Maribeth's mother died at 79. She has been sick for awhile. She was afflicted by the MRSA bacteria (Google it if you don't know) for over a month, and she suffered mental illness for nearly 40 years. Maribeth's sister, Diane Duffe, wrote something very nice about her in the online guestbook (which is at http://www.legacy.com/chicagotribune/Obituaries.asp?Page=SearchResults , look under 12/14/2006 for DeMars, Betty Ann)
The wake and funeral were all the same day, Saturday.
We all heard the saying, "When it rains, it pours". On Sunday, after a leak in the 1st Floor bathroom, part of the basement ceiling collapsed. Instead of Maribeth being at her father's place until 11am, she didn't come home until 4. So I said, "Maribeth, I'm sorry about the ceiling. That must have been a real pain! & so soon after the funeral"
Now, usually, Maribeth would go into a monologue of how difficult things are. However, this time she said, "that's ok". I was very impressed because it showed a certain newfound resiliance to her. That could be one of a number of factors why this time we stay together.
In general, we do come upon disagreements (much less than before), but it's only led to 2 or 3 heated arguments, and the arguments aren't the "barn burners" they used to be. So, I'm very encouraged by what has happened since November 5 when I first started living with her again. Plus, a few of the disagreements are my fault. I have a tendency to take clothes I wear and sling them over a chair rather than put them in the hamper or in the alternative hang them up in the closet. So I need to take a little more time in keeping our modest condo more neat.
At the funeral, Diane, my son Andy, and I all give eulogies. One can see the reference I make to getting back together in my eulogy. Also, my wife wrote a eulogy and a poem. Both were very articulate. She also directed me to read from Eclesiates, & the passage read was then turned into a song "Turn, Turn, Turn" by the Byrds in the 60s. Here is what I said:
BETTY REMEMBERED
All of us here have been fortunate enough to spend some time with Betty, whether it be a husband, daughter, nephew, grandchild or even a son in law. I’m sure many of you recall how enjoyable it was to watch a movie with Betty because she usually knew all the actors and actresses in the movie. Or sometimes, in a light moment, Betty would sing in her sweet alto voice. But most of all, Betty had a quiet dignity whether it was watching her grandchildren, making a meal, watching her Cubs, and just sitting down and talking to her. Betty also had a strength about her as she faced illness through much of her life.
We are confronted with a great loss as we grapple with her no longer being with us. As Betty now watches down over us from heaven we are given a choice of whether we become weaker as a result of losing someone so dear.
In the alternative, we could strengthen old friendships and seek out new friends. We can be inspired by Betty’s loss and look at what brings us together instead of what tears us apart. We can choose NOT to be diminished by her loss and realize that we too need to be ready when God calls us to heaven." -
ONE LAST THING
I am truly impressed with my youngest brother, Kelly. He and his family were on vacation when Betty died. As they were coming back to Wisconsin (where they live), Kelly's wife and kids went to Milwaukee (where her family is) and Kelly stopped by Tinley Park, IL where the funeral was. Maribeth's father and his 2 daughters had not picked out pallbearers (our job was very abbreviated as there was no *burial service. All we had to do was lift the casket off the cart and into the hearse; it took less than a minute). So during the wake I asked Kelly if he could be a pallbearer, and he gracefully accepted. What he did was nothing short of impressive, and he is greatly appreciated for it.
*No burial service due to financial constraints.
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