It's 1:30am, do you know where happiness is??

FEELING LIKE A NINE INCH NAILS SONG
(Or maybe a Violent Femmes song instead)
I’m sitting here working at the hospital at 1:30 in the morning watching the EKGs of 29 patients. As I sit here dead tired, feelings are washing over me: frustration, emptiness and cluelessness. Yes, I feel just like a person in a Nine Inch Nails song. If I felt more pathetic I guess it would be a Violent Femmes song but either way I feel pretty messed up. While I am lost in my misery, the other telemetry tech’s boyfriend has called her in the last 3 hours no fewer than 12 times (I’m not exaggerating) to tell her how much he loves her and misses her.
& what about me! The contrast could not be more different between myself and the other tele tech getting all these loving calls. Where do I turn to for a hug? How long can I remain stoic??!
After coming home Friday night from the bar, I called someone else and quickly got brushed off and dismissed. I hung the phone up in disbelief. Yes, I don’t know this person very well, but it still would have been nice to speak a little while longer. Will sadness beget more sadness? Does misery lead to more misery? Where do all of these misadventures lead to? I walked over to a nurse to talk about a problem with one of her patients and his bad heart rhythm. As I walked back to the telemetry room, I had the irrational urge to run headlong into a wall. My stupid, half-witted justification was that the pain would somehow make me feel better than I was feeling at the time. But I was correctly reminded of the truism "things can always get worse." Also, I did not feel like being the talk of the unit for doing a wild, bizaar antic like running into a wall.
I guess with this rational decision, I should end my pity party. I still wish that I wasn’t doing battle by myself. This is one night I wish I had someone to hold.