snap out of sadness and become happy?  Glad he figures it's that easy with cancer."  He would go back for clarification with 1 if he thought the other guy knew what he was talking about.  Ah, glibness........there's not too many things like it. 

Part 2 of 2, Andy's Eulogy

There's little that needs to be said to introduce this.  My oldest son Andy who is 15 has nearly completed a successful 1st year of high school. Andy has spent a good deal of time being a caretaker to his grandfather during at least the last two, if not three years of his life.
After his 83 yr. old grandfather died on May 21, the wake, funeral and burial was held Wednesday, May 25.  Here is what Andy said:

--------------------------------------------------

Andy’s Eulogy to His Grandfather, the Late Paul DeMars

We are here today to remember my Grandpa, because he has been with us through good times and bad. And today, he is in heaven to look upon us all to remember him by.

I have always loved my grandfather whether he needed personal care, cooking a delicious meal, grabbing his medical kits-whether it’s blood pressure or blood sugar monitoring, and most of all spending quality time with him.

I remember when my grandpa was bored, and I wanted to spend some quality time with him so I brought out a board game, “LIFE”. When we played, he had 2 daughters, then when he had gotten the boy, he said, “Andy, thanks for helping me. You are like the son I never had”. That was a moment I have never forgotten. Thank you grandpa for always being there for me.

I love you very much.

Andrew V. Schauf, delivered on 5/25/2011

dogs rise to the occasion

Part 1 of 2

Maribeth's father passes away on May 20

Paul DeMars died exactly a week and12 hours ago. He was my ex-wife's father.  I was surprised to learn that part of the reason he died was from dehydration (according to the Death Certificate).  However, we knew about the other problems.  He had renal failure and was finished when his heart gave out.  He did not even live 1 day at the nursing home he was at.  Maribeth said that he acted like he didn't want to be there.  I don't think there was any malpractice with respect to his dehydration. It was a matter that the kidneys worked so bad that they didn't allow the rest of the body to get liquid.  That's my theory. I'm no doctor, so I am not sure.  

Before, I laughed myself silly when the 2 dogs above got together.  No, I'm kidding.  Yet, Maribeth owner of Minnie, black gentle pit bull, and Faith, my Late Father-in-Law's dog (black & white Border Collie/Sheepdog mix) didn't get along very well.  It was a pattern.  Minnie, age 1, would bounce around Faith (age 8) and the older dog would feel her space was violated and bark at Minnie.  Minnie is about the opposite of the stereotype of a nasty fighting pit bull.  My dear friend, Patricia, has a dachsund, (this breed is illustrated below).  Minnie, backs down to a damn dachsund! 

It was like I told my son, Andy, "I have good news and bad news for you, son.  The good news is we don't have to worry about Minnie tearing up anything but my old cowboy boots. She gets along great with other dogs.  The bad news is that if another person or animal attacked you; Minnie would sit and watch or  get herself killed trying to save you ". 

& Brianna found someone to play baseball with.....

Parental talk

A conversation; making it quicker, I'm not using quotes but more like a play which I don't do often

D: father

T: 2nd son

Ma

---------------------

D: You have 3 Cs and you nearly had straight As last quarter and the quarter before. Can you bring it up?

T: I hope so, I know I’ll do well in the fraction test on May 20

D: I know you had a growth spurt in 5 months you went from a size 9 ½ adult shoe to a 11 ½ shoe now. & you’ve gotten 8 ½ hrs. of sleep

T: Yeah, but it didn’t take much out of me until now.

D: Things are harder now. Each quarter of school is different from the last. Maybe you better put some Mountain Dew with your lunch from now on (both laugh, enter Mom).

Enter Ma

D: We were talking about his lousy grades (T makes no facial expression b/c he expects better from himself).

Ma: You have to go to bed earlier get more than 9 hrs. of sleep.

D: You have to eat more earlier in the day, T, you skimp on breakfast, lunch and eat a big supper.

T: I want to lose weight.

D: Weight shouldn’t be a factor. & that’s precisely the wrong way to lose weight ! You’re growing. Look at Andy, gets enough rest, gets good grades and he’s taller and more slender! !

Ma:  YOU GOTTA GET MORE SLEEP !

D: But Ma, we really should take him to a Dr.

Ma: That’s fine as long as you take time off work and handle it.

D. Yeah, but you work full time, 12 hr. shifts & you work 3 times a week.

Ma. HERE’S WHAT’S HAPPENING! He’ll get more sleep. If that don’t work, we take him to Dr. NOW THAT’S ENOUGH, MY FATHER IS DYING !

(Ma storms out of room T & Dad were in)

D: She gets angry, but she’s right. And she’s going through a lot now. We have both options,   sleep now and maybe later we'll get blood tests.  You should be fine by June, sometime.

T: Yeah, I’m not that worried about it.

There was a rather angry debate in my neighborhood at a garage sale.


God & salvation are on the minds of many people.

There was a COUPLE of people that said we should live simple like the Apostles and the Early Disciples as discussed in Acts and the Epistles. But a group that goes to church regularly and give much money in philanthropy ridiculed the idea. They said and laughed, "How are you going to live simply when we are almost required in the US to have a computer, Internet and cellphone??"

Some suggested getting good information and not live too luxioursly.

One person in the COUPLE said that Internet was evil and that the Apostles didn't need that to be a success in life.

What do you feel? Is either side right? What is the middle way??

If there is a middle way, please explain how you negotiate your time between praying, the Internet and the challenges of lack of money and the difficulties of living in 2011

fast life

Are you happy at the big task you recently did?  Did something make you angry this week?  Can you plan better? 

Life seems to be going faster, not 55 mph (88.5  km per hour), but more like 74 mph  (119 km per hour) 

 This past week:

1. kids were upset last night and took an extra 45 min. to get to bed because it was 90 F  for a high temperature. By the time they were going to bed, it was still in the 80s. 
2. checking account needs to be balanced
3. looking on the 'Net for things very important.  The search is difficult ! ! 
4. waiting for the next writing assignment that will pay... the magazine I applied for thanked me Monday after I submitted several writing samples.............now I wait ..............

I am using my drive & motivation to my advantage.

Easter ! (happiness is w/ family)

the captions on the pictures above  will be added later, busy @ work

this is the rest of my family before my father went to the nursing home 3-11-11

bigger and better things

I'm feeling better about writing, but I wanted to put out certain things that I have done before.

The point is reviewing what I did before  The posts between now and Easter will be pertaining to 3 different genres. 

I. Expository Writing - this type of writing relates to a objective, sharp observational narrative.  Sometimes, I love pretending I'm Spock and just writing in the most logical, sometimes professorial fashion.  I've done this for a dozen Wikipedia articles.  The other aspect that I love about those type of articles are there short, concise style (not unlike some of the writing where I work). 

II. Reminiscing. I've given a lot of thought about the terrible, old firm I used to work at.  Coincidentally, my first 3 months writing the blog covered some of those dreadful times on Jackson, near Halsted Street.

III. Tales of LeftWing.  Some people live wild lives.  I know of certain people like that when I was a young man of the 80s & 90s. 

Let's go with what's interesting first.  I can't promise sex but good ole' Left Wing knew a thing about drinking, drugging and rock and roll.  In those days, Left Wing was a bit socially backward, so he wasn't so great with the ladies. 

Here's one article,  and there will be more that are better about him.

There was a oil gas shock way back in the late 70s. My friend that used to get the football players (like me) in the fall and basketball players our beer in the winter was good ole Left Wing. In the year of 1979, there was a terrible shock of high prices. Why they were paying way over $1.00/per gallon ! Isn’t that terrible?  (yeah don’t laugh too hard at the 70s)

LeftWing was a man who had great glory as a beer-barrelled defensive lineman. He was 5’7” and 200 lbs. He was Mr. All-Conference Southwestern Wisconsin Ridge & Valley defensive tackle of 1976 (the nation’s bicentennial). Have you ever heard of athletes getting women easy? The funny thing was; Left Wing didn’t ! It’s hell blocking a guy that’s built like a tough hard-charging beer barrel. But guys that look like beer barrels don’t get laid a lot.

So he told a story, “You know Vince, I am getting tired of spending a ton of money on gas. I’ve gotten toughened up like the good ole 1976s when I was an Ithaca Bulldog DT All Conference”

“Yeah Lefty, can you get to the point???” I asked.

“Well, you see I’m tired of farming and I can get health insurance working at the hospital”

“No shit?” I asked encouragingly, “How’s that working out for you?”

As we drank from the keg after a hard fought win over Wauzeka 24-0, he smiled with the admiration you show a victorious Ithaca Bulldog and warmed up to the subject.

“I walk to work, the hospital is 3 miles away; it takes 45 min. Tough shit if the hospital is in a rough neighborhood, riven w/ gangs and low-life drug dealers. If I don’t bother them, the odds are low of them bothering me. Then I found this Schwepper’s tavern near the other end of town and that’s 6 miles away so it takes about an 1 1/2 hours to get there. When I walked home to my apartment something kind of special happened. To get from Schweppers’ place to my place, I go through a forest preserve (so named because it has bike paths and is patrolled by the county police). It was such a beautiful night out, and the temperature was perfect. The coolness killed off all those damn insects, yet it was warm enough so that you didn't have to worry about your hands or feet getting cold. All I had to do was follow the yellow line of the bike path, and I had no problem whatsoever in finding my way home. I saw white-tailed deer that would get close enough to try and figure out who I was, then run off as I walked next to them on the trail. It was fun trying to guess what the strange noises were.”

“That sounds pretty cool, Lefty”, I encouragingly observed.

”You know, Vince, I couldn't help but think how much more fun it would be to have a girlfriend, two sleeping bags and just being "one with nature". It was a great night to be outdoors! There was a slight bit of apprehension because I was actually breaking the rules. The County Rules are that no one is supposed to be in the forest after sundown. (It was 8 pm) I couldn't imagine them throwing me in jail for walking home, minding my own business. Just as I was less than a 1/4 mile away from leaving the Forest Preserve, there was this white light shining on my back. "Oh shit," I thought, "The County Mounties!".

“What the hell happened, Lefty?” I exclaimed excitedly.

“Well, Vince, here's how the conversation went after I turned around and saw this biker with a light beam coming from his helmet.

--------

"Uh-oh!", he exclaimed

"I'm just about ready to leave at the next exit," I explained.

"That's cool; I'm just biking", he said.

"Oh, I thought you were a County Mounty! "

"No, we just scared each other"
----------
I remember telling Left Wing, "That's not as good a story as you taking acid. Tell us what happened, Lefty".

Ok, well, Vince, a year or so after I graduated from IHS, I had the good luck to have a fun roommate named Greg who was from the Milwaukee area. We were roommates in LaCrosse, WI going to UW-LaCrosse. Greg was fun because he played guitar, had similar musical interests than I and knew where to get good pot. During the summer, I found a job and was able to stay in town. Greg moved out after the school year, but, as friends, we still saw a lot of each other.

Greg and his laconic friend went to a Grateful Dead concert. He asked me if I wanted any acid. I had to say yes. Ever since 8th grade I wondered what acid would do to a person. I was proud of the fact that Ithaca did an excellent job of educating me on the different types of drugs. Sometimes, you’ll hear some old fart say, "One kind of drug is just as bad as the other." My education showed that was total and complete nonsense. The other reason I thought that my education was excellent was because they made a very important distinction. Certain drugs like alcohol and opoid class drugs (heroin, opium, then Vicodin) are addictive. Other drugs like marijuana and acid were not addictive, but a person could develop a "psychologic dependence" . That’s an important distinction, because these days, "addiction" is one of the most overused words you hear.
"I second that, Left Wing", I smiled.
I can’t help but recall in 8th grade reading about LSD with some amazement and curiosity. It stunned me that someone could actually get a flashback. I wondered what it would be like to see something that wasn’t really there. Every so often, someone would talk about taking acid. I would "pepper" them with questions about it, because of my curiosity.

Greg came back from the Twin Cities concert with acid. I called him up and told him to come and bring it over. He questioned me as to whether I should take it, because it was 10 pm. The acid would keep me going for 6 hours. I said that’s ok. I figured since I weighed more than Greg, it would probably not last as long for me. Once he came over, he said that this guy was walking around the Grateful Dead concert saying, "Trips! Trips! Anyone want any trips?". The way Greg described it, I always get this image of a guy comparable to the vendor at the the baseball games that shouts, "Get your peeeeeea-nuts!" Anyway, that’s who they bought the LSD from.

Greg gave me very detailed directions on how to consume LSD (right down to "put it in your mouth"). I guess I was a little slow in those days. Instead of licking the small piece of paper it was on as he recommended, I simply ate the paper so that I would get every bit of acid I paid for. Right after he came over, we also smoked some hash. We listened to Beatles (circa Magical Mystery Tour) and I always thought listening to any John Lennon vocal was the best thing to listen to when one is high. He sounds so compelling! Then we walked over to Greg’s apartment and we saw a tape of either the Grateful Dead concert that Greg and his laconic friend went to or another Dead concert. I remember sitting there in my happy high looking and saying, "That Jerry Garcia looks like a puppy singing!" Just imagine a puppy, your pet or any dog and imagine them up at the microphone singing. Then you know why I had such a shit-eating grin on my face.

So did that mental image come from the hash or the LSD?" I asked.

"Who knows?  
Anyway, by midnight the hash had most definitely worn off, and I was feeling effects of the acid. I recall that things that I imagined seeing/hallucinating weren’t actual visions but things that looked like a negative just taken out of a camera. Or if you ever saw the CD Let It Be...Naked, you know?  that cover?  I saw ribs and images of monkeys as negatives, not really images. I remember laying in bed and rhyming words with nonsense words (EX skeleton, skeletar, skela, etc. ).

Greg was right, and I was wrong. The acid lasted until 5:30 am inspite my attempts to try sleeping it off and futilely "honeymooning with my hand". My impression is that it was slightly similar to pot, but with the added kick of keeping you going for an extended period of time. I didn’t like the fact that it would not allow me to sleep which made me resolve, as I did later with coke, that I wouldn’t take it again.

I also confessed to the Monsignor in LaCrosse that I took a drug. & he said that it’s a big problem out there and that I should not want to be part of the crowd that is afflicted with that problem. That was the only time I ever confessed to taking a drug. Honestly, I don’t think of smoking marijuana to be a sin.

Anyway, acid was a much more interesting experience than coke, but did not give me the fun times that I’ve had with pot.
----------------------
I chimed with, "That was pretty good, next time you'll have to tell us about the ‘shroom that got stuck in your throat".
"It won't be as fun as the blow by blow summary of smoking dope." Left Wing said with his glowingly drunk, shit-eating grin from drinking 108 oz. of beer. 

THE COMING ATTRACTIONS !

rock music

I'm coming out with the best of rock articles that I've authored through the years on Wikipedia and the anonymous DS. 
It will be posted prior to the morning of April 22.  There may even be some new ones.

STAY TUNED !

a little afterthought.....INSTANT JUSTICE

I spoke about bullying.  The link herein shows some instant justice to a punk who bullies someone else.



http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1949282

An amazing, emotional show (Part 1 of 2)

I saw an amazing and very interesting show (part of a series) on PBS called This Emotional Life.  &, yes, it was very emotional to watch and drew a strong reaction to my own feelings.  You can see the website at http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/home   This is a 2 part post.  I will discuss the other part later in a week or 2. 

There was an episode where a student was cyberbullied and belittled at school.  They never give any personal details of the bully (to protect him, I would imagine), but it was terrible and heart-breaking what he did !   Seeing this emotionally crushing, tragic episode, all I could think about was hurting this bully back - literally breaking his bones and forcing him to understand the immense damage he did to this poor 8th grade boy. I knew from the start of the episode the victim would die and had a sinking feeling through the whole episode, b/c they referred to the victim in the past tense.

What's interesting was that I was bullied when I was younger. But it never reached the humiliation and soul-crushing deeds that occurred in the episode I watched. & when I watched the episode, I was never like, "Yeah that's what Paul, Marty or Dean did to me".  When I think of what was done to me way in the past, I just shrug my shoulders with no emotion at all, it was part of my childhood, part of me growing up.  More importantly, the kids who messed with me are completely different now. What I watched on This Emotional Life may have drew a strong reaction b/c of what happened and what I witnessed recently about 6-8 years ago (first in 2003 and again even worse in 2005; I did not recall or relate either problems from either year while I watched this sad episode).  Sadly, I can't discuss too much of it, b/c people can do background searches on me and use it in the wrong context. 

The victim was an 8th grader, Jeffrey Johnston, who was smart, nice, and understanding (like they all are, it seems).  He had friends and was not a loner.  More poignantly, in the last weblink below, it explains that Jeffrey never demonized the bully and repeatedly, frequently tried to make peace with him.  Jeffrey's friends worked on their own computer project, I'm not sure if it was a blog but it was a project to show their writing and artistic talents.  The only way to get into the project and make a contribution to it (as the victim did) was to know a password.

  Somehow the bully found out the password.  He promptly erased all of the victim's hard work, his articulate, well-thought out work and wiped it out. Then in a perverse coup' de gras'  he added insult to injury and wrote a bunch of insults about him ("Billy is a fag" "He should just give up and die" sort of remarks).  It makes me physically sick writing about this.  How someone would take something that meant so much to this artistic adolescent and totally shit on it and ruin it. This turned out to be a cataclysmic turning point for the victim.  The victim's friends were interviewed.  They all stated that after that incident, the 8th grade kid withdrew.  He stopped reaching out to his friends.  The episode pointed out a sad irony - when he needed his friends the most, he withdrew, and he never got the help he needed.  His personality literally changed after the bully attacked the artistic work he did on his special website.  His parents saw the change and tried but could not do enough to save him.

He graduated from 8th grade.  The summer came.  His mom made plans to one day to go to an amusement park and it almost seemed like the victim looked forward to it. 

But the very day that he was to go to the amusement park, his poor mother woke up in the morning.  She opened the door to his room, and there he was........Jeffrey Johnston hung himself.  He was dead, and his poor mother quickly realized it was too late to try and save his life.  The mother, that courageous, amazing woman was the one who described going in there and seeing her dear son dead. This kind, sweet artistic adolescent killed himself.

He wrote a suicide note.  Don't blame the bully he said.  It blew me away that he showed little bitterness towards his tormenter.  Nearly similar to  when someone everyone knows said 1078 yrs. ago, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do!" 

Jeffrey Johnston said, blame NO ONE.  Don't blame him, because that's the way life is.  People getting hurt by those who are stronger is a fact of life, it happens millions of times in millions of places.  Yet, that amazing, world-changing mother, Debbie Johnston, proved him wrong in one respect.  She called her legislators, she called then-Governor Jeb Bush, she testified, she held rallies.  Through all her hard work, Debbie Johnston helped pass "Jeffrey Johnston Stand Up for All Students Act" (Fla. Stat. section 1006.147).  It was signed by Governor Crist in April, 2008.  (See http://www.ibls.com/internet_law_news_portal_view.aspx?id=2109&s=latestnews ) Debbie Johnston showed that bullying isn't a fact of life or an inevitable right of passage for susceptible kids in Florida. 

The great unanswered question was this:  what happened to the bully??    What was his reaction when he heard of the boy he tormented hanging himself?  Did he take any responsibility whatsoever?  Did someone get revenge on him? (I highly doubt it)  Did someone's horrible, UNNECESSARY death change him in any way, shape or form ? ? ? ? ?  Is it possible that he watched the episode showing the harm he committed?

Is there anything we can do to minimize bullying ?

Clearly, this is an amazing story what happened in Florida.  If you have an interest, please see

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/home  -this actually relates to the series I saw on PBS

http://www.ibls.com/internet_law_news_portal_view.aspx?id=2109&s=latestnews

http://jeffreyjohnston.org/docs/Debbie%20Johnston%20Vita.pdf

http://jeffreyjohnston.org/

Jeffrey, I hope you are in heaven as we recall the tragic end of your life.

HERE'S WHY !

It's bad manners (in fact it's distasteful) to air "your dirty laundry" and explain problems/issues that go on in the privacy of your home.  Through unique circumstances  that yields more advantage than disadvantage, I live with my ex, MB.   In so doing, we more easily raise our kids together; when one person is gone to work, the other person only has to go home in order to take care of the kids (as opposed to arrangements made when you're both divorced and separated).  The arrangement we have enables us to pay our bills where we were unable to when we were apart.  Prior to the time I lived with my ex, we were behind on our mortgage and dreadfully and dangerously behind in our home equity loan.  Today, our home equity loan and mortgage are up to date in payments (thanks to MB & I working together). 

To MB's credit, she has grown emotionally, has grown as an adult (as we all must do) it's easier to get along with her than it was in 2002. I am grateful for that and for many of the things she does. 

So why am I discussing personal problems and "airing dirty laundry"? 

Because from time to time, I am asked:

"Why can't you remarry?"

"Why can't you work harder on the relationship, work things out and get back together as a full-fledged couple?"

"What went wrong in your marriage?"

It also answers the question of why I have sought affection elsewhere.  To MB's credit, she didn't freak out when I first explained the situation with her.  & when I go to my dear friend's place in Berwyn, MB doesn't make snide remarks or raise a fuss.  2 weekends ago, she even suggested I go to my dear friend's place inspite the fact I had not made plans to do so before she made the suggestion. 

So, this past week, 2 incidents have occurred that make it all crystal clear why I've been divorced and am with someone else.  This morning I informed MB that I was paying for my oldest son, Andy's school lunch.  MB thanked me.  My daughter, Brianna, then asked why Andy didn't pay lunch from the allowance he receives.  I said, "Because a kid's allowance should not be spent on that.  Parents should be responsible for a kids school lunch". 

Then MB inexplicably said, "So what's the problem with you paying for his lunch?"

I replied, "Did it sound like I objected to paying for his lunch??"

"Yes" she answered.

Stop, dear reader, stop right there and comprehend what was just said ! When I say parents should pay for their kids lunch, does that really sound like I didn't want to pay for Andy's lunch? 

The same thing happened last Sunday.  The kids were complaining far too harshly and were directing their complaints against their Mom-MB (but not me).   I told them that they were absolutely wrong for 2 reasons.  First, they should show their Mom more respect, and 2ndly their complaints were wrong because they expected too much.  What was MB's reaction??

She criticized me and completely misinterpreted and misconstrued what I was saying.  This inspite of the fact that what I said could be understood by a 5th grader, was not complex & shouldn't have been misunderstood. 

So, there's a principle defect clearly indicated.  Even when I try to help MB & support her, I get criticized.  My good intentions are impugned.  It's so frustrating ! ! ! !   & this has definitely happened a number of times in the past; it happened a number of times while I was married to her.  The fact that I have tried to help her only to be criticized and demeaned for my support, has alienated me.

Another problem in our relationship is that we both have bad tempers.  Our worst moments are when we are feeding off each other's anger while we fight with each other.  Our kids have to break up our arguments.  I don't blame them at all for being upset at our fighting ! For my part, I should control my anger better, now and definitely in the past. 

Basically, my problem and how I hurt the marriage is that I should have acted more like MB's father.  My father-in-law is very good at brushing aside and not getting mad at unreasonable remarks even when they're directed at him.  Now and in the past, when MB said something objectionable, I should have shrugged them off. 

I never or very rarely let MB's unfair remarks slide; I always get upset.  I can count on 1 hand and almost remember each time I ever just let what she said go.  It calls to mind Sarah McLachlan's song "Push" where she sings,

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe

No matter what I say or do 'cause you're too good to fight about it

Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go

You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go

No, that doesn't describe me at all.  But I learned as a young adult that when you say something unfair or wrong against someone else, you should be corrected for it, you should be "brought to task".  But when I rigidly upheld this principle, it led to, was one of a number of reasons why  MB divorced me.  Was standing up for a reasonable principle worth it?  

I would even correct her or get upset with MB when she said something unfair and she was in pain, pregnant or really upset with what occurred at her very stressful job as a nurse at a very large hospital, Loyola.  I was wrong, and it hurt our marriage.

We had a good deal of adversity.  In a later  post, I'm going to discuss an outstanding program on PBS called This Emotional Life.  (See http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topics  )  One of the things said is when a couple goes through big problems their communication skills are put to the test.  How  true.  How very true!

Guess what happened on the day way back in 1999 when MB first learned that Andy had a mental problem when he was only 3 years old ? ?  She called me and stated very clearly that we now had a serious problem with our son and if I wanted to, I could leave and she would deal with the problem.  Never mind that doing so was unthinkable in my view. That everything my parents taught and held up as their example to us as parents and a married couple indicated that I should remain faithful,  loyal, true to MB for better or worse. 

I am backed up by the facts.  I helped MB financially anyway I could.  Through nearly all of our marriage, I worked 2 jobs.  I never ever came close to cheating on her with another woman.  In any minute of any day, MB basically knew where I was.  

It didn't matter.  It just didn't matter.  My actions, my intentions as a husband were impugned.  MB didn't believe in me and thought the worst of me.  Therein was and continues to be the problem...................

My trip to Cleveland & the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame

From 2/25 - 2/28/11, I went to Cleveland. They have the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. I have a major passion for rock music learning as much as I can about the songs, artists I love. I have a subscription to Rolling Stone. I decided to use part of my tax refund for going to Cleveland. The trip ended up being very affordable.

Friday, the day the trip began didn't start too well. That morning, I got a ticket for speeding. I was the only car on the road, and I seemed to be driving safe, but was speeding. We got a late start. I wanted to start late morning but we didn't start until 1 pm. The night before the trip was very ominous b/c there was a snowstorm predicted which actually occurred in Cleveland before we got there. I was very worried that we would be hitting very slow traffic jams. But, the trip took 5 hrs. to get to the Cleveland area, and I was very happy with the fact that we could travel as fast as we wanted on the Interstate and there were NO traffic jams.

We stayed at the Red Roof Inn. The hotel had a very convenient location, just off the interstate. The hotel itself did not have too many amenities. But I was very conscious of price, and when you are conscious of price, you aren't going to get all the amenities.

As I said, the main reason I traveled to Cleveland was to see the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. Here were the highlights:

-saw a 3D movie on U2

-listened to a song by Jimi Hendrix, "Bold as Love". I had never heard the song before, and I absolutely loved it. It was amazing.

-They showed the actual clothes or outfits people in rock wore at certain famous, memorable times. They had quite a few from Prince, Elvis, Rolling Stones.

-They had the actual notebook or paper the artists used to write the lyrics. THey had this for Jim Morrison, Bruce Springsteen, Jimi Hendrix and others.

-They had a movie that highlighted the career of Hall of Fame inductees. Not all of them. People like producers or a guitar maker like Leo Fender were listed but no footage on them. But it was fun seeing Rolling Stones, Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, the note from the Sex Pistols telling the Hall of Fame to go to hell and rejecting their invitation to the Hall of FAme ceremony inducting them. It was a pretty long movie as they started placing people in the HOF in 1986.

-Saw a pretty extensive "Women in Rock" exhibit.

-Saw the ZZ Top vintage 1940s car that they used in their most famous videos like "Sharp Dressed Man".

-They had a Bruce Springsteen exhibit on the top 2 floors of the Hall of Fame. This was a temporary exhibit and I saw it on one of the last days it was up. They had a brief movie on Springsteen as he explained some of the songs on the album BORN TO RUN.

-It had a very large store for selling memorabalia and CDs.  I bought Maribeth and the kids T-shirts.

My faith is very important so, prior to going to Cleveland, I was able to find a church near the hotel. It was a very good Mass, and the priest gave an excellent sermon. We also were able to go to a nice restaurant where I enjoyed steak and order the next afternoon with my favorite topics - Canadian bacon and pineapple.

The trip was eye-opening, perspective-expanding time, the kids and Maribeth liked the shirts that I got them. The trip was a wonderful experience ! ! !

See also   http://rockhall.com/

listening to the radio

I don't want to "toot my own horn" or boast, but I still wanted to share a special moment I had last night, that put a smile on my face.

We have a classic rock station in Chicago, 97.1 "THE DRIVE". On Thursday, they played nothing but LP album sides. It was really fun to listen to.

Anyway, I turned my car radio on. I heard a keyboard part, just a FEW seconds of it. I said to myself, "That's a Genesis song." There was no vocals, guitar part, just the keyboard. Lo and behold, in a minute, I heard Phil Collins vocals. I was pretty pleased that I could recognize a song with so little to go on. There may have been some skill involved but, then again, maybe it was a matter of luck, dumb luck. It still made me pretty happy.

The song is not one I can remember but it was from the album Lamb Lies Down on Broadway, and the song was on the same side as the title track. It's too bad that I couldn't hear "Carpet Crawlers" as I absolutely LOVE that song, and that's on the same album but a different side of the double album.

PACKERS WIN THE SUPER BOWL !

You don't have to know a lot about football (or anything really) to appreciate what the Green Bay Packers have done tonight. A football team has 22 players - 11 on offense and 11 on defense. The Packers LOST (through injuries)15 PLAYERS ! During this Super Bowl game they lost 3 more of their starters, but people replaced the injured and did well. They won. I was shocked. I thought there season wasn't going to go very far without some of the people that were injured. But the Packers pull through.

Much was made about their very strong opponents, the Pittsburgh Steelers. They have one the most Super Bowls - 6. They have played in 3 of the last 6 Super Bowls that have occurred. They were a very experienced group. Yet the fact that they turned the ball over 3 times was all the difference in the world. The Packers took those 3 turnovers and scored 21 points. Without turnovers, the game goes from a Packer victory of 31-25 victory to a 25-10 loss and a Steelers victory.

Turnovers count, having a big lead counts, but most of all triumphing over adversities, injuries, penalties, dropped footballs and still getting the job done and earning a victory in the biggest game of all, the Super Bowl.

I am especially pleased with Aaron Rodgers (he's #12 in the pictures)  who had a very very difficult task of taking over from a legend.  He took over from Brett Favre.  Tonight he equals the number of Super Bowl victories won by Favre.  Whether he can have a great career for the rest of his time as a NFL quarterback remains to be seen, but I just can't say enough about the classy way he carries himself and WINS GAMES.  

the big BLIZZARD !

There was a huge snow storm in the Chicago area.  It was much anticipated and reported.  There was so much talk about it before it happened (it began Tuesday afternoon and snowed until late Wednesday morning), that I figured it would be one of those instances (like Y2K) that was so built up and worried about that not much would happen to justify all the worry.

But it was a big storm.  I was still working at the law firm when the blizzard began, and the snow seemed to be pouring from the sky.  It was blowing furiously.  We were told that we were going to be sent home early, at 3 pm and that we would not be working on Wednesday. 

We were let out at 3:00, but my train would not leave for home until 3:45 (it's only a 10-minute walk to the train station).  So, I strolled leisurely to the train station, but I was in for a surprise when I was at the train station.  Almost a 1/2 hour before the train was supposed to leave the train was nearly filled already !  It was going to leave as soon as it filled and if it filled  at 3:35 it would leave then rather than 3:45.  & that's exactly what happened.   We left early, and I felt really lucky to get a seat on the train.  Many people were standing in the aisle. 

After getting off the train, and driving the mile home, it was very apparent that driving would be tricky with such slick roads.  I bought some groceries that I figured we would need.  The snow continued to fall and pour from the sky.  Then we had a very unique weather event occur.  We had thunder snow, during the night, we were not only getting the snow but thunder and lightning also.  The meteorologists noted that was very rare.   Brianna gets worried about bad weather, so she was asking, "Will our condo blow down?  Could we get a tornado".  No, we reassured her.   However, there have been times in the past, I would "josh" her and say well maybe something terrible would happen and that indeed would get her scared.  We would then quickly calm her down and say we were just kidding.  But I wasn't really in the mood to do that this time.  Also there were a number of things to really worry about:

1. If the electricity somehow got cut off by a downed power line (from ice or all the snow) we would not only have no lights but no heat, b/c we have electric heat. The only thing we would be able to do is huddle up under a blanket or go to Maribeth's dad's place in the hopes that he had electricity.  But thankfully, our electricity was fine.  However, for about 60,000 people in Chicago there was no electricity, and it must have been very difficult.

2. The snow the next morning was so high that it almost covered the hood of my car. So the concern was with all that snow, would my car start?

3. If the roads were bad (and many roads were filled w/ snow and not plowed) would Maribeth be able to go to work in the morning? 

4.  We still needed some groceries, were the stores open?   Most of the stores were closed.  But our Jewel was open.  There were some aisles in the store that were completely bare, and it was an amazing site.  Most of the time you are used to the aisles being covered with food begging to be sold.  Yet here, for one of the very few times, there was scarcity.  I grabbed one of the last bag of buns so that we could have sloppy joes for lunch. 

I was proud of our little community at the condo.  People worked together and got each other's car uncovered from all the snow.  We directed people to go where the parking lots for the condo had already been plowed and opened up.  It's amazing how much can be done when people work together. 

Here are some pictures of the condo and piles of snow that dwarfed us:

In the last picture, the snow nearly covered up the bush and was 1/4 of the way up the tree. 

I was surprised to find out that the law firm was going to be closed tomorrow too.  It has completely stopped snowing, much of the snow has been removed, so what was the problem?  I'm sure it's something obvious that I haven't considered, like many streets still remain unplowed. There is also going to be very bitterly cold weather which will make going to work much more difficult.  However, below zero weather has not stopped the community before.  So, I would imagine it must be a combination of things that is keeping our law firm closed.

Maribeth will be working, so I will be watching the kids tomorrow. She was pretty happy that I was getting it off b/c the kids would be taken care of.  There was a story that 1,500 cars were trapped on Lake Shore Drive and many people were stuck in their cold car and had no place to go because this major thoroughfare was completely jammed.    I do remember going home on the train and seeing I-90/94 (The Dan Ryan) completely filled with cars going nowhere.  They ended up making it home but those on Lakeshore Drive didn't until much later. 

very mysterious shoes !

for about 20 yrs. I very reliably took a size 12.  But then my foot changed.  We had a nice woman work at our firm as a consulting nurse.  So, I asked her why (back in about 2008 or so) I suddenly couldn't wear a size 12 on my right foot anymore.  In that year, probably the fall, my little toes were getting pinched and at first, I didn't realize what was going on until I saw that those toes were very bruised. 

Halina explained that as we get older, sometimes people older than 40 (especially those w/ weight issues) get wider feet.  Since I am somewhat overweight, my right foot apparently widened to the point I was forced to either get a 13 or a 12W (w=wide).  So, I gave the shoes to my son, who wears the same size as I do (before my feet widened), a 12. 

He kept them in good shape b/c in the 2 yrs. after they were bought, Andy has only been to about 4 formal occasions. So, with so little wear, the shoe is great. 

A few weeks ago, I ran an errand and used those shoes.  They fit fine.  I figured since I was only wearing them for 20 min. they wouldn't pinch my little toes too much.  & my toes were fine.  So, I kept wearing them.

Today, for the first time ever, I am wearing those once-tight shoes to work, and my feet and toes feel great.  I have a picture of them below.  My wallet is feeling good too, because I paid about $30 for those shoes ! 

Something very strange happened that I discovered yesterday.  There was a nice pair of dress shoes I bought, they didn't fit b/c of the above problem

Think about this for one moment......

This song was written by James McMurtry back in 2004.  The funny thing is we weren't experiencing a recession at that time, but many people were hurting economically and especially from the war in Iraq.  Now, the words seem truer than ever....................

"We Can't Make it Here"

Vietnam Vet with a cardboard sign

Sitting there by the left turn line

Flag on the wheelchair flapping in the breeze

One leg missing, both hands free

No one's paying much mind to him

The V.A. budget's stretched so thin

And there's more comin' home from the Mideast war

We can't make it here anymore

     That big ol' building was the textile mill

It fed our kids and it paid our bills

But they turned us out and they closed the doors

We can't make it here anymore

     See all those pallets piled up on the loading dock

They're just gonna set there till they rot

'Cause there's nothing to ship, nothing to pack

Just busted concrete and rusted tracks

Empty storefronts around the square

There's a needle in the gutter and glass everywhere

You don't come down here 'less you're looking to score

We can't make it here anymore

      The bar's still open but man it's slow

The tip jar's light and the register's low

The bartender don't have much to say

The regular crowd gets thinner each day

       Some have maxed out all their credit cards

Some are working two jobs and living in cars

Minimum wage won't pay for a roof, won't pay for a drink

If you gotta have proof just try it yourself Mr. CEO

See how far $5.15 an hour will go

Take a part time job at one of your stores

Bet you can't make it here anymore

      High school girl with a bourgeois dream

Just like the pictures in the magazine

She found on the floor of the laundromat

A woman with kids can forget all that

If she comes up pregnant what'll she do

Forget the career, forget about school

Can she live on faith? live on hope?

High on Jesus or hooked on dope

When it's way too late to just say no

You can't make it here anymore

      Now I'm stocking shirts in the Wal-Mart store

Just like the ones we made before

'Cept this one came from Singapore

I guess we can't make it here anymore

      Should I hate a people for the shade of their skin

Or the shape of their eyes or the shape I'm in

Should I hate 'em for having our jobs today

No I hate the men sent the jobs away

I can see them all now, they haunt my dreams

All lily white and squeaky clean

They've never known want, they'll never know need

Their sh@# don't stink and their kids won't bleed

Their kids won't bleed in the da$% little war

And we can't make it here anymore

      Will work for food

Will die for oil

Will kill for power and to us the spoils

The billionaires get to pay less tax

The working poor get to fall through the cracks

Let 'em eat jellybeans let 'em eat cake

Let 'em eat sh$%, whatever it takes

They can join the Air Force, or join the Corps

If they can't make it here anymore

      And that's how it is

That's what we got

If the president wants to admit it or not (written in 2004)

You can read it in the paper

Read it on the wall

Hear it on the wind

If you're listening at all

Get out of that limo

Look us in the eye

Call us on the cell phone

Tell us all why

     In Dayton, Ohio

Or Portland, Maine

Or a cotton gin out on the great high plains

That's done closed down along with the school

And the hospital and the swimming pool

Dust devils dance in the noonday heat

There's rats in the alley

And trash in the street

Gang graffiti on a boxcar door

We can't make it here anymore

-----------------------------------------------
(emphasis added)

issues around the time of XMAS

I saved up some money in the bank where it's hard for me to withdraw money out of.  I deliberately picked the Richland County Bank so that I am unable to take money out unless I make the big trip to see my parents.  Through the years, the money I saved up always comes in handy when I purchase gifts during XMAS. 

Christmas seemed to have setbacks this year, but Christmases past often have difficulties.  In 2006, Maribeth's mom died a few weeks before Christmas, and she often states that XMAS isn't that happy of a time.  This December we had 2 problems.

1.  Maribeth went to her car and absolutely, positively couldn't move her key.   The battery was messed up, the battery cable, ignition, it's wires - all messed up and needing replaced.  She had just sunk a very substantial sum of money getting all  of her brakes replaced.  I was pissed off with Firestone for charging so damn much money on brakes.  I want to write a letter to them b/c it's nonsense to gouge the consumer like they did to Maribeth.  Then when I was taking my dear father-in-law to dialysis, we passed at least 2 places that had decent deals on fixing brakes.

So why did she go to Firestone?

We have gone to the same Firestone store for years.  We have trusted them; they previously earned that trust!  Maribeth was shocked when she heard the estimate, and sometimes it's very human for a bad surprise to simply lead to "paralysis". What  I mean is the idea that she felt she didn't have options, and the shock prevented her from thinking of other places to go and exercise those options.  We trusted Firestone before!!!!!!  We don't now, damnit !

When the ignition "fritzed out", she certainly didn't want to go to Firestone and picked "Sal the Handyman" to fix the car.  He has 3/4 of the car done after 1 1/2 weeks.  The car is able to drive, but not so reliably with this missing part.  Sal told her not to drive, and she's smart enough not to take risks doing so.  He found the part and the hope is that it will be fixed by the end of the week.  Maribeth works her usual New Year's Day shift. The time and a half money certainly will come in handy.   I am hoping that I won't be driving her to work as I have a number times during this recent car failure.  Other times I walk to the train station (a little over a mile) as she drives my car to work some 20 miles away.   

Frankly, I feel bad for her.  She has sunk well over $1,000 into the 2005 Suzuki Verona.  I truly thank God for my lowly 2000 Chevy Cavalier.  It has 109,000 miles on it.  I bought the car when it was 4 yrs. old, and it had about 40,000 miles on it (give or take a few thousand).  There have been 2 times where the brake lines have leaked but the indicator light has adequately let me know about that in each instance.  I bought 2 new tires and the stupid bastards at Firestone didn't follow my instructions to rotate the tires after they gave me the tires.  No, they incompetently replaced the old rear tires with the laziness of putting 2 new tires on in the same place.    This is yet another reason why I will be writing them a letter of complaint and threatening to withdraw our family's business with them unless they make some very very sweet deals with us in the future.   Damn! The money we spent on car maintenance and repairs might have put one of the repair person's child through the 1st semester of jr. college.  What kind of nonsense are they practicing at bad Firestone?? Did they not hear that people are suffering from the recession.  That includes us especially since I have been ordered to work fewer hours at the firm. 

2.  Our new toilet that "Sal the Handyman" installed this fall suddenly did not work as  a toilet should.  So, on what was supposed to be  a very Merry Christmas morning, we opened presents early, and I went back to bed.  As soon as I experienced the comfort of a nice bed, I hear a shriek, "GET OUT OF BED IMMEDIATELY OR SOONER!!!!!!!!!!"

To our deep chagrin, the bathroom floor flooded with toilet water.  Inexplicably, no one had flushed the toilet.    We felt terrible because we knew what was coming next.  A visit from our unlucky neighbor immediately below us who had our toilet water streaming through her bathroom fan vent. 

Maribeth was yanking the water out of the toilet, and I turned the valve off as soon as I saw what was going on. I found items that would soak up the water and stop damage to our neighbors walls.  Within minutes, the fiance' to the  woman who owns the condo was videotaping the watery mess that was made.  Yet, it was a watery mess made very inadvertently. 

The following day, Sal and Maribeth took the toilet off to see what the hell was causing all of the problems.  There was good news and bad news.  They found the culprit 2 plastic forks.  The bad news is not having the slightest idea who the hell would put plastic forks in our toilet.  The dog?  the ever-present Jake, Ted's sidekick?  Both ideas were pretty implausible.  We  took some steps to prevent anything else from falling into that damn toilet. 

Oh and of course there were 2 necessary steps to take once the toilet worked well.  Sal, had to be paid for working on a Sunday, and he kindly did it without the traditional extra fee you would pay if a plumber worked on a Sunday.    Maribeth needed her due also.  So, she was patiently listened to as she explained what happens to one's stomach when you smell fecal matter. She was patiently listened to as she repeated the sad consequences of smelling this most foul substance, and she repeated the foul story no fewer than 3 more times. 

Hey, you can't be too hard on Maribeth, b/c her ex-husband (the writer of this post) didn't fix the toilet.  No, plumbing is not at all my function in life.  I am a pre-trial practitioner, a legal researcher, an investigator and a writer.  I would have just messed things up anyway.  I gave Maribeth one of my XMAS gifts which I received at the law firm.  She loves Starbucks, and I gave her the gift car I had received.  She'll love drinking a cappucino  after doing such a  good job fixing the toilet. 

Lord knows if  the insurance will help us. We know they'll pay for the neighbor's damage.  But our bathroom flooring is messed up badly.  Let's see if they'll actually give us compensation for our damage in a timely manner.  

Stay tuned............