I DON'T want to be a year, a decade or a score of years younger than I am now! DO you know what I love best about being old? When the police stop me, and I'm old enough to be their dad, they don't write me traffic tickets anymore. I had one who caught me doing 16 mph over the speed limit. He said "screw the speeding ticket; I'm going to give you a little muni ticket for having a scent tree in your rear view mirror. That's a muni offense here in Palos Heights!"
I don't want to live to be 90 or even 85. But God says so, then I will live that age. I just wonder how in the world I could afford to live at that advanced age. I don't want to live that age because of what happened to my father, paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather. The first two died a very difficult death with Alzheimer's. I'll never forget how Dad or my Grandma Alvina acted when they had their respective illnesses. Dad took me aside 4 or 5 years prior to his mom's death and said, "I don't think she's going to live much longer, Vince."
Yet, she did. She suffered from Alzheimer's. She went to my Mom and asked repeatedly, nearly each day, about her certificate of deposits.
Then, about 30 years later, Dad had Alzheimer's. First, Mom showed me the report first diagnosing him. Then, I remember as clearly as yesterday, the first "Alzheimer's comment" my father made. We sat for lunch or supper and my Dad said, "I know what day my birthday is." Really a sad, sinking feeling!
Yes, of course, I cried at his funeral. I remember crying a few days before April 14, 2011 before I mailed my b-day card to him. I was on the train. I looked at the birthday card I was going to write and said, "how do I reach him???" I cried. I hate, detest crying in public!!!!! The train was my sanctuary from all life threw my way. I didn't have an excruciating life as a paralegal. But 2011 was a difficult year. A month after the crying incident, my ex-wife's father died. When I helped put away possessions, I came across a piece of paper. I became very distraught. I was very hurt at what somebody did.
If it hadn't been for a wise brother like Jerome helping me out of that very tough situation, I would still be eaten up by that piece of paper.
BEFORE that, as I drove to Ithaca back in 2010, I thought, "well, you know......maybe if Dad has Alzheimer's, then he'll mellow out. He won't ask a lot from my Mom."
Dad was an Alpha personality until he went to the nursing home.
When I went to the place that I once called home.............Dad asked a lot of Mom. Sad....very sad.
I was particularly sad that the older sister-in-law my fiance' dubs the "Ice Queen" didn't like coming to Ithaca, because she disliked the way my Dad acted. I guess she had her reasons. She had her reasons. She lived through the developing feminist era of the late 60s and 70s. Clearly, her mindset was different. How could it not be? Nevertheless, I really do disagree with her about my Father!!
Then, I see myself in 2019. If Don Henley thought that 1989, 30 years ago, was "such a graceless age," then what the hell does he think now!!!!!!!!!!
From the same album, he sang, "This is no Shangrila." In 2017-2019 it certainly wasn't Shangrila, certainly not for this nation. Wow......I loved 1989, the year that album came out. I moved to a city where they drive faster. I loved their drivers and their radio stations a hell of a lot better than those in LaCrosse.
Now, I see myself now with my glaucoma, considerably worse vision and puffy, red, numb feet (complete w/ toe ulcers). If I aged from 1999 to 2019 a great deal, then what is going to happen to me from 2019 to 2039?
"That which doesn't kill you will only make you stronger."
BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!
I have a depression that gnaws, an anxiety that inflames, and thank goodness for 2 drugs for my insomnia, so that I can float away from mental/physical pain for 8-10 hours. The depression is hereditary. 3 people very close to me from 1963-1984 had/have it, too.
Hey, don't blame me for being on meds for my insomnia. I lost 30 lbs. in 2 months back in 2007. I couldn't sleep the whole night thru EVER AGAIN. OK, so it sounds silly when I say don't blame me. What I mean is don't blame me 100%. Dr. Mool gave me the meds to make me sleep. When I built up a higher tolerance going from 2007 to the fall of 2019, I got my 2nd med. I'm not proud of it, but it sure makes me feel a lot better. At least I'm not like Michael Jackson who had to take horse tranquilizers before his fateful death. I certainly wasn't your fan, but RIP Mike J.
I'm still hopeful. I still want to marry my fiance'. I sent my annulment into the Chicago Archdiocese. I'm hopeful they'll say "yes, your marriage is annulled" after a number of meetings I will face, and a verdict I hope is favorable. I earned a 98% 5-star rating at Lyft and Uber and get rewards for those achievements.
My lover tells me that I do well-taking care of her. She takes care of herself, too, for the most part.
He's on the extreme right in the last picture.
I like this guy above. He's the reason 44 men have been presidents but Trump is considered the 45th President. You could, dear reader, win a bet asking, "how many men were President of the United States?" There's always one less than the # of presidents for the last 125 years. Yes, he was counted twice as 22nd and 24th president; he earned it. He had a beautiful, young wife, too. I think of when I was a president of the condo. Obviously, that doesn't resemble being President of USA. Until my dying day, I'll be proud of reforming not once (2003), but twice (again in 2014) a condo board. I made mistakes. Thank God I left before O'Connell sunk her ugly clutches into the board and executed a 3-cornered theft. I love the above man's quote, "a public office is a public trust!" I laugh hard at the irony of being a Democrat, but acting like a Republican in my 14 years of being in public office as an elected condo board member. I don't regret any of the fights I was in w/ manager my last year in office, 2018. Those idiots (manager, president) couldn't even appreciate the value of posting the Secretary Minutes & Treasurer's Report in the laundry room. I served as a President 6 of those years, was a Secretary all of my years as condo board member. I learned parliamentary procedure thoroughly (also learned it as a 6 year Vice President of St. Damians Men's Club). I was complimented for how I wrote Secretary's Minutes. Yeah, I researched how to do that. I took my time preparing those Minutes, because I thought they were damn important. Yes, I wrote excellent Secretary's Minutes, and it's not bragging if it's true. I wonder if I will be saying Cleveland's last words before he died, “I have tried so hard to do right.”
He didn't measure up to being a great president. In his last term, he was stained by a bad recession. There are reasons he shouldn't be considered "great president." A man who met him was a great president. Franklin Roosevelt's father knew and contributed to his campaigns for president. Franklin Roosevelt talked to this man in the 2 pictures. They were all from northern New York. When I look back at 2019, I wish I accomplished more. It grieves me to tears that I didn't avoid certain mistakes in 2019. I told my fiance' that I panic before going to bed often in the last 8 years; I say, "is that all I did today!!!!" Sometimes, it seems like all I have are my 2015 Mitsubishi, my kids, my dear future wife, my condo, a brain, siblings and self-deprecating jokes.
....All we can do is hope for a better 2020.....
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