Here's what I think is better when looking for the right person. Have certain TANGIBLE expectations of a person. If they don't meet those expectations, then stop dating them or better yet, resolve to be just friends. If they do meet those expectations, keep dating them, once you get to know them (and especially know their weaknesses, bad traits) deepen the relationship. Don't expect chemistry dont expect to be inspired.
Also, here's an example. It would be nice if I met a woman who was really interested in history and politics. But that's not one of my expectations because there's not that many in my area that have that interest. Yet it is important that the woman has a job, wants to follow a budget as much as I do once we live together/marry, has the same spending sensibilities, would like to discuss the Bible, loves my kids and maybe a few other traits.
The point is that I'm not going to torture my prospect with this intangible, nebulous idea that they have to have chemistry with me. & then if they ask what chemistry is I give some pointless circular explanation like "it's a feeling, a gut reaction". That's unfair.
But that's the dilemma and difference between the 2 sexes. & this is a mere generalization and isn't true all the time. I don't pretend to know women or men but there's somethings that I see over and over again. Men emphasize objectivity, facts. Women emphasize feelings, the subjective (BUT the feelings are often based on facts). Men emphasize the cognitive domain; woman the affective domain.
I wish I was wrong when I explain that. I wish that there was some woman in the SW suburban Chicago area who could give me a list of tangible traits that she wants and then it's just a matter of following them. But that probably won't happen. All I can do is keep trying. Hope/pray for the best. This whole process REALLY SUCKS!!
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