The relationship that I have with Patti has inspired a number of opinions. There are those who know me well and are very happy for me. They know that I try to be thoughtful and not careless. They have the belief that things will work out all right between Patti and I.
There are those who point out how much I am flouting conventional wisdom. I am with someone I did not know 6 weeks ago. That person has now stayed at my place overnight several times. Currently, she is scheduled to come every weekend except Easter. Other plans are being made with her. I'm moving fast, no doubt. There's the belief by some that I am really foolish. If I flout and ignore conventional wisdom, conventional wisdom will "kick back", and the lack of knowledge I have about this person will hurt me.
I wanted to point out a few things. First of all, I am not allowing my new relationship, one that has already given me so much happiness, to take away from time I see my kids. I see my 3 children as much as before the relationship. That is a fact. Few things are more important to me than being a good father.
Secondly, I don't have plans to marry this person right away; in fact, I don't want a wedding for a long time. That necessarily means a number of things before I marry her. If I find out she's a pathological liar, if she can't stand the fact that I can be a slob sometimes, if we are unable to come together and live within our means, if she thinks I'm boring because I talk about politics too often, if she just can't deal with my combative ex-wife, if there are any other "deal breakers" going on, then we leave each other. We end the relationship. That's not so terribly difficult to do when you're not married.
Right now, we are very attentive to each other and that means we enjoy the strengths we bring to a relationship and also are looking at weaknesses that we may be showing each other. We have been open, candid. We are not mincing words.
I feel that I've learned how to avoid a lot of mistakes when I'm in a relationship. I think what I have learned in my last relationship is helping me a great deal in this one.
People have a right to have an opinion about me going rather "fast" in my current relationship with Patti. However, Patti has made me very happy. No person has EVER been so devoted, so kind and so giving to me as Patti. Since she has many positive attributes (a good listener, a genuinely kind, sharing person, a resourceful person, someone who is neat, THE LIST DEFINITELY GOES ON AND ON), I am most definitely going to reciprocate my love for her. She is definitely worth that. She is well liked by my kids. I know she can be a good, if not great, influence on them. Yes, I do see her as she relates to my kids. Believe it or not, Jean T. my relationship with my kids is more important than my relationship with Patti. Therefore, if she benefits, augments how I help raise them, how could I not value her?
I am going through a new, wonderful, loving relationship with my eyes open. I think it would be incredibly stupid to keep her at "arms length" to mollify my critics in the Comments section of my last post. I will look at warning signs that could endanger or degenerate the relationship, but until then I will continue loving Patti and hope that we have a wonderful future together.
I also think that it's rather illogical to assume that just because I don't post here as much as I used to that means I'm neglecting my kids (see Comments from the last post, last one). I am seeing them as much as I can. I love them and will continue to be the good parent I know in my heart that I am. The fact that I'm not spending as much time here may in fact mean that I am spending time with them or with someone else, but not necesarily her, because maybe I'm working (60 hrs. a week, remember?!?) or maybe I'm with my kids.
3 comments:
I am glad that you continue to read and are not giving up on me. Yes, it's true that more than one person, including you, including my younger brother are preaching caution. But it's also true that many people have been understanding and optimistic about my relationship.
When I see the kids by myself, they ask me, "Where's Patti?" They really enjoy being around her because she is someone who listens to them, and truly cares about them as well.
You & I aren't going to completely agree about the way I go about this relationship. I really hope (& I think you do too) that in time you'll see that I chose the right woman. Only time will tell.
Jean, I just wanted to say thanks for caring and thanks for continuing to post comments. I can hear you say, "Well, if you were truly appreciative, you would follow my advice!"
Emotions very often trump logic and cognition. Take Mississippi for instance (please!). Here is one of the poorest, least educated states in the union. When it comes time to vote a majority of those very poor people vote for politician who don't vote for their interest, especially their financial interests. No minimum wage, no union, no vast upgrades for the people of those states, no Sir!
Why? Because those are ideas espoused by that Democratic Party. And down there "liberal" is considered a swear word. Democrats are considered the party of the gays, minorities and "special interests". A topic like more rights for gay people or a topic like passage of strengthening hate crime sentencing doesn't really tug at logic (it's very logical). But it does inspire lots of emotion.
& the Republicans like Trent Lott who only represent the rich and not the vast majority of poor in Mississippi win time after time because like his voters he has no special love for gays or strengthening hate crime sentencing. Those are emotional, red meat issues and are first and foremost in the minds of people going into the voting booth.
Likewise, I feel the emotions in being with Patti. But there is some thought involved too. I see why my relationship with my ex never had a chance. How could I maintain a relationship with a person who rarely reinforced the good things I did? Indeed, she took them for granted. How could I continue to love, through every conceivable circumstance a woman who would trivialize the hard work I did when times were tough. How could I love a woman who ridiculed my parents. These are things that Patti would not do. & if she did, I'm very certain of the outcome of the relationship.
These are things that affect me emotionally and yet I feel safe with her too.
I could go on and on like this. It's basically summed up in that line from the song by Debby Boone "You Light up my Life": "It can't be wrong, when it feels so right!"
I mention politics only because many times emotions trump logic/thinking/cognition.
If you don't like that as an analogy, then go with music. There's a line in an old Debby Boone song (You Light Up my Life) that says, "It can't be wrong when it feels so right."
Yes, you're absolutely right when you say only time will tell if I'm right or wrong.
Honestly, I am looking for warning signs and I only see one and that is her health. I explain this in my next post. So thanks again for writing and I'll continue to try an keep my eyes open (in order to look for danger, I'm not sleeping)
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