PACKERS WIN! GO PACK! I'M HAPPY!

I want anyone who has given this Blog a read with just the slightest ounce of wishing the Green Bay Packer football team well to make a comment on this post. IF you do, I'll be forever in your debt. For real. The Green Bay Packers helped start the NFL with a team from Chicago, New York, Washington D.C. and a few other teams in the 1920s. That's a team that's been around for over 80 years, "brothers and sisters"! The fans who support the Green Bay Packers are over a million strong (not an exaggeration) and are part of PackersNation. (that's like another famous franchise in baseball, Boston Red Socks; fans call themselves RedSocksNation, or is it RedSox Nation? whatever). Amel, if you're reading this, you and your husband have automatically been given honorary status as members of PackersNation for as long or as short a time as you want (hehe, lol).

It's Saturday 3:45 pm. PackersNation is very sad. Their mighty Packers are down 0-14. Some of them (I won't lie, I'm an honest man, I was one of them) are screaming for Ryan Grant to get the hell off the football field. He fumbled twice, the Seattle Seahawks (the team the Packers played today) took 2 fumbles in for 2 touchdowns and the Packers were very down. He goes on to have the game of his life and runs 201 yards.
See #4 up there in that picture? 37 yr. old guy is the leader of the team. He's too old to get overly excited, too experienced to be down, and too awesome not to play well. He leads the Packers to score 21 points and his team is never ever down again as they go on to win 42-20.
I am happy as a lark and flying just as high!!

THE BLUES, Part 2 of 2, The Legend of Robert Johnson

II. The Legend of Robert Johnson (born 1911, died 1938) Rolling Stone magazine valued Robert Johnson enough to make him (in the “Best 100 Guitarists” issue of last year or so) the 5th best guitarist ever. I disagree with his high ranking because Johnson did not live long enough (dying in the 1930s) to play electric guitar. He could not explore the nuances of electric guitar with it’s various sounds as Jimi Hendrix, Pete Townsend (of The WHO), Alex Lifeson (of Rush), and of course, Keith Richards (of the Rolling Stones) had the gift, opportunity, talent and vision to do. I would rank Mr. Johnson 12th best ; a very good singer and a masterful guitarist, it still is only speculation what Johnson could have done with an electric guitar, wa-wa pedal and the numerous guitar pedals that color the sound of the guitar that were available to the guitar legends by the end of the 1960s. One of Johnson’s famous songs is “Crossroads Blues”, and it was covered by Cream, featuring Eric Clapton on lead guitar and lead vocal. After the song was made, the legend among the jealous, simple and judgmental ones was that Robert Johnson went to a crossroad/intersection, met Satan, let Satan tune his guitar and sold his soul to him. IN return, Satan supposedly granted him the gift of playing guitar masterfully and writing, recording great songs. The legend of Johnson selling his soul to learn to play guitar is said to have taken place in either an intersection of Rosedale or an intersection in Clarksdale, (both cities/towns in Mississippi). Feel the jealousy! You can almost hear the neighbors (both Black and White neighbors) wondering why Robert Johnson didn’t work at the factory or stay home on the farm like others who lived near him. “What the hell is he doing with that guitar??? Respectable people don’t go out and play in Blue in clubs and juke joints!” These neighbors during the Jim Crow 1920s and 30s likely looked down about him with even more cutting and judgmental criticism. “That fool doesn’t play guitar nearly as well as my cousin Andy, and you don’t see Andy hotfootin’ ‘round town. Andy is smart enough to work at the barber shop! And how many times did you see that boy in church? Not a once these last few months! Robert be makin’ eyes at that hoochie, Mary, and be messin’ with her after he done playin’ that fool guitar. They both have as much aim in life as a feather!!” It’s not bad to be revulsed by sins of another, in fact, that’s good. Yet, when one is so openly condemnatory, as a few or even some of Johnson’s neighbors were, it falls into the “judge other and you will be judged as well” type of action. Yet, like so many instances, rumor and sensationalism are not really what happened when Robert Johnson made “Crossroads Blues” Wikipedia tells the true story of what the song “Crossroads” is about. “While the legend of Robert Johnson selling his soul to the Devil is fascinating and evocative, the song itself plainly describes the very real, harrowing situation feared by Johnson and other Blacks in the Deep South in the early 20th century. Historian Leon Litwack has suggested that the song refers to the common fear felt by blacks who were discovered alone after dark. As late as 1930s in parts of the South, the well-known expression (from redneck sheriffs, KKK members and other racists) , “Nigger don’t let the sun go down on you here!!” was according to Litwack “understood and vigorously enforced”. In an era when lynchings were still common, Johnson was likely singing about the desperation of finding his way home from an unfamiliar place as quickly as possible because, as the song says, “the sun goin’ down, boy/dark goin’ catch me here”. This interpretation also makes sense of the closing line “You can run/tell my friend poor Willie Brown/that I’m standing at the crossroads' as Johnson’s appeal for help from a real-life fellow musician.”[1] So many, many times, TOO MANY TIMES, too many people are simple and stupid enough to go for the sensational (that’s why the National Enquirer sells so well, makes so much money and pisses me off!) Obviously, a Black man afraid of being lynched is much more humdrum and boring to some and not worth gossiping to the next door neighbor compared to telling same neighbor that Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil, and as a result that’s why he was a sensational guitarist. After some research, there are some signs that Johnson himself may have acquiesced to the rumor as well. This is a shame, because he also wrote and sang a song like “Hellhound on My Trail” covered fear of the Devil. With a rough and tumble life with so many hazards, signs of the Devil, amid all the misfortune in his life, were prevalent. Playing the Blues, not making much money doing so, "seeing" the occasional woman, traveling and worrying over lack of money are shown in his lyrics in the song “Crossroads Blues” (just Google: lyrics & “Robert Johnson” and “song”), Robert Johnson in the mid-1930s was recognized enough that certain executives arranged to record his songs and great talent. He cast an enormous influence over rock and roll and has even been nicknamed “The Grandfather of Rock n Roll”. 30 years later, he influenced Jimi Hendrix, the Rolling Stones, Eric Clapton, Peter Gabriel and many, many artists over the years. He made the songs that united (and continue to unit) Blacks, Whites and other races alike, just as good and great Blues music does!! Then, there’s the sad, obscure death of Robert Johnson. With poor healthcare in the Jim Crow era, Johnson didn’t go to the hospital and with an unknown cause (neither Johnson nor anyone could determine or help treat Johnson in the last 3 days before his death), Johnson died a slow painful death. Dead at the age of 27 he dies at the same age as Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain (Nirvana) and Brian Jones (the founder of the Rolling Stones and rhythm guitarist). As noted in Wikipedia, “There are a number of accounts and theories regarding the events preceding Johnson's death. One of these is that one evening Johnson began flirting with a woman at a dance. One version of this rumor says she was the wife of the juke joint owner who unknowingly provided Johnson with a bottle of poisoned whiskey from her husband, while another suggests she was a married woman he had been secretly seeing. Researcher Mack McCormick claims to have interviewed Johnson's alleged poisoner in the 1970s, and obtained a tacit admission of guilt from the man. When Johnson was offered an open bottle of whiskey, his friend and fellow blues legend Sonny Boy Williamson[2] knocked the bottle out of his hand, informing him that he should never drink from an offered bottle that has already been opened. Johnson allegedly said, "don't ever knock a bottle out of my hand". Soon after, he was offered another open bottle of whiskey and accepted it, and it was that bottle that was laced with strychnine. Johnson is reported to have started to feel ill into the evening after drinking from the bottle and had to be helped back to his room in the early morning hours. Over the next three days, his condition steadily worsened and witnesses reported that he died in a convulsive state of severe pain - symptoms which are consistent with strychnine poisoning. Strychnine was readily available at the time as it was a common pesticide, and although it is a very bitter-tasting substance it is extremely toxic, and a small quantity dissolved in a harsh-tasting solution such as whiskey could possibly have gone unnoticed, but (over a period of days due to the reduced dosage) still produced the symptoms and eventual death that Johnson experienced.” (emphasis added by blog author). Robert Johsnon never had the chance to witness how appreciated and valued his music was until Bob Dylan, Eric Clapton, Rolling Stones and other musicians herein illuminated his music 30 years later. ____________________________ [1] http://www.wikipedia.org/ “Robert Johnson” (musician) [2] Sonny Boy Williamson lived considerably longer, naturally had a more prolific career and was seen in person by Led Zeppelin singer Robert Plant (as discussed in the book Hammer of the Gods). The book even goes as far as to say that Plant got so close that he stole Williamson’s harmonica.

Picture of Robert Johnson (below) was taken in 1935 when he was 24. The picture was one of the few authentic pictures of this legend.

Please note: for some inexplicable reason, I could not eliminate the space between the text below and Robert Johnson's picture.

The BLUES, part 1 of 2

The BLUES

I. Music with Suspicion - The Blues
A. Good singing, good song
B. Blues inspiration
C. The Flood
II. Companion story, "The Legend of Robert Johnson"

I. Music with Suspicion - The Blues

A. "Good Singing, Good Song"
When I grew up, there were some very clear opinions expressed about what a good song was (especially from older brothers even moreso than Kathi). A good song had a nice, upbeat, decent melody. A good song had a good singer with a good voice (like Karen Carpenter or Paul McCartney). A good song absolutely did NOT have screaming in it or riff-drenched, wailing guitars.
So are the underlined principles in the above paragraph true? That’s difficult to say because no 2 musical tastes are alike. Each is unique. Even with 2 people with similar taste, you will find one who likes a certain song better than another. That makes judging music somewhat relative and not so absolute.
However, the underlined principles in the 1st paragraph are supported by popular demand. After all, it was the Beatles and not Sonic Youth (Seattle band of the 90s) who make (yes, that’s present tense "make" because Beatles CDs are bought every day some place on planet Earth) tens of millions of dollars and were better known. People of Chicago can crow all they want about Smashing Pumpkins (a very good group that originated in Chicago and Joliet) but did they sell as well as the Rolling Stones? For every 1 person who loves the anger-laced, distorted guitar- driven song by the Pumpkins called "Bodies" (& that includes me), you will undoubtedly find 50 people who will like "Yesterday" by the Beatles. "Yesterday" is also a sad song, but a far more palatable and popular song than "Bodies".
While my political views changed away from most of my family in 1982, my musical tastes were very similar to my family’s before 1988. In the summer of 1988, I fell in love with Led Zeppelin thanks to a great roommate from Minnesota named Mike.
It is indisputable that the roots of Led Zeppelin are from the Blues. While this rock band was classified as Heavy Metal, heavy metal has been defined as "Blues on steroids". Like Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin were inspired by the Blues.
The Blues is about emotion. If someone screams during a song, it’s to reflect anguish, pain. The sad singer’s point comes across as clear as sterile water. Sometimes the Blues is a music of emotion, rather than a music filled with artful tunefulness. Like a good movie that mirrors the reality rather than the "Leave It to Beaver" sugarcoating, the Blues offers you an unvarnished look at life. & life can be difficult.
B. "Blues Inspiration"
The inspiration of the Blues is pretty clear. Certain themes are very recurrent in Blues, and they are
a. man upset that his "woman (or as they sing "wimins") is cheatin’ on him or vice versa man cheating on woman, and the anguish that results.
b. being "messed around" and "double dealed" at work
c. being poor
d. Floods
e. Drinking
f. Getting no justice in Court
g. death
Of course, there’s Blues songs with other themes but that covers about 65% of the Blues. That’s not a criticism!! The Blues is amazing, beginning with the 1st song composed beginning in 1903, all the way to musicians in the present who take a mere handful of themes to make so many awesome songs! So much hurt, pain, and, in general, downtrodden conditions, and therein springs beautiful, empathetic and sometimes even inspirational music vanquishing all the negativity!
Here’s a great example. Before 1975, Robert Plant, singer/songwriter heard and bought the Blues song "Jesus, Make Up My Dying Bed"; that song is old, written 1929-30, composed by "Blind Willie" Johnson. It must have been an artful song, because Robert Plant and the other members of the band reworked the song and came up with "In My Time of Dying" which was released in 1975 from the album Physical Graffiti.
"In My Time of Dying" is nothing short of a Christian song sung with a tragic beauty behind compelling guitars and drumming. It’s a song inspired possibly a 27 year old suddenly confronted with his own death and then making excuses. Now, when you read the lyrics and you are older than say, 32, you must cast off your viewpoint, because 50 year olds, 40 yr. olds and even many 30 yr. olds, thinks far differently than a 27 year old, especially about death. If we don’t understand nor empathize, we find an immature, superficial song. After all, he prays to Jesus, "You can deliver me Lord; I only wanted to have some fun!" But, we all have seen 20somethings confronted with a bad situation. After all, we lived in our 20s and had bad things happen to us during those times. With sons, daughters, nephews and nieces that we personally know, it really shouldn’t be that hard to imagine the desperation, even the minimizing of his guilt in the lyrics found in the Coda section .
Just one awesome song, and there’s so many more songs that pull one away from his problems, hurt and gives perspective. Yet, the Blues isn’t for everyone. It depicts the rough, raw, painful lives lead. See the companion story "The Legend of Robert Johnson" for how one man lived and died by the Blues in the next post before Jan. 12.
C. THE FLOOD
During the Jim Crow era, during 1927, when farmers in the US were already suffering horribly financially well before the Great Depression. The Great Flood of Mississippi savagely struck farmers, townspeople, Blacks and Whites in this tough, hardscrabble reagion. 13,000 people were forced to evacuate and over 1,000 died. Led Zeppelin and in particular, Robert Plant heard the song "When the Levee Breaks". Reworking the song, the band put it on Led Zeppelin IV, Back in 1927, when God decided to make Mississippi flood, it was like the song sadly sang, "Cryin won’t help ya, prayin’ won’t do you no good".
It’s common knowledge that the Mississippi River makes much of the farmland in the state of Mississippi low, flat and prone to flooding. It’s equally valid that sharecropping Blacks bought or tilled land most prone to flooding while their richer White farming counterpart owned better land, less prone to flooding. The Mississippi Flood of 1927 was inspiration to the Blues song "When the Levee Breaks" by the married couple Memphis Minnie and Kansas City McCoy. During the Great Depression, crop insurance was certainly not as commonplace for either White or Black farmers. Many, many farmers were hit by the Depression far sooner than the 1929 Stock Market Crash. Farmers succeeded with burgeoning prices during World War One; yet, those same crop prices crashed brutally in the beginning of the 1920s. The lyrics ache with the desperation of that relentless rain. The lyrics touch on the mass exodus that millions of Blacks (living in the nasty South) moving to the North during the Jim Crow era, moving mostly to Chicago, as well as Northern cities like Springfield, Milwaukee, Madison, Minneapolis and of course, Detroit.
"Going to Chicago, going to Chicago/Sorry, but I can’t take you!" - lyrics from "When the Levee Breaks"
Fathers and mothers (mostly mothers) had to make the agonizing choice of which one of the 5 or so children to bring up North and which one to leave with "Uncle Bob". "When the Levee Breaks" touches briefly on a person being left back in Mississippi to sort out the destruction and carnage left by the massive flood (and thereafter, hopefully finding solace in the many Baptist churches come Sunday). Clearly, there were big families in the South as there were in the North. Just as clearly, with so little money, some Black families couldn’t move North all at once. It happened, and it happened often!
Later in the aftermath, Blacks suffered insult to injury as they were forced at gunpoint to rebuild the levees ruined during the Great Flood of 1927. That’s just one of many cruelties inflicted on that race in the South during the Jim Crow era.
I advise any reader interested in the lyrics cited herein just Google the lyrics of "In My Time of Dying" and "When the Levee Breaks". Good lyrics, compelling lyrics and even better to listen to.

2 issues

I am going to write about 2 subjects in this post. One touches on humor, and the other subject is definitely not funny at all and relates to the woman pictured above.

First issue

I'm really upset that Benazir Bhutto died. I'm not one of those stereotypical Americans that are notoriously bad in geography and are unable to point to Russia on a map. Why I even know the capital of Finland and know that it hosted a very important Superpower Summit between the US and the Soviet Union back in 1974. They called it the Helsinki Accords.


Yet, since 9/11/2001, many Americans are better at geography and many are concerned at what is going on in Asia. Benazir Bhutto's death helps terrorists. Was she a panacea to Pakistan if she would have been re-elected? No. Would she have solved the problems the US has with Al-Queda and terrorists? No, she simply would have helped.


I'll tell you what would really help, a better US President would really help towards solving a very difficult terrorist problem.


Did anyone notice that the very flawed, bumptious, ursine President Bush is unable to send more troops to Afganhistan in the wake of this good woman's death? & why can't he send more troops? Because he's pissing away too much of his military resources in Iraq, that's why. Now some Bush apologists will say we're doing better in Iraq, and some of the same apologists will say that we killed Sadaam Hussein and his 2 murderous sons. The good we did in Iraq, and the good we may currently be doing in Iraq doesn't outweigh the well over 2,000 young Americans that have died in this very flawed struggle. People can point out that some people in Iraq are doing better. But many if not most are NOT. & no matter how much the Bush people and our flawed President tip toe around it and try to obfusicate, we have, in fact, plunged that nation into a civil war. That civil war pits Shiite Iraqis against Sunni Iraqis, and they are dying by the scores every single day. This war has done more harm than good. How bad is Iraq? Let me count the ways:

1. The war began under false pretenses. Bush proclaimed long and repeatedly in 2002 and into 2003 that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. THEY DIDN'T! The reason that he wanted the war was that he, Cheney and probably even Rumsfeld wanted to invade Iraq when they unfortunately took over the executive branch in Janauray, 2001. After all, Hussein had plotted in the 1990s to kill Bush's father (a much better president who balanced his budget by raising taxes and knew when to stop in Iraq!) Bush wanted to settle a score, among other reasons.

2. The Iraq War was ill-conceived. Even Bush states that he made a mistake vainly flying onto of a aircraft carrier that said MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Very symptomatic of the profound mistake made. They figured the war was won when they kicked out Hussein. They had no conception, very poor planning on how to reconstruct Iraq. AGAIN, THEY HAVE, IN FACT, PLUNGED THE NATION INTO A CIVIL WAR - Shiites vs. Sunnis!

3. The Iraq War sapped the strength of fighting terrorists in Afganhistan. To his credit, Bush actually helped facilitate a well designed, well executed war against Afganhistan a month after the terrorists struck on 9/11. It is well documented that when the US bombed and invaded Afganhistan, they fundamentally changed the way terrorists could operate and diminished their effectiveness. It's well documented as Senator John Kerry noted in his challenge against Bush in 2004 that our American forces had Bin Laden within their grasp in Tora Bora only to let him go by poor execution and poor insight by Bush. The instability of Bhutto's death (how this part of the post began) gives strong support to the fact that the Taliban was only temporarily setback in 2001 and 2002. It gives support that Al Queda's setback was more temporary than permanent. Now that there's so many troops are in Iraq, we have depleted forces elsewhere and precludes or options of a stronger force in Afganhistan to take on a re-energized Al-Queda and Taliban.

4. The Iraq War has wasted billions and depletes our ability to work towards solving domestic problems. We no longer have a budget surplus but a budget deficit. Bush doesn't want to upset his rich friends by raising taxes which would be the financially responsible way to pay for his war. But that's a Republican for you. While there are some good Republicans out there, a certain core of Republicans love indiscriminately spending money in the Pentagon, raising deficits and spending needless money on interest to fund that deficit. Why? Because if they put money there, they don't or even can't put money on domestic concerns and help people who really need it. One of the idiotic Republicans' (not all of them are this screwed up prioritywise but the following describes far too many of them) pet ideas is make it a law that Congress can only raise taxes when there's 2/3 of a majority.
In so doing, the military would get their money, Social Security (until about 2030) would get their money, but the rest of the budget could "go fly a kite" because after all, the federal government is there to fight foreign foes and dole out corporate welfare. These screwed up Republicans don't actually think they should help people in need.
One should look no further than Bush's NoChild Left Behind educational initiative. Bush had bipartisan support when he helped push the initiative through Congress. But thanks to a partisan, Republican Congress made up of hacks like former CORRUPT Majority Leader Congressman Tom DeLay, the page-abusing congressman of Florida and Senator Craig of Idaho, they badly underfunded this law well below what they originally pledged. Since we were fighting the almighty war in Iraq, the No Child Left Behind was given less funding than Bush originally pledged.
For these and many other reasons, the Iraq War is the wrong war to be in, and the only place we need to be fighting is Afganhistan. For these and many other reasons, President Bush may go down in history as the worst president the US has had since Warren Harding, president during the Roaring 20s. For these and many other reasons, the death of Benazir Bhutto is a very serious setback in the War on Terrorism. Whether or not this setback is insurmountable only time will tell.
I don't have a problem with all Republicans. In fact, the last decent Republican president, Dwight Eisenhower, stated, (this is paraphrasing not verbatim) that spending money on the Pentagon and the military takes money away from those who are hungry and those who are in need. He said that, not some knee-jerk liberal. He accurately warned about and presciently stated the perils of the military-industrial complex on the eve of his retirement from the presidency. The military-industrial complex has wasted trillions of dollars on such boondoogles as the Seargent York artillery gun, spent money on ships that sunk to the sea instead of defending our nation, paid for $1,000 hammers and screwdrivers.

5. The US. should have a strong military, there's no argument from me on that point. I changed from being Republican to being a proud Democrat during the Reagan administration when I read about the wanton wasteful spending that occurred by the Pentagon. The American people and even those people on the entire planet deserved better than the trillions of dollars wasted at the Pentagon as President Eisenhower so articulately described while he was still president.

SUBJECT #2

I consider writing my hobby. I certainly (as you all can tell) am no Saul Bellow or Studs Terkel, but I do have something to say, and I write it better than the average person. I know I write better than the average person because they often say or write "good" when they should have said or wrote "well". Many don't realize that well is an adverb and good an adjective. Therefore, many will use "good" when their sentence requires the adverb "well".
So what?
So what, indeed, being able to use "good" and "well" properly doesn't make me a good writer merely a better one, that's all. & I definitely have a lot to learn.
Last Friday night, I sent what I thought was a humorous e-mail to a score of people, quite a few people. I thought I would get some response. Well, I received one response. One man thought what I said was very funny. That's the funny thing about humor. You can have 3 friends hearing a joke: 1 will think it's hilarious, 1 will think it's stupid, and the last one will be indifferent.
I'm still trying to figure out if other people besides Marty thought it was stupid and deleted it out of their e-mail (probably some did), or chuckled at the e-mail and moved on to something else (possibly some did).
Why don't I post the satirical e-mail here? I thought about it. But I considered my readership. I considered in particular one special reader who has a very good blog herself. When you go to her blog, it is consistently good writing, consistently written work that puts a smile on one's face (especially mine). I want to be consistent, too. I thought that since my satire was "dirty humor", "R rated humor", then I would be considered by her and maybe others "inconsistent". Since the humor was "edgy", I was concerned that it would be "edgy" enough to make her NOT want to read my blog anymore.
But, I don't know, a person, especially a blogger, should take risks from time to time. So if any of you readers out there want to see it, I'll definitely reconsider and possibly even post "my satirical e-mail".

Pictures of this time of year

Most of you who read this blog will readily recognize my kids. The other 2 people in the outdoors picture are Kristen and Matt. They are my niece and nephew from Maribeth's side. Kristen is going to one of the top chef schools in Chicago and will graduate this spring. Matt is in his sophomore yr. at Loyola and is getting a degree in Criminal Justice. He wants to police cybercrime.

Brianna is the only one of my kids who still believes in Santa Claus. Ted and Andy found out "the real deal" a little over 2 years ago. I will take some pictures when we celebrate Christmas at my dear parents place in little Ithaca, Wisconsin (population 40 people, but mind you, it's still big enough to be a topic in Wikipedia!) .

Dear Reader, I will make sure to pass along these pictures to you.

upcoming holiday and current concerns

I am happy for my kids excitement for XMAS, I feel it won't be disappointed when they go to see their Grandma & pa Schauf in Ithaca WI and will do plenty of tobogganing on the snowy hills of SW Wisconsin. Maribeth & I are looking forward to the law firm party this Thursday.
I'm glad and happy I work at a decent firm.

I would be happier but I have a cold creeping into the bronchial tubes (hopefully I won't have pneumonia as I did 2 years at the very same time). I would also be ecstatic if it wasn't for the fact that over the past few months I"ve been subjected to over $500 in dental bills and I haven't seen my checking account above zero in over 2 weeks. Lets hope & pray the combination of today's paycheck and the XMAS bonus will cover everything. (Pray here! no just kidding, I am a mere speck in a mad universe and have no right to demand a prayer).

I'm a little bit more optimistic about my evaluation. I was given a 4 hr task for an important lawyer at our firm who works out of Israel. I was thanked by both him and the #1 at our firm. I think it's pretty clear that the staff member you go to for an arbitration pack, a Supreme Court Rule 222 Disclosure or Pre-Trial Memo is a certain someone who is more confident now. There's not many to chose from at our small firm, but I try.

From a humble blogger, I wish every reader, my dear brother with a very serious disease, all those fighting with guns, the sick and the lonely, a very precious Christmas and holiday season!!!!!!!!
VPJS

suggestions

Any good suggestions for an upcoming end of the year review?

Part 3 of 3, Down & Down again, but finally up

The year of 2003 was nearly as bad as 2002. 2002 was about loss, and 2003 was about a slow recovery I started. A couple weeks after 2003 started, I moved away from Maribeth (good) and the kids (bad), moved out of the condo and into an apartment in neighboring Midlothian (a town north and west Oak Forest and adjacent to OF). I remember as clearly as yesterday that after moving into the apartment (about a couple of weeks) my 2nd son Ted said, "Daddy, you have a 2nd son said, "Daddy you have a beautiful apartment." He was only 4 years, but he sensed how that made me a lot happier. So, he said it occasionally with nearly perfect timing!
My paralegal job went from good in November to excruciating by late winter/early spring of 2003. I had the misfortune of having a demeaning bitch of a boss with the same exact first name (including the same exact spelling!) as my ex-wife. I was wrong and she was wrong. Things went well at first and she was gracious enough to complement me and even give me $20 as a bonus for XMAS. Yet, I seemed flawed from the start. 1st, she told me at the interview that I would only do "a little" secretarial work. Yet, the secretarial work as important as being a paralegal, and there was just as much of it as there was paralegal tasks. She had no other secretary! I was shoehorned into paralegal/secretary rather than paralegal. The differences were stark. Secretaries (now this is a generalization not the way it ALWAYS is) have to have work done the same day, sometimes within 10 minutes. Paralegal will have tasks that are days and weeks long.
I was very tense and thought "everything depended on being a perfect paralegal/secretary!" When I made mistakes, I brooded on them. There were times I would make mistakes from feeling bad about the last mistake made.
Maribeth O (my damn boss, not to be confused with my ex-wife. This damn lawyer will hereafter be call "M.O.") preyed on my mistakes and yelled and had fits. The vicious circle ensued: I made a mistake –>one of us would catch it–>she would find out usually, anyway–>She would "raise hell" –>I would feel bad and became upset going into the next project and make more mistakes.
I was able to work in this excruciating fashion for 2 months. Before I was fired 4/13, I hoped at night that I wouldn’t wake up. I blamed everything on myself and had the view, "No matter how hard I try, it’s not enough". Then I was called in the office by the office manager. She said early into this meeting, "It’s just NOT working out." TRUE! M.O. was sitting right beside me. She attempted to act compassionate during the meeting, but it was well known throughout the office what a bitch she was, even among other women there! Before I was hired she had gone through several subordinates in a matter of a year or so. She was angry when I was on the best of terms with her. I remember as clearly as "earlier today" when there were times I was in her office and she didn’t seem angry. Then the phone would page her, and she would emit this angry ½ shout/ ½ grunt.
When I left, I reduced my phone bill; I found a grocery store that offered cut rate prices. I didn’t get cable when I moved out and continued that way. I got rid of my cell phone. I greatly reduced the amount I drove. About the only driving I did was when my ex-wife (the better Maribeth, "MB") was working I was given a decent severance package which I shared with my kids and MB. I decided to not be a paralegal anymore, but a medical coder who would own my own business and work for clinics and do Internet billing and submit HCFA forms to insurance companies. I was doing a better job of making ends meet.
Then, I flew into a rage, an absolute hate-filled rage! While working at the firm, I was blaming myself for 95% of the problems I was having. I hated M.O. when it finally dawned on me a crucial realization. I was ending my paralegal career after 12 years to go into business for myself. In those 12 yrs. I worked for many lawyers: old lawyers, lawyers younger than myself, women lawyers, men lawyers, nice lawyers, patient lawyers, lying lawyers and lawyers blunt and honest. Before M.O., I never met such a petty, mean, evil bitch lawyer as bad as Maribeth O. A week or so after, I came up with memories of many of the times she demeaned me, yelled at me in front of clients, even. I hated her; I literally hated her for a year. But that really hurt only myself. I talked to a priest about it 1 1/2 yrs. later in confession.
I did 2 things with my rage. One is used the anger as motivation to pass my medical billing class with honors. The 2nd was to write a story that ended up taking me a year to write called, "Change from a Coral Snake". It was a bad boss meeting a bad end. Yet, I prayed enough and had enough insight to know that the protagonist/star of the story was wrong. He was wrong to take matters into "his own hands" and create a harsh consequence against his boss. (Sorry for not publishing herein, because I still have the copyright. But if you want the story, contact me and we’ll make arrangements.)
I got a job at a hospital. Ironically, the assistance I had gotten from the government was more than what I was making at the hospital. But to be fair, I was working part time. The rest of the time was getting Medicare and Medicaid certified, then writing mailing, delivering, promotional letters and flyers for the new business.
By the summer, the "better MB" and I agreed to all the terms on the divorce. We were wisely told by Cook County Court that we had to take child parenting class (which is for those who are divorced & with kids). I was told to go to one class just like Maribeth. The bottom line was if you fight like "cats and dogs", and your kids are witness to that, it will hurt them. Good class, I would go so far as to say that it influenced my parenting thereafter. Can’t lie and say I never got into another fight with MB again, but I think I got into a lot less of them. I will truthfully assert that Maribeth is a better person now than she was in 2002. I think I've changed too.
Although Maribeth and I agreed to all the divorce terms, her lawyer decided not to "lift a finger" regarding the process of the divorce. No court meetings, no filing the final petition/agreement, no nothing. Why? Because Maribeth was behind paying her legal fees. Is that right? Is that wrong? I don't know, but that seems like "business".
I turned 40 in June, 2003. The hope and the prayer was that life really "began at 40", because things were as nightmarish at the age of 39. Between September to December of 2003, I was extremely unhappy. I wrote "Change from a Coral Snake" . I wrote an unfinished (to this day) story about 2 fathers of consecutive generations committing suicide. It became apparent that there were few opportunities in the SW Cook County area (or even Naperville and Joliet) for medical coders running their own business. So, I was at the hospital, and although I worked extra hours as many as 40 hours, I wasn’t making ends meet despite all the costs I cut. The saving grace was that the car was working well, & I didn’t have to spend too much money on car repairs.
I was on the condo board as the secretary of the Board (since I had joint tenancy ownership in the condo, I was still eligible for being on the board inspite not living at the actual condo). The board was doing well we were making the condo a safer, more secure, more marketable place, and we were led by an excellent president. He told me one day, "You were a good paralegal. Why not try again?". At the time, the only vacancies for medical coding was to work at a hospital or company. I wanted to start a career, but as an owner, not an employee in the medical coding. So in late November, I applied at several firms. In mid December, I was hired by Craig M.
Things were going well there. Plus, Maribeth paid a little more of her legal fees so her lawyer did a little more work. Prior to January, 2004, I was paying Maribeth regularly and voluntarily because her lawyer didn’t set up child support yet. Then the child support kicked in and from then until June 2007, and there was never a child support payment missed. (After June,2007, I left my job at the hospital, and increased my bi-weekly support to her on our joint accord. outside of court).
Things at the law firm were going well. Like the hospital, I was making new friends at the law firm in my new life. Money was better as I was working 2 jobs. Something interesting happened. Here are the events:
1. 6 months after working there, I received a raise.
2. Through the 1st 9 months, I was on very good terms with my boss.
3. Yet, ominously, he screamed and yelled at others. The turnover there was high, most especially with his personal secretary.
4. Then since I had more experience, he doubled my workload in the last part of summer and with less time to do tasks and I began making more mistakes.
5. Then he started treating me the same way he treated his secretaries. But I had experience with that already, since I worked for that bitch, M.O.
6. I was named not only paralegal but also secretary. Then he had good days & bad days. (Hereafter, this boss will be name CM) On the days he "snuck" his bottle of Johnny Walker under his desk, he was bad. Other days he was good. Of course, the vicious circle ensued again when I made mistakes with him as he yelled every bit as much as M.O.
Can you believe it?? I wound up with a boss even worse than M..O!!!! He would get drunk some afternoons, he lied even more than M.O., he was even more manipulative than M.O., he screamed at his wife and called her a word rhyming with "bunt", he screamed at corporation assistants when things went bad at day trading.

Oh, yes, that was another thing, while he was a successful lawyer, he openly spent his time day-trading where he wasn’t as successful. After he screamed at a corp. assistant over the phone, guess who he yelled at next? So, why didn’t I find another job? I started looking at the start of 2005 after being at the firm over a year. I had to sneak out of the office during lunch for interviews, or before the start of the day and it was awkward as hell.
One day he was so drunk after drinking 2/3 of a bottle of liquor than he came up to a couple who were African-American and were prospective clients. Marty told me later that he told them he thought that adjustors at Allstate were "schwartzes" and explained that Allstate adjustors were stingy at settling cases. The next day he looked and acted almost as bad. His hair appeared disheveled. It seemed like he was living by the joken saying, "Avoid hangovers, stay drunk!" This law firm was one mile from the train station that I took to work in the morning. That mile walk felt like a walk to the dental office where I was going to get a large filling put in my tooth, where the dentist was going to drill and drill and I wasn't going to get any anesthetic at all!
Then, my co-worker at the hospital, (a week before he was going to get married!), was shot and killed July, 2005 (see my blog on this matter, same month/year) . I started working more hours at the hospital. I knew I would get a full time job there, if I only asked. Not a good way to have it as I wish my co-worker could have lived the rest of his life rather than dying at 29.
I then delivered an ultimatum to my abusive boss, a boss more abusive than M.O.! I wrote a written ultimatum of some of his more egregarious abuses, I told him pay me more next time I was paid, and treat me better, or I would leave. I gave him 48 hrs. to make a decision with his partner. His partner was a better boss, but was a major enabler to the heavy drinker boss. But later, I admired that other boss, because at long last, in 2006, he dropped him as a partner.
The boss sat down with me and told me a bunch of lies. My flaw is that I can be nieve and often believe the best in people, and I believed him. I was getting a 2 yr. contract with an immediate pay raise and one in August, 2006. My motive for believing in him was that I wanted to work 2 years there and see if I could turn a bad working relationship into something good. Hadn’t it ever been done before by boss and employee?? So I worked another pay period there. During the first week, he treated me very well, the 2nd week worse and worse. (He probably had it all planned that way!) But then he told me on payday that I wasn’t getting my raise. CM was too big of a weasel to assume responsibility so he blamed his other partner for the decision. We know damn well that if he disagreed with his other boss it's very likely he would overrule him. So, that was my last day. I was told by my good boss at the hospital that I was full time. I had already been working at the hospital for 2 years.
I was exhilarated to leave that asshole. I received at least 7 congratulations from other people who found out that I left. Now remember, I was at a very small 3-5 lawyer firm. So the fact that the news was only told to a few people and 7 people stopped their important routine to tell me how happy they were that I finally got away from CM, that’s pretty good. My first post on this blog is also about the job as some of the 2005 posts are.
Yet, I was dogged by the same problem at the hospital in 2005 that I had earlier (August to November of 2003): I wasn’t making ends meet. The hospital job wasn’t meeting all my meager expenses. I was getting so desperate that I was walking to work inspite the hospital being in the ghetto of Harvey. Although I was now working full time and the 2nd pay period in, I worked over 10 hrs. of overtime. Still didn’t pay the expenses I had.
When I was toiling in "squalor" at CM’s law firm, I was commiserating with another attorney. She is an excellent attorney by the name of Amy Wright. She said, "Why don’t you work at my old firm, GFB&R". I didn’t at the time, because of their small rate. Then, I decided in October, 2005 to go in for an interview. The boss there and I mutually decided that I would work part time.
After that, things went well financially. I started paying down credit card debt. I spent money wisely for Christmas. I bought a very good Hepa-filtered bagless vacuum cleaner. Then I joined a Christian dating service.
By this time (December 2005/January 2006), my trials and tribulations were shown in the previous posts. Starting in March, 2006, I had the greatest spring of my life because I fell in love with Patti. She is a relationship, a good friend that I will never ever regret meeting even though we are no longer lovers. I am glad that currently she is with a "good guy" now. All these culminated in November 2006. Maribeth & I decided that when my apartment lease ended in January, 2007, I would leave the apartment and return to Oak Forest, return to the condo, return home.
I am not living happily ever after, and you knew that before I wrote it. There’s some bad days. But my situation is much better than October, 2006. I’m not really all that happy, but am resolved not to make some of the mistakes I made before. I hope that I’ve learned a lot in my 44 years. One sign of learning is that I've lasted longer at the law firm GFB&R longer than any law firm I've been at in Chicago. Another sign is they gave me a good raise. Yet another sign, and maybe the most important is that Maribeth, our 3 kids and I have gone over a year living together.
What will happen? You’ll see in this blog.
Hope you all had a very nice Thanksgiving, dear readers!

Part 2, Nettlesome problems

1999, we learned that both sons had problems. Ted, who wasn't even a year old, was repeatedly getting ear infections. Even with insurance, the out-of-pocket cost mounted and the dream of paying off credit cards crashed. He needed surgery to put tubes in his ears. His health improved dramatically. It also became tougher because of Andy's problem. He did a test that indicated that he had autism. Now most people think autism is one major mental disease. It is not. What it is is a spectrum of diseases/symptoms that, at it's worst means that your child will have bad communication problems and backward social skills (sorry I'm no psychologist but I think I am doing an accurate job of explaining this). Andy has always tested at the most minor part of the autistic spectrum. But in 1999, he had to go to speech therapy, because of his deficits with communication.
Then I made a big mistake. I thought I would be nice to Maribeth. She was having problems with making ends meet with herself and the household. So I said, "Hey, let's have a joint credit card." Yes, it made it easier to spend money on things she needed. But the credit card debt spiraled more quickly upward.
Reader, please take note. I don't really think that Maribeth is a spendthrift. She doesn't go to the opera or even plays, she doesn't spend a lot on clothes or shoes. She doesn't want to drive a fancy car or spend a lot of money on books. Yet she is well read, going to the library. We've only took one vacation longer than 3 days twice in the 10 yrs. we were married! I think the lack of time off and the lack of just plain fun like we had back in 1991-1994 hurt our marriage too.
The 2 weaknesses were food/grocery store and toys. We live right next to an expensive grocery store named Jewel/Osco. Jewel's prices are so high that they were sued with Dominicks back in the late 90s early 2000s for price fixing milk . This gave both stores a black eyes imagewise and indeed, we were spending at least a dollar more every single time we went to Jewel and got milk. & then Dominicks was across the street back in the 90s and we were spending a great deal of money there, too. The judge in the price fixing case finally ruled that there was definitely evidence of price fixing, but then he said something to the effect in his ruling on Jewel & Dominicks, "Even if there's evidence of price fixing, so what? Buy your milk at Walgreens, or Aldi or Save a Lot! No one said YOU HAD TO SHOP AT EITHER JEWEL OR DOMINICK!" We should have & didn't .

& I was by no means a miser. I spent more money on clothes than Maribeth. I worked at a law firm, then I left Sudekum law firm for another law firm and got a big raise, than I left that one and went to a really excellent law firm that handled wrongful death cases as well as the usual car accident, workers' compensation, and premises liability. I loved that firm located on the 30th Floor (Dear Reader, that firm still exists and I didn't want to mention it by name due to the main partner there who has an obstreperous reputation)
I loved my office on the 30th Floor; I could look out that window and instantly calm down seeing Lake Michigan and the northern part of downtown Chicago. It drove home the point that my problems were smaller than the world I saw outside. My professional growth was leaping high as I learned a lot from the best paralegal I ever met, Mike Sullivan. Also, the personal injury lawyer improved my writing and legal skills and some of the survival skills in the cutthroat law firm milieu. (I was to learn more later as the law firms I went to were more cutthroat than the one I was at from 2000-2002. So now, I've learned the skills of the "Insider".)

At any rate, I had below average spending habits. I spent too much on history books, clothes (to keep my "image stylistically high" at the law firms). I loved getting CDs. I have a very successful younger brother who had, at one time, over 150 CDs, and I never have gotten to that point. Yet there was a big difference between him and I: as an engineer he was better able to afford a lot of CDs than someone who worked at a hospital on weekends and paralegal during the week.
Maribeth & I demanded a great deal from each other, and when we didn't get what we wanted, we fought like cats and dogs. We weren't as mature as we should have been.

Then came that awful day in early March, 2000. I was told that I was let go from the Personal Injury Department. The office manager said something to the effect of, "Vince we thought you did a very good job. We have no problem with your productivity, your excellent attitude and your work ethic." I learned later that they wanted to put more money and manpower in the Wrongful Death Dept. and less money in the P.I department because the main partner didn't think the profit in the PI Dept. wasn't high enough. Death yields greater profit than injuries in a car accident. The lawyers didn't invent that, the loss is obviously more in Death!
We went to marriage counseling from 1999-2002. I think when I announced that I lost my job at this firm, it was the only time one of us broke down and cried in the middle of the marriage counseling session. For many guys, losing your job is more humiliating and more painful than if someone took all your clothes off in the middle of a mall and had everyone laugh at you.
Yes, that's the way I view it now, and that's the way I viewed it then. It may be wrong to think that way, but that's the way I value work.
My paralegal skills worsened. At the 2 jobs, I was at, I thought I had to be "perfect" as a paralegal and brooding about my mistakes and worrying about getting fired made me not as good of an employee at the 2 law firms I was fired at (one in Sept., 2002 and again in April, 2003).
September, 2003 was one of the darkest months of my life. I was fired then handed divorce papers by Maribeth. Why did she divorce me? We fought more and more, my depression was worse (obviously) and it was determined that I needed surgery for a deviated septum.
Then I had the terrible luck of getting an ECG which yielded a false reading of a heart attack. So before the surgery, I had a nuclear stress test, and a whole slew of other tests. My tests turned out that my heart was in great shape, and I went ahead with the surgery.
When all of this was happening, on one Saturday morning, Maribeth and I were grabbing and fighting over the Doctor's orders for more heart tests. I laughed at Maribeth and teased her. Now Maribeth gets mad when she argues with someone. But she sees a flaming orange when someone teases and laughs at her. She started punching me, and it made me laugh even more. After the test, I went to the law firm to work. She called me at the firm and told me she wanted a divorce. I reluctantly agreed.
They took me to surgery one morning. She was supportive enough to kiss me when I was rolled into the surgery room. Dear Reader, have you ever had surgery, and you woke up from anesthesia with bizaar effect? As soon as I woke up from anesthesia, I burst into tears, sobbing. The nurse there came over and listened to me. She held my hand in both of hers. She told me that she was divorced too. Now, it's unethical to ask a nurse for their name and phone # so I didn't. I took the high road and when I was given a hospital critique, I wrote her a very positive review.
Basically the next 6 months went from bad to worse. The week after the surgery, my law firm fired me. I learned that they didn't like me taking a week off from surgery. & again, I was a less confident paralegal than I was when I worked at that great law firm on the 30th floor. What an awful taxi ride home after being fired! The firm gave me $20 for cab fare home, but since Oak Forest is 25 miles away from the Loop part of downtown, it cost about $40 and I didn't have enough of my own cash to get there. My taxi driver became more and more mad. I imagined that he would let me off by the side of the interstate, and some thugs would come and kill me as I walk the remaining 10 miles. In fact, I was kind of hoping that. At least the pain and anguish would go away! But that didn't happen, the driver & I mutually agreed to stop by a gas station, I would give him $20 more, and lo & behold his whole attitude towards me changed noticeably. Bless his soul, he even helped put the two moving boxes that the law firm provided me right in my trunk. ya, right.

I was rehired in Nov., 2002. In mid January, 2003, I left Oak Forest and moved to a small apt. in Midlothian. The pressure to make ends meet were more, and I was paying child support that Maribeth & I mutually agreed on. In April, 2003, the judge set the amount of money I would pay her. (The divorce didn't go through for awhile because Maribeth would stop paying her divorce attorney. She also yelled at the lawyer's secretary for having an "attitude" with her. When she finally started paying again in the fall and winter of 2004, her divorce attorney finally made the divorce final, but Maribeth & I had already agreed to all of our divorce terms the summer of 2003)
The week after the judge set the terms of the divorce, I was fired again April 13, 2003.
--------------------
In Part 3, it gets worse but slowly and surely, it gets better until Nov., 2006.

A mixture of blessings&nettlesome problems, Pt. 1

Maribeth & I got married in 1993. When we spent money and made money we made more than we spent. Heck, we were able to put money away into the savings account (with Maribeth being a part time nurse and me working 45-50some hours, how could it be any other way???) Andy was born Dec., 1995, and we continued to make more money than we spent.

We made more money than we spent up to a certain year. Then came 1998. Maribeth gets pregnant early in the year and learns she has gestational diabetes. I was working 4 yrs. at a law firm in Joliet, but in that fateful May, the old experienced lawyer I was working for retired and I had to leave his little firm. I went a month feverishly sending out resumes and working at the hospital as a teletech. Now the "job experts" in Chicago state that when a person loses one job, either by choice or otherwise, and then finds a new one, the job search is 4-9 months long. I found a job after "only" a month. Well, it didn’t feel like "only" !! Although I worked more hours being a tele tech than my usual 16 hrs. a week (the law firm job is always the full time job and the hospital part time), we still lost over $1,000 in lost law firm wages.

Fortunately,after "only" a month long job search, I went to a Chicago law firm. Since I began my education as a paralegal in 1992, I always wanted to be a paralegal in Chicago and be in the vibrant Loop area of downtown Chicago. Plus, Chicago law firms pay their paralegals more than Joliet paralegals make. (This is backed up statistically by the +IPA salary survey.) So, there I was making considerably more money than I was in Joliet, and things seemed to be ok at home.
Maribeth was due in October but in August there was trouble. A man who ran a stop sign slammed into Maribeth’s car as she was going to work. Although she was not badly hurt, she started having contractions. She was rushed into the OB/GYN wing of the hospital rather than working her usual rounds as a cardiac nurse. They gave her medicine to stop the contractions, and Ted continued to stay in the uterus. The problem was that Maribeth was no longer able to work because she went back to being a high risk pregnancy. She didn’t work from August to October 8, 1998. Then she took several months off thereafter as any mother wants to do when they give birth to the baby they so dearly love.
The bottom line was that I was the sole "breadwinner" for 4 months. Although I worked 50some hrs. I was a salaried employee at my new firm Sudekum, Rosenburg & Cassiday. So despite working at both the hospital and the law firm, my salary for our household was simply not enough. This is especially true in the tony suburb of Oak Forest, where their schools have a very good reputation. When we later went to a marriage counselor, one evening Dr. Dan looked me in the eye and said, "your household income should be $100,000 for where you live." It most certainly wasn't. In December of 98, I sat down and reviewed things. We were blessed with a new baby boy. Maribeth and I at the time were not fighting nearly as much. She will tell you that the happiest times of her life was when her babies were born. Thank God, she hasn't been cursed with post-partum depression as some women are. We continued to go into debt. I looked at our finances, the credit card debt was not good. But after doing the math, I knew that we could do better in 1999 and into the new millenium. Yet there were obstacles as I was to find out.........................

To be continued. Part 1 of 3 series
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+Illinois Paralegals Assoc.

Classic Rock - Its Blessing & Its Curse

We all love classic rock. There’s the Beatles, Eric Clapton, Led Zeppelin, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, BOSTON and of course The Rolling Stones. Oh and lest I forget there’s Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, The Clash, The Police, The Kinks. & I’m forgetting at least 40 other bands that make up classic rock (come on, write a comment in and tell me)
Unless you have rotten taste in music, there’s a song that one of the bands play that you love.
I’m a paralegal at a law firm, and I work in the same room with young adults 20 years younger than me. Yes, sadly enough, I’m old enough to be their Dad. What I am continually amazed with is how knowledgeable they are about Classic Rock. They absolutely love their Beggars’ Banquet &/or Exile on Main Street CDs, have most the Led Zeppelin catalogue and have good working knowledge of punk rock of the late 70s. I work with a guy with absolutely encyclopaedic knowledge of the Grateful Dead and Bob Dillon. Man, I love working with that guy.
But there’s a downside to all that. Each decade of rock is invariably going to produce some good music. There’s more excellent songs to hear in 2005 than there were in 1990. & the point is that there’s a finite amount of time to hear all of these wonderful songs. If you are following and finding out as much you can about The Who, then you’re not spending much time finding out about the new bands. Show me the person who has encyclopaedic knowledge of classic rock and I’ll show you a person who doesn’t know much about Cowboy Mouth. I know I’m that person. The only way I ever would have even heard of Cowboy Mouth is that my nephew loves them and tells me how the crowd absolutely loves them too. I, on the other hand, can’t even tell you a song they play.

It’s like what Robert Plant observed a while back, “If people treated us the same way that people treat new bands these days, they would have ignored Led Zeppelin. When we were starting out, Donovan, Gerry & the Pacemakers and Herman’s Hermits were big. We would not have had much of a chance if people had continued to listen to them on the radio, bought their albums and continued to be their fans.”
Radio and a magazine like Rolling Stone doesn’t help. Radio is riven with payola and tired old bands with tired old songs. When Rolling Stone picks the top 200 albums of all time, albums after 1987 are maybe a quarter of the total. Top bands of all time? Rolling Stone won’t pick very many from the last 17 years.
“Don't believe in the 60's/The golden age of pop/You glorify the past/When the future dries up”
There now, Bono said it all in “God Part II”.
What’s the future of rock n’roll, the music we all love and give a damn about, if we perseverate on Classic Rock????
So, all you 3 or 4 people out there reading this blog, listen to a young band like CatchPenny or Cowboy Mouth!
By the way, that guy in the earlier paragraph who has an encyclopaedic knowledge of the Grateful Dead also knows a lot of new bands as well. I really do admire him, and he does get it right musically as well.

Frank Kaul & thinking

Ok all you readers out there; you 2 or 3 wonderful people who actually take the time to read my blog. You're in luck, I'm not going to pitifully whine about my life today, rather I am going to dispense some actual wisdom.
I had a best friend who I met in kindergarten, named Frank. We went to grade school, high school, part of college and a little bit of 1989 & 1990. Frank never found the profession that he really wanted to be in and spend his enormous intelligence and talent and he never found the love of his life. Instead on Aug. 15, 1990, he came home from church (Assumption Day is 8/15), he went through an unmarked railroad crossing. The corn was high and blocked his view; therefore, he was not able to see the train in time. He slammed into it and died.

I had a dream about him, that he had some sort of respiratory infection and died. & then someone else who was close to me had it as well but it looked like they were going to live. It got me thinking. Usually it isn't one factor that will have a big impact on you but several. Take Frank. When that occurred there was a hazard: the oncoming train and factors: corn was blocking view, there was no warning, no gate telling him he could not pass through that area, the sun could have been in his eyes as it was around sunset. All those things contributed to his death. In the dream, this illness had several symptoms and was called a "syndrome" and he died.

So then I thought about fatal flaws. Each of us can live an inspiring life or a tragic life (with the fatal flaw). It may not be that dramatic for many of us; we are sort of in the middle. But still we are either going tragic or going good/inspiring. When I reflected on my own life, I felt that overall it's good (I have a job, great kids, live in a condo worth a lot of money). But there are things that can trip me up. & it's not one thing but several things working together.

So, when we are reflective enough, we need to ask ourselves what in life is messing us around or messing us up. Don't point to one thing. I would be stupid if I said, "My life would be great if it wasn't for Maribeth pissing me off all the time." First of all, it's not true and secondly, she does more good than harm. Think of certain combinations. For example, we lack money often to make ends meet. What do we do to compensate for that? Does that compensation or supposed remedy help or lead to more chaos? Is there a way out?

Or maybe think of someone you like that maybe you shouldn't really hang out with. What is it that attracts you to them (ie. they're good looking). What personality traits draw you (they believe in God, they are more calmer than some of the other people known). But how do they mess things up? Or are they really messing things up? Is it more a situation that when they are around it's time for you to act a fool? In my life, I think there could be a person in the latter case. They really arent that bad a person (actually I think they're good and thoughtful), but when I'm with them, things happen. I don't want to stop seeing them forever, no way. Just act smarter, that's all.

Are there people that inspire you, do they make you work harder, act wiser, be smarter and generally try harder? Can you be with them more?
What's wrong with you? What's right with you? How could it be better?

under further review..........

Ok, I’m back to level ground again. Things are NOT hunky dory, but they’re manageable I guess. I bought my vacuum cleaner at Sears. Although we’re pretty good about keeping the filters clean the motor or something in the hose happens, and the suction on the vacuum cleaner becomes minimal. So, just like I did back in January, I took the vacuum to the repair center. Since I bought a maintenance agreement I pay no fees for any service done on the vacuum cleaner. Well, I went to the repair center on Saturday. But they wouldn’t give me my vacuum because I didn’t have ID with me. Ok, so I go home and get it (traveling an extra 20 miles for the extra “to & from trip”).
& then they say, you owe us $26.14.
“I have a maintenance agreement. I never had to pay in Jaunary, and I don’t have to pay now.”
So they say they’ll go to the backroom and figure things out.
So when they go back, I say, “Kids! Go to the car, now!”
So we left ……with the vacuum cleaner.
Then guess what happened. I get home, want to take the vacuum out of the car. The trunk door won’t open. I’m cranking the key as far as it will go, but nothing. So I have to remove the trunk by flipping down the backseats and removing it that way. So one could say, that was poetic justice, but the thing is that I didn’t owe the money.

Things were better on Sunday. We all had a nice relaxing day and celebrated August birthdays. Maribeth’s, her father’s, and Matt’s. Matt is my nephew and does a very good job of babysitting our kids. He’s one of several who does.

I guess what I have to remember is that as bad as I feel the sun still raises the next day and things don’t say looking so bad.

Other highlights

To the left, you are seeing Brianna comb Ted's hair. Out of my 3 kids, they are the 2nd and 3rd (with Ted being 3 yrs. older). Ted & Brianna are very close. Brianna loves to tag along with Ted. It's nice to see your two kids so close. Hope it stays that way.

Brianna got ambitious and was cleaning again. You can't complain about a daughter who likes to clean, can you?

I taught my oldest son, Andy (shown above) how to ride a bike. I'm not going to tell his age because he should have learned years ago (no, he's not in high school). But it was a proud moment. He was really happy to finally learn. He got up, all happy and gave me a big hug. ice moment, good kid. Hope you like the pictures.

Life is good, yes, it's hard paying bills and we don't have the great American dream (a family, a house and a garage) but money isn't everything. & as Maribeth says there's a lot of unhappy people who are rich.

action & reaction

I deleted my post about being frustrated about my weight. Sometimes when you read what you write, it looks kind of pathetic. It's nice to have the delete key. It's certainly no less of a problem. But I am somewhat comforted with the fact that I am doing something about it. I do a lot more exercising than I was in the spring (or last fall & winter for that matter). It's a shame all this exercising doesn't translate into losing weight but I have no one else to blame; I need to stop eating so much.

just an innocent question

If Stephen Hawking gets to be weightless, do you think they'll let him do a spacewalk???

I'M SO DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF!!!

So I go to Firestone (which usually does a good job with my car and charges reasonable prices), they tell me that it's $400 for a tune up which should be done since my car has a halting, faltering noise to it (likes its going to die). "Why so high?"
"Because you're using gold plated Delco spark plugs"
Later, I learned the spark plugs are a mere $7. So if you multiply the number needed (4) and then add $30-$50 on spark plug wires, then the parts only are $58 to $78!!! You mean, they were going to charge me way over $300 for labor???!?
HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I decided to have Sal the Handyman do it, but after waiting 3 weeks, I decided to do it myself. It can't be that hard, it just can't be.
Once I had the right tools, it really wasn't that hard. When I was finished installing the spark plugs and wires, I said a prayer hoping it would start. I turn the key and voila!! The car starting was the sweetest thing I ever heard.
I saved myself $350. I haven't been this proud since last spring. It almost felt like getting into a fight and winning. There was that macho feeling of accomplishment.
Right now, I'm feeling pretty good. But we all know the saying:


If you feel good, don't worry you'll get over it!

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what happened?!?

I love working in the Loop of Chicago, but there are some disturbing sights. I had previously mentioned that I see more than my share of beggars when I work in Chicago. Usually, they are at the sidewalk, with a small cup slightly shaking it. 

But some of them are pretty unique. There was one guy who was screaming at the top of his lungs (as he walked down the street), "HAPPY FRIDAY!" & of course, he screamed this over and over again. Some of them like to pull at your heartstrings. They will have a poor, innocent kid with them. One guy literally was on his knees, he took his hat off and used that as a cup, something that you would put money in. I give to certain homeless people who sell Streetwise. Streetwise that is a weekly paper and talks about homelessness. Sometimes people who are homeless write the articles. The point is I often wonder what happened to those who are homeless to put them in the situation that they are currently in. What happened?!?? Was it drugs? Was it poor education? Was it a dysfunctional family? Was it a combination of all 3? What happened? I refuse to believe that being homeless is "all their fault", or that if they would get off their ass and work, everything would be fine. Who said that they have the skills to get a job? (That's where a poor education plays a role). Who said that they have the social skills to even keep a job? (drugs, dysfunctional family, disadvantaged background all play a role there). It's a sad situation. Clearly, it makes me thankful that I was born in a loving family with good parents. Obviously we have no control over where we will be born. We could just as easily been born in a flyridden part of Africa or in the middle of their desert.

Humor, moving , much fatigue & relief / changing my mind

I’m still with Maribeth (believe it or not). She has changed and maybe I’ve changed enough too. Let’s hope things continue to go well. Anyway, since it’s that time of the year and it’s the end of the month, my lease was up, and I moved out. Maribeth & I are really looking forward to getting at least 2/3rd of the $1500 I put down for security deposit. Although we have agreed to how much Maribeth would get (about 40%) she did make a biting remark about “only” getting about $400. I said I would love to give her more, but since I moved the heavy furniture out, I should get the majority of the security deposit. She didn’t dispute that line of reasoning. See, I told you she was changing for the better!

My helper, “Sal the Handyman” accused me of paying him last night “Wetback’s Wages”. I gave him $50 for 3 hours of work. Hell, that’s better than what I was making at the law firm until December! Oh well, I think he was kidding plus he was upset because Maribeth told him that he would have to only move about 3 boxes and it was a lot more than that.

Monday night, I was very tired when I was done moving at 11:15 pm . It was 15 degrees out. I was so fuckin’ “fatigued” that I just tilted the seat back and slept for 2 hours…in the condo parking lot…..in subfreezing weather. I had built up a bunch of heat before I passed out, so there were no worries. & when it got too cold in the car my body simply sensed it, and I woke up and went to bed.
Seeing as how I live in a tony condo complex that I work “so hard” at keeping nice, I was completely confident no one was going to come up and shoot me as they did Michael Jordan’s father. (may he rest in peace!)

Speaking of our tony condo complex, I decided not to resign. I was happy to keep serving, and it got to the point that the only reason I was going to quit was because Maribeth didn’t want me to be involved anymore. (She wanted me to spend as much time with the kids). But then she violated an obscure code and was politely told that she had violated it by one of the neighbors. So, she reasoned that maybe the household is better off to be covered “under the cloak of the President’s office”. So, I helped her out, and we're compliant w/ the regulation. No one is above the condo regulation. It’s just that some get more leeway to comply than others.

the gift of excellent co-workers

I am blessed to have excellent co-workers at both the law firm and the hospital where I work. I had an incident on Christmas Eve that I wanted to share, and it's about my friend/co-worker, Galyn. The day of December 24 I had a hard time sleeping. The thing is that (I said this on a previous blog) I don't want to turn into Elvis - one who needs a pill to be awake, a pill to sleep, a pill to be happy and a pill to crap.

I do enough medication as it is not to turn out like him. & while I am now 43 and he died at the young age of 42, I still want to live for awhile. Going back to the the ex will do that to a person, and even moreso having wonderful kids.

So I came to the job not knowing what to expect the night before I got 8 hrs. but after 12:00 pm it's important to get 3 hrs. before work and put your body into "night shift mode". I didn't get that on Dec. 24. I told my co-worker, Gina, about my plight, and I told her that I was worried that if I might fall asleep, get caught and then get fired.

Then Gina replied, "Vince, I wouldn't do you like that". I felt such gratitude when she said that. The idea that she would take it upon herself to look out for me, to have my back! That really made my night and gave me a newfound confidence that things were going to be ok. That I wouldn't have problems, that I wouldn't get fired and endanger the financial health of myself and my family. On XMAS Eve, what she said felt like a sublime gift.

The wonderful thing is that incident is just 1 example of a good friendship at work. There will be times when we share things and are totally confident that it won't go past the 4 walls of our tele room. There are favors too numerous to mention herein that just make a person know that they're lucky to have met that persona and got to know them.

I remember when I was a young person in my 20s that when I got along really well with a woman, I would want to hug or kiss them. Surprisingly enough, I wasn't so backwards that I would do that arbitrarily, but I certainly would look for the opportunity. But now, I realize there are other elements more noteworthy and meaningful to a relationship than a physical act. If Gina has "my back" that means far more than a kiss or a hug. (& besides, what 20something would want to be hugged or kissed by a fat old man like me, anyway?). That also makes me happy because it makes the relationship that much more stable since neither one of us want to mistakenly try to make more of the platonic, working relationship than it is. Anytime there is stability you have to be very thankful.

I also work at a law firm, and I am good friends with those that I work with as well. & there is the same dynamic that I am old enough to be everyone else's father in the small clerk's office. However, I don't have any relationships as nice as the one with Gina.

Drawing closer in bad times

Maribeth's mother died at 79. She has been sick for awhile. She was afflicted by the MRSA bacteria (Google it if you don't know) for over a month, and she suffered mental illness for nearly 40 years. Maribeth's sister, Diane Duffe, wrote something very nice about her in the online guestbook (which is at http://www.legacy.com/chicagotribune/Obituaries.asp?Page=SearchResults , look under 12/14/2006 for DeMars, Betty Ann)
The wake and funeral were all the same day, Saturday.
We all heard the saying, "When it rains, it pours". On Sunday, after a leak in the 1st Floor bathroom, part of the basement ceiling collapsed. Instead of Maribeth being at her father's place until 11am, she didn't come home until 4. So I said, "Maribeth, I'm sorry about the ceiling. That must have been a real pain! & so soon after the funeral"
Now, usually, Maribeth would go into a monologue of how difficult things are. However, this time she said, "that's ok". I was very impressed because it showed a certain newfound resiliance to her. That could be one of a number of factors why this time we stay together.

In general, we do come upon disagreements (much less than before), but it's only led to 2 or 3 heated arguments, and the arguments aren't the "barn burners" they used to be. So, I'm very encouraged by what has happened since November 5 when I first started living with her again. Plus, a few of the disagreements are my fault. I have a tendency to take clothes I wear and sling them over a chair rather than put them in the hamper or in the alternative hang them up in the closet. So I need to take a little more time in keeping our modest condo more neat.



At the funeral, Diane, my son Andy, and I all give eulogies. One can see the reference I make to getting back together in my eulogy. Also, my wife wrote a eulogy and a poem. Both were very articulate. She also directed me to read from Eclesiates, & the passage read was then turned into a song "Turn, Turn, Turn" by the Byrds in the 60s. Here is what I said:


BETTY REMEMBERED
All of us here have been fortunate enough to spend some time with Betty, whether it be a husband, daughter, nephew, grandchild or even a son in law. I’m sure many of you recall how enjoyable it was to watch a movie with Betty because she usually knew all the actors and actresses in the movie. Or sometimes, in a light moment, Betty would sing in her sweet alto voice. But most of all, Betty had a quiet dignity whether it was watching her grandchildren, making a meal, watching her Cubs, and just sitting down and talking to her. Betty also had a strength about her as she faced illness through much of her life.
We are confronted with a great loss as we grapple with her no longer being with us. As Betty now watches down over us from heaven we are given a choice of whether we become weaker as a result of losing someone so dear.
In the alternative, we could strengthen old friendships and seek out new friends. We can be inspired by Betty’s loss and look at what brings us together instead of what tears us apart. We can choose NOT to be diminished by her loss and realize that we too need to be ready when God calls us to heaven." -


ONE LAST THING
I am truly impressed with my youngest brother, Kelly. He and his family were on vacation when Betty died. As they were coming back to Wisconsin (where they live), Kelly's wife and kids went to Milwaukee (where her family is) and Kelly stopped by Tinley Park, IL where the funeral was. Maribeth's father and his 2 daughters had not picked out pallbearers (our job was very abbreviated as there was no *burial service. All we had to do was lift the casket off the cart and into the hearse; it took less than a minute). So during the wake I asked Kelly if he could be a pallbearer, and he gracefully accepted. What he did was nothing short of impressive, and he is greatly appreciated for it.

*No burial service due to financial constraints.

A night at the Daley Ctr, LOOP area of Chicago

We went to the Daley Center and had German food and hot chocalate. The XMAS tree is really about 60 ft. tall but is made up of about 8 pines. Very fun outing.

1st miracle witnessed?

Well, it's official. I'm back with my ex wife. I am giving my landlord 2 months notice as my lease ends Jan. 31. We have no idea what the future holds; we have no plans to vacate the divorce decree. But the fact that I am still paying her child support means that I don't pay by check for household expenses. It's still roughly 50-50, and I'm obviously putting more money into the household than when I lived in Midlothian.

Why did she change her mind?
She thought she had cancer, and I helped her and helped also with the kids. I was there during a crisis. & I've been there to help them and put aside partisanship repeatedly in the past.
Nothing really funky happened during the marriage that made us think it's impossible to go back to ex-spouse. There was no cheating. The relationship went into coma due to combat fatigue - too much arguing.
She said that she was tired and that life was hard without me. In her words, she said she was tired of burning the candle at both ends.

We had our first unresolved fight last night, but the thing is that we do far less arguing than before. I can't say that things are going to be hunky dory from now on. I can't even say we're going to remarry. For right now, we are pooling our money together, saving money and we'll see what happens. I've already told the kids that if, God forbid, the relationship fails, please don't think that they had anything to do with contributing to the failure. I told them that they can only make things better, can only create a positive, not a negative. They understand.