2 issues

I am going to write about 2 subjects in this post. One touches on humor, and the other subject is definitely not funny at all and relates to the woman pictured above.

First issue

I'm really upset that Benazir Bhutto died. I'm not one of those stereotypical Americans that are notoriously bad in geography and are unable to point to Russia on a map. Why I even know the capital of Finland and know that it hosted a very important Superpower Summit between the US and the Soviet Union back in 1974. They called it the Helsinki Accords.


Yet, since 9/11/2001, many Americans are better at geography and many are concerned at what is going on in Asia. Benazir Bhutto's death helps terrorists. Was she a panacea to Pakistan if she would have been re-elected? No. Would she have solved the problems the US has with Al-Queda and terrorists? No, she simply would have helped.


I'll tell you what would really help, a better US President would really help towards solving a very difficult terrorist problem.


Did anyone notice that the very flawed, bumptious, ursine President Bush is unable to send more troops to Afganhistan in the wake of this good woman's death? & why can't he send more troops? Because he's pissing away too much of his military resources in Iraq, that's why. Now some Bush apologists will say we're doing better in Iraq, and some of the same apologists will say that we killed Sadaam Hussein and his 2 murderous sons. The good we did in Iraq, and the good we may currently be doing in Iraq doesn't outweigh the well over 2,000 young Americans that have died in this very flawed struggle. People can point out that some people in Iraq are doing better. But many if not most are NOT. & no matter how much the Bush people and our flawed President tip toe around it and try to obfusicate, we have, in fact, plunged that nation into a civil war. That civil war pits Shiite Iraqis against Sunni Iraqis, and they are dying by the scores every single day. This war has done more harm than good. How bad is Iraq? Let me count the ways:

1. The war began under false pretenses. Bush proclaimed long and repeatedly in 2002 and into 2003 that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. THEY DIDN'T! The reason that he wanted the war was that he, Cheney and probably even Rumsfeld wanted to invade Iraq when they unfortunately took over the executive branch in Janauray, 2001. After all, Hussein had plotted in the 1990s to kill Bush's father (a much better president who balanced his budget by raising taxes and knew when to stop in Iraq!) Bush wanted to settle a score, among other reasons.

2. The Iraq War was ill-conceived. Even Bush states that he made a mistake vainly flying onto of a aircraft carrier that said MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Very symptomatic of the profound mistake made. They figured the war was won when they kicked out Hussein. They had no conception, very poor planning on how to reconstruct Iraq. AGAIN, THEY HAVE, IN FACT, PLUNGED THE NATION INTO A CIVIL WAR - Shiites vs. Sunnis!

3. The Iraq War sapped the strength of fighting terrorists in Afganhistan. To his credit, Bush actually helped facilitate a well designed, well executed war against Afganhistan a month after the terrorists struck on 9/11. It is well documented that when the US bombed and invaded Afganhistan, they fundamentally changed the way terrorists could operate and diminished their effectiveness. It's well documented as Senator John Kerry noted in his challenge against Bush in 2004 that our American forces had Bin Laden within their grasp in Tora Bora only to let him go by poor execution and poor insight by Bush. The instability of Bhutto's death (how this part of the post began) gives strong support to the fact that the Taliban was only temporarily setback in 2001 and 2002. It gives support that Al Queda's setback was more temporary than permanent. Now that there's so many troops are in Iraq, we have depleted forces elsewhere and precludes or options of a stronger force in Afganhistan to take on a re-energized Al-Queda and Taliban.

4. The Iraq War has wasted billions and depletes our ability to work towards solving domestic problems. We no longer have a budget surplus but a budget deficit. Bush doesn't want to upset his rich friends by raising taxes which would be the financially responsible way to pay for his war. But that's a Republican for you. While there are some good Republicans out there, a certain core of Republicans love indiscriminately spending money in the Pentagon, raising deficits and spending needless money on interest to fund that deficit. Why? Because if they put money there, they don't or even can't put money on domestic concerns and help people who really need it. One of the idiotic Republicans' (not all of them are this screwed up prioritywise but the following describes far too many of them) pet ideas is make it a law that Congress can only raise taxes when there's 2/3 of a majority.
In so doing, the military would get their money, Social Security (until about 2030) would get their money, but the rest of the budget could "go fly a kite" because after all, the federal government is there to fight foreign foes and dole out corporate welfare. These screwed up Republicans don't actually think they should help people in need.
One should look no further than Bush's NoChild Left Behind educational initiative. Bush had bipartisan support when he helped push the initiative through Congress. But thanks to a partisan, Republican Congress made up of hacks like former CORRUPT Majority Leader Congressman Tom DeLay, the page-abusing congressman of Florida and Senator Craig of Idaho, they badly underfunded this law well below what they originally pledged. Since we were fighting the almighty war in Iraq, the No Child Left Behind was given less funding than Bush originally pledged.
For these and many other reasons, the Iraq War is the wrong war to be in, and the only place we need to be fighting is Afganhistan. For these and many other reasons, President Bush may go down in history as the worst president the US has had since Warren Harding, president during the Roaring 20s. For these and many other reasons, the death of Benazir Bhutto is a very serious setback in the War on Terrorism. Whether or not this setback is insurmountable only time will tell.
I don't have a problem with all Republicans. In fact, the last decent Republican president, Dwight Eisenhower, stated, (this is paraphrasing not verbatim) that spending money on the Pentagon and the military takes money away from those who are hungry and those who are in need. He said that, not some knee-jerk liberal. He accurately warned about and presciently stated the perils of the military-industrial complex on the eve of his retirement from the presidency. The military-industrial complex has wasted trillions of dollars on such boondoogles as the Seargent York artillery gun, spent money on ships that sunk to the sea instead of defending our nation, paid for $1,000 hammers and screwdrivers.

5. The US. should have a strong military, there's no argument from me on that point. I changed from being Republican to being a proud Democrat during the Reagan administration when I read about the wanton wasteful spending that occurred by the Pentagon. The American people and even those people on the entire planet deserved better than the trillions of dollars wasted at the Pentagon as President Eisenhower so articulately described while he was still president.

SUBJECT #2

I consider writing my hobby. I certainly (as you all can tell) am no Saul Bellow or Studs Terkel, but I do have something to say, and I write it better than the average person. I know I write better than the average person because they often say or write "good" when they should have said or wrote "well". Many don't realize that well is an adverb and good an adjective. Therefore, many will use "good" when their sentence requires the adverb "well".
So what?
So what, indeed, being able to use "good" and "well" properly doesn't make me a good writer merely a better one, that's all. & I definitely have a lot to learn.
Last Friday night, I sent what I thought was a humorous e-mail to a score of people, quite a few people. I thought I would get some response. Well, I received one response. One man thought what I said was very funny. That's the funny thing about humor. You can have 3 friends hearing a joke: 1 will think it's hilarious, 1 will think it's stupid, and the last one will be indifferent.
I'm still trying to figure out if other people besides Marty thought it was stupid and deleted it out of their e-mail (probably some did), or chuckled at the e-mail and moved on to something else (possibly some did).
Why don't I post the satirical e-mail here? I thought about it. But I considered my readership. I considered in particular one special reader who has a very good blog herself. When you go to her blog, it is consistently good writing, consistently written work that puts a smile on one's face (especially mine). I want to be consistent, too. I thought that since my satire was "dirty humor", "R rated humor", then I would be considered by her and maybe others "inconsistent". Since the humor was "edgy", I was concerned that it would be "edgy" enough to make her NOT want to read my blog anymore.
But, I don't know, a person, especially a blogger, should take risks from time to time. So if any of you readers out there want to see it, I'll definitely reconsider and possibly even post "my satirical e-mail".

Pictures of this time of year

Most of you who read this blog will readily recognize my kids. The other 2 people in the outdoors picture are Kristen and Matt. They are my niece and nephew from Maribeth's side. Kristen is going to one of the top chef schools in Chicago and will graduate this spring. Matt is in his sophomore yr. at Loyola and is getting a degree in Criminal Justice. He wants to police cybercrime.

Brianna is the only one of my kids who still believes in Santa Claus. Ted and Andy found out "the real deal" a little over 2 years ago. I will take some pictures when we celebrate Christmas at my dear parents place in little Ithaca, Wisconsin (population 40 people, but mind you, it's still big enough to be a topic in Wikipedia!) .

Dear Reader, I will make sure to pass along these pictures to you.

upcoming holiday and current concerns

I am happy for my kids excitement for XMAS, I feel it won't be disappointed when they go to see their Grandma & pa Schauf in Ithaca WI and will do plenty of tobogganing on the snowy hills of SW Wisconsin. Maribeth & I are looking forward to the law firm party this Thursday.
I'm glad and happy I work at a decent firm.

I would be happier but I have a cold creeping into the bronchial tubes (hopefully I won't have pneumonia as I did 2 years at the very same time). I would also be ecstatic if it wasn't for the fact that over the past few months I"ve been subjected to over $500 in dental bills and I haven't seen my checking account above zero in over 2 weeks. Lets hope & pray the combination of today's paycheck and the XMAS bonus will cover everything. (Pray here! no just kidding, I am a mere speck in a mad universe and have no right to demand a prayer).

I'm a little bit more optimistic about my evaluation. I was given a 4 hr task for an important lawyer at our firm who works out of Israel. I was thanked by both him and the #1 at our firm. I think it's pretty clear that the staff member you go to for an arbitration pack, a Supreme Court Rule 222 Disclosure or Pre-Trial Memo is a certain someone who is more confident now. There's not many to chose from at our small firm, but I try.

From a humble blogger, I wish every reader, my dear brother with a very serious disease, all those fighting with guns, the sick and the lonely, a very precious Christmas and holiday season!!!!!!!!
VPJS

suggestions

Any good suggestions for an upcoming end of the year review?

Part 3 of 3, Down & Down again, but finally up

The year of 2003 was nearly as bad as 2002. 2002 was about loss, and 2003 was about a slow recovery I started. A couple weeks after 2003 started, I moved away from Maribeth (good) and the kids (bad), moved out of the condo and into an apartment in neighboring Midlothian (a town north and west Oak Forest and adjacent to OF). I remember as clearly as yesterday that after moving into the apartment (about a couple of weeks) my 2nd son Ted said, "Daddy, you have a 2nd son said, "Daddy you have a beautiful apartment." He was only 4 years, but he sensed how that made me a lot happier. So, he said it occasionally with nearly perfect timing!
My paralegal job went from good in November to excruciating by late winter/early spring of 2003. I had the misfortune of having a demeaning bitch of a boss with the same exact first name (including the same exact spelling!) as my ex-wife. I was wrong and she was wrong. Things went well at first and she was gracious enough to complement me and even give me $20 as a bonus for XMAS. Yet, I seemed flawed from the start. 1st, she told me at the interview that I would only do "a little" secretarial work. Yet, the secretarial work as important as being a paralegal, and there was just as much of it as there was paralegal tasks. She had no other secretary! I was shoehorned into paralegal/secretary rather than paralegal. The differences were stark. Secretaries (now this is a generalization not the way it ALWAYS is) have to have work done the same day, sometimes within 10 minutes. Paralegal will have tasks that are days and weeks long.
I was very tense and thought "everything depended on being a perfect paralegal/secretary!" When I made mistakes, I brooded on them. There were times I would make mistakes from feeling bad about the last mistake made.
Maribeth O (my damn boss, not to be confused with my ex-wife. This damn lawyer will hereafter be call "M.O.") preyed on my mistakes and yelled and had fits. The vicious circle ensued: I made a mistake –>one of us would catch it–>she would find out usually, anyway–>She would "raise hell" –>I would feel bad and became upset going into the next project and make more mistakes.
I was able to work in this excruciating fashion for 2 months. Before I was fired 4/13, I hoped at night that I wouldn’t wake up. I blamed everything on myself and had the view, "No matter how hard I try, it’s not enough". Then I was called in the office by the office manager. She said early into this meeting, "It’s just NOT working out." TRUE! M.O. was sitting right beside me. She attempted to act compassionate during the meeting, but it was well known throughout the office what a bitch she was, even among other women there! Before I was hired she had gone through several subordinates in a matter of a year or so. She was angry when I was on the best of terms with her. I remember as clearly as "earlier today" when there were times I was in her office and she didn’t seem angry. Then the phone would page her, and she would emit this angry ½ shout/ ½ grunt.
When I left, I reduced my phone bill; I found a grocery store that offered cut rate prices. I didn’t get cable when I moved out and continued that way. I got rid of my cell phone. I greatly reduced the amount I drove. About the only driving I did was when my ex-wife (the better Maribeth, "MB") was working I was given a decent severance package which I shared with my kids and MB. I decided to not be a paralegal anymore, but a medical coder who would own my own business and work for clinics and do Internet billing and submit HCFA forms to insurance companies. I was doing a better job of making ends meet.
Then, I flew into a rage, an absolute hate-filled rage! While working at the firm, I was blaming myself for 95% of the problems I was having. I hated M.O. when it finally dawned on me a crucial realization. I was ending my paralegal career after 12 years to go into business for myself. In those 12 yrs. I worked for many lawyers: old lawyers, lawyers younger than myself, women lawyers, men lawyers, nice lawyers, patient lawyers, lying lawyers and lawyers blunt and honest. Before M.O., I never met such a petty, mean, evil bitch lawyer as bad as Maribeth O. A week or so after, I came up with memories of many of the times she demeaned me, yelled at me in front of clients, even. I hated her; I literally hated her for a year. But that really hurt only myself. I talked to a priest about it 1 1/2 yrs. later in confession.
I did 2 things with my rage. One is used the anger as motivation to pass my medical billing class with honors. The 2nd was to write a story that ended up taking me a year to write called, "Change from a Coral Snake". It was a bad boss meeting a bad end. Yet, I prayed enough and had enough insight to know that the protagonist/star of the story was wrong. He was wrong to take matters into "his own hands" and create a harsh consequence against his boss. (Sorry for not publishing herein, because I still have the copyright. But if you want the story, contact me and we’ll make arrangements.)
I got a job at a hospital. Ironically, the assistance I had gotten from the government was more than what I was making at the hospital. But to be fair, I was working part time. The rest of the time was getting Medicare and Medicaid certified, then writing mailing, delivering, promotional letters and flyers for the new business.
By the summer, the "better MB" and I agreed to all the terms on the divorce. We were wisely told by Cook County Court that we had to take child parenting class (which is for those who are divorced & with kids). I was told to go to one class just like Maribeth. The bottom line was if you fight like "cats and dogs", and your kids are witness to that, it will hurt them. Good class, I would go so far as to say that it influenced my parenting thereafter. Can’t lie and say I never got into another fight with MB again, but I think I got into a lot less of them. I will truthfully assert that Maribeth is a better person now than she was in 2002. I think I've changed too.
Although Maribeth and I agreed to all the divorce terms, her lawyer decided not to "lift a finger" regarding the process of the divorce. No court meetings, no filing the final petition/agreement, no nothing. Why? Because Maribeth was behind paying her legal fees. Is that right? Is that wrong? I don't know, but that seems like "business".
I turned 40 in June, 2003. The hope and the prayer was that life really "began at 40", because things were as nightmarish at the age of 39. Between September to December of 2003, I was extremely unhappy. I wrote "Change from a Coral Snake" . I wrote an unfinished (to this day) story about 2 fathers of consecutive generations committing suicide. It became apparent that there were few opportunities in the SW Cook County area (or even Naperville and Joliet) for medical coders running their own business. So, I was at the hospital, and although I worked extra hours as many as 40 hours, I wasn’t making ends meet despite all the costs I cut. The saving grace was that the car was working well, & I didn’t have to spend too much money on car repairs.
I was on the condo board as the secretary of the Board (since I had joint tenancy ownership in the condo, I was still eligible for being on the board inspite not living at the actual condo). The board was doing well we were making the condo a safer, more secure, more marketable place, and we were led by an excellent president. He told me one day, "You were a good paralegal. Why not try again?". At the time, the only vacancies for medical coding was to work at a hospital or company. I wanted to start a career, but as an owner, not an employee in the medical coding. So in late November, I applied at several firms. In mid December, I was hired by Craig M.
Things were going well there. Plus, Maribeth paid a little more of her legal fees so her lawyer did a little more work. Prior to January, 2004, I was paying Maribeth regularly and voluntarily because her lawyer didn’t set up child support yet. Then the child support kicked in and from then until June 2007, and there was never a child support payment missed. (After June,2007, I left my job at the hospital, and increased my bi-weekly support to her on our joint accord. outside of court).
Things at the law firm were going well. Like the hospital, I was making new friends at the law firm in my new life. Money was better as I was working 2 jobs. Something interesting happened. Here are the events:
1. 6 months after working there, I received a raise.
2. Through the 1st 9 months, I was on very good terms with my boss.
3. Yet, ominously, he screamed and yelled at others. The turnover there was high, most especially with his personal secretary.
4. Then since I had more experience, he doubled my workload in the last part of summer and with less time to do tasks and I began making more mistakes.
5. Then he started treating me the same way he treated his secretaries. But I had experience with that already, since I worked for that bitch, M.O.
6. I was named not only paralegal but also secretary. Then he had good days & bad days. (Hereafter, this boss will be name CM) On the days he "snuck" his bottle of Johnny Walker under his desk, he was bad. Other days he was good. Of course, the vicious circle ensued again when I made mistakes with him as he yelled every bit as much as M.O.
Can you believe it?? I wound up with a boss even worse than M..O!!!! He would get drunk some afternoons, he lied even more than M.O., he was even more manipulative than M.O., he screamed at his wife and called her a word rhyming with "bunt", he screamed at corporation assistants when things went bad at day trading.

Oh, yes, that was another thing, while he was a successful lawyer, he openly spent his time day-trading where he wasn’t as successful. After he screamed at a corp. assistant over the phone, guess who he yelled at next? So, why didn’t I find another job? I started looking at the start of 2005 after being at the firm over a year. I had to sneak out of the office during lunch for interviews, or before the start of the day and it was awkward as hell.
One day he was so drunk after drinking 2/3 of a bottle of liquor than he came up to a couple who were African-American and were prospective clients. Marty told me later that he told them he thought that adjustors at Allstate were "schwartzes" and explained that Allstate adjustors were stingy at settling cases. The next day he looked and acted almost as bad. His hair appeared disheveled. It seemed like he was living by the joken saying, "Avoid hangovers, stay drunk!" This law firm was one mile from the train station that I took to work in the morning. That mile walk felt like a walk to the dental office where I was going to get a large filling put in my tooth, where the dentist was going to drill and drill and I wasn't going to get any anesthetic at all!
Then, my co-worker at the hospital, (a week before he was going to get married!), was shot and killed July, 2005 (see my blog on this matter, same month/year) . I started working more hours at the hospital. I knew I would get a full time job there, if I only asked. Not a good way to have it as I wish my co-worker could have lived the rest of his life rather than dying at 29.
I then delivered an ultimatum to my abusive boss, a boss more abusive than M.O.! I wrote a written ultimatum of some of his more egregarious abuses, I told him pay me more next time I was paid, and treat me better, or I would leave. I gave him 48 hrs. to make a decision with his partner. His partner was a better boss, but was a major enabler to the heavy drinker boss. But later, I admired that other boss, because at long last, in 2006, he dropped him as a partner.
The boss sat down with me and told me a bunch of lies. My flaw is that I can be nieve and often believe the best in people, and I believed him. I was getting a 2 yr. contract with an immediate pay raise and one in August, 2006. My motive for believing in him was that I wanted to work 2 years there and see if I could turn a bad working relationship into something good. Hadn’t it ever been done before by boss and employee?? So I worked another pay period there. During the first week, he treated me very well, the 2nd week worse and worse. (He probably had it all planned that way!) But then he told me on payday that I wasn’t getting my raise. CM was too big of a weasel to assume responsibility so he blamed his other partner for the decision. We know damn well that if he disagreed with his other boss it's very likely he would overrule him. So, that was my last day. I was told by my good boss at the hospital that I was full time. I had already been working at the hospital for 2 years.
I was exhilarated to leave that asshole. I received at least 7 congratulations from other people who found out that I left. Now remember, I was at a very small 3-5 lawyer firm. So the fact that the news was only told to a few people and 7 people stopped their important routine to tell me how happy they were that I finally got away from CM, that’s pretty good. My first post on this blog is also about the job as some of the 2005 posts are.
Yet, I was dogged by the same problem at the hospital in 2005 that I had earlier (August to November of 2003): I wasn’t making ends meet. The hospital job wasn’t meeting all my meager expenses. I was getting so desperate that I was walking to work inspite the hospital being in the ghetto of Harvey. Although I was now working full time and the 2nd pay period in, I worked over 10 hrs. of overtime. Still didn’t pay the expenses I had.
When I was toiling in "squalor" at CM’s law firm, I was commiserating with another attorney. She is an excellent attorney by the name of Amy Wright. She said, "Why don’t you work at my old firm, GFB&R". I didn’t at the time, because of their small rate. Then, I decided in October, 2005 to go in for an interview. The boss there and I mutually decided that I would work part time.
After that, things went well financially. I started paying down credit card debt. I spent money wisely for Christmas. I bought a very good Hepa-filtered bagless vacuum cleaner. Then I joined a Christian dating service.
By this time (December 2005/January 2006), my trials and tribulations were shown in the previous posts. Starting in March, 2006, I had the greatest spring of my life because I fell in love with Patti. She is a relationship, a good friend that I will never ever regret meeting even though we are no longer lovers. I am glad that currently she is with a "good guy" now. All these culminated in November 2006. Maribeth & I decided that when my apartment lease ended in January, 2007, I would leave the apartment and return to Oak Forest, return to the condo, return home.
I am not living happily ever after, and you knew that before I wrote it. There’s some bad days. But my situation is much better than October, 2006. I’m not really all that happy, but am resolved not to make some of the mistakes I made before. I hope that I’ve learned a lot in my 44 years. One sign of learning is that I've lasted longer at the law firm GFB&R longer than any law firm I've been at in Chicago. Another sign is they gave me a good raise. Yet another sign, and maybe the most important is that Maribeth, our 3 kids and I have gone over a year living together.
What will happen? You’ll see in this blog.
Hope you all had a very nice Thanksgiving, dear readers!

Part 2, Nettlesome problems

1999, we learned that both sons had problems. Ted, who wasn't even a year old, was repeatedly getting ear infections. Even with insurance, the out-of-pocket cost mounted and the dream of paying off credit cards crashed. He needed surgery to put tubes in his ears. His health improved dramatically. It also became tougher because of Andy's problem. He did a test that indicated that he had autism. Now most people think autism is one major mental disease. It is not. What it is is a spectrum of diseases/symptoms that, at it's worst means that your child will have bad communication problems and backward social skills (sorry I'm no psychologist but I think I am doing an accurate job of explaining this). Andy has always tested at the most minor part of the autistic spectrum. But in 1999, he had to go to speech therapy, because of his deficits with communication.
Then I made a big mistake. I thought I would be nice to Maribeth. She was having problems with making ends meet with herself and the household. So I said, "Hey, let's have a joint credit card." Yes, it made it easier to spend money on things she needed. But the credit card debt spiraled more quickly upward.
Reader, please take note. I don't really think that Maribeth is a spendthrift. She doesn't go to the opera or even plays, she doesn't spend a lot on clothes or shoes. She doesn't want to drive a fancy car or spend a lot of money on books. Yet she is well read, going to the library. We've only took one vacation longer than 3 days twice in the 10 yrs. we were married! I think the lack of time off and the lack of just plain fun like we had back in 1991-1994 hurt our marriage too.
The 2 weaknesses were food/grocery store and toys. We live right next to an expensive grocery store named Jewel/Osco. Jewel's prices are so high that they were sued with Dominicks back in the late 90s early 2000s for price fixing milk . This gave both stores a black eyes imagewise and indeed, we were spending at least a dollar more every single time we went to Jewel and got milk. & then Dominicks was across the street back in the 90s and we were spending a great deal of money there, too. The judge in the price fixing case finally ruled that there was definitely evidence of price fixing, but then he said something to the effect in his ruling on Jewel & Dominicks, "Even if there's evidence of price fixing, so what? Buy your milk at Walgreens, or Aldi or Save a Lot! No one said YOU HAD TO SHOP AT EITHER JEWEL OR DOMINICK!" We should have & didn't .

& I was by no means a miser. I spent more money on clothes than Maribeth. I worked at a law firm, then I left Sudekum law firm for another law firm and got a big raise, than I left that one and went to a really excellent law firm that handled wrongful death cases as well as the usual car accident, workers' compensation, and premises liability. I loved that firm located on the 30th Floor (Dear Reader, that firm still exists and I didn't want to mention it by name due to the main partner there who has an obstreperous reputation)
I loved my office on the 30th Floor; I could look out that window and instantly calm down seeing Lake Michigan and the northern part of downtown Chicago. It drove home the point that my problems were smaller than the world I saw outside. My professional growth was leaping high as I learned a lot from the best paralegal I ever met, Mike Sullivan. Also, the personal injury lawyer improved my writing and legal skills and some of the survival skills in the cutthroat law firm milieu. (I was to learn more later as the law firms I went to were more cutthroat than the one I was at from 2000-2002. So now, I've learned the skills of the "Insider".)

At any rate, I had below average spending habits. I spent too much on history books, clothes (to keep my "image stylistically high" at the law firms). I loved getting CDs. I have a very successful younger brother who had, at one time, over 150 CDs, and I never have gotten to that point. Yet there was a big difference between him and I: as an engineer he was better able to afford a lot of CDs than someone who worked at a hospital on weekends and paralegal during the week.
Maribeth & I demanded a great deal from each other, and when we didn't get what we wanted, we fought like cats and dogs. We weren't as mature as we should have been.

Then came that awful day in early March, 2000. I was told that I was let go from the Personal Injury Department. The office manager said something to the effect of, "Vince we thought you did a very good job. We have no problem with your productivity, your excellent attitude and your work ethic." I learned later that they wanted to put more money and manpower in the Wrongful Death Dept. and less money in the P.I department because the main partner didn't think the profit in the PI Dept. wasn't high enough. Death yields greater profit than injuries in a car accident. The lawyers didn't invent that, the loss is obviously more in Death!
We went to marriage counseling from 1999-2002. I think when I announced that I lost my job at this firm, it was the only time one of us broke down and cried in the middle of the marriage counseling session. For many guys, losing your job is more humiliating and more painful than if someone took all your clothes off in the middle of a mall and had everyone laugh at you.
Yes, that's the way I view it now, and that's the way I viewed it then. It may be wrong to think that way, but that's the way I value work.
My paralegal skills worsened. At the 2 jobs, I was at, I thought I had to be "perfect" as a paralegal and brooding about my mistakes and worrying about getting fired made me not as good of an employee at the 2 law firms I was fired at (one in Sept., 2002 and again in April, 2003).
September, 2003 was one of the darkest months of my life. I was fired then handed divorce papers by Maribeth. Why did she divorce me? We fought more and more, my depression was worse (obviously) and it was determined that I needed surgery for a deviated septum.
Then I had the terrible luck of getting an ECG which yielded a false reading of a heart attack. So before the surgery, I had a nuclear stress test, and a whole slew of other tests. My tests turned out that my heart was in great shape, and I went ahead with the surgery.
When all of this was happening, on one Saturday morning, Maribeth and I were grabbing and fighting over the Doctor's orders for more heart tests. I laughed at Maribeth and teased her. Now Maribeth gets mad when she argues with someone. But she sees a flaming orange when someone teases and laughs at her. She started punching me, and it made me laugh even more. After the test, I went to the law firm to work. She called me at the firm and told me she wanted a divorce. I reluctantly agreed.
They took me to surgery one morning. She was supportive enough to kiss me when I was rolled into the surgery room. Dear Reader, have you ever had surgery, and you woke up from anesthesia with bizaar effect? As soon as I woke up from anesthesia, I burst into tears, sobbing. The nurse there came over and listened to me. She held my hand in both of hers. She told me that she was divorced too. Now, it's unethical to ask a nurse for their name and phone # so I didn't. I took the high road and when I was given a hospital critique, I wrote her a very positive review.
Basically the next 6 months went from bad to worse. The week after the surgery, my law firm fired me. I learned that they didn't like me taking a week off from surgery. & again, I was a less confident paralegal than I was when I worked at that great law firm on the 30th floor. What an awful taxi ride home after being fired! The firm gave me $20 for cab fare home, but since Oak Forest is 25 miles away from the Loop part of downtown, it cost about $40 and I didn't have enough of my own cash to get there. My taxi driver became more and more mad. I imagined that he would let me off by the side of the interstate, and some thugs would come and kill me as I walk the remaining 10 miles. In fact, I was kind of hoping that. At least the pain and anguish would go away! But that didn't happen, the driver & I mutually agreed to stop by a gas station, I would give him $20 more, and lo & behold his whole attitude towards me changed noticeably. Bless his soul, he even helped put the two moving boxes that the law firm provided me right in my trunk. ya, right.

I was rehired in Nov., 2002. In mid January, 2003, I left Oak Forest and moved to a small apt. in Midlothian. The pressure to make ends meet were more, and I was paying child support that Maribeth & I mutually agreed on. In April, 2003, the judge set the amount of money I would pay her. (The divorce didn't go through for awhile because Maribeth would stop paying her divorce attorney. She also yelled at the lawyer's secretary for having an "attitude" with her. When she finally started paying again in the fall and winter of 2004, her divorce attorney finally made the divorce final, but Maribeth & I had already agreed to all of our divorce terms the summer of 2003)
The week after the judge set the terms of the divorce, I was fired again April 13, 2003.
--------------------
In Part 3, it gets worse but slowly and surely, it gets better until Nov., 2006.

A mixture of blessings&nettlesome problems, Pt. 1

Maribeth & I got married in 1993. When we spent money and made money we made more than we spent. Heck, we were able to put money away into the savings account (with Maribeth being a part time nurse and me working 45-50some hours, how could it be any other way???) Andy was born Dec., 1995, and we continued to make more money than we spent.

We made more money than we spent up to a certain year. Then came 1998. Maribeth gets pregnant early in the year and learns she has gestational diabetes. I was working 4 yrs. at a law firm in Joliet, but in that fateful May, the old experienced lawyer I was working for retired and I had to leave his little firm. I went a month feverishly sending out resumes and working at the hospital as a teletech. Now the "job experts" in Chicago state that when a person loses one job, either by choice or otherwise, and then finds a new one, the job search is 4-9 months long. I found a job after "only" a month. Well, it didn’t feel like "only" !! Although I worked more hours being a tele tech than my usual 16 hrs. a week (the law firm job is always the full time job and the hospital part time), we still lost over $1,000 in lost law firm wages.

Fortunately,after "only" a month long job search, I went to a Chicago law firm. Since I began my education as a paralegal in 1992, I always wanted to be a paralegal in Chicago and be in the vibrant Loop area of downtown Chicago. Plus, Chicago law firms pay their paralegals more than Joliet paralegals make. (This is backed up statistically by the +IPA salary survey.) So, there I was making considerably more money than I was in Joliet, and things seemed to be ok at home.
Maribeth was due in October but in August there was trouble. A man who ran a stop sign slammed into Maribeth’s car as she was going to work. Although she was not badly hurt, she started having contractions. She was rushed into the OB/GYN wing of the hospital rather than working her usual rounds as a cardiac nurse. They gave her medicine to stop the contractions, and Ted continued to stay in the uterus. The problem was that Maribeth was no longer able to work because she went back to being a high risk pregnancy. She didn’t work from August to October 8, 1998. Then she took several months off thereafter as any mother wants to do when they give birth to the baby they so dearly love.
The bottom line was that I was the sole "breadwinner" for 4 months. Although I worked 50some hrs. I was a salaried employee at my new firm Sudekum, Rosenburg & Cassiday. So despite working at both the hospital and the law firm, my salary for our household was simply not enough. This is especially true in the tony suburb of Oak Forest, where their schools have a very good reputation. When we later went to a marriage counselor, one evening Dr. Dan looked me in the eye and said, "your household income should be $100,000 for where you live." It most certainly wasn't. In December of 98, I sat down and reviewed things. We were blessed with a new baby boy. Maribeth and I at the time were not fighting nearly as much. She will tell you that the happiest times of her life was when her babies were born. Thank God, she hasn't been cursed with post-partum depression as some women are. We continued to go into debt. I looked at our finances, the credit card debt was not good. But after doing the math, I knew that we could do better in 1999 and into the new millenium. Yet there were obstacles as I was to find out.........................

To be continued. Part 1 of 3 series
_________________________________
+Illinois Paralegals Assoc.

Classic Rock - Its Blessing & Its Curse

We all love classic rock. There’s the Beatles, Eric Clapton, Led Zeppelin, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, BOSTON and of course The Rolling Stones. Oh and lest I forget there’s Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, The Clash, The Police, The Kinks. & I’m forgetting at least 40 other bands that make up classic rock (come on, write a comment in and tell me)
Unless you have rotten taste in music, there’s a song that one of the bands play that you love.
I’m a paralegal at a law firm, and I work in the same room with young adults 20 years younger than me. Yes, sadly enough, I’m old enough to be their Dad. What I am continually amazed with is how knowledgeable they are about Classic Rock. They absolutely love their Beggars’ Banquet &/or Exile on Main Street CDs, have most the Led Zeppelin catalogue and have good working knowledge of punk rock of the late 70s. I work with a guy with absolutely encyclopaedic knowledge of the Grateful Dead and Bob Dillon. Man, I love working with that guy.
But there’s a downside to all that. Each decade of rock is invariably going to produce some good music. There’s more excellent songs to hear in 2005 than there were in 1990. & the point is that there’s a finite amount of time to hear all of these wonderful songs. If you are following and finding out as much you can about The Who, then you’re not spending much time finding out about the new bands. Show me the person who has encyclopaedic knowledge of classic rock and I’ll show you a person who doesn’t know much about Cowboy Mouth. I know I’m that person. The only way I ever would have even heard of Cowboy Mouth is that my nephew loves them and tells me how the crowd absolutely loves them too. I, on the other hand, can’t even tell you a song they play.

It’s like what Robert Plant observed a while back, “If people treated us the same way that people treat new bands these days, they would have ignored Led Zeppelin. When we were starting out, Donovan, Gerry & the Pacemakers and Herman’s Hermits were big. We would not have had much of a chance if people had continued to listen to them on the radio, bought their albums and continued to be their fans.”
Radio and a magazine like Rolling Stone doesn’t help. Radio is riven with payola and tired old bands with tired old songs. When Rolling Stone picks the top 200 albums of all time, albums after 1987 are maybe a quarter of the total. Top bands of all time? Rolling Stone won’t pick very many from the last 17 years.
“Don't believe in the 60's/The golden age of pop/You glorify the past/When the future dries up”
There now, Bono said it all in “God Part II”.
What’s the future of rock n’roll, the music we all love and give a damn about, if we perseverate on Classic Rock????
So, all you 3 or 4 people out there reading this blog, listen to a young band like CatchPenny or Cowboy Mouth!
By the way, that guy in the earlier paragraph who has an encyclopaedic knowledge of the Grateful Dead also knows a lot of new bands as well. I really do admire him, and he does get it right musically as well.

Frank Kaul & thinking

Ok all you readers out there; you 2 or 3 wonderful people who actually take the time to read my blog. You're in luck, I'm not going to pitifully whine about my life today, rather I am going to dispense some actual wisdom.
I had a best friend who I met in kindergarten, named Frank. We went to grade school, high school, part of college and a little bit of 1989 & 1990. Frank never found the profession that he really wanted to be in and spend his enormous intelligence and talent and he never found the love of his life. Instead on Aug. 15, 1990, he came home from church (Assumption Day is 8/15), he went through an unmarked railroad crossing. The corn was high and blocked his view; therefore, he was not able to see the train in time. He slammed into it and died.

I had a dream about him, that he had some sort of respiratory infection and died. & then someone else who was close to me had it as well but it looked like they were going to live. It got me thinking. Usually it isn't one factor that will have a big impact on you but several. Take Frank. When that occurred there was a hazard: the oncoming train and factors: corn was blocking view, there was no warning, no gate telling him he could not pass through that area, the sun could have been in his eyes as it was around sunset. All those things contributed to his death. In the dream, this illness had several symptoms and was called a "syndrome" and he died.

So then I thought about fatal flaws. Each of us can live an inspiring life or a tragic life (with the fatal flaw). It may not be that dramatic for many of us; we are sort of in the middle. But still we are either going tragic or going good/inspiring. When I reflected on my own life, I felt that overall it's good (I have a job, great kids, live in a condo worth a lot of money). But there are things that can trip me up. & it's not one thing but several things working together.

So, when we are reflective enough, we need to ask ourselves what in life is messing us around or messing us up. Don't point to one thing. I would be stupid if I said, "My life would be great if it wasn't for Maribeth pissing me off all the time." First of all, it's not true and secondly, she does more good than harm. Think of certain combinations. For example, we lack money often to make ends meet. What do we do to compensate for that? Does that compensation or supposed remedy help or lead to more chaos? Is there a way out?

Or maybe think of someone you like that maybe you shouldn't really hang out with. What is it that attracts you to them (ie. they're good looking). What personality traits draw you (they believe in God, they are more calmer than some of the other people known). But how do they mess things up? Or are they really messing things up? Is it more a situation that when they are around it's time for you to act a fool? In my life, I think there could be a person in the latter case. They really arent that bad a person (actually I think they're good and thoughtful), but when I'm with them, things happen. I don't want to stop seeing them forever, no way. Just act smarter, that's all.

Are there people that inspire you, do they make you work harder, act wiser, be smarter and generally try harder? Can you be with them more?
What's wrong with you? What's right with you? How could it be better?

under further review..........

Ok, I’m back to level ground again. Things are NOT hunky dory, but they’re manageable I guess. I bought my vacuum cleaner at Sears. Although we’re pretty good about keeping the filters clean the motor or something in the hose happens, and the suction on the vacuum cleaner becomes minimal. So, just like I did back in January, I took the vacuum to the repair center. Since I bought a maintenance agreement I pay no fees for any service done on the vacuum cleaner. Well, I went to the repair center on Saturday. But they wouldn’t give me my vacuum because I didn’t have ID with me. Ok, so I go home and get it (traveling an extra 20 miles for the extra “to & from trip”).
& then they say, you owe us $26.14.
“I have a maintenance agreement. I never had to pay in Jaunary, and I don’t have to pay now.”
So they say they’ll go to the backroom and figure things out.
So when they go back, I say, “Kids! Go to the car, now!”
So we left ……with the vacuum cleaner.
Then guess what happened. I get home, want to take the vacuum out of the car. The trunk door won’t open. I’m cranking the key as far as it will go, but nothing. So I have to remove the trunk by flipping down the backseats and removing it that way. So one could say, that was poetic justice, but the thing is that I didn’t owe the money.

Things were better on Sunday. We all had a nice relaxing day and celebrated August birthdays. Maribeth’s, her father’s, and Matt’s. Matt is my nephew and does a very good job of babysitting our kids. He’s one of several who does.

I guess what I have to remember is that as bad as I feel the sun still raises the next day and things don’t say looking so bad.

Other highlights

To the left, you are seeing Brianna comb Ted's hair. Out of my 3 kids, they are the 2nd and 3rd (with Ted being 3 yrs. older). Ted & Brianna are very close. Brianna loves to tag along with Ted. It's nice to see your two kids so close. Hope it stays that way.

Brianna got ambitious and was cleaning again. You can't complain about a daughter who likes to clean, can you?

I taught my oldest son, Andy (shown above) how to ride a bike. I'm not going to tell his age because he should have learned years ago (no, he's not in high school). But it was a proud moment. He was really happy to finally learn. He got up, all happy and gave me a big hug. ice moment, good kid. Hope you like the pictures.

Life is good, yes, it's hard paying bills and we don't have the great American dream (a family, a house and a garage) but money isn't everything. & as Maribeth says there's a lot of unhappy people who are rich.

action & reaction

I deleted my post about being frustrated about my weight. Sometimes when you read what you write, it looks kind of pathetic. It's nice to have the delete key. It's certainly no less of a problem. But I am somewhat comforted with the fact that I am doing something about it. I do a lot more exercising than I was in the spring (or last fall & winter for that matter). It's a shame all this exercising doesn't translate into losing weight but I have no one else to blame; I need to stop eating so much.

just an innocent question

If Stephen Hawking gets to be weightless, do you think they'll let him do a spacewalk???

I'M SO DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF!!!

So I go to Firestone (which usually does a good job with my car and charges reasonable prices), they tell me that it's $400 for a tune up which should be done since my car has a halting, faltering noise to it (likes its going to die). "Why so high?"
"Because you're using gold plated Delco spark plugs"
Later, I learned the spark plugs are a mere $7. So if you multiply the number needed (4) and then add $30-$50 on spark plug wires, then the parts only are $58 to $78!!! You mean, they were going to charge me way over $300 for labor???!?
HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I decided to have Sal the Handyman do it, but after waiting 3 weeks, I decided to do it myself. It can't be that hard, it just can't be.
Once I had the right tools, it really wasn't that hard. When I was finished installing the spark plugs and wires, I said a prayer hoping it would start. I turn the key and voila!! The car starting was the sweetest thing I ever heard.
I saved myself $350. I haven't been this proud since last spring. It almost felt like getting into a fight and winning. There was that macho feeling of accomplishment.
Right now, I'm feeling pretty good. But we all know the saying:


If you feel good, don't worry you'll get over it!

pix

what happened?!?

I love working in the Loop of Chicago, but there are some disturbing sights. I had previously mentioned that I see more than my share of beggars when I work in Chicago. Usually, they are at the sidewalk, with a small cup slightly shaking it. 

But some of them are pretty unique. There was one guy who was screaming at the top of his lungs (as he walked down the street), "HAPPY FRIDAY!" & of course, he screamed this over and over again. Some of them like to pull at your heartstrings. They will have a poor, innocent kid with them. One guy literally was on his knees, he took his hat off and used that as a cup, something that you would put money in. I give to certain homeless people who sell Streetwise. Streetwise that is a weekly paper and talks about homelessness. Sometimes people who are homeless write the articles. The point is I often wonder what happened to those who are homeless to put them in the situation that they are currently in. What happened?!?? Was it drugs? Was it poor education? Was it a dysfunctional family? Was it a combination of all 3? What happened? I refuse to believe that being homeless is "all their fault", or that if they would get off their ass and work, everything would be fine. Who said that they have the skills to get a job? (That's where a poor education plays a role). Who said that they have the social skills to even keep a job? (drugs, dysfunctional family, disadvantaged background all play a role there). It's a sad situation. Clearly, it makes me thankful that I was born in a loving family with good parents. Obviously we have no control over where we will be born. We could just as easily been born in a flyridden part of Africa or in the middle of their desert.

Humor, moving , much fatigue & relief / changing my mind

I’m still with Maribeth (believe it or not). She has changed and maybe I’ve changed enough too. Let’s hope things continue to go well. Anyway, since it’s that time of the year and it’s the end of the month, my lease was up, and I moved out. Maribeth & I are really looking forward to getting at least 2/3rd of the $1500 I put down for security deposit. Although we have agreed to how much Maribeth would get (about 40%) she did make a biting remark about “only” getting about $400. I said I would love to give her more, but since I moved the heavy furniture out, I should get the majority of the security deposit. She didn’t dispute that line of reasoning. See, I told you she was changing for the better!

My helper, “Sal the Handyman” accused me of paying him last night “Wetback’s Wages”. I gave him $50 for 3 hours of work. Hell, that’s better than what I was making at the law firm until December! Oh well, I think he was kidding plus he was upset because Maribeth told him that he would have to only move about 3 boxes and it was a lot more than that.

Monday night, I was very tired when I was done moving at 11:15 pm . It was 15 degrees out. I was so fuckin’ “fatigued” that I just tilted the seat back and slept for 2 hours…in the condo parking lot…..in subfreezing weather. I had built up a bunch of heat before I passed out, so there were no worries. & when it got too cold in the car my body simply sensed it, and I woke up and went to bed.
Seeing as how I live in a tony condo complex that I work “so hard” at keeping nice, I was completely confident no one was going to come up and shoot me as they did Michael Jordan’s father. (may he rest in peace!)

Speaking of our tony condo complex, I decided not to resign. I was happy to keep serving, and it got to the point that the only reason I was going to quit was because Maribeth didn’t want me to be involved anymore. (She wanted me to spend as much time with the kids). But then she violated an obscure code and was politely told that she had violated it by one of the neighbors. So, she reasoned that maybe the household is better off to be covered “under the cloak of the President’s office”. So, I helped her out, and we're compliant w/ the regulation. No one is above the condo regulation. It’s just that some get more leeway to comply than others.

the gift of excellent co-workers

I am blessed to have excellent co-workers at both the law firm and the hospital where I work. I had an incident on Christmas Eve that I wanted to share, and it's about my friend/co-worker, Galyn. The day of December 24 I had a hard time sleeping. The thing is that (I said this on a previous blog) I don't want to turn into Elvis - one who needs a pill to be awake, a pill to sleep, a pill to be happy and a pill to crap.

I do enough medication as it is not to turn out like him. & while I am now 43 and he died at the young age of 42, I still want to live for awhile. Going back to the the ex will do that to a person, and even moreso having wonderful kids.

So I came to the job not knowing what to expect the night before I got 8 hrs. but after 12:00 pm it's important to get 3 hrs. before work and put your body into "night shift mode". I didn't get that on Dec. 24. I told my co-worker, Gina, about my plight, and I told her that I was worried that if I might fall asleep, get caught and then get fired.

Then Gina replied, "Vince, I wouldn't do you like that". I felt such gratitude when she said that. The idea that she would take it upon herself to look out for me, to have my back! That really made my night and gave me a newfound confidence that things were going to be ok. That I wouldn't have problems, that I wouldn't get fired and endanger the financial health of myself and my family. On XMAS Eve, what she said felt like a sublime gift.

The wonderful thing is that incident is just 1 example of a good friendship at work. There will be times when we share things and are totally confident that it won't go past the 4 walls of our tele room. There are favors too numerous to mention herein that just make a person know that they're lucky to have met that persona and got to know them.

I remember when I was a young person in my 20s that when I got along really well with a woman, I would want to hug or kiss them. Surprisingly enough, I wasn't so backwards that I would do that arbitrarily, but I certainly would look for the opportunity. But now, I realize there are other elements more noteworthy and meaningful to a relationship than a physical act. If Gina has "my back" that means far more than a kiss or a hug. (& besides, what 20something would want to be hugged or kissed by a fat old man like me, anyway?). That also makes me happy because it makes the relationship that much more stable since neither one of us want to mistakenly try to make more of the platonic, working relationship than it is. Anytime there is stability you have to be very thankful.

I also work at a law firm, and I am good friends with those that I work with as well. & there is the same dynamic that I am old enough to be everyone else's father in the small clerk's office. However, I don't have any relationships as nice as the one with Gina.

Drawing closer in bad times

Maribeth's mother died at 79. She has been sick for awhile. She was afflicted by the MRSA bacteria (Google it if you don't know) for over a month, and she suffered mental illness for nearly 40 years. Maribeth's sister, Diane Duffe, wrote something very nice about her in the online guestbook (which is at http://www.legacy.com/chicagotribune/Obituaries.asp?Page=SearchResults , look under 12/14/2006 for DeMars, Betty Ann)
The wake and funeral were all the same day, Saturday.
We all heard the saying, "When it rains, it pours". On Sunday, after a leak in the 1st Floor bathroom, part of the basement ceiling collapsed. Instead of Maribeth being at her father's place until 11am, she didn't come home until 4. So I said, "Maribeth, I'm sorry about the ceiling. That must have been a real pain! & so soon after the funeral"
Now, usually, Maribeth would go into a monologue of how difficult things are. However, this time she said, "that's ok". I was very impressed because it showed a certain newfound resiliance to her. That could be one of a number of factors why this time we stay together.

In general, we do come upon disagreements (much less than before), but it's only led to 2 or 3 heated arguments, and the arguments aren't the "barn burners" they used to be. So, I'm very encouraged by what has happened since November 5 when I first started living with her again. Plus, a few of the disagreements are my fault. I have a tendency to take clothes I wear and sling them over a chair rather than put them in the hamper or in the alternative hang them up in the closet. So I need to take a little more time in keeping our modest condo more neat.



At the funeral, Diane, my son Andy, and I all give eulogies. One can see the reference I make to getting back together in my eulogy. Also, my wife wrote a eulogy and a poem. Both were very articulate. She also directed me to read from Eclesiates, & the passage read was then turned into a song "Turn, Turn, Turn" by the Byrds in the 60s. Here is what I said:


BETTY REMEMBERED
All of us here have been fortunate enough to spend some time with Betty, whether it be a husband, daughter, nephew, grandchild or even a son in law. I’m sure many of you recall how enjoyable it was to watch a movie with Betty because she usually knew all the actors and actresses in the movie. Or sometimes, in a light moment, Betty would sing in her sweet alto voice. But most of all, Betty had a quiet dignity whether it was watching her grandchildren, making a meal, watching her Cubs, and just sitting down and talking to her. Betty also had a strength about her as she faced illness through much of her life.
We are confronted with a great loss as we grapple with her no longer being with us. As Betty now watches down over us from heaven we are given a choice of whether we become weaker as a result of losing someone so dear.
In the alternative, we could strengthen old friendships and seek out new friends. We can be inspired by Betty’s loss and look at what brings us together instead of what tears us apart. We can choose NOT to be diminished by her loss and realize that we too need to be ready when God calls us to heaven." -


ONE LAST THING
I am truly impressed with my youngest brother, Kelly. He and his family were on vacation when Betty died. As they were coming back to Wisconsin (where they live), Kelly's wife and kids went to Milwaukee (where her family is) and Kelly stopped by Tinley Park, IL where the funeral was. Maribeth's father and his 2 daughters had not picked out pallbearers (our job was very abbreviated as there was no *burial service. All we had to do was lift the casket off the cart and into the hearse; it took less than a minute). So during the wake I asked Kelly if he could be a pallbearer, and he gracefully accepted. What he did was nothing short of impressive, and he is greatly appreciated for it.

*No burial service due to financial constraints.

A night at the Daley Ctr, LOOP area of Chicago

We went to the Daley Center and had German food and hot chocalate. The XMAS tree is really about 60 ft. tall but is made up of about 8 pines. Very fun outing.

1st miracle witnessed?

Well, it's official. I'm back with my ex wife. I am giving my landlord 2 months notice as my lease ends Jan. 31. We have no idea what the future holds; we have no plans to vacate the divorce decree. But the fact that I am still paying her child support means that I don't pay by check for household expenses. It's still roughly 50-50, and I'm obviously putting more money into the household than when I lived in Midlothian.

Why did she change her mind?
She thought she had cancer, and I helped her and helped also with the kids. I was there during a crisis. & I've been there to help them and put aside partisanship repeatedly in the past.
Nothing really funky happened during the marriage that made us think it's impossible to go back to ex-spouse. There was no cheating. The relationship went into coma due to combat fatigue - too much arguing.
She said that she was tired and that life was hard without me. In her words, she said she was tired of burning the candle at both ends.

We had our first unresolved fight last night, but the thing is that we do far less arguing than before. I can't say that things are going to be hunky dory from now on. I can't even say we're going to remarry. For right now, we are pooling our money together, saving money and we'll see what happens. I've already told the kids that if, God forbid, the relationship fails, please don't think that they had anything to do with contributing to the failure. I told them that they can only make things better, can only create a positive, not a negative. They understand.

the best news ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have good news but can't tell anyone yet. If you can guess, I'll give you a prize. Write in!!!!!!! Post a comment.

I need you dear reader to share the joy. If you can't do it, I'll continue to go on and be bathed in the glow of this awesome news, but it sure would be nice for you to give me some input.

weather nonsense!

October 12, my daughter's 5th birthday. It's snowing, and from 300 ft. up in the air (I work in a skyscraper) not just snowing but snowing hard.
WTF!!!!!
& since nothing has been working for me since this past spring I couldn't upload a picture of snow because my computer refused to. Oh well. What else can you say, oh well........................

A Flowered Experience

In appreciation of my presence at a party, a small unimposing gift was given to me on Labor Day. For days & weeks the gift laid obscurely amid my collection of pens and coins. Finally, on a dark and solitary Friday night, I embraced the wrapped, dried plant, attached it to a clip, put it to my lips and lit a fire to it.
I inhaled greedily. I inhaled with the hope of never exhaling. I inhaled with the yearning that my circulation, my consciousness and maybe my soul would embrace its essence. Would it elevate me or would its diminutive size yield emptiness? Over and over I inhaled with insatiable need.
HOSANNA, as it revealed it’s euphoria!! The corners of my mouth were lovingly, gently pulled back into a shit-eating grin. My blissful joy recalled a distant memory of getting stoned during Finals Week. My roommate casually looked at me and declared, "God Vince, that’s the first time you smiled all semester!"
Due to my fatigue, my eyes did not close but became slanted. The music from the second side of Abbey Road and the burning fragrance of the roach lifted me to a place I longed for. The music drifted into my altered ears and played far more meaningful, fervent, compelling and sweetly to me than it ever sounded when I was sober. The sublime beauty made me sway back and forth like a metronome. As I played Lennon’s "#9 Dream" and listened to the end lyrics sang in a foreign language, I, myself, faintly felt the power to speak in tongues. The dialect was not Persian, Macedonian nor Hebrew as it was in that scene described in Acts of the Apostles. Instead, I felt the fleeting power to speak Mandarin, Cantonese or Japanese. As the first syllables formed on my lips, I walked away and through a door that allowed me to continue to undulate and immerse myself to the music. I recalled and missed slightly not finding the song "Strawberry Fields Forever". Played in this altered state, the halting opening melody weeps, Lennon’s voice commands a hushed reverence as it sounds so compelling! One other night nearly a generation ago, I sat stoned watching a Grateful Dead concert. The thought, the stream of consciousness is so elevatingly amazing!!. "Wow," I thought, "Jerry Garcia looks like a puppy up there singing. For several minutes (or was it hours?) I imagined in an entranced state a Husky-bred dog being up on it hind legs and strumming guitar artfully and singing, "Truckin’" and other Dead songs.
My mind drifted to another college memory one year before the first. Embracing the charm and essence of hash, I sauntered into the dance club as the music bent and refracted in unique, shimmering, surreal, magical notes. So, I walked up to various people and asked, "Excuse me, but is the music being played at 78?" (78 rpm being the speed of records in the 1940s and 50s, just as 33 rpm was the speed we played our albums and 45 rpm the speed we played our singles). With grace and empathy, no one yelled, "No!" indignantly. All simply considered the possibility, weren’t sure or were simply humoring me and my stoned, clueless presence. Comments were made like, "Maybe" "I’m not sure?" "Well................I don’t....know". As the intoxication wore off, the music slowed down and played as it normally does.
And eventually, I had to leave this lovely ride that Friday night. The music sounded as it usually does, John Lennon sounded articulate but normal. The synthesizers and guitars, all the instrumentation no longer bent and refracted in a hundred beautiful ways. Then I wondered when the next time I would feel this wondrous way again. If history were any indication, I would not for another 6-12 months. This plant, this flowered experience is something I go many, many months and sometimes even years without feeling its wondrous embrace.

This concludes my series about my drug consumption. The series can be found in the blogs of May but more likely June of 2005. Many drugs I did not consume, but obviously, I'm not going to break my arm patting myself on the back. I do feel that I want control in my life. Since drugs don't do that, I rarely take them (unless they 're the ones prescribed). I know that it wasn't much of a series seeing as how there was over a year gap between the last one and 2nd to last one, but apparently to most, this isn't much of a blog!! At least I like it! :)

Part 2 of 2, the alternate of chemistry, traits

Here's what I think is better when looking for the right person. Have certain TANGIBLE expectations of a person. If they don't meet those expectations, then stop dating them or better yet, resolve to be just friends. If they do meet those expectations, keep dating them, once you get to know them (and especially know their weaknesses, bad traits) deepen the relationship. Don't expect chemistry dont expect to be inspired.
Also, here's an example. It would be nice if I met a woman who was really interested in history and politics. But that's not one of my expectations because there's not that many in my area that have that interest. Yet it is important that the woman has a job, wants to follow a budget as much as I do once we live together/marry, has the same spending sensibilities, would like to discuss the Bible, loves my kids and maybe a few other traits.

The point is that I'm not going to torture my prospect with this intangible, nebulous idea that they have to have chemistry with me. & then if they ask what chemistry is I give some pointless circular explanation like "it's a feeling, a gut reaction". That's unfair.

But that's the dilemma and difference between the 2 sexes. & this is a mere generalization and isn't true all the time. I don't pretend to know women or men but there's somethings that I see over and over again. Men emphasize objectivity, facts. Women emphasize feelings, the subjective (BUT the feelings are often based on facts). Men emphasize the cognitive domain; woman the affective domain.

I wish I was wrong when I explain that. I wish that there was some woman in the SW suburban Chicago area who could give me a list of tangible traits that she wants and then it's just a matter of following them. But that probably won't happen. All I can do is keep trying. Hope/pray for the best. This whole process REALLY SUCKS!!

I hate chemistry (not the class either)

on my dating website www.relationships.com we have what's called message boards. Supposing you have a questions about something many guys do and it's hard to figure out. Ask the message board and 100s of guys will see it and some will respond to you. It's a nice forum. so tonight a woman who kind of leads the message board because she is so active in it asked this
Guys, what do you think is "chemistry"?
Here was my reply.

Chemistry is nonsense really. Why give certain things that you want and seek some nebulous, intangible term?!?
If you don't want someone who is 70 lbs. overweight, that's not the desire for chemistry that's the desire to not be with someone morbidly obese.
If you want someone who is physically active, then you don't want chemistry, you want someone with a certain ability to run, bike, skate play a rigorous athletic game.
If you want someone who has a great sense of humor, that isn't chemistry that's seeking a particular personality trait.
Then you get those who say, "Well it's not just looks, it's not just a personality trait."
I say, "Fine, then you want a certain combination of personality traits and personal attributes, that's all. Whatever."
Chemistry has become a bit personal for me, because it's been leading to some major frustration. I've gone out on 4 dates this past summer and with all 4 women I never made it to the 2nd date. (What an admission!) Anyway, 3 out of 4 of the women either told me or their friends who I knew that there wasn't chemistry. After that happened the 1st 2 times, I became very desperate and tried to rewind the date and look at what I had done. I desperately needed to find out what I had done WRONG so that I wouldn't do it again & then hopefully have better results.

Date #4 occurred last Friday. Everything went well. We had great conversation, I was impressed with her, she complemented me at certain points during the date, I even made her laugh. Everything went well from beginning to end. So what happened yesterday? She told me she had a great time. She told me I'm a wonderful person, very good listener, really nice person. She stated I did everything well on the date!! I even asked her if the fact that I'm somewhat overweight (by about 30-50 lbs) had anything to do with her decision and she said no because she had a strong relationship with someone over 300 lbs. But she would not go out with me again because there wasn't enough chemistry between us! She said chemistry is hard to come by. She said if there were 100 guys (and the group had different characteristics both physically and personality wise) she would at the most pick 2 of them because there wouldn't be any chemistry between her & the other 98 or 99.
Well you know what? I can't be upset with this woman at all, primarily because she explained clearly what happened to me when I dated this summer, and I had no idea before. She was very honest, upfront with me and answered all my questions about the aftermath in a very forthright manner. & if she is holding out for the 1 guy who can inspire her/motivate her, well, more power to her, I guess.

But the problem is that it would have been easier if I was doing something wrong on the date. Then I could correct what I was doing wrong and then I could go out on the elusive 2nd date, maybe have that relationship/love I've been looking for. As it stands now, if I date the same type of women I have this summer, I could date 20 or 30 times more (which basically takes us to the end of next year), do everything right on the date and never go on a 2nd date. All because of the dreaded "chemistry". & the thing is that you don't know, really, which women want certain attributes and which ones want the elusive "chemistry". After this summer of dating, I really resent chemistry - that word, that idea, that onerous pursuit.
Part 1 of 2

An ambitious little girl!

My kids are pretty young and if I’m not attentive they can create a pretty big mess in my apartment; however, they are slowly learning to clean up after themselves. Also, my sons are learning how to do laundry, clean the toilet, scrub the sink, sort out laundry and put away clean clothes, etc.

Yesterday, a surprising moment occurred. Minutes after getting the kids situated after their arrival, I decided to sweep and mop the bathroom floor (after not doing so for about 3 months, it seemed like a good idea).
Around the time I was finished mopping and putting things back, my youngest, my 4-yr. old daughter, Brianna, came up to me and said, "I want to mop the kitchen floor, Daddy." So I told her that before we mop the floor, we have to sweep it first. So as I moved objects out of the kitchen, Brianna swept the floor. She even was able to use the broom and the dust pan at the same time. When she mopped the floor she would dip the mop into the bucket but (even after showing her how) she would forget to squeeze the water out of the mop before mopping the floor. So, the floor became almost poolike as Brianna drenched the kitchen floor while mopping it. (That was probably fortuitous because it gave me a 2nd opportunity to wipe the formerly-dirty floor back to cleanliness.) Of course, I gently corrected her, and at the same time wanted to encourage and foster the idea of what a "wonderful activity" sweeping and mopping the floor was. Also, I paid her $2, and she told me where we would spend the money she has saved in her little horsey bank.

So, inspite of my favorite team losing badly, Sunday was a happy day and maybe my floors will get cleaned more regularly than once a season (whether they need it or not)!

Grateful, but want to be quieter

Yes, it's the start of a nice long weekend, but I am less than happy. Now life treats me no better or worse than anyone else (& certainly better than all the billions starving in Africa and Asia), I don't feel unfairly treated. I'm neither angry nor distraught.
Disappointed? Yes maybe a little. So I wrote this.

THE VIRTUES OF RETICENCE
Don’t tell your friend how bad you feel when he or she tells you of their pain and suffering. You’ll only make them feel worse
Don’t dump an upsetting problem on a person who you thought was a friend, but really wasn’t. They’ll think you’re a mental case.
Don’t be sad and downcast to people on Tuesday after telling anyone who cared to listen to you about what a great weekend you will have. People will wonder why you built your hopes so high.
After a life-changing tragedy, don’t tell people how devastated you are, because they will wonder and theorize "what’s really wrong with you".
Only say good, positive things on your first date and put forth a "winning persona". Don’t say anything self-deprecating on your first date or admit any flaws because when they think about whether or not to go out with you again (or even talk to you again) they’ll only remember what you did or said wrong.
If you don’t hear from your 1^st date for a number of days, don’t call them and ask what went wrong. Being the kind, sweet, considerate person she is, she will only give you a kind, sweet, considerate excuse. They’ll tell you about how crazy it’s been at work rather than the fact that they were bothered by you admitting your "little bitty apartment resembled a pigsty".
Don’t get fired at work, because as soon as you leave, people will talk about what a lousy worker you were.
Don’t ever lose your temper no matter what or someone will think that you’re a dangerous sociopath. (Never thinking about what they did to provoke it in the first place.)
Don’t tell someone your upset with, that you’ll never speak to them again. You’ll get the irresistable urge to say something later.
Don’t lose a friend, you’ll have a very difficult time getting them back.
Don’t vent in chat or a message board. Readers are unlikely to feel your points as keenly as you do and they’ll wonder what your problem is. They’ll might even think you’re disturbed.

Remember these famous and not so famous quotes:
Do 200 things well and make one big mistake, guess what people will remember?
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.
If you feel good, don’t worry, you’ll get over it!

Oh, but there are a few saving graces: only tell God how frustrated and angry you are. Only tell God that your not sure how to solve a problem. If you admit your mistakes and sins to God, it won’t come back to haunt you later. God won’t hold your past work experiences against you. God won’t make you feel embarassed about the time you couldn’t stand it anymore and cried. God won’t ridicule you if you said the wrong thing.

FREE YOUR MIND

I put this on the Christian dating website that I belong to, Relationships.com. But I think you all could use this as well.

Stop being so judgmental! Try to attempt the following (they won’t hurt)
1. Don’t care about someone’s hair color (brown is as nice as blonde).
2. Stop making judgments and pin it on some obscure mindset in the Bible like someone saying that those who paint their nails purple or black (& doing the same to their hair) are sinful. ( I think it’s even cool that the lead singer of the Breeders, Kim Deal, used black shoe polish to color her hair. Again, my mind has been freed).
3. Don’t worry about the way you dance.
4. Don’t obsess over your clothes, don’t even worry that much about ironing (that’s an AWFUL chore anyway).
5. Don’t cry if you haven’t mopped your floor in a couple weeks or vacuumed the carpet in a week or so (emphasis on the "or so").
6. Have a discussion about politics and religion (not at the same time) with someone (ANYONE). THEY’RE IMPORTANT TOPICS!! Plus, it will have the added benefit of motivating you to stay well informed.
7. Date someone who is 40 lbs. (or more) overweight. They try harder. You’ll find out that you’ll forget about the weight when you see what wonderful personalities they possess.
8. Encourage the lady who is 5'6" and 120 lbs. to eat a large pizza (by herself).
9. Chew some gum on a crowded street and snap it really loud!

In an attempt to free your mind remember or do the following:
1. Remember that most liberals fully support the war in Afganistan.
2. Most liberals aren’t atheists.
3. Most of Western Europe is too liberal (ok enough about politics)
4. Find out where Surinam is.
5. Hear a rock band you never heard before or an obscure band that plays the type of music you enjoy.
6. Find out why 1968 was such a sad year.
7. Find out what time period the US had the longest period of prosperity.
8. Find out where the Straits of Hormuz is.
9. Don’t be so upset when someone thinks differently than you.
10. Don’t be so quick to say that someone is guilty.
11. Things aren’t always the way the seem, and sometimes it’s good to find out why.
12. Most liberals are against gay marriage. It’s true!!

"I choose not to run"

After being on the TMA (Terrace Maintenance Assoc.) Board for 5 years, I am going to call it quits. I have been president since last August. Being at the pinnacle of power (yeah right!), has made me grow tired of helping run the condo so I will retire in November. Let someone else do it.
Accomplishments? I helped settle a lawsuit against the TMA, I have helped with running the pool, have approved (and in some cases, refused to approve) a number of decisions, worked towards keeping the condo complex fiscally stable, been a peacemaker and smoothed over several disputes, listened to numerous complaints and acted on them so that the complainant's grievance was solved.
What is the TMA exactly (see Aug., 2005 as this also give more info about the complex and the people there)? There are 28 building with 6 units in each one. 3 units are 2 bedroom condo units and the other 3 are 1 bedroom units.

The budget is over $200,000. We hire trash haulers, general maintenance contractors, laundry units company, pool attendants for the summer, electricians, & on and on and on. The problem that I have is that certain people don't always give me the situation in the most honest fashion. I have to spend inordinate amount of time finding what really happens. The same person draws numerous complaints some deserved, some not. Then certain board members are trying to circumvent the Cond0 By Laws to hold onto as much power as they can. The newest scheme? Since I am leaving another Board memeber isn't running either, instead of having an election for them as they have each of the last 30 years, they want to go down to a 5 member Board. But the By Laws clearly state that our Board MUST have 7 members! One of my last acts as a President is to stop their foolishness and insure that there will be a an election and not some stupid power grab.
Now if there is someone out there that suggests that I should quit because I need more time to myself, they are right. I need to spend that extra time finding a nice calm woman. That would suit me great, because it was really nice to have such a woman like that this past spring.

"Saviano stop raping my wife"

Subtitle: Strangeness in the Loop
There has been a widespread story making its way on blogs. & guess what?? I have firsthand knowledge of the story! The Richard J. Daley Center is a 30 story building over 400 ft. tall and is the site of civil litigation in Cook County (not all of it but most of it). Several of the floors are dedicated to divorces and child custody. I am a paralegal that occasionally files documents at the Law Division so I walk by the strange sight above of this man who stays motionless and expressionless for hours on end.
A married couple by the name of Farhad Khoiee-Abassi and Shabnam Vahabinazhad had kids and are now getting a divorce. The divorce is very bitter and has been going on over 2 years. There have been custody fights over the kids and Ms. Vahabinazhad has needed protection orders to protect herself against her upset husband. Since Mr. Khoiee-Abassi is Arabic could there be an honor killing afoot? Maybe, maybe not, but his estranged wife doesn't feel very safe.

Mr. Khoiee-Abassi has been, of course, very frustrated with the whole process. So to vent his frustration he has done the following, with the sign above, "FBI Agent Chris Saviano stop raping my wife" Why are so many bloggers grasping at straws regarding this story? Because no one really knows who "Chris Saviano" is. The records of those who work at the FBI are understandably hard to get access to so the FBI is obviously not going to help unwrap this mystery. Mr. Khoiee-Abassi is very mute and talks only rarely so he doesn't explain why he singled out the supposed "Chris Saviano". The only concrete part of this story is the fact that the above couple is in a very bitter divorce.

There is a fairly decent discussion about this event on http://hyalineskies.com/2006/08/the-chris-saviano-effect/

Oh, & get this! He's been at the Daley Ctr. on such a regular basis that he's become a tourist attraction. Now people come up next to him, turn to their friend's camera and give a big wave, like they're next to the Sears Tower or Lake Michigan or something! Predictably he just stands there and ignores the posing and cameras.

As you may have noticed, I subtitled this post "Strangeness in the Loop" The Loop is a part of downtown Chicago so named because the El CTA train tracks form a loop with a rectangle of streets which they are above (Wells, Van Buren, Wabash, & Lake Sts.) Mr. Khoiee-Abassi is not the only strange part of the Loop. You have a myriad of beggars and homeless people. Today, I saw a young woman advertise that she found out on the ultrasound that she was pregnant, and he will be a boy. So she, of course, needed your cash. Another woman with sunglasses (to show that she was hiding bruises), advertised that she was beat up and assaulted so she also needed money. Man, the lady I admire most, Jean Teasdale, would be extremely busy trying to help them!
The homeless even have their own newspaper, Streetwise. Much of the money goes to the homeless person selling the paper (which is only a dollar). They paper is professionally done and some of the homeless have actually used the money to advance themselves and no longer be homeless. I've bought it numerous times. It's a good paper.
But I really do like working in the Loop, and I'm only 2 blocks away from the Daley Center and the very stoic, mute Mr. Khoiee-Abassi. Poor guy.

A cycle of irony

Irony: (#3) An incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result. - from Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary

I get overwrought, cranky & edgy after I work a nasty night shift. This morning is no exception. I am gritting my teeth with disgust. There's just this disgusting cycle of events. I need to work at Ingalls so that I have health insurance & pay child support.
THEREFORE:
1.In order to work at Ingalls I have to work 12 hr. night shifts
2.In order to work 12 hr. night shifts, I have to get my prescription amphetamines (known as Adderrall) or else I'll fall asleep at work and get fired.
3.In order to get Adderall, I have to pay $20 each & EVERY month to see a psychiatrist.
4.In order to see the psychiatrist I have to get a referral.
& TO GET A REFERRAL I HAVE TO STAY UP AN EXTRA 1 HOUR TO GO TO HIS CLINIC AT 8:15 & GET THE DAMN REFERRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!
What I really need is some weed or hash, which would make me smile a lot more than I am now. You don't need to get a damn referral to smoke weed, you don't need to stay up an hour over & above the 12 hrs of night you already worked. Just take out that sweet old joy herb, put it in the pipe, strike the match, feel the love, and wear a shit-eating grin on your face. I'm a firm believer in the slogan, "better living through chemicals!"
Oh, I know, I need both weed and Adderall. The Adderall for staying up and fulfilling my job at Ingalls, and weed for chilling out when I'm in a foul mood after work. Believe me THC is one of the better chemicals in God's green earth! I'm going to get my referral now, I'm going back to Ingalls @ 8:15 & the only thing keeping me awake on the way there is the anger & disgust I feel.

Hopefully, I'm pissed off enough that I won't fall asleep and run head on into the many semis I meet on the way there. ("When you got off work at 7:15am, why didn't you just stay at Ingalls and get the referral at 8:15 when the Dr.'s ofc opened????" you ask. Well, because I was in such a pissy mood I couldn't bear waiting for an hour holding my dick!

Indiana helps out the 4th

I'm not too crazy about Indiana's conservative politics. They're kind of the South Carolina of the Midwest. But Indiana gets one thing right and that's their policy concerning fireworks. I went east of the border today & went to the Black Cat on Indianapolis Blvd. It was really edifying to see whole families - mothers, fathers, sons & daughters - carrying armfuls of bombs & rockets. I can't stand how growing up Wisconsin banned firecrackers and bottle rockets. All they sold were sparklers and some lame ass smoke bombs.

I move to Illinois in 1989 and it's the same thing. Now we've got these lame, "nervous Nellies", (but to put it far more accurately out-and-out pain in the asses) who sit there and whine, "Ewwww, sparklers can heat up past 500 degrees. My moron son once grabbed a lit sparkler by the wrong end & got 3rd degree burns". So then there's even talk of banning sparklers! LAME!!!!!!!

Anyway, I only bought about $8 worth & got some firecrackers & bottle rockets (because of the "nervous nelly" states I've resided in, I'm a real amateur on fireworks and what's good and what's not). I've gave the cashier $10, & she gave me a dollar and then said she didn't want to make change for 67 cents so she asked if she could throw in about 8 packs of firecrackers. Sure why not? More bang for the buck.

Conversation @ work

Background: Yesterday, my co-worker at the law firm told me that she was breaking up with her boyfriend because he was lying to her (about where he was, not who he was sleeping with)

This morning (today)
K: Well, Eric & I are going to go (name of bar) to celebrate my birthday.
Me: But I thought you broke up with your boyfriend?
K: Yeah, well I decided that I really needed to get laid on my birthday.

Excuse me,there's a bomb@your workplace

Night shift begins at the hospital just before 11 pm. The beginning of my shift is the busiest part of the entire shift. Around 11 pm. this Saturday, Cherie the supervising shift nurse tore into our tele room (all 6'1", 270 lbs. of her), red faced and red eyed and said, "there is a bomb threat, we have to send all 6 East patients to 6 West (which was an empty unit as it only handles overflow from other floors)." She continued, "One of you needs to help while the other one stays here." I stood up to volunteer and Hillary, my partner in the tele room, pointed to me to start moving patients. We asked Cherie how do we explain this to the patients (?!) Cherie replied, "We gotta tell them the truth."
The patients didn’t seem that upset perhaps they were too tired and too sick to raise a fuss about it. After we got done moving them, Hillary & I felt like captains on a sinking ship as we were the only ones on staff to stay @ 6 East, 2 floors away from where the bomb was supposedly going to blow. The rest of the staff was taking care of the evacuated patients. How could we not stay where we were; what if we left and a patient had a lethal heart rhythm?
Were we worried? No, there’s no way Al Queda is staying up at night somewhere near the Pakistan-Afgahn border saying, "Oh I know what we should do! Let’s bomb a mid size hospital in suburban Chicago. That’ll show the world we are a force to be reckoned with!" I mean really, who the hell would bomb a hospital? Also, how could they bring up enough bomb material to do any major damage? Maybe the whole thing was a drill.
I must say that a hospital can be an impressive place to work as they have a plan for every contingency. There’s a plan if there’s a tornado, fire, person kidnapping a newborn baby, somebody shitting on the floor, etc. All we did was follow the plan and within a ½ hour all of the floor’s patients were moved.
It ended up they cleared out the 4th floor, and there was no bomb. We learned that the 4th floor received 3 calls stating a bomb was on their floor. One call said it was detonating in 4 minutes. But it was not to be, we left work at 7:15 Easter morning safe and tired from an eventful night.

Let the Good Times Roll

This was Patti's 4th visit to our place, and it was wonderful again. About the only negative I can say about her is that she doesn't like Bob Marley or reggae (not really a major drawback). She brought a pizzamaker and the kids were able to make their own pizzas on Sunday. She took them to Walgreens and bought them stuff.

There's going to come a point in time where some of the people who say I'm going about this relationship all wrong will have to reconsider. When I wonder, 1 year? 6 months?
We are nowhere near that point now, but I simply am happier than I have been in years. I feel some trepidation writing all this because I know that every point, every revelation I state about what happened this weekend is another mistake to many thoughtful, careful people reading this blog. I guess I better not talk about the fact that I've given her a key to my apartment.

Again, I feel safe with her. It's incredibly difficult to argue with emotion. If you feel yourself emotionally drawn/tied to a person, then I couldn't imagine saying to others, "Oh yeah, right, I'll pull back on the relationship, cool things off!" & not everyone feels that way. Many at work are very happy for me and not telling me I'm going about it wrong. I guess that only means to the others that they are as foolish as I. It's like I said before; it reminds me of a line in the song, "It can't be wrong, when it feels so right".

The only place that I feel a little uneasy about is her health. That I do worry about because at 44 she has diabetes and is a little overweight. She also had ruptured 3 discs and had to have a spinal fusion operation in the lower part of her spine. Someone suggested that her biologic clock is ticking and she wants to have kids with me. Not so, she had her "tubes tied" so that's not happening.

Still, she acts rational, by example, she shows what a better person she is compared to my ex-wife. I am so happy with her. When we were at church the usher asked if the kids, her and I wanted to bring up the gifts during Offertory. We accepted and Andy (my oldest son) who is very religious couldn't have been happier.