My girlfriend of 12 years, friend of 32 years is dead. She died of heart & kidney failures, cancer and anorexia. I feel so weak that I can barely move. I haven't cried yet, but it's not from any strength, just emptiness. I don't have anything to emote b/c there isn't anything in me, it seems.
Let's talk about the cough. First of all, I DON'T WANT to cough. Coughing once is like seeing 1 insect. If I cough once, I will cough over and over after that (with insects if you see one, there's plenty of them you don't see). Sometimes, it feels like when I inhale there's a speck that just sticks to my throat out of nowhere, and I cough and cough. But while I don't want to cough, I can't repress the cough, because the irritant goes deeper, and I not only cough, but I gag.
Another important principle I know is that since the cough is caused by an irritant, the cough is tolerable as long as it doesn't move down the trachea. Coughing is ok. When it's further down the trachea, I will start to gag. I had to gag today, and it still feels sore from that gagging. When I gag, my eyes water, the stomach acid comes up to irritate my air passage even more, and I have to rush and pop an antacid.
The only thing I do is take cherry cough drops (and they MUST be cherry or they don't help AT ALL!). That reduces the amount of time I cough. I cough in bed just like I could cough at any time of the day. I worry about what the cough drops will do to my teeth. As we know, if you have a sweet substance in your mouth, that is bad during bedtime. Sugar in mouth + nighttime = cavities and tooth decay.
I go through many cough drops. Sometimes, if I am not coughing but I still have a big cough drop in my mouth, I take the cough drop out of my mouth, take the wrapper it came in and rewrap it for the next time I cough. Because, there will ALWAYS BE A NEXT TIME!!! Today, was frustrating. I thought I was done coughing and rewrapped the cough drop. No sooner did I finish wrapping, then I had to rush the cough drop back in my mouth, because I was coughing again.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't cough. Some days that are really good, I cough a few times a day. If it's bad, I will go through 12 -15 cough drops. It will involve gagging several times. It seems worse when I go to work. Our carpet in our hospital telemetry rooom is really dirty and very old. I'm coughing as I write, and I have to stop because now I gagged. Today was a bad day. :(
Now, I'm better. Should I put away the cough drop because I don't feel like coughing??? Better wait awhile. My stomach is unsettled because of gagging.
Also, it means that I shouldn't eat something that I love like chocolate malts, because that thickens my mucous and causes more coughing. Nothing like being prevented from enjoying the things you love!
So, I had a chest x-ray and will have a pulmonary(lung) function test once it gets scheduled. I feel like the realization that the cough is due mostly to post-nasal drip then if they can thoroughly stop the post-nasal drip, then it would seem like I would stop coughing.
I hope and pray that happens.
I had a family reunion. I was really looking forward to it. I rented at a local hotel.
The hotel was the Center Lodge located in Richland Center, Wisconsin. I reserved a room 2 weeks ago. The big day occurred Saturday and my family arrived at the hotel. The owner or manager of this hotel completely scammed me. I had a reservation for this hotel made, in advance, 2 weeks ago. When I arrived at the hotel the owner/manager (whatever he is) told me because of me being at the hotel before and problems with my bank, he demanded a $200 deposit IN CASH for the room reserved as well as the standard charge (ALSO IN CASH) for the hotel for 1 night.
It gets worse! I reserved a room and my son rented a room. Through no fault of my son, the owner/manager (whatever he is) made him also pay $200 cash deposit and make him pay cash for the night's charge. Where swimming was free for everyone else he was going to charge us $5 extra. & why did he do all this? A case of mistaken identity. Someone rented to him and their bank bilked the hotel. It wasn't me. I rented a room from them last summer without incident. They paid by credit card with no problems whatsoever. This weekend was a big weekend locally. We tried to rent at other hotels none of the hotels nearby or even 20 miles from that hotel were available. All were booked up. Think about it, if I knew how much this owner/manger (whatever he is) hated me, I could have rented elsewhere with no problem and NO HASSLE!! This is a poorly run hotel!! You can be accused of things you never committed and be made to pay cash rather than credit card like normal customers would do!
I had a counseling session today. It was done online, b/c my counselor moved from a local office to one that was in another state. The session was good and productive. I don't see much difference in what we accomplished. I like my counselor.
But I laughed and still am a bit blown away by a moment in our session. During the session, she whipped out some lipstick and applied it. I barely managed to stifle my laughter. Now, we know that if I was in-person counseling, she would not have gotten her lipstick out. But, it's NOT a criticism of her.
Did it affect how she counseled me? No
Did it affect me getting the help I need? No
Was it funny? YES!
So, I just wanted to share a little comedy with you, dear Reader!
I received some very good financial news from a law firm I hired.
Back in 2017, I grew very concerned about the amount of money I was spending just on interest/financial charges on my credit cards. When you think of someone in financial trouble, you think of them spending too much money, doing vacations, new cars which they can't afford. That's not the case w/ a lot of people and it certainly not the case w/ me. A vast majority of it was having a car w/ 100,000 miles on it and it required lots of repairs to stay drivable. How do you cough up $400 all at once so that you can get your brakes fixed?
In 2017, I looked at 1 of my credit card bills that was solely related to car repairs. 30% interest to finance something like $5,000-$10,000. That's a lot of money. I tried to go with several programs that would help me borrow $$ at a much lower interest rate. But I was rejected
About the only place that offered help was Gitmeid Law Office which has a nationwide debt relief program. I paid them money each payday. The lawyer went to each of my credit card owners and said, "He is in very difficult financial shape. We ask that you reduce the credit card balance he owes you from (the reduction is somewhere between 25-60%). Your choice is simple. We can guarantee that he will pay ___% of what he owes you. Otherwise, he may go bankrupt and pay you nothing." Negotiations occur. When credit card company agrees, they are paid a lump sum (which they like) from the money I've been paying into the escrow every other Tuesday.
So, I had quite a bit of credit card debt. One disadvantage of the program is the credit card companies go to all 3 credit bureaus and report that I'm only going to pay part of my debt. Then my credit score goes down. But that's a small price to pay compared to paying $10,000 a year interest to finance credit card debt.
They said that I would be finished in about September. But something good must have happened b/c I got done Tuesday. With the last credit card debt, I owed less money than expected (or maybe Gitmeid came up w/ a better deal than expected). So I not only was told I no longer have to pay Gitmeid $480 a month, but they were depositing into my bank account nearly $700 (money left over after paying all debts).
That's good news, happy news. My problem and reason for getting into debt was that I was not making as much as I needed to make in the middle of last decade. It wasn't from excessive spending. I am happy I decided to go w/ the Gitmeid Law Firm debt program. If you are falling further and further in debt, you must do something!
KNOW HOW TO TAKE A HINT
I saw a list of sayings in a magazine back in 2004; they were in an ad for a bank.
The one that became the most meaningful and helped me the most through the rest of my life was "know how to take a hint." I remember showing a close friend the saying. She was a woman younger than me. Our relationship didn't end well, sadly enough. But she read this saying and looked at me and said, "well can you?" I should have said "no" or "not very well."
There are so many misunderstandings in life. I want to tell you something, especially to the women reading this. If you have something to say to someone especially if they should back off (& I'm not necessarily saying this about a dangerous situation) and not be so emotionally close, DON'T SEND MIXED MESSAGES. Please understand that some people are dense. A guy will wish he was with you that he doesn't want to understand or take into account any discouraging or "let's play it cool" hints you send to him. The last thing you should do is give him any encouragement or even compliments! DON'T SEND MIXED MESSAGES. You want to be socially graceful and not mean, but any kind of encouragement will necessarily mean a "green light" to him! Don't give it to him!
When I took this saying to heart, I saved a lot of women who I have come to know a lot of awkward moments. I learned to take a hint. When I was really infatuated in an online relationship well over 10 years ago, instead being the stupid "puppy boy" that was encouraged by any encouragement I was given, I learned to take a hint. I still wanted more out of the relationship, but I read her cues better than I did with any other woman. & it paid off! It helped me with the relationship I am in right now with the love of my life.
When I mess up, I can attribute it to not taking the hints that I should have. But I sure am trying. We all need to be students of life!
I read an article from the New York Times (Yahoo republished it and that's how I found it).
It was "Why Political Sectarianism Is a Growing Threat to American Democracy."
The article articulated what has gone wrong in U.S. politics, actually politics in many parts of the world, including the United States.
I'm sick and tired of how polarized, how angry and blind partisanship in politics has become. When I say "blind," I mean that if you are a conservative, you become blind to anything good that the Democratic party. You would rather "walk on hot coals" than complement who you consider your enemy.
Sectarianism is this looking at the other party that you don't belong to as "the enemy." According to Nate Cohn in his New York Times column on April 19, 2012, sectarianism, "is an outlook that makes compromise impossible, encourages elected officials to violate norms in pursuit of an agenda or an electoral victory. And it undermines the willingness of the loser to accept defeat-an essential requirement of democracy."....
Sectarianism is about two hostile identity groups who not only clash over policy and ideology, but see the other side as alien and immoral. It is the antagonistic feelings between the groups, more than differences over ideas, that drive sectarian conflict." (emphasis in italics added)
All of this is painfully obvious, not only when we read politics but when we deal with other family members, neighbors and co-workers. There's divisions in all of these groups! It's hurting our country; we have come to realize that, at long last, our democracy is fragile, that it's not so difficult to imagine our nation to slide into a dictatorship.
When Joe Biden won as president, I was relieved more than happy. But Donald Trump wanted all those who were against him politically, including those who voted against him, to be fearful. And he succeeded! I was worried as were my friends that Biden's victory would be nullified that somewhere in our court system that Trump would prevail. That perhaps the Supreme Court would agree with Donald Trump. After all, they had a negative impact in the 2000 election; they have acted in a partisan way. I was especially concerned on December 14, 2020 when the electoral college convened at all 50 of the statehouses as well as the District of Columbia to vote in the same way as the majority vote did on Election Day.
The electoral college followed the majority. To my immense gratitude and relief, the courts ruled against Donald Trump's lie that he won the election but had it stolen from him. Then the shame, sadness and embarrassment of January 6, 2021 occurred. For the first time, insurrectionists stormed into the US Capitol. For the first time, we had most members of Congress and former Vice President Pence fearful of their lives. So, I was concerned about inauguration day, January 20, 2021. Would there be a similar uprising, revolt????? There wasn't. Were the Capital Police were unprepared for January 6, they and other members of law enforcement in the DC area were very prepared and no hostile incidents occurred during and after Joe Biden was sworn in.
What I find ironic in the awful, pernicious sectarianism that occurs now is that no matter how angry or contemptious we feel about "the other side," neither side is happy with what is occurring in US politics. Both sides agree that the future is a scary, a matter of concern. That what will happen to the United States in the coming years may not turn out so well. Both sides are upset that US politics are a zero-sum game; that if something good happens with the Democrats, that necessarily means something bad happened to the Republicans.
Finally, it's important to understand that once your candidate wins and assumes office as a president, senator or representative, it's not over. In Georgia, after both Democratic senators won. The Georgian state government passed voter suppression laws. Senator Raphael Warnock of Georgia may have won in November and January, but he will have to run again next year, and that race will be tougher than the one a few months ago! Biden may have won the election but will enough meaningful laws, budgets get passed that will change our nation for the better? Or, will congressional gridlock stop it? Will the elections of 2022 mean that the Republicans will come back with a vengeance, and we are assured of gridlock? It's not over.
Names changed for better security for the woman written about.
There was a time when I fell in love (it was a love of a greater magnitude, than I had before 1991), and we married. We have three awesome adult kids. But, when we separated and were divorced, I went through the lowest period of my life. Aren't the worst times when we feel there's no one we can love and who can love us back? Aren't the worst times in your life when you felt as though you failed??
Yes, there are numerous sayings, cliches where you are supposed deny or "spin" failure. But I don't live nor ever lived that charmed or Polyanna type of life.
We both have a friend named Ann. In fact, I knew Ann before I met my ex-wife. I was a teacher, and her son was my student. After Ann helped me get a job at Loyola Univ. Medical Center. I learned the art of interpreting ECGs. Ann was the first woman to love me after moving from Wisconsin to Chicago. She told me she loved me. She gave me an awesome CD by Queensryche for graduating from Roosevelt University. Yet, I told her that I loved her as a friend, not a lover. Then, at work, I met my ex-wife, a nurse at Loyola. She has now put over 30 hard years at Loyola.
One day she told me that Ann left for Atlanta. She told me after we were divorced. My heart sank. I was afraid I would never see Ann again!! Ann is the most altruistic, loving woman (outside of my dear Mom) that I ever met.
Yes, Ann knew how to fight and argue, but she rarely did.
Yes, Ann could get angry and accuse a person of their misdeeds, but she rarely did. Ann is such a sweet loving woman that my ex-wife and her are dear friends. That speaks positively to both women.
A few years later, my ex-wife told me that Ann left Georgia and moved back near Loyola. She was working at Loyola again.
A breath of buenos' aires flew into my body, my mind.
I must talk to her!
I must see her!!
I called the very night that my ex told me. I called her as she was working night shift.
Hearing her sweet, loving voice was so soothing but also very emotional.
She said the kind words that I heard her say before and would hear her say in the future.
At the end of the call, I couldn't stop myself from crying as I said, I love you so much!!"
"I know," she replied cheerily. We hung up.
I couldn't help thinking, "I got to, got to SEE HER!!" I took her to a football championship game. Within a month just as I wanted, just as I needed, we fell madly in love. I even wrote a post on this very blog about 2 people in love back in 2010.
The next year, 2011, was very rough. We all were sad when my awesome father-in-law died. We were relieved that my Mom managed to have Dad in a nursing home (where she visited him every day). but it still was sad!!! My Dad could no longer live with Mom, because he suffered severe Alzheimer's.
Then it happened. After years of suffering from Alzheimer's Dad died in the first month of autumn. Ann was there to comfort me. Coincidentally, when we came back home to see my Mom and siblings, in laws, my high school class reunion took place. I was so proud that Ann was by my side.
Then my mother died the 3rd month of the very same autumn. She died after everyone left her Thanksgiving meal/celebration. Not I, though. I was frantic to get money whenever and wherever I could (yes, I had a job, but it didn't pay a lot). I did not visit my mom and family in Wisconsin as I was about 250 miles southeast in Illinois.
Ann made the agony of that year much easier, because we were in love. Also, much credit goes to my 2nd son who decided to live with me instead of with his mom. He said he wanted to live in a place without all the drama.
In 2013, Ann moved in with me. We were together and loving each other so much! I was struggling to find a decent job, but Ann made the burden lighter. I found one that year in September. Like the one in 2011, I thoroughly enjoyed the paralegal job. Then in the 2nd year, the law firm assigned me to do many more things. I took my work home; I worked weekends. I worked so hard. Yet, it was all right, because Ann cheered me up when I was down.
For the first time, I dreaded and became scared working at the law firm. People were depending on me to help them get money from the case they won, or we settled. I hated negotiating liens! Ann and my second son were worried about me. I was worried about me. The next year, I left the firm.
From that point thereafter, I was never the same paralegal. I lost my confidence. I fretted over my mistakes.
Because of Ann, I was not as depressed as I was in 2002-2003. I never really wanted to commit suicide as I did 17 years ago. However, the next four years were difficult except when I was working full time at UPS, and they liked my work.
My favorite teacher in high school said that any serious, long-term relationship will go through changes. I did not know what he meant. I found out 3 decades later in my current, loving relationship with Ann. We went through limerence, and it was exhilarating! Then, we changed to settling down into a routine where we helped each other, nurtured each other, talked about our problems together, and looked each other in the eyes and said, "I love you."
We changed together. Our relationship would change again. After four hard years, I finally found a decent-paying job with benefits. My self-esteem improved, and I felt very relieved! Sadly, weeks before I was hired just before Christmas, 2018, Ann told me to sit down.
My heart was sinking in dread even before she told me, "I have cancer." The nature of the cancer was heart-breaking. Yet, in 5 months, she had all her radiation and soon, we learned the good news that she is in remission. The crisis was over. I would continue to work hard at my job; Ann would work hard for a few more years at Loyola and retire. We were hopeful and happy.
Yet, God had other ideas. Pat complained early in the new decade about the severe pain she had. It took a long, long time to figure out what the pain was from. Painfully and with anguish, Ann nearly died in the summer of 2020. Her pain turned into shortness of breath, lack of vitality. Weeks after coming home from the hospital, we knew very clearly that she would never work in a hospital again. She was just too weak!
Then, we learned she needed a cardiac bypass. Later, she began bleeding. She went to the hospital again and again. She was so forlorn, she hated going to the hospital even though she received excellent care. She cried, and I understood her melancholy when the physician said her hemoglobin was too low for her to be released from the hospital; she was bleeding too much. Yet, they found a way, and she went home a week later.
She had kidney failure, she needed weekly dialysis. She needed cauterization surgery for her bleeding. The dialysis sapped the vitality out of her every morning when she had it. A painful question made itself very obvious. If Ann became sick as she repeatedly did in 2020, what would happen to her while I was working a 12-hour shift?? Her loving daughter had a beautiful home in Yorkville. There were four adults living there, they could provide my dear Ann 24/7 care. As an added bonus, she would see the granddaughters that she loved with every fiber of her being!
During the years 2019, 2020 and this year, our roles changed noticeably. Previously, when we lived together, and I was going through vocational hardships, Ann was consoling me. I felt like a failure when I couldn't find work. She told me I wasn't!!
Now that I had the decent job, I needed, really wanted to be there for her. She lost vitality; how could she look at life the same? She praised me for being there for her treatments, for her hospitalizations. Obviously, it was a no-brainer for me. I wanted to help her. When I wasn't there, her dear daughter and others were there for her. Yet, after her summer hospitalizations, I started to hear her say, "I can't take much more of this." When she despaired over losing so much energy, she said, "this isn't life." I listened, but wondered if I gave enough encouragement.
Today, I heard the same sentiment. Today and yesterday, we celebrated Valentine's Day; we were happy for awhile. But, her health problems made their presence known loud and clear. She still lives with her daughter. This afternoon, it was time to bring her back. Of course, I felt bad. In the car, I discovered that I had Matthew Sweet's sorrowful CD, GIRLFRIEND. The album was made after Sweet's sad, depressing divorce. Listening to the CD, I brought Ann to her home. I made sure that she was ok with the CD. After an hour of driving, I kissed her goodbye.
I certainly was in a sad enough mood to hear the heartsick GIRLFRIEND album again. Yet, the song "Don't Go" played. The song was not necessarily about divorce but something just as sad. It made me think over a decade ago. I asked a widow, "What do you think the difference between divorce and a spouse's death is."
She replied, "It's just as sad, but as a widow, I feel less guilt than you did after your divorce." There's no way of telling when Ann or even I will die. We talked about that today. We simply need to wait for God to order us when. But here are the words that took my breath away as I heard Matthew Sweet sing:
"Oh, don't go, I can't watch them put you in the ground/Don't go!
Don't go, don't make me have to say goodbye/'Cause I need to look you in the eye, oh, don't go.
I still need to look you in the eye, don't go!!!"
from Matthew Sweet (who is my age and also got heavy, but still just as good an entertainer as 1991) in the song, "Don't Go."
That's Matthew above with Susanna Hoffs.
Yet, there is HOPE.
anything considered true IS NOT, BUT PURELY COINCIDENTAL!
John had a terrible problem with his daughter, Violet. John and Deb always envisioned that their kids would grow up to be gainfully employed, mature adults. That worked out well with their 2 sons. One worked at a factory, and the other had his degree and worked at home for a computer software company. The only thing Anthony complained about was that the rest of them were too damn loud along with their odious, relentlessly-barking pit bull. How many times he boomed out from the basement, "I'm helping write software!!" no one knew, but it was about 600 times in Violet's fateful 1st semester.
Violet decided to piss off her parents in a number of ways. While they fell in love in '92 helping, in a very small way, get Bill Clinton elected president, Violet defiantly announced in October that she would be voting for Trump along w/ the Reds.
"Oh, John! If she is in the Reds did she join an offshoot of the gang in Los Angeles? What if she gets shot by the Crips?" she cried.
John quietly assured that she was off the mark. Little did her daughter know, but John had been employing one of her friends. In the smallest office in the only large office building in town, John gave Violet's friend, Lori, $15 an hour on his internet business.
John explained to his wife, that 1 night, Violet decided to stay overnight at Lori's house. Violet explained that there was this splinter group away from the Will County Young Republicans. They called themselves the Reds. Violet had smiled to Lori and drunkenly announced that she was the girlfriend to the leader of the Reds, Geoff!
"Oh my God!" Deb exclaimed, "who is this, 'Geoff,' that you speak of?"
John took a deep breath; he calmly said, "it gets worse Deb. He quietly told her that Geoff led the Reds. They were a group of 30 of them. They had 6 former gang members. Geoff and the gang members held parties, at 5-10 members homes. Most of the ones hosting the parties weren't even in college but sold drugs. They would go downtown while the bars were still open and outdoors. They came with their t-shirts or coats emblazoned REDS. They smoked by the bars and if anyone asked if they were "Commies" a few of the Reds would beat the living shit out of the person for calling them that.
Lori told John all this during the work lunch. "It gets worse, Deb," Lori then explained that Violet told her that if the hapless victim had friends then Geoff and the former gang members would descend on the group and pounded them into submission. Then they ran and hid in 1 of their cars. When it was quiet and the red lights were gone, they drove home, drank and partied more.
Deb lowered her voice, "is our daughter sleeping with this Geoff?"
"Yeah, Deb, it gets worse." He explained that when Lori and Violet were drinking at Lori's mother's house, Violet told her about the second time she met with the other Reds. Geoff singled out their daughter. He was his most charming self. He told her that he was on the baseball team. He even knew her before, because he would go to her high school's softball game and watch her play first base.
As Violet told Lori her drunken story, she smiled in a daze and said, "Do you know when I really fell in love with Geoff?"
"No, when?" asked Lori.
"When he gave a blow by blow account of when I hit a 3-run homer to beat Lemont. I hit a 3-run fuckin' home run in the last inning. Then, in the last half of the inning, in Lemont, I did my own double play, caught a bullet and tagged the runner going to second base!!" recounted Violet.
"Wow!!"
"Do you know what?" Violet started to cry in Lori's bedroom. "He kept talking and knew all the names of the ones who gave me high 5s, and even Jenny who gave me a big kiss after the game!"
When Geoff recounted her favorite high school moment, he took her back to his place. He had his own apartment. He explained during the day he went to their college. To her surprise, he still sold marijuana in Illinois. Even though it was legal in Illinois, Geoff was able to undercut the legal dispensaries who almost never sold pot in increments of $30 or less. Geoff explained that Illinois loves their taxes and charged the dispensaries a steep price in sales tax. He informed her that he had a clientele of over 50 regulars selling cheaper pot.
"Then what?" asked Lori.
"Well that asshole spiked my wine. Next I know, I woke up at 2am. He was eating me out and there was a used condom was by my hips. I figured, well, he can't be all bad if he eats me out well and uses a condom. Wow, what an orgasm that was a few seconds later!" laughed Violet as the 2 young women laughed and fell on the floor in their drunken awkwardness.
"Well, that's terrible!"
"You're just jealous, Lori. No, really, I mean I was negative on the pregnancy test. Got checked out for all kind of venereal diseases including HIV at the campus healthcare, and I was clean as a whistle. That's true love when your boyfriend is looking out after you, Lori."
John told his wife all this. Deb was sobbing by now and tearfully asked, "is that...is that w-w-w-why you got in that big argument about Trump versus Biden on her 19th birthday?"
"Yep," replied John stoically, "that was the worst October 15th of my life! Deb, I gave Violet a bribe; tomorrow, we are going to meet the fearless leader, Geoff!"
"How much did you give her?"
"A hundred dollars."
"You IDIOT, JOHN!!!!" Deb shrieked. "Do you realize that she probably used that money to buy drugs wholesale for her damn boyfriend?!? Did you not see how quiet Violet has been lately? I haven't been able to say 'jack' as she marches to her bedroom and won't talk to me!!" Deb's face was still red from crying, but now her face turned to beet-red rage, and she slapped John across the face.
"Sorry, Deb."
"You should be, Asshole!!" she yelled.
"Well, at least Biden won," John mused.
"Just shut the fuck up, John!!" her voice settled lower into a cold. harsh menace.
PART II
John awoke at 9:30 am and wasn't surprised that Deb wasn't beside him. He found her in the kitchen mopping the floor. "How long have you been up?"
"4:30, I asked you to help me before 7, but you didn't budge," she hissed in reproach.
"Well, it's hard to move when you're asleep."
"Take the garbage out!"
An hour later, they heard a loud Ford Mustang drive and park outside the house. Violet and a tall, unshaven, well-muscled male walked behind her. Geoff looked as uneasy about meeting her family as John's look at him.
Violet introduced him and said, "Mom, Dad, this is my boyfriend, Geoff. Geoff, this is my mom and dad." John reached his hand out to him as he had shook hands after an introduction so many times before.
Geoff shrunk back, "Don't forget about COVID, John.
"Wow," smiled John with a trace of sarcasm, "we're already on a first-name basis!" Deb forced a laugh as Geoff and Violet wanly smiled.
"Would you two like something to eat or drink?" offered Deb.
"No, Mom. We are going to a meeting," asserted Violet.
"What kind of meeting?" Deb and John asked.
"Do you have to ask so many questions?" Violet defensively replied.
"Well, maybe I want to go," John mockingly answered back.
"No!" answered Violet and Geoff.
"You gotta love a couple who think so much alike, you speak in unison," John observed patronizingly.
"Wait! You just got here, Violet," Deb pleaded.
"We're not late for anything, especially a Reds Meeting," Geoff replied.
"A Reds meeting?" they both asked. John shot Deb a smile with a "here we go again" look.
"Um, we'll see you later, Mom and Dad," mumbled Violet and Geoff as they nearly ran out the door.
Deb and John looked at the door for a long time. John put his arm around Deb, and she put her arms around him resting her head on his shoulder. "We're really screwed, aren't we?" she asked.
John exhaled sadly, "we're in for difficult times in the near future."
"Where did we go wrong? Our neighbors say we're good parents. But they really don't know the half of it, do they?" she asked in frustration.
"No." John slowly let go of Deb to eat in the kitchen.
"How can you eat at a time like this?!?" she demanded.
"Eating this club sandwich beats the hell out of feeling bad," he calmly replied.
"It won't help."
"Tell me something I don't know," John quietly answered.
Deb's motherly instinct told her not to cry. She hugged Violet; Violet hugged back and held her in an embrace. Deb fought back, but she immediately thought that Violet hugged her with this much need since she was 12. Maybe, her daughter loved her after all.
Ghostwritten by an RN on May 2, 2018
I saw an angel, and it was real. It flew through my sister the day she was in a coma in the intensive care unit.I saw another angel:-coming down from heaven and comforting us in our sorrow at a wake and funeral.
What makes people die?
Is it when God calls you home, or is it just a combination of circumstances and "good medicine."
I believe it is a little of both. I'm a healer - in the world, my job is a nurse. It is a brutal thing and a difficult job. Skills are not only necessary, but dedication and sacrifice!
Some nurses are lonely and depressed. This is not often the case, BUT if you see and experience death enough on a regular basis......it can overwhelm you!
To my dear Readers,
"Our long national nightmare is over."
This decisive, cathartic quote was first used on August 9, 1974, by our 38th President, Gerald R. Ford, a Republican. His predecessor tried to cover up theft that occurred at the Democratic National Headquarters in June of 1972. Richard Nixon, a/k/a Tricky DICK (like Martha Stewart later) illustrated the important point, "The sin of coverup, deceit and concealing is often worse than the sin covered up!"
From 2017 to the present day, we have to deal with a president so much worse than Richard Nixon. A person who wielded world diplomacy for PERSONAL GAIN! Republicans and their followers never disputed that Trump wanted Ukraine to give information about the President-Elect's son in return for US aid (at least the ones who have a grip on reality).
No, it wasn't that they disputed those facts, because they were recorded! Yes, recorded!
What they disputed and meandered around and parsed words about was this point, "so what if he conducted foreign relations as President of the United States of America for personal gain??? No, it's not enough to remove him from office."
We still have a president who actively spreads loathsome conspiracy theories. Now President Trump isn't the first president to lie while president. Democrats and Republicans alike have lied in office. But, in my opinion, he lied to gain power, he lied to keep power, and he continues to lie. It's like the Judge Judy's sentiment from the bench to the Defendant, "Do you know HOW I can tell when you're lying?? When your LIPS MOVE!" Ok, I know he's not that bad, but I and hundreds of millions of Americans have put up with too much of his BS for too long!
Over 78 million voters said they had enough of Trump earlier this month. Here are the Electoral College results:
With a fair, conventional vote from the Electoral College, Biden will win 306 to 212. He won more votes than any president in US History. According to CBS News, reported on Friday, November 20, Biden earned 79,658,000 votes in his favor. The Washington Post stated that Biden won by over 78 million votes (reported on November 13, a week earlier). This isn't made up. And don't be like our president and say, "it's fake news." Two very good, trusted sources (among MANY) said Biden won and how many votes he won!
The Washington Post has been trusted for centuries by the American people. Their reporters, Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein, broke the story about Nixon's demise in Watergate. This is a story that has little dispute. A vast MINORITY of Americans could dare look you in the face and say that Nixon should have remained in office, instead of resigning in August, 1974.
CBS News also has an august, reputable history. CBS brought us Walter Cronkite, a man millions of us called Uncle Walter because he was that trusted among people across our great nation!
No, none of us should pretend that we know who will win the election.....Trump or Biden. You should vote in the election unless you voted early or mailed in your ballot!
However, I submit to you that we are close to knowing who will win.
The electoral vote is currently 249-204. That leaves 85 electoral votes. So, if Trump won them all, he would win. But look what happens if Biden wins Wisconsin and Trump wins the rest.....YOU HAVE A TIE, 269 - 269
A couple weeks ago, my fiance, Pat, left the hospital. She had been in the hospital for 2 weeks, because her kidneys were in bad shape. Then they found out that she had a heart attack. It damaged a small proportion of her heart, strangely the bottom of her heart. She later needs open heart surgery to bypass the blockage and give more blood and the oxygen that comes with it to another part of her heart.
So, she left the hospital. So, where did Pat go after she left the hospital? Well, there was kinda sorta a choice.
If she went to her daughter's place, she would be in a townhouse. It's a beautiful townhouse maybe built a decade ago. There would be people at the house with the opportunity to take care of her 24/7. She absolutely, positively loves her grandkids. They would be with her when they weren't at school. Her dialysis is nearby in the same town as her daughter's; she has to go there at 5AM.
OR
My place - I live in a 2 bedroom condo. Contrary to the townhouse, my condo was built in 1972. To get to my condo, you climb 3 flights of stairs. I live on the 3rd floor with no elevator. This is very bad for a woman who has very diminished cardiovascular capacity. If she was living with me, when I go to work, when I run an errand, she's all alone. No grandkids....they are 30some, 40some miles away.
So solution is obvious and the logic is brutal (from my perspective). & for her to come to my place just to visit maybe stay the night, she can't come if she has dialysis the next morning unless we want to get up before 4am. So, she's at her daughter's place to stay. She's not coming to live in the condo anymore. After about 7 years, she's gone. Because the solution is obvious and the logic is brutal (from my perspective).
What's the sense of even calling her my "fiance' " if she can't even live with me in the foreseeable future???
The new normal
I'm all alone, well there is my cat, Princess.
Sometimes I feel bad for Princess because she feels so needy if I'm gone for hours, and I come back. SHe's at the door as I make my way up the stairs. She's meowing like mad. She hates being alone.....like my "fiance' " I suppose it's more accurate to say that Pat's health is such that she is unable to be alone. I was dreading moments like now. When the realization that there's a good chance she'll never come back hits. When I feel like being with her and at the moment she doesn't call or text back to me.
There's going to be a lot painful moments like now. Being alone, like I was through 90% of my 20s. That empty feeling, the hope that some book, magazine article, streaming TV or TV documentary will keep you company. Actually, right now, I'm listening to a Jack Johnson greatest hits album, and it's beautiful. I love every song on it. How I wish this album would never end or at least not end until this lonely feeling is over hours from now. I just discovered YouTube chose another Jack Johnson for me and the next Jack Johnson album after that is about an 1 hr, 20 min long. Thank God for small favors.
I would lay down and try to slumber away this melancholy, but it's too hot (90 deg Fahrenheit), too early. I sleep on my side and my left shoulder is way toooo sore.
I could go and stop by for awhile to see my kids. Well, that carries this complication. This past spring, they bought a dog. Now, my ex always roots for the downtrodden, the hopeless. So, she got an abused pit bull dog. The dog in it's abused angry way often harasses her boyfriend...to the point, I feel sorry for him.
When I come over, she barks with such blood-curdling ferocity, such unforgivable relentlessness that my heart fills with disgust and ---e. The dog's name is Lolly, but I just call her WEDGE because she is a wedge between my dear kids and me. After all who wants to go over to hear a barking, snarling,snorting, relentlessly, loud dog? I guess if I really need to go there, they can move the dog someplace where she's not such a baleful presence.
The new norm has been imposed upon me. I'm alone in my condo, and I can't see my kids w/o special arrangements being made.
"The hours, they bring me pain." from the song "Tangerine" by Led Zeppelin
This has many opinions.
Do you know which sentences contain facts?
Yes, the presidential election of 2020 is the most important election the US has had since 1932.
Yet, like any other presidential election, the same dynamics, the same anger among opposing candidates, and especially and very much moreso the anger between the people that support the Democratic and Republican candidates. The Democratic National Convention went well and vividly and at times beautifully rallied concerned Americans to make the right choice and support Joseph Biden for president.
You hear the disgust, the anger, the indignation of the Republicans. They are like, "our convention is next week. We can't wait to give our version of what's going on in the nation!!!!!!!!" I can't even bother listening because they will just arouse my fury. Yes, that's the truth.
That's the amazing thing about politics. You weld intelligence with emotion. You can feel the anger moreso than the intelligence of the arguments many times.
The issues......... The stories of people working so hard, but not making it financially. They piss you off when you know Mark Zuckerburg or Jeff Bezos are billionaires that don't care about much other than their businesses.
Another issue with so much emotion is abortion. One side focuses on the image of an embryo and what will happen when the abortion occurs, and the other side focuses on the woman who wonders how she can possibly be a mother. So much anger about these issues. FACTS: I hate abortion. Late term abortions are abominable (fact or opinion??). Some dollar stores sell pregnancy tests.
I'm so tired of President Trump lying just to look good or spouting out conspiracy theories like White Trash would & does. (nasty, fake news, that is full of heated opinion)
The US isn't a leader when it comes to dealing w/ COVID. We can't handle this virus. (opinions but still SEEMS TO BE TRUE!)
Florida has been hit very very hard, all because some are ruining it for others.
Some Americans feel if they have to wear a mask, then it's not long until we are ruled by a dictator. How stupid and consequential that belief is!
But we are going to hear so many angry words, so many exaggerations, so much crap until November 3. I do not want Joe Biden to fail (FACT). We are going to go through a very tough 4 years if Trump stays. opinion
We simply can't let that happen.(opinion)
This has many opinions.
Do you know which sentences contain facts?
